So Over It

by Stephanie Morrill

  “Oh.” Justin fiddled with the cushion of the bench. “Is he . . . ?” He cleared his throat.

  “He’s an ex-boyfriend,” I said, hoping to erase whatever went through Justin’s mind that made his ears pinken.

  “Oh. Is he the father?”

  I blinked. “Who?”

  Now his face bloomed crimson. “Never mind. It’s none of my business.”

  “It’s fine, I just don’t get what you’re asking.”

  “It really isn’t any of my business. I just wondered if he”—Justin gestured to my cell phone—“is Owen’s father. I didn’t know if you guys still talked.”

  “Why would Connor . . .” And then it dawned on me. “You think Owen’s mine?”

  Now Justin blinked. “He’s not?”

  “No.” I burst out laughing. “He’s Abbie’s.”

  “Oh.” I could practically see the wheels of Justin’s mind working. Thinking over events of the last week? “I guess I just saw you with him so often . . .”

  “Well, he is my nephew.” I grinned. “I’m pretty fond of him.”

  “Right.” Justin’s face returned to its normal shade. “Wow, I can’t believe this.”

  “I had no idea you thought that.”

  “Just a misunderstanding, I guess.” Justin fiddled with his shirt collar, something Connor often did when nervous. “So. Do you maybe wanna go out sometime?”

  Since it was Friday and neither of us had anything going on, we skipped the formalities of “checking our schedules.” He said he’d like to shower and change, and then he’d be ready. When he crossed the street, I went inside to make my grandmother extremely happy.

  Grammy clapped her hands together, making her flabby arms swing. “Oh, I knew he liked you!”

  I glanced at Mom, whose reaction had been muted.

  The rule at our house had always been no dating until college. Of course Abbie had a three-month-old son and I had two ex-boyfriends, so we’d obviously gotten around it. Eli and I dated on the sly, and Connor and I got together when Mom left the first time. This made Justin the first guy I’d ever discussed with her.

  “This is okay, right?” I said.

  Her smile looked forced. “Of course.”

  Abbie emerged from our bedroom, Owen in her arms. “What’s going on?”

  “Justin and I are having dinner tonight.”

  Her smile looked weird too. “No surprise.”

  “I think it’s wonderful.” Grammy bundled me into a tight hug. “I guess it doesn’t matter how long it took him to ask, just that he did.”

  “Grammy, I’ve only been here eight days.”

  “Still. You’re a catch.” She held me at arm’s length and assessed my outfit. “Now, run and change before he picks you up.”

  I glanced at my billowy skirt and tank. “I plan on wearing this.”

  “On wearing that?” Grammy acted like I intended to wear my bathrobe and slippers.

  “I think Skylar looks nice,” Mom said.

  “She should wear a dress.” Grammy planted her hands on her hips. “Nice girls wear dresses on dates.”

  I looked at Abbie, hoping she’d join my side.

  “I agree with Grammy. Especially for a first date,” she said.

  Okay—I wasn’t touching another diaper between now and Thursday.

  “My skirt’s fine,” I said through gritted teeth.

  Grammy’s face pinched with a frown. Mom appeared to notice. “Maybe they’re right, Skylar,” she said gently. “Maybe a dress would be a good idea.”

  Traitor.

  “I’m not changing my clothes,” I said as I stalked back onto the porch. “Not for anyone.”

  I may have been uncertain about a lot of things. Clothing was not one of them, and never again would I let somebody make me doubt how I dressed.

  7

  “You look really nice,” Justin said as his truck begrudgingly accelerated.

  I grinned. “My outfit wasn’t a popular decision.”

  “What do you mean? What’s wrong with it?”

  “My grandma thought a dress would be more appropriate.”

  Justin glanced at his cargo shorts and polo. “I can only imagine what she thought of my choice.”

  “Well, I think you look good.”

  Justin’s face reddened, and my heart raced. Should I not have said that? Was that stupid? I’d never done this before, been on a real first date. I’d known Eli for years, and we rarely did stuff just the two of us. And then Connor and I were best friends before we got together.

