Starstruck (Rock & Release, Act II)

by Riley Edgewood

  Gage's room opens into a hallway, which leads toward the main living area. My stomach rumbles and I press a hand against it to quiet the noise. I'm going for sexy here. Get a grip, stomach.

  "Hey, baby," I say from around the corner—immediately cringing. I've never called him that. I'm not really sure it's appropriate with the way things stand. But oh, well. Too late now. Gonna have to go with it. So I square my shoulders, take a deep breath. My lips curve into as seductive a smile as I can manage, and I step around the corner.

  And come face-to-face with Gage's fifteen-year-old sister.

  …

  …

  …

  It's a total deer-in-headlights situation.

  She sits there, frozen, with a cup of coffee halfway to her mouth.

  I cover myself the best I can. And also? I want to die. Immediately. But I can't seem to move. I can't even think. Shock's turned my muscles to stone.

  …

  …

  …

  The corner of her mouth pulls a little wider to the side and a giggle slips out. The sound frees me and with one final panicked glance at the amusement across her face, I flee back to Gage's room.

  Oh, God.

  There are no words. None.

  Mortification makes a punching bag of me, and I fling myself face-first into Gage's bed. Is it possible to smother yourself with pillows? Because I'm tempted to try. I'm so, unbelievably tempted.

  A minute later, though, I put on my wrinkled clothing from last night and pull on my big girl pants. Katy's probably even more mortified than I am. I'm the adult here. Kind of, at least. I should go back out and introduce myself.

  First, though, I have to figure out how to cool the flames under the skin of my face.

  Five agonizing minutes later, I realize there's nothing I can do about them. I force myself out the door and back down the hall and toward the kitchen. I stop before rounding the corner for one last moment to cringe. Okay. I can do this.

  I mean…if I could tell Gage about the kiss last night, this should be a breeze, right?

  Great. There's the guilt again. On top of all the embarrassment.

  I'm a freaking mess.

  Guess there's no time like the present to deal with it all. I step around the corner.

  Katy's still sitting at the table, cup of coffee in front of her. She meets my eyes and her face, I see, is not red at all. In fact, she looks like she's trying not to laugh, and barely covers it with a derisive little smile. "That must have really been embarrassing for you."

  "Uh…" This was not how I expected her to react. "I won't lie, kid. It wasn't the most comfortable moment of my life."

  "I'm not a kid." She shoves her messy brown hair into a messier ponytail. She looks cute—and somehow grown-up at the same time.

  "No, you're Katy." I smile at her, but feel my lips droop when she stares disinterestedly back at me. "I'm Cassidy… Your brother's spoken highly of you."

  "Of course he has." She takes a sip of coffee and can't quite hide the bitter pucker of her mouth.

  It's my turn to bite back a laugh, but I try to do it more kindly than she did. "Did you try adding cream and sugar?"

  "I drink it black." She huffs, clearly insulted that I'd assume anything else.

  "I see." I'm actually pretty sure this is her first ever cup of coffee. I pour a cup for myself, after finding a worn old mug in one of Gage's cabinets. Then I search for sugar and add some milk. I close my eyes and exaggerate how much I enjoy the first sip. "God, this is so good."

  "Is that what you told my brother last night?"

  I almost spit out my drink. "Excuse me?"

  "Come on. You walked out here buck naked." The snark in her tone rivals the very best Teagan's ever had to offer. "I'm not an idiot."

  "I don't think you are." I slide a chair out and slink into it, but I'm not ready to admit defeat. "Did you have fun with your friends?"

  She rolls her eyes. "My friends are awesome."

  "I bet." Especially if they're as awesome as you. "Listen —"

  I'm interrupted by the sound of the front door opening, and Katy doesn't even bother to whisper when she says, "Thank God."

  "Yep." I agree one hundred percent. Really, I'm sure this could've gone worse. I just can't think of how.

  When Gage turns into the kitchen, a brown paper bag in one hand, it's all I can do not to dart past him and escape to the outside.

  "Hey, girls," he says, with a tentative smile. "I see you've met."

