Old Holden would be all over this. Old Holden would be telling them to grab a friend first before heading back to my room and losing myself in the sweet emptiness of it all.
The new me - the one that just got told he’s going to be a fucking dad not five hours before just stares at them, blinking.
You’re someone’s CHILD, I want to tell her.
“Maybe later,” I growl.
“Awww, c’mon, baby,” the other one says with a pout.
Baby.
Fuck, I can’t do this.
I need to get out of here.
I need to find London, and tell her I can change, and that there’s more to me than all this bullshit.
I stand, and immediately almost fall over.
Fuck, I’m wasted.
I steady myself as the two girls giggle on the couch behind me.
“Ooo, easy there, baby.”
That fucking word again.
They’re both laughing as they paw at me, dragging me back down to the couch.
“Stop it,” I mumble, blinking through my hazy mind as the Asian girl starts to pull my jersey up my torso.
“Aww, someone’s grouchy,” blondie says, trying to kiss my neck.
“Jesus fucking Christ, get off me,” I hiss, lurching to my feet again.
The doorbell rings.
“I need to get that.”
“You need to take us back to your room and show us what the legendary Holden Cade can do,” blondie says teasingly.
The doorbell buzzes again.
“C’mon, Holden!” Her friend pouts, standing and pulling at my shirt again.
All around me, the party is just melting into hedonism. A couple of guys are cheering as two of the topless girls start to make out as they sway to the music, and off in the corner, one of my new linebackers has his hand down the front of some girl’s panties as she rocks her hips into him. Jason, my half-back, is over in a chair by one of my floor-length windows with a hot little brunette bouncing up and down on his lap and I see a handful of other teammates and girls heading for bedrooms.
I need to get out of here.
The two girls are still pulling at my goddamn shirt when the fucking doorbell goes off again.
“Fuck, take it,” I growl, slipping my jersey over my head and tossing it at them. They laugh like I’m hilarious, but I just scowl as I storm across my condo for the front door.
“Yeah, what-”
Oh.
It’s London.
London with her lip caught between her teeth and her big blue eyes looking up at me. She frowns slightly at the sound of music and laughter coming from behind me before she seems to notice I’m not wearing a shirt and her frown deepens.
“Um, is this a bad time?”
“No!” I say quickly. The alcohol is buzzing through me, making my skin hot as I step out into the hallway and pull the door shut behind me. “No, seriously no.”
She raises a brow at my shirtless chest.
I cringe and clear my throat, swaying slightly as the booze rushes through my veins.
“It’s this…thing.” I shake my head. “It’s stupid. It’s like a team tradition I guess. Or something.”
Jesus I sound like an idiot.
London shakes her head.
“Look, I just - I wanted to apologize for earlier.”
“Don’t,” I say stepping closer to her. “Look, I’ve been thinking so much about it all and-”
“Hang on, let me finish,” she says quietly, her eyes darting across mine as she takes a step back from me.
“There’s a lot going on right now, and a lot of choices I have to make, and…” She sighs as she trails off, looking at the floor. “Look, I’m not asking you to be a part of this or anything. I mean I don’t even know what I’m doing with this-”
“London.”
Her eyes drag back up to mine. And I want to tell her everything. I want to tell her how I feel, and tell her that I’m ready to be an adult. I want to tell her I’m just as freaked the fuck out as her, but that I’m here for her - whatever it fucking takes.
And I want to tell her words I’ve never spoken before, and I’m ready to take the leap I know the man in me needs to take-
And that’s when the fucking door opens behind me, and the whole things blows up in my face.
“Baaaaby, are you coming back in?”
That’s what greets London as the door opens behind me.
The girl is basically naked except for my fucking jersey - the one with my goddamn number and name emblazoned across it. I turn almost in slow motion, swallowing the lump in my throat as I look past the girl at the utter shit-show going on behind her in my condo.
Blaring music, booze everywhere, and naked people everywhere. Hell, someone’s fucking on top of my kitchen counter.
Oh shit.
My gut clenches as I whirl back to London.
But it’s too late.
“This isn’t what you, I mean, it’s not-”
“Don’t,” she says icily. “Just don’t.”
“This isn’t what you think it is,” I mumble, my words slurring. “This-”
“It doesn’t matter,” London says shortly, her voice quavering as she shakes her head side to side.
“London, just listen-”
“Whatever you’re going to say it doesn’t matter,” she says, her voice like lead. And there’s so much hurt in her eyes that I forget about mine. “You know,” she barks out a laugh. “I came over to talk to you about this like adults.”
“So let’s-”
“But you’re not able to do that,” she cuts me off.
I shake my head slowly, blinking through the booze as I try and take another step towards her.
“I am.”
She laughs thinly again.
“I don’t know what I was even thinking pretending you were capable of being a part of this.” She shuts her eyes, pushing her hair back from her face before opening them again and narrowing them right at me. “Look, stay here in Houston. Don’t go back to Denver.”