  But Justin . . . What did I really know about him? He surfed, shared a tiny house with another guy, and most recently lived in Maryland. How did I go about learning the other stuff? The important things that made a person them. Things I knew about Connor, though I couldn’t remember discussing them. Like what he’d find funny, how protective he was of his brothers, especially the little ones, and that his dad was his hero. I knew these things before the idea of dating him had crossed my mind, long before the first time we kissed—

  What if Justin tries to kiss me??

  The thought made me want to jump out of the truck. Was Justin the type to kiss on a first date? Would he get mad when I backed away? Did it mean something bad that I would back away? That I didn’t want him to kiss me?

  I’d spent a decent amount of time in Hawaii hoping Justin would ask me out. But now that I was here in his truck, I wanted to escape. I wanted him to turn around and take me back to Grammy and Papa’s. And then I wanted to get on the first flight out of here, the first flight back to Kansas City. Back where I was comfortable. Where I belonged.

  “A guy at my work said this is the best restaurant in Kapaa,” Justin said as he turned on his signal. I hadn’t been paying attention and now realized we’d stopped on Kuhio Highway, the main street running through Kapaa.

  “It looks nice,” I said as he turned into the parking lot. I folded and unfolded my hands in my lap, twisting my fingers into knots. How long would dinner take? Thirty minutes? Forty-five? Hopefully he’d take me straight home afterward.

  Would dating always feel this complicated?

  When Justin parked, I unbuckled my seat belt and hopped out of the truck. The fresh air eased the nausea and cooled my sweaty hands. I hoped this place had outdoor seating.

  “What kinds of losers normally take you out?” Justin asked as he emerged from the truck. “The guy’s supposed to get your door.”

  He smiled, joking, but my defenses still flared. Connor had always gotten my door for me. Even if we were arguing. How was I supposed to know Justin planned on helping me out of the truck? He hadn’t helped me get in the truck.

  I crossed my arms over my chest so he wouldn’t attempt taking my hand. “I was feeling a little carsick.”

  Justin frowned. “I’m sorry. Was I driving too fast?”

  “No, no. It just happens sometimes.”

  “Maybe food will help,” he said as we crossed the parking lot.

  He smiled at me, kind, and I felt a rush of guilt for thinking about Connor so much. Here I was out on a date with a very nice guy and I was thinking about Connor, who’d practically forced me to break up with him because he couldn’t leave Jodi alone. I needed to take a deep breath, push him out of my mind, and relax.

  I started by dropping my arms to my sides. “I think the fresh air helped, because I feel better already.”

  “Good,” Justin said. He caught my hand in his as we entered the restaurant lobby. My stomach swirled at this development, but it didn’t make me want to run for the airport or anything. Good. I’d made progress.

  The restaurant had a sort of washed-out Hawaiian thing going on. The decor still featured hula girls and Hawaiian flowers, but the colors were classy and muted—sand, ocean blue, dusty green. Enough to endear tourists without turning off locals.

  The beautiful hostess arched quizzical eyebrows at Justin. “Two?”

  “Yeah,” he said.

  “Right this way
.” She grabbed two menus and sashayed through the restaurant as if on a catwalk. Over her shoulder, she asked, “Where are you two from?” She spared me a glance. “Or do you live here?”

  “We just moved here,” Justin answered.

  “He just moved here,” I heard myself saying. “I live in Kansas City.”

  Why’d I say that? Why not let her think whatever she wanted? And I had been thinking about staying.

  But the hostess didn’t care. “Your server will be with you soon. Enjoy.”

  Justin furrowed his brow at me. “Your grandma said you’re likely staying in Hawaii.”

  “I’ve considered it,” I said. “But I’d be leaving a lot. My family, my friends.”

  “I understand. Believe me, I do. I just went through making that decision. But in my experience, sacrifices accompany great gains.”

  “I guess.” I slid my menu off the table and opened it but didn’t really see anything. Justin had a good point. But how did you know what to give up and what to keep? Was it weird that I still felt pangs of homesickness? Or could it all be chalked up to the fact that I’d spent my entire life in one place, and I couldn’t lift myself out as easily as I’d assumed?

