Submit and Surrender

by Chloe Cox

  Finally she took his hand in her tiny one and said, “I’m tired.”

  Then she pulled him down beside her and let him hold her for the rest of the night.

  chapter 28

  He was relentless.

  It was difficult to keep her thoughts straight in the face of this constant barrage of…she didn’t even know what to call it. It was like every two minutes he did something to remind her how hopelessly in love she was.

  It was dirty, dirty pool.

  She had already been feeling slightly foolish, just because she always felt foolish when she made people worry, and because she really shouldn’t have gotten out of her car. But mostly she’d been feeling foolish with Ford. Every time Adra thought back to that horrible, horrible phone call, she winced from embarrassment, because holy God was the whole thing dramatic and kind of…she didn’t know what. Adolescent, maybe? She thought of the words that had actually come out of her mouth, and she cringed.

  And yet she still felt that way. Maybe a little less. Ok, definitely less, now that she wasn’t sitting in Nicole’s guest room, with the wreckage of her brother’s screw-ups right in front of her. But she’d lived with this feeling of dread for so long, with the idea that she simply would not be able to have love as an inviolable truth, that she couldn’t just…shed it, all at once, just because Ford told her to. Especially when she wasn’t convinced.

  Right?

  So yes, she was confused, and disoriented, and every time she thought she’d regained her balance, he’d turn around and do something else.

  Royalty didn’t get treated like this. And she never knew whether to be happy or guilty, to be joyful that she had this man in her life, or scared that she’d mess it up. She could feel herself getting pulled in different directions, and wondered when she’d reach the point of maximal tension, and just…pop.

  So most of the time, she gave up, and just tried to heal. Anyway, that kind of explained why she’d forgotten about Ford’s promise to “prove” that she was wrong.

  Until he got that look.

  “I’ve got something different today,” Ford said.

  “Good, I think?” Adra said. “Not that lying around watching movies isn’t great, but I think I might be starting to actually meld into the cushions.”

  “How’s it feel when you walk?”

  It had only been a few days, but whatever Ford was doing was working.

  “Ok, for a little while. Miles better than yesterday. I bet by next week it’ll just be achy ribs.”

  “Think you can handle some crazy kids?” he asked, the picture of innocence.

  Then he grinned.

  “You didn’t,” Adra said.

  “You have visitors,” Ford said, checking his phone. “They’re pulling up now.” He looked up to see her face. “Don’t move from where you are, either, because I bet you’re about to get tackled.”

  She had no time at all to prepare.

  All of a sudden Ford’s house was overrun by three small boys, all of them yelling and running toward their aunt with gory enthusiasm.

  “We heard you got hit by a car!”

  “Did you break any bones?”

  “Can we see the scars?”

  Ford scooped up the smallest boy, Aaron, as he was about to climb into Adra’s lap—and probably bang on those ribs—and threw him lightly into the air.

  “Careful, she’s not all healed up yet,” Ford said.

  And then came Nicole.

  If Adra felt sheepish for her own dramatic emotional outburst, she had nothing on Nicole. It was weird, but seeing that expression on Nicole’s face, Adra saw how out of place it was. Nicole had every reason to be upset, to freak out, and here she was, looking concerned instead.

  Adra felt just a little bit more foolish.

  “I’ll take ‘em outside,” Ford said, looking between the two women. “You guys want to see the pool?”

  And the gang of little boy-shaped tornadoes headed outside with Ford in tow, leaving Adra alone with her sister-in-law.

  Carefully, Nicole sat down next to Adra.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked.

  If she were in a cartoon, Adra’s head would have spun around a bunch of times before her eyeballs popped out of her head. “Me?” she said. “How are you feeling?”

  Nicole considered this. “Like I haven’t been hit by a car.”

  “Har, har,” Adra said. “You guys know I’m miraculously ok. Otherwise you would have broken down my door ages ago.”

  Nicole smiled. “Ford called pretty much immediately and gave us the scoop.”