My brow furrows as I shake my head.
“What?”
“I’m taking Landon Reece up on his offer with the Rattlesnakes.”
My jaw drops, but she’s not even done yet.
“Look, don’t worry, you’re off the hook,” she spits out. “I don’t want your fucking money or anything either.”
“Hang on, can we just talk-”
She shakes her head once more, looking away before her eyes snap back to mine for the killing blow.
“I don’t want you to have anything to do with this, actually.”
It’s like a knife twisting in my heart, spilling my blood and my guts out across the floor as I stand there blinking, grasping for the right words.
But there are none, and she’s already walking away.
My last shot at being something real - at being a man of substance - steps into the elevator as the doors close her away.
After that, it’s like a free-fall.
After that, I’m only dimly aware of stumbling back into my place, pushing my way through people until I grab a bottle of something off the kitchen countertop.
I stumble to my room, saying no to the girl that tries to follow me. I swear when I open the door, seeing the fivesome going down on my goddamn bed before I lurch to my bathroom and slam the door shut.
I’m alone.
Just like I was always going to be.
I slump against the door and bring the bottle up, a silent eulogy to the last chance I was gonna have at being more than all this.
London.
Her name and those lips and the thought of her and I are the last thoughts I have before it all fades to black.
42
London
“This isn’t funny.”
“Well, it’s not a joke.”
Serena stares at me from the door to my bedroom, blinking, unmoving. She shakes her head as I go back to furiously shoving clean underwear and soc
ks into my suitcase.
“London.”
I keep moving, not looking up. I reach for another stack of folded shirts, placing them in the suitcase and smoothing them before reaching for a packed bag of toiletries to layer on top.
“London, stop.”
This time I do, as she moves across the room and puts her hands on mine, staying me. I look up, and I have to physically stop myself from breaking as she looks at me with her eyes full of concern.
“You’re really-?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“Holy shit.”
And then she’s hugging me, and I do break.
The tears come hot across my cheeks and the shoulder of her shirt as I hold her tightly and shake slightly in her arms.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” she soothes, stroking my back. “Holden’s?”
I pull back and shoot her a teary-eyed look.
She gives me a wry smile. “I had to ask. He knows?”
I nod, dropping my gaze back to my open suitcase.
“And?”
I glance up, sighing.
“Serena, he’s-” I trail off, looking down again at my hands. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I know it’s not going to have anything to do with him.”
Her arm goes around me, hugging me and rubbing my shoulder as we sit there on the edge of the bed, saying nothing.
“Are you really moving to Denver?” she finally says quietly.
I start to shake my head but then I suddenly glance up at her.
She’s just walked into my apartment not three minutes before - just long enough to see the suitcase and for me to blurt out that I was pregnant.
I haven’t mention where I was going.
“How-?”
My brow furrows at my friend as her face goes dark red.
“I- I heard through the grapevine.”
I frown.
“No you didn’t.”
Serena swallows and looks down at her own hands, shrugging.
“Landon told me.”
I raise a single brow at her.
“Oh? And when were you talking to Landon Reece?”
She shakes her head, still looking down in a terrible attempt to hide the redness in her cheeks.
“It’s nothing, just this…” she trails off and sighs before looking back up at me. “It’s complicated.”
“I’m listening?”
She grins shyly, and “shyly” is not a look I think the world has ever seen on Serena Roth.
“It’s nothing.”
My eyes suddenly dip to the silver chain around her neck, which I’ve never seen before.
“Is that from him?”
Her eyes dart to mine, flashing again before she seems to swallow the heat from her face as she tugs her collar up.
“It’s nothing.”
“Serena-”
“Whatever it may be, it’s not nearly as important as this, okay?” She turns, grabbing my hands in hers. “How real is this thing in Denver? The offer, I mean.”
The meet and greet Landon Reece is flying me out for is just that - an informal meet-up. But I know it’s meant to lead to more than that. Hell, I’ve been working this business long enough to know when a team or organization is hungry for talent and just trying to play things casual.
…I’m just not used to being the talent they’re after.
“I need a clean break from all this,” I whisper, shaking my head. “It’s too much here, right now.”
“You’re running away.”
My eyes flash to hers.
She doesn’t flinch.
“Don’t give me that London sass,” she says with a stern look. “Look, this is big, but you don’t have to run away to Denver to deal with it, okay? I’m here! Your dad is here!” She gives me a sad look. “London, this team is everything to you!”
And it was, until this came alone. It was until the biggest thing in my life become the biggest secret of my life. The biggest secret of my life, made with the last man on earth I should have ever been making secrets with.
I close my eyes at the voice in my head, trying to shut it and the thoughts of Holden out of my thoughts. Holden, who made me feel alive - truly alive - for the first time in forever. Holden who got under my skin and drove me crazy - so crazy that he somehow turned into everything I wanted and everything I needed.