  “Do you still get homesick?” I asked.

  Justin nodded. “But it’s getting better.” When he smiled at me, my stomach flip-flopped in that good, new-crush kind of way. “I’m really glad you agreed to dinner tonight. I’ve had a tough time finding fun, beautiful, and interesting Christian girls I want to spend time with.”

  And that’s when the reality of the situation hit me.

  Justin didn’t know I’d been a Christian for only a year. And that for a lot of that time, I hadn’t been a very good one.

  He didn’t know about Aaron.

  He didn’t know about Eli.

  He didn’t know I used to smoke, that rum and Coke was my danger drink, and that I’d dated two of my best friend’s ex-boyfriends. He wasn’t there when I crashed my mom’s car sophomore year or when I got drunk two Valentine’s Days ago and called Alexis skanky. When I was with Justin, those parts of me, those events, didn’t have to exist.

  A year ago, I’d committed to reinventing myself. To becoming a new Skylar. For a little while, I felt like I’d taken off, like I was doing better, only to crash and burn during the spring. Maybe this was what it’d take to become a new me, a different me. Maybe I could really do it if I could start over someplace where no one knew a thing about me. Yeah, the idea of never going home scared me a little, but Justin’s warm, dark eyes made me want to stick with this. Made me want to see who I could be with a clean slate.

  I smiled back at him. “I’m glad you asked me.”

  “And she just ignored you after that?” I asked, taking a big bite of my heavenly hana ice cream—chocolate ice cream with marshmallows, white-chocolate-covered macadamia nuts, and dark-chocolate-covered almonds. Maybe I could survive without Sheridan’s.

  “It was like I didn’t even exist.”

  I shook my head. “Chicks.”

  Justin grinned. He had a great smile. “They’re not all bad.”

  “But still. Leaves you at a dance, and then doesn’t even apologize? That’s cold.”

  Justin licked his disgusting Kona coffee ice cream cone. “You should feel honored. I rarely tell anyone that story. It’s embarrassing.”

  “Yeah, for her.”

  He smiled again. “I knew I liked you.”

  We walked quietly along the lamp-lit Kuhio Highway. While the date had started off rocky, it turned into a pretty good one. We’d skipped the overpriced dessert menu at the restaurant, did a little shopping in downtown Kapaa until the stores closed, then walked down to Lappert’s for ice cream. Now, on the walk back to the car, I felt almost relaxed.

  Then Justin looked at me in a way that sent my stomach swirling again. I had at least learned, as the night progressed, to pause my eating and resume when the butterflies subsided. Same as Abbie had done when she was pregnant. Which reminded me . . .

  “I still can’t believe you thought Owen was mine.”

  “You know, it’s funny.” Justin stuck his free hand in his pocket. “I’ve been thinking about that all night, and there’s something I can’t explain away.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “Remember yesterday morning when I came and found you at the beach?”

  I nodded.

  “Well, when I went back home to change, Abbie was in the front yard with Owen. I went over to say hello and we talked for a couple minutes. And—” Justin reddened. I loved that. “Well, I was trying to find out information about Owen’s father, so I said, ‘I don’t think he looks much like Skylar.’ Abbie said, ‘You don’t?’ And I said, ‘Do you think he looks like her or the father?’ Abbie said, ‘Most people think he looks like me.’”

  “And are we ever grateful,” I said. “The last thing she needed was Owen turning out just like Lance.”

  “So, anyway, I said, ‘I bet that’s frustrating. People probably think he’s yours.’ And now that I think about it, Abbie did give me sort of a weird look. But she said, ‘Yeah, it’s annoying.’ And then she went on to say a bunch of stuff like she felt sorry for you because Owen took up so much of your time and that all your friends had deserted you, and that’s why you’re thinking about staying in Hawaii permanently.”

  I gaped at him. “She didn’t.”

  He looked uncomfortable. “She definitely wanted me to think Owen was yours. I even told her how nice it was that she’d babysit so you could have some time on the beach.”