  “How did he even get your number?”

  “He seems like a resourceful guy. And determined. Very determined.”

  “He is that,” Adra said. She looked up at Nicole and steeled herself. “How are you, really? Is Charlie…?”

  Nicole shook her head.

  “I’m sad, I guess. I’m in crisis mode, though, so I don’t really have time for sad yet. I’m taking care of my kids. But Adra, this wasn’t…look. This is bad—I’m not going to lie to you. I would like my husband back. I would like him to sort through whatever the hell it is he needs to sort through so he can go back to living his life. But this isn’t the first time we’ve had problems, and I’ve had a long time to prepare for…I don’t know. Am I prepared? Can you be prepared for this? That sounds crazy, now that I say it out loud,” Nicole said, shaking her head.

  “It does and it doesn’t,” Adra said.

  “I’ll take crazy if it makes it easier,” Nicole said, smiling. “You know what I think it is? He almost did this enough times that I thought about it a lot. I got used to the possibility. And so now I know that it won’t break us. I mean, it will be harder than I can really think about, and eventually I’ll have to deal with a broken heart, and…but it won’t break us.”

  Adra started to cry. Damn it, she was the one crying.

  “I know…” Nicole hesitated, then took Adra’s hand and squeezed it fiercely. “I know with your mom it was different. Charlie told me what used to happen when your dad would leave, with the drinking, and… And I just want you to know that that isn’t us. Ok? It will be hard, and I want him back, but even if…”

  Nicole took a deep breath, not quite ready to say it. Then she went on, “We’re still a family. I’m not broken; the boys won’t be broken. We’re still here. You’re still our family.”

  “Why are you the one comforting me?” Adra asked.

  “Because I’ve never done it before, and I thought you could use it,” Nicole said. “You’re always there for us, Adra. It’s nice to return the favor.”

  “Shit,” Adra said and put a hand to her side.

  “You ok?”

  “It hurts to cry,” Adra said, laughing in frustration through tears. “Oh God, that might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever said. ‘Pain hurts.’”

  “Water’s wet,” Nicole smiled. “Film at eleven.”

  “Stop it,” Adra said. “It hurts to laugh, too.”

  “Basically you aren’t allowed to feel?”

  “That would be preferable.”

  Nicole snorted, and looked out at Ford, who currently had three kids climbing him like he was a jungle gym.

  “Yeah, good luck with that,” Nicole said.

  “Nicole,” Adra said suddenly. “Thank you.”

  Adra didn’t know what this would do. She didn’t know if it changed any of the things she felt about herself, or about her future, but she knew it did one thing: it helped to quell that aching dread she felt whenever she thought about Charlie. She still had Charlie to worry about, and she always would, but that tightly coiled, poisoned core of dread that she carried around because she was always worried that Nicole and the boys would have to go through what she and Charlie went through…

  It began to unfurl, and it began to let her go.

  Adra felt like she could breathe for the first time in months. Even with the ribs.

  “Thank you,” she said again.<
br />
  “Stop thanking me,” Nicole said. “This is just what family does. So stop that.”

  “You guys are ok? I mean, are your parents still there? And what about money? Are you—”

  “No, you don’t get to worry about us until you’re all healed up,” Nicole said, shaking her head. “Besides, we’re taken care of.”

  Adra gave her a suspicious look, but Nicole just smiled.

  “My parents are sticking around, so I’m not trying to parent the horde solo, and yeah, that’s all you’re getting out of me for now,” Nicole said, standing up. “And now we have a surprise scheduled for the boys, so I gotta get going.”

  “A surprise? For the boys? Spill.”

  “Actually I think it might be more for me, since the boys are a little young,” Nicole said, her eyes glinting. “But Ford said he could get the guys from Savage Heart to give us a tour of Los Angeles while we’re here, and I jumped all over that, I gotta tell you.”

  “They are sweethearts,” Adra said. “Just ignore the whole rock star thing.”