  "You could say that." Katy snorts. "I've gotten to know your girlfriend pretty intimately."

  "I'm not his—I mean—" I press my lips shut. There's nothing I can say here to make this any better. All I can do is shake my head. Brought to heel by a fifteen-year-old. This day's off to a great start.

  "Um." He glances back and forth between us. "I brought Everything bagels?" And it's so cute, the confusion in his tone, that I laugh, and even Katy snickers. The tension in the room lets up a little.

  Gage slices the bagels and spreads cream cheese on a few halves, offering them to each of us.

  "Thanks for these," I say, after a few bites, keeping my lips closed around my teeth which are probably filled with cream cheese. And to think I started the morning off attempting to be sexy.

  "I thought you could use the sustenance," he says, a smug little smirk crossing his features. "After all the energy we used…" He trails off, his eyes darting to Katy, and my face heats all over again.

  "Are you going to tell on me or not?" Katy asks, either oblivious to what his words imply or simply not caring.

  Gage sighs. "All I care about is that you're safe. I already covered for you." She visibly relaxes, but he continues, "Don't pull that shit again. Especially without asking me first. What if something had happened to you?"

  "Whatever, Gage. You're not my mother."

  "Clearly." His tone is darker than it was a second ago. "And about what you said to me this morning—"

  "Ew, Gage. Stop." She stands, her chair sliding out behind her. "Enough already."

  "Katy."

  "No. I wouldn't ever tell you not to let someone in your life," she says and looks pointedly in my direction. "Even if they didn't impress me."

  Ouch.

  But I brush the insult aside because there's something else going on here. A taut rope of tension strings through the air between them. Who does Gage not want in Katy's life? The only person that comes to mind is Zoey; there's already some connection between her and Katy.

  Is that why Katy hates me already? She wants her brother to be with Zoey? I really, really hope that isn't want this is about. Of course, it could also be that I was completely naked for our first encounter. Not the best impression to make…

  I stand, too. "I'll let you guys talk."

  "Stay." Gage grabs for my hand, but I can tell by his expression that he's torn. He needs to deal with Katy and whatever they're arguing about. It's not my place to stay. So I dip down to kiss his cheek, tell Katy it was nice to meet her (unsurprisingly, she rolls her eyes), and head out the door.

  Outside the sun is blinding and as the overwhelming heat hits me, the rest of reality does, too. I'd rather go back inside and spend the day with Katy hating me, to be honest.

  Instead, Luca's face swims through my mind and I groan. It's like I'm in a cocoon when I'm with Gage; I forget everything else. One step out his door and boom, it all comes flooding back.

  I don't want to see Luca tonight.

  I mean, I do. But I don't.

  Mostly, I don't.

  Mostly, I just want to get back into bed with Gage. But I know better than anyone how important it is to spend time with a sibling, even when you're not getting along.

  And now I'm thinking about Jason and how I've lost the chance to argue with him ever again. It's not something I ever realized before, and the pain that slices through my stomach is so bad I can't stand it, and I wonder if I'll ever make it out of this awful spiral of feelings.

&n
bsp; This is the thing about Gage. I want to let him in, but when I open that door, everything else comes through, too.

  It's exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

  I breathe deeply in and out on my drive back to Vera's apartment, hoping to fill my belly with enough air to numb the ache. All it does is make me dizzy. I check my phone, hoping for a text from Gage asking me to come back over and into his bed (or anything, really, to distract me), but it's dead again. I didn't charge it for very long before leaving for Gage's last night.

  So, instead, I plug it in and then fall into my own bed. And even though I'm certain I won't be able to relax enough to sleep—I close my eyes and drift away almost immediately. It's hours before I wake.

  The first thing I see is the clock on my nightstand. I have an hour before work. My cell phone is fully charged and flashing. I grab it and have to rub my eyes to make sure I'm not imagining what I see. A message from my father. I sit up to read it.

  This has gone on long enough. You need to come home.