The cocky, arrogant jock. The player. The prospect; the acquisition deal.
The man I never wanted anything to do with who ended up being my everything.
The man I’m going to have a child with.
The tears flow again as I crash back into Serena’s shoulder.
The man I’m walking, running, and flying away from. Because somehow, the only solution I can find here is distance. The only way out I can see is forward and away.
Because if I stay here, near him, I might break.
I sniff as I pull away from my friend.
My face falls.
“I ruined your shirt.”
She gives a brittle laugh, holding back brimming tears of her own as she shakes her head.
“You can pay for my dry cleaning when you come back.”
“Serena-”
She suddenly stands and starts yanking things out of my suitcase and tossing them across the bed.
“Hey!”
She whirls, one of my t-shirts in her hand as she shakes her head.
“I’m not emptying the whole thing,” she says sharply. “But I’m taking enough out that you can’t just stay once you get there.” Her mouth goes small as she looks down. “Just in case you thought you could.”
I choke out a laugh as I throw my arms around her.
And I know this is running away. I know going to Denver and maybe even staying there with whatever the offer ends up being is cutting and running, but it’s what has to happen.
I’m just going to see what’s waiting for me - for me and the new life growing inside of me. And maybe - just maybe - it’ll be just what I need.
What we need.
43
Holden
I wake up to the sound of hammering.
I wince, jolting awake and instantly regretting it as the pain lances through my head like hot lead. I groan loudly and flip over in the bed, only to roar in pain as my face goes crashing against porcelain.
Motherfucker.
Yeah, I’m not in a bed, I’m in the bathtub.
I slept in the fucking bathtub.
The hammering comes again on the bathroom door, and I sit up this time, feeling light-headed and weak as I slowly start to climb out of the tub.
There’s more banging on the door, and it’s like the knocks are happening on my fucking skull as the hangover pounds through my head.
I grit my teeth and glare at the bathroom door.
“Fuck off and die!” I roar, resting my elbows on my sink counter and turning the water on. I cup my hand beneath it, slurping water into my parched, cracked lips when the door just about breaks off its hinges.
“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” I swear under my breath as I whirl and yank the door wide. “You looking for a foot up your-”
I stop instantly, the rage evaporating from me as I squint at Max, standing there in my bedroom glaring at me.
“Jesus,” he mutters, narrowing his eyes at me and shaking his head.
I groan as I step back into the bathroom, beckoning him in like I’m welcoming someone at my front door. I slump onto the closed toilet and look up at him.
“The fuck are you doing here?” I mumble.
Max sighs.
“Breakfast? Me, Hannah, and the girls, at that pancake place they’ve been freaking out about that serves pink pancakes?”
I wince again, dropping my face into my hands.
“Fuck,” I swear. “I forgot.”
“Evidently,” he growls. He turns and glances back out the bathroom door at my bedroom and whistles lowly. “Jesus, man, I think you’ve outdone yourself this time.”
I follow his gaze and groan at the sight of a heap of nude bodies still strewn across my room from whatever shenanigans went down last night after I locked myself in here.
“It’s a long story,” I mutter, making a mental note to burn every single thing in my apartment. Or move.
“No it’s not.”
I look up to see Max glowering down at me, his huge arms crossed over his barrel chest.
“What?”
He shakes his head at me, still glaring that scary look of his he gets.
“I said no, it’s not. A long story, that is.”
I say nothing and he shakes his head.
“I heard, man; about London and the Rattlesnakes. Ethan called me this morning from Denver and filled me in. Apparently he was out for drinks with Reece last night and the guy mentioned something about head-hunting her.”
“Fuck Landon Reece,” I mutter.
Max rolls his eyes.
“That what all this is about?” He waves his arm back at my bedroom. “You’re gonna want to burn everything in here you know. There’s naked ass all over your fucking apartment.”
I take a breath and blow the air out slowly through my lips.
“Yeah, it’s about that. That and…” I trail off and look away.
“What.”
“Nothing, forget it.”
“What, Archie finally catch you screwing around with his daughter?”
I shoot him a look as he smirks.
“Not exactly.”
“She get tired of slumming it with you and dump your ass?”
I glare at him.
“It’s not like that, we’re not fucking together or anything.”
Max rolls his eyes again.
“Then what, man? She told you she wants to get married and have kids and you freaked out?”
This time I say nothing, and his brow perks up.
“Elaborate.”
I shake my head and look away again.
“Marriage?” He frowns as he crosses his arms over his chest again. “She doesn’t seem like the tie-you-down type-” And then suddenly, the light goes on behind his eyes. Suddenly, it’s like the last little piece falls into place for him.
“She’s-” He blinks at me. “You’re going to be a-”
Jock: A Secret Baby Sports Romance Page 24