  “Who said I wanted to ignore it? I’m having a crappy week. If I get a chance to stare at some rock star eye candy while my boys get to play guitar for the ten minutes before they get bored, I will freaking take it,” Nicole said and went to go collect her kids.

  Adra couldn’t help but watch as she did so. She couldn’t help but watch Ford with them, either. He was good with kids. Like legitimately good. Easy. And Adra knew Ford probably had some hand in helping Nicole out, but there was no way she was going to get answers any time soon.

  He’d made his point, bringing Nicole here. And Adra had to thank him for it, because seeing Nicole and the boys, seeing that they were hurt but not down for the count—yeah, it helped. It did more than help. It felt like a black hole had been surgically removed from her chest. She hadn’t realized how much that fear had been weighing her down until it was suddenly…gone.

  Adra felt loopy enough to laugh to herself, and this time she didn’t have any painkillers to blame.

  “How you feeling?” Ford asked as he strode back into the room.

  Goddamn, that man in low-slung jeans and an undershirt was sexier than…

  Not a helpful thought, Adra.

  “Better,” Adra conceded. She eyed Ford somewhat suspiciously as he walked toward her. “But that was your point, right?”

  Ford shook his head as he stood over her. “I haven’t made my point yet,” he said.

  She stared at him for a split second too long. She couldn’t help it. She was human, and he was standing there with those muscles bulging out of his crossed arms, his blue eyes shining down, his jaw just…

  Damn.

  “Don’t leave me hanging, then,” Adra said. “What’s your point?”

  He grinned at her.

  Then he bent down with his arms leaning on either side of her, making great big depressions in the soft couch, pinning her exactly where she was. He let his eyes trail over her slowly, lazily, until he finally locked her eyes with his.

  And he looked serious.

  “Yeah, Nicole and the boys will be ok,” he said. “And that’s not nothing. But you know who was there for them? You. At the drop of a fucking hat, you showed up. You have never run out on anyone, Adra. That’s what you do. You show up.”

  She was speechless.

  She’d never thought of it that way. She didn’t know what to think, much less what to say.

  Adra tugged at the thin cotton material at his chest, unable to help herself, her breathing coming in short, ragged gasps. As the pain receded her body had woken up, and being anywhere near Ford was just…

  Still, something in her mind forced her awake.

  “I’ve never run out on anyone but you,” she said.

  Ford laughed. “Nah, you came back. And we’re working on that. Besides, the spanking I’m gonna give you once you’re healed up will make sure you won’t forget it.”

  Adra sighed deeply, a warm ache spreading between her legs. This would be frustrating.

  “This doesn’t—”

  “Quiet,” he said. “No more heavy stuff. I’m putting a quota on that for each day.”

  “Each day?”

  He only smiled.

  ***

  The next day brought more heavy stuff, only this time it wasn’t so much “heavy” as it was “profoundly embarrassing.”

  In fact, Adra didn’t realize she would ever be uncomfortable with people telling her how wonderful she was. In theory, that actually sounded like an awesome way to spend an afternoon. Or at least now it did. When she was younger, Adra had realized that she had a problem accepting compliments, and so she’d worked on it until she could accept them without becoming a big ball of embarrassment, because in the cutthroat entertainment industry it had seemed like a necessity. Plus, the older and more sure of herself she got, the more she realized that sometimes she just deserved a freaking compliment.

  But apparently an all day procession of people singing her praises still had the power to make her blush. Who knew?

  “Ford, this is ridiculous,” she said.

  She was sitting in his living room again, legs up on the chaise lounge, almost entirely physically comfortable, so long as she didn’t move much. That alone was an accomplishment. She was healing at basically a superhero pace, for which she credited Ford.

  Of course she was feeling incredibly awkward. Ford was enjoying it way too much, lounging back in his own chair, getting up only to let in the next friend or acquaintance to tell Adra how awesome she was.

