Out of Left Field: Marlee's Story

by Barbara L. Clanton

  “Coach!” Marlee exclaimed at her coach’s attempt at humor.

  “Oh, and by the way, Marlee,” Coach Spears looked at Marlee, “you do realize that the world is not as enlightened as you or I would like. Keep my secret and I’ll keep yours. It’s best that we let people know in our own way.”

  Marlee walked toward the office door. “Okay. I totally get that. And thanks, Coach. I’m glad I came to you. I....” She was once again at a loss for words. “Well, just thanks, I guess. Oh,” she pointed to the photograph on her coach’s desk, “you should put that away so nobody sees it.”

  Coach Spears picked up the photo and winked at Marlee. “Actually, I think I’ll keep this on my desk, in the open, from now on.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  The Truth

  MARLEE KNEW SHE should have called her mother to pick her up after school, but she wasn’t about to miss softball practice because of a little headache. She didn’t think her headache was only due to the concussion, either. Thoughts of Susie, her coach’s confession, and, oh, yeah, her shoulder wrapped up tightly in a sling as she tried to navigate classes, all contributed to her woozy feeling. Of course, Marlee had conflicting feelings about the news Coach Spears had entrusted her with that morning. She felt honored that Coach Spears told her that secret, but she also felt frustrated because she couldn’t share the news with anybody. Just like she hadn’t told anybody about her short-lived romance with Susie. So many secrets. No, her pulsing headache had little, if anything, to do with her concussion. But her headache and her exhaustion were not going to keep her from softball practice. She hadn’t celebrated beating the East Valley Panthers with her teammates yet.

  Marlee took a deep breath of the fresh spring air and soaked in the warm sun on her face. She was grateful for a reprieve from the seemingly never-ending cold of the North Country. It was the middle of May, but she kept her Cougar softball sweatshirt on since she wouldn’t be as active as her teammates. The right sleeve dangled lifelessly by her side.

  She caught up with Jeri and Lisa as they finished their last warmup laps. Jeri wore a short-sleeved t-shirt. Her winter-white arms almost blinded Marlee. When she said as much to Jeri, she received a playful smack on her good arm for the effort. Lisa wore a more practical three-quarter-sleeve softball shirt with Cougar royal blue sleeves.

  One of their teammates jogged by and said, “Good to see you up and around, Marlee.”

  “Thanks, Johnna.”

  “Yeah,” Jeri kidded. “It’s good to see you moving, instead of taking a nap at home plate.”

  Marlee rolled her eyes at her friend.

  Lisa laughed. “You know how lazy pitchers are, Jeri. But, thank God, we have the two easiest teams in the league this week.”

  Jeri nodded. “Northwood tomorrow. Ugh. I hate their field. The grass is never cut in the outfield. Oh, kind of like ours. And Friday, we go to Racquette. I like their field, though. They have nice grass and a real fence.”

  Marlee added, “Yeah, Racquette is nice. Do you think Coach’ll let me go with you guys on the bus?”

  “Why wouldn’t she?” Jeri grabbed her glove. “Hey listen, I’ll see you two later. I gotta warm up with the outfielders.”

  Marlee attempted to help Lisa carry her catcher’s gear to the warmup area. Lisa protested but finally gave in and let Marlee carry her batting glove.

  “Glad I could help.” Marlee let the batting glove dangle between her thumb and index finger.

  Lisa attempted to keep a straight face, but failed. She said, “Don’t strain yourself, eh?”

  “Fine. Make me feel useless.”

  “Not a chance. You’re helping me with Kerry today. She’s got to be ready to pitch an entire game against Racquette tomorrow and you’ve gotta help. She’s going to be late, though. Make-up test or something, so Coach asked me to rake the warmup area while I wait. This is your job, you know.”

  “Oh, a lot of help I would be at the moment.”

  Lisa put down her catcher’s gear and got the rake from the utility shed. “Hey, Marlee?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I don’t know how to ask this, but geez, I’ll just ask. What happened between you and Susie on Saturday? I know, I know. I keep sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong, but I want to help.”

  She felt the blood drain from her face. What could she know? “Um, what do you mean?”