  Something in my heart twists. Hope? Dread? I'm not sure I can tell the difference anymore. He wants me to come home. I don't know how to feel about that. But then I read his next message and I know exactly what I'm feeling. Anger.

  Stop acting like a child.

  Acting like a child? Please. I'm working. Supporting myself. Making my own decisions. I haven't used his credit card in weeks. I don't plan to use it ever again.

  After the way we left things, this is how he opens contact again?

  Ugh. I wish I had deleted the messages sight unseen. I text him back that I'm alive and okay, only because if I don't, my mom will worry and I don't want to add to the stress of the rabbit hole she's spiraled down.

  After a second, however, I add that I won't be coming home if he chooses to speak to me this way. That he shouldn't bother contacting me again without an apology for his behavior the last time I saw him.

  And fine, maybe that is acting a little like a child. But he started it.

  The thought of going to work makes me want to pull the covers back over my head and hide forever. And you know what? Maybe just this once, maybe just until Luca's gone, I'll play hooky.

  With Gage.

  I bet I can convince him to skip work. I'll go back to his house. Surprise him. Even hang out with Katy if she's still there, though I'm hoping she won't be.

  When Vera's not in the main living area of our apartment, I stick my head in her bedroom where she's flipping through a magazine on her bed. She's already dressed for work and something about that makes me feel guilty. But I'm not going to change my mind. I knock lightly to get her attention. "Hey."

  She looks up and smiles. "What's up?"

  "Can you cover for me tonight?"

  "For what?"

  "With Jared. Tell him I'm sick or something." I drum my fingers along the edge of the door and pick at an area of chipped paint.

  "Cassidy…" She waits until I meet her eyes again. "What about Luca?"

  "He'll be fine. He leaves tomorrow. It's not like we're best friends forever or anything."

  "No, I'm pretty sure he wants something else."

  I give half a shrug, even though my heart races at her words. "I want Gage more."

  "Don't hate me for saying this, but, girl, you are crazy!" She closes her magazine and sits up. "Not that you want Gage. He's awesome. But you have a chance for a night with Luca James. Do you know how many people would kill to be in your shoes right now? Myself included! I love Gage—but you've said from the beginning you and he aren't together together."

  "I know, but…" I lift my shoulder again, not sure what else to say.

  "I'll cover for you if you insist. But I can't promise I won't try to soothe Luca's disappointment by stepping in as a replacement for you."

  I laugh even though she doesn't. "Let me know how that goes." Then I realize I don't like the feeling that tightens in my chest when I think about Luca with Vera. "Actually, maybe don't tell me."

  She laughs now, too. "I get it. Hope you feel better."

  I thank her. And then I go to Gage.

  I don't call him first. If he's not home, I'll wait on his doorstep like he did for me last night. In my mind, it will be a romantic gesture, and something tells me he'd be into that.

  He is home, though, standing right outside. He's not alone—except this time it's not Katy by his side. It's Zoey.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  I stop short two houses away from Gage's when I see that he's with Zoey. With Zoey.

  They don't notice me. I tell myself to leave, but I can't find the will to turn my car around.

  From my angle, I see them clearly. Gage has his back to his front door. Zoey faces him, a little closer than what would be appropriate if they didn't have history. Or perhaps, as I watch her lay a hand against his arm, a present.

  I grip the steering wheel so hard the circulation in my fingers cuts off.

  Why isn't he brushing her hand away? Why aren't their bodies tense with argument?

  Why is he looking at her so tenderly? I'm not close enough to see the emotion in his eyes, but the line of his jaw and the tilt to his head give me all I need to go on.

  Suddenly, last night's confession comes back to me full force. I told him I'd been tempted by someone else. I told him I couldn't give him what he wanted. So maybe he's ready to find it with someone who can.

  And then she kisses him.

  I gasp so loudly it's a good thing my windows aren't rolled down.

  Gage, however, goes completely stiff—and after the smallest hesitation, he turns his head away and gently nudges her back a step.

  "Atta boy," I mutter.

  But Zoey grabs his hand, making a pleading motion with her other, and he doesn't untangle their fingers. My heart cracks, just a little.