  My head ached from grinding my teeth. “What’d she say?”

  Justin swallowed. “That it’d been really hard on you to have a baby so young.”

  8

  “Oh my gosh, relax,” Abbie said.

  “Relax?” I hissed. I wanted to yell but couldn’t with Owen snoozing in his Pack ’n Play in the corner of our room. “You told Justin that Owen’s mine.”

  “I was just having some fun. I knew it’d sort itself out. At the very least, he’d figure it out when I left on Thursday and took Owen with me.”

  I stared at her—her unrepentant eyes, the amused curl of her mouth. I had no response, at least not one I’d be comfortable saying with Owen in the room. I marched out, letting the door slam behind me. Then winced. Yeah, I was mad, but waking up Owen seemed unnecessarily mean. Fortunately, no cries came from our room.

  I stalked through the dark, silent house and out the front door. Just six more days and she’d be gone. I couldn’t wait.

  I flopped onto the padded porch bench and curled my knees to my chest. Across the street, in the little yellow house, lights blazed. Chase’s girlfriend was there. Justin had invited me over as well, but I’d been too irritated with Abbie to even consider it. Maybe I should go over there now.

  A few minutes later, when Grammy and Papa’s screen door opened, I hadn’t yet decided.

  Abbie sat beside me. She drew her knees up as well, then returned her feet to the floor. Then crossed her legs, then uncrossed. She sighed. “I guess I was feeling a little jealous about Justin. We all knew it was coming, him asking you out, and I just . . .” Another sigh. “It’s never gonna be like that for me again.”

  I frowned. “You’ve got Chris.”

  “I know. But it’s so complicated. I’m not even sixteen. I should be able to go on dates with my boyfriend. I shouldn’t have stretch marks. I shouldn’t—” Abbie bit her lip as tears rolled down her face. I stretched my arm around her shoulders and she leaned into me. “I shouldn’t complain, I know. Owen’s awesome. I’m crazy about him. I just . . .”

  “I know,” I said.

  She righted herself, still sniffling. “Sorry I ruined things for you.”

  “You didn’t ruin anything. He still asked me out. And this way, when people ask how we met, we have a cute story.”

  “So you like him?”

  “We had a lot of fun.”

  She wiped her nose with the back of
her hand. “You like him more than Connor?”

  I hesitated. “I can’t compare them. Connor . . .”

  There were so many ways to finish that sentence. Connor was my first love. He’d taken care of me when I’d been an afterthought to everyone else. His family had practically adopted me. That couldn’t be erased by one date.

  “Connor’s special,” Abbie finished for me.

  I frowned. I didn’t want it phrased that way. “Connor hurt me. Justin hasn’t.”

  “Give it time.”

  I snorted. “So cynical.”

  “Not cynical, just honest.” Abbie shrugged. “Even the best guy’s going to screw up every once in a while. You’re in love with Connor. He’s in love with you. I think you should put this whole Jodi mess behind you and make up.”

  I drew in a ragged breath. I hated talking about this. “I told Connor she was after him. He didn’t listen.”

  “He regrets that now.”

  “But what—” I stopped and looked at her. “Do you two talk about me?”

  Abbie shrugged.

  “Well, don’t. Or at least when you do, pretend to be on my side.”

  “Oh, I do.” Abbie grinned. “Believe me, I let him have it. But truthfully, I think it’s time to let it go and get on with it. Forgive him.”

  I sighed and looked across the street at Justin’s inviting house.

  Abbie followed my gaze. “Oh, come on. You just met the guy.”

  “Exactly.” I leaned back on the bench. “It’s nice. Having a clean slate.”

  I felt her looking at me. “Connor doesn’t care about your past, Skylar. He’s proven that by now.”

  “Doesn’t it ever feel weird with you and Chris? He’s lived this perfect, saintly life and—”

  “And I have a baby? It’s not that I don’t get what you’re feeling, because I do. But wouldn’t it be stupid of me to throw away my relationship with Chris just because he’s such a good guy?” Before I could answer, Abbie continued. “Stop making excuses. You’re being a huge chicken, and you know it.”