  “Marlee,” Lisa said. “C’mon. I see everything. It’s my job to see everything you do. I know you have a thing for her.”

  “I do? I mean, you do?”

  “Marlee, c’mon. Susie looked devastated on Saturday when they left. Did you break up with her or something?”

  Marlee wanted desperately to sit down, because her insides starting shaking, and not in a good way. Since there was no where to sit, all she could do was stare at Lisa wide-eyed. And if Lisa knows, who else knows?

  Lisa looked away and started raking. She kept her eyes focused on the dirt. Marlee got the feeling Lisa was trying to give her enough space to come up with some sort of answer, but she just didn’t know what to say.

  Lisa broke the awkward silence and confided, “Look, if this will make it easier, me and Sam are seeing each other, too. We hooked up Sunday. We went bowling. She’s amazing. She’s so pretty. I can’t stop thinking about her.”

  Marlee was sure her face had reached new heights in crimson. She asked quietly even though no one was within earshot, “How did you know about me?”

  Lisa smiled. “Now, don’t freak out on me, but I’ve known about you for a while. I just didn’t know how to get you to tell me. But, how did I figure it out? Well, for one thing, when we went out to Christy’s that time, you and Susie disappeared. When you guys finally came back in, geez, Marlee, you were like, I don’t know, glowing or something.”

  Marlee put a hand over her mouth. She let Lisa continue.

  “I knew something was up for sure then. And, remember that Saturday game against Southbridge when Susie came to watch? Geez, you were so unfocused, and then I watched you watching her, that’s when I really knew.”

  Marlee closed her eyes in disbelief. “Was I that obvious?”

  “No, but don’t forget, it’s my job to watch your every movement, so I couldn’t help but see. And, well, it takes one to know one, eh?” She flashed a smile.

  “I didn’t know about you, Lisa. Heck, I didn’t know about myself until a few of weeks ago. And I think this might not be a passing phase, either.”

  Lisa put the rake back in the shed. “Yeah, well, I’ve known about myself since seventh grade.”

  “Seventh grade? Oh, my God. How old were you?”

  “Geez, I don’t know. Around twelve, I guess.”

  “You were twelve and you knew? Does Jeri know?”

  “No. No. You’re the first one I’ve told. Nobody knows, well except a friend at camp and Sam.” Lisa made air quotes around the word friend. “And now you.”

  “Seventh grade. Wow. Did you have a...” she leaned in and whispered, “girlfriend? I mean, before Sam?”

  “Well, I was seeing somebody at camp last summer. My camp friend.” More air quotes. “She was the first girl I ever kissed. She’s from Long Island, but she sent me a ‘Dear Jane’ letter last month and broke up with me.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I didn’t, well, let’s just say it wasn’t going to last. She just beat me to it. And now I have Sam and, oh, my God, it’s gonna be great, Marlee.” Lisa whispered, “She’s such a great kisser.”

  “Ahh, I don’t want to hear about it.” Marlee covered her ears but smiled.

  Lisa smiled back.

  “Well, truth be told, Susie’s a good kisser, too.”

  “Must be something in the water in East Valley, eh? But you still haven’t answered my question. Sam said Susie wouldn’t even talk to her on Saturday. Susie just cried and pounded the steering wheel all the way back home.”

  “Well, that’s interesting, because Susie was t
he one who broke up with me, not the other way around. Seems like Christy didn’t want us to be together.”

  “What?” Lisa shouted. She lowered her voice. “Christy? You’ve got to be kidding. Why does Christy have a say in you guys being together?” Before Marlee could respond, Lisa continued. “Is Christy family?”

  “Family?”

  “Family. It’s like code for gay. Is she gay? Because my gaydar did not go off at Christy.”

  “Gaydar?” Even though Marlee’s head ached from information overload, she was glad she had decided to go to school. She was learning all kinds of new and fascinating things.

  “Oh, you have so much to learn.” Lisa grabbed Marlee’s good arm. “So, is she?”

  “Is she family? According to Susie, no. No, she’s not family.”

  “I didn’t think so. But, c’mon. Tell me the story. How’d you guys, you know, meet?”