  Then he cups her face, and even if he's shaking his head while he does it, the truth of the moment becomes very, very clear to me. There's something there between them, still. Not just on her side.

  It shouldn't surprise me. He was honest about caring for her from the start.

  But a few moments later, when he steps back into his house, taking her—still hand-in-hand—with him, that little crack in my heart up and crumbles the rest of the way.

  What the hell just happened?

  I can't wrap my head around it. I wait for the rage to come, the sense of betrayal from Gage, but it doesn't. Because it's my fault, isn't it—this pain in my chest? I did this to myself. I told Gage I didn't want anything serious. I wouldn't let him all the way in. And now he's inside his house with his ex, who very much wants those things.

  And he knows I kissed someone else last night.

  Oh, God. Why did I kiss Luca?

  I have no right to be mad, to be upset, about what Gage is doing now. I lost that privilege the instant I said yes to Luca.

  But logic and heartache have nothing in common, and right now the pain in my chest outweighs everything else.

  There's nothing for me here, but still I sit, like a zombie, staring out over my dashboard, unable to control the vicious, repetitive cycle of my thoughts. I hate him. I don't hate him at all. My fault. My fault.

  My fucking fault.

  My breath is coming faster, in anxious little bursts. My fingers feel numb against the steering wheel.

  I wonder what they're doing in there. What they're saying. Or…maybe they're not saying anything at all. I wonder if he at least washed his sheets from last night first.

  Oh, gross.

  But then…

  Oh, God.

  Was last night my last time with him? Panic lassoes a noose around my neck, tightening my throat. I can't imagine never having his arms around me again. Never feeling his mouth on mine. Never feeling the weight of his body above me as he pushes between my legs…

  Warmth floods my belly, and weaves its way lower, as I remember what I had with him just last night.

  Jesus.

  My head. My heart. The pressure building between m
y thighs… My body's betraying me in every way it's able to today.

  My phone vibrates, startling me, with a text from Vera: You need to come to work—right now. TRUST ME!!

  A glance at the clock tells me I'm already really late for my shift. The VIP crowd will be let in within the hour. But I force myself to leave and I head in BackBar's direction, anyway. It takes me forever. Stupid traffic. And when I finally arrive, I'm still breathing heavily. I pull into a parking spot and sit, for a few extra moments, trying to get myself together. But my mind is too filled, my emotions spin too violently. Gage and Zoey.

  Zoey and my Gage.

  Except he isn't really my Gage. I told him I didn't want anything serious. Then I kissed someone else and told Gage about it. Of course he took me at my word about not wanting more with him. Why wouldn't he?

  Still, I ache all over. In my gut. In my heart. Even at the pulse points of my wrists.

  This is exactly what I was trying to avoid. Feeling things. All I wanted was to have fun, and instead, I'm a wreck.

  This summer, this stupid, stupid summer, is not turning out to be the escape I wanted. And now it's halfway over and I have to go back to school soon and…I don't even know if I want to go back to school.

  Especially after giving up the internship.

  For the first time, I wonder if I've made a huge mistake. I bragged about the internship before I left North Carolina. My classmates were jealous—and I kind of loved it. Jesus. Could I have been more arrogant? Now I have to go back and admit I passed it up. There's not a single person who won't think I'm an idiot.

  I am an idiot.

  I don't want to think about this anymore, not any of it—that's one thing I'm sure of. So I head into work, ready to lose myself in the ebb of pre-VIP fans. Hoping I'm too late for my shift to see Luca before the show.

  Though the parking lot and amphitheater entrance are loud and jammed with people, the space inside the patio is calm, mostly empty. None of the band is here anymore; they must all be getting ready. The song of the opening act, Paranoid Orange, booms over from the amphitheater.

  There's only one guy sitting at the bar, grabbing a beer from Clark. I cut across toward them, but Jared calls my name from the deck.

  He's fiddling with the microphone stand and pauses to scowl at me when I approach. "Feeling better, I take it?"