  She moved to get up and Ford acted quickly.

  “Sit down,” he ordered. “I have the rest scheduled in fifteen-minute blocks.”

  Adra stared at him. “You’re kidding.”

  “Am I?” Ford grinned.

  “No, I mean it,” she said. “This is like…this is weird. This is straight up weird. I mean, are there cameras? Is this a reality show? I have no idea how I’m supposed to react.”

  “I said sit down and I meant it.”

  “You know what, you only think you’re getting away with this because I am essentially your captive,” Adra said. “But the joke’s on you, because I can totally walk now.”

  “If you were my captive, you’d know it,” Ford said. “Don’t make me tie you down.”

  Adra froze and stared at the man in front of her. Every word of that sentence had sent a small, singing shiver down her spine, and every word had reminded her that it had been far too long since they’d done a scene. If that was even something they were still supposed to do, which it wasn’t, technically. She just kept telling herself that she was doing the right thing, even if it was starting to sound like nonsense, and even if she couldn’t always stop herself from flirting back at him.

  God, she was tired of thinking. Especially when she wanted him so badly.

  “You know I’ll do it,” he said casually. “I will bind you and then make you suffer through every goddamn person I can find who has something nice to say about you, and I will dare you to safeword out. And if you give me any more lip, I’ll make sure that bondage comes with something that vibrates.”

  Adra managed to speak on her second try.

  “Oh my God, you would, wouldn’t you?” she said.

  Ford looked her over and smiled. “And you wouldn’t be able to tell me no. What’s that like, to know I can get you to do anything I want?”

  Holy fuck, that’s hot.

  It was incredible—that’s what it was like. Adra licked her lips.

  “It’s not so bad, most of the time,” she said. She could barely breathe, and not just because of her ribs.

  Ford checked his watch, and then looked back at Adra with a curious expression.

  “You can usually take a compliment,” he said finally. “Why’s this different?”

  Adra was having trouble thinking about anything other than being bound with something that vibrated, but she knew if she didn’t pay attention she’d soon have occasion to
think about that a whole lot more, only in front of a bunch of people she knew.

  “Um, I don’t… It’s not the same,” she said, trying not to stare at his mouth. “This is just…it’s a freaking parade. No one is used to this much attention. And I feel…I don’t know, naked, in a way. And I’m not a saint, Ford, I haven’t saved a life or anything. I just like to help out my friends.”

  “I’m calling bullshit,” he said, leaning back. “It’s the cognitive dissonance. It’s all these people telling you how you helped them find love or took care of them or whatever. All stuff you don’t think you get to have. Either they’re all wrong, or you’re wrong, and it’s making your brain explode. See how that works?”

  “Can we stop before my brain actually explodes?”

  Ford laughed. “And deny your friends the opportunity to make you blush? Hell no,” he said. “Besides, Declan and Molly want to thank you for bugging them until they got together, and Soren and Cate, too. And Chance and Lena called from the new Volare location and sent their love. Now stop complaining, or I’m adding a bunch of strokes to that spanking.”

  Adra’s mind dallied for a bit on that promised spanking before she caught that promising piece of information.

  “They found a new location?”

  Ford nodded. “New Orleans.” He looked up again. “They’ll be here in five minutes, sweetheart, settle down.”

  That was when Adra started to giggle. She was arguing with a man she loved who was trying to convince her that she was…what? Better? Deserving? And she was fighting him. It made her laugh, because it was stupid, and it made her want to cry, because…well, because. Because she couldn’t just be different and get over it, not just yet. And it made her love him all the more.

  “I’m sorry I’m like this,” she said finally. “I wish I wasn’t. I wish—”

  “Shut up,” he said gently. “You’re perfect. Exactly as you are.”

  And so it went.

  All the friends she’d helped set up at Club Volare over the years stopped by to thoroughly embarrass her, and after a while the barrage had a cumulative effect. As frustrating as Ford was, he was good. He had a point.