  Marlee relayed the short version of her very short history with Susie and found she was too stunned by her unexpected conversation with Lisa to be very emotional.

  Marlee saw Kerry walking toward the field. She whispered, “Lisa, I wasn’t expecting her to break up with me. It was kinda out of the blue.”

  Kerry had almost reached them when Lisa quipped, “Actually, Marlee, it was out of left field. You know what I mean?” She nudged Marlee with her elbow and somehow Marlee found the strength to laugh.

  Marlee watched her teammates practice, unsure about her new role as spectator. Exhaustion washed over her so she closed her eyes to regroup and drink in the mild spring day. The backdrop of birds chirping and flitting about in the nearby pines was quickly overtaken by the sounds of her teammates playing the game she loved. With her eyes closed she focused on Coach Spears giving instruction to someone at bat. Marlee was glad the world had slowed down a little.

  She opened her eyes again and watched Kerry pitch batting practice to some of the infielders. Marlee had helped Kerry with her drop ball and change-up. Lisa said Kerry’s change-up was getting as sneaky as Marlee’s. They collectively decided to tackle Kerry’s rise ball at Wednesday’s practice. Kerry was the only freshman on the varsity team and was already an excellent pitcher. On some varsity teams, like Northwood, Kerry probably would have been the starting pitcher. But on the Clarksonville team, Kerry played back-up to Marlee. Marlee gained a new perspective that afternoon on Kerry’s understudy role. Marlee would have hated playing second fiddle to another pitcher, especially since she had always been the starting pitcher for the Clarksonville varsity ever since freshman year. But Marlee realized that her Clarksonville Cougars would be in excellent hands, literally, with Kerry in the pitcher’s circle.

  Marlee looked at her coach and teammates from a different perspective. Her sudden acceptance of herself, bolstered by the acceptance from her coach and from Lisa forced her to see things with new eyes. I never realized how hard my teammates work, how much Coach is also a teacher. Marlee knew she had never seen these things because she usually had her head wrapped around her own concerns. She rarely stopped to look at what was going on around her. With newfound admiration for her coach and teammates, Marlee watched the practice wind down.

  No one would let her help put equipment away after the practice so she looked for her coach. She found her in the outfield picking up a stray softball. Marlee strolled toward her in center field.

  “Hey, Coach,” she called. “The playoff game’s in two weeks?”

  “Yes, in two weeks, the Tuesday after Memorial Day, but that’s contingent on our win-loss record and theirs. If we’re tied at the end of the regular season then we’ll need the playoff game to decide the North Country League title and who goes on to the state tournament.”

  “I think Kerry’s got some good stuff. She’ll be great tomorrow since I’m no good to us.”

  Her coach picked up the errant softball and turned to face Marlee. “Marlee, you can never think that you’re ‘no good’ to us. I saw you with Kerry. You don’t know how much she looks up to you. And the rest of this team?” Her hand swept across the field indicating her teammates. “They worship you.”

  “Me?” Marlee’s eyes grew wide in disbelief.

  Coach Spears smiled at her. “Yes, Marlee, you. Why do you think I made you a captain? Your presence motivates them. You’re one of those quiet leaders. You lead by example. You see what needs to be done and you do it. Like today, for instance, you didn’t have to come to practice. You have a concussion for goodness sakes, but you’re here. That speaks volumes to them.” She added, “And to me.”

  “Coach, I don’t know what to say.” For the umpteenth time that day she could feel herself blushing furiously.

  “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to realize that you’re not ‘no good’ to us. And, besides, I can’t have you getting depressed about sitting out for a week or two.”

  “One week,” Marlee corrected. “No way I can sit out two. And I am going to be ready for that playoff game, but I have to ask you a question. What am I gonna do if, I mean when, I have to pitch to her?”

  “Her?” Her coach looked confused, but then Marlee saw realization flood her face. “Oh, you mean Susie.”

  Marlee nodded.

  “First things first, Marlee. You have to get yourself well before we even think about you pitching again. But if we’re thinking positively, I imagine you’d treat her just like any other batter. You probably pitched to her a dozen times when you didn’t know who she was, right?”

  “Yeah, that’s true. I hadn’t thought about that.”

  “You know she’s a good hitter and you’ll pitch to her accordingly. Think of her as a Northwood batter or something.

  And I don’t want to be the one to remind you, but if we have that playoff game you’ll have to hit against the other one,” her coach teased. “That’s going to be your tougher battle, I suspect.”

  Marlee nodded and sighed. Her coach gave her a wink and headed toward the school. Marlee caught up to her friends as they headed back to the locker room.

  Jeri smiled at her. “Marlee, we gotta get our books from the locker room. Here are the car keys. We’ll be out in a minute.”

  Marlee heard Lisa say to Jeri, “Drop me off first, okay?”

  LISA BROWN’S FAMILY, which included her parents, two younger sisters and one younger brother, lived in a planned neighborhood on the southern edge of the village of Clarksonville. Some called them cookie-cutter houses and the Browns’ house did indeed look like every other house in the neighborhood with the exception of the house number and small variations in landscaping. Lisa’s family, for instance, had flower gardens everywhere. Marlee especially liked the lilacs framing the front door which made Lisa’s house look cozy and welcoming.

  Lisa opened the front door to her house, but turned back to wave. Marlee and Jeri waved back and laughed as Lisa’s threeyear-old sister clamped onto Lisa’s leg and begged for a ride. Lisa obliged and lifted the toddler stiff-legged into the house.

  “She’s such a good big sister,” Marlee said.

  “I know. That was sweet.” Jeri backed the car out of Lisa’s driveway and pulled onto the street. “You must be exhausted, Marlee.”

  “You don’t even know. I’m going to go to bed right after dinner.” Marlee closed her eyes and rubbed them wearily.

  “This is a nice neighborhood,” Jeri said. “Nice yards.”

  Marlee realized Jeri was making small talk. It was time. Time to make a weird day even weirder. It was time to “tell Jeri the truth” and it was now or never. Both Coach Spears and Lisa had reacted well to her news so she hoped she would be three for three when she told Jeri that her best friend was gay. Gay. The word scared Marlee to death. The whole concept was mind-boggling.

  “Jeri,” Marlee said, “I’m just gonna come out with it.” She looked at her friend who was fixated on the road. “Okay?”

  “Okay.” Jeri glanced at Marlee and then looked back to the road.

  Marlee took what she hoped was a
calming breath and said, “Susie and I...” Oh, my God, this is going to be harder than I thought. “Um, Susie and I were going out, I mean we hooked up, you know, we were seeing each other.” Oh, my God, I’m not saying this right.

  “Oh,” Jeri said quietly.

  The friends rode in silence for a minute or two, but Marlee couldn’t stand the silence any longer. She looked at her friend, “Jeri?”

  “Hold on, I’m still working this out.” She shook her head slowly. “Girl, I can’t believe I didn’t see it.”

  “I didn’t know how to tell you. I mean, I didn’t even know about myself until...” She couldn’t finish the sentence.

  “That explains all the secrecy.”

  “I know. We kept it a secret. No one knew.” The words tumbled out. “I just fell head over heels in love with her. I’ve never felt anything like this. What I had with Bobby didn’t even come close.”

  “When did you guys...I mean, how did you...? How do I say this? When did you guys hook up? When we went out to East Valley?”

  “Yeah. Well not the first time. That’s when she gave me her phone number, but you wouldn’t remember a thing about that night, would you?”

  Jeri didn’t respond to the dig, but instead said, “Remember that Saturday game when Susie showed up and then drove you home?” She looked at her friend. “I was so jealous. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I’ve been clueless. Why didn’t I see it? It’s so obvious, now. Why didn’t you tell me, dork?”

  “I don’t know, Jeri. I wasn’t sure how you would take it. And it’s still new to me, too. Do you hate me?”

  “We’ve been friends, what, like forever, you nimrod. Of course I don’t hate you. I’m just kind of surprised, that’s all. I guess I’ll have to get used to this...new side of you.” Jeri gave Marlee a reassuring smile. “It’s okay that I’m still straight, right? Let’s get that little fact in the open, all righty?”

  Marlee giggled, probably from nerves. “Jeri! I know you’re straight, but you don’t mind having a gay friend do you?”