I nod, and his face goes livid.
Max turns and storms into my bedroom.
“Everyone get the fuck out!” he roars, sending the nude players and girls jumping from the bed. Even to other football guys, Max is a fucking beast, and if you catch him mad it’s like going toe-to-toe with a grizzly bear.
I’d imagine Max’s roaring, furious, bearded face being the first thing you wake up to would put the fear of whatever higher power you believe in right into you.
“Out, motherfuckers!” he bellows, half shoving the shrieking girls and terrified looking Bulls players out of my room. He follows them, roaring like a goddamn bear through my apartment as he clears the place with swears and crashes and shrieking voices.
There’s finally silence, and I’m just letting my shoulders droop and dropping my face back into my hands when the bear himself comes storming into the bathroom.
I swear as Max grabs me by the wrists, yanking me bodily off the toilet, onto the floor and out the fucking door.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, man!”
But Max isn’t hearing it. He drags me forcefully through my living room, slamming open the sliding glass door to my patio and dragging me out there onto the deck.
“Dude, will you-”
Suddenly, he hauls me up by one armpit and the waist of my jockeys and shoves me right over the fucking edge of the balcony.
My tenth-story balcony.
“Are you fucking insane!” I roar, fighting back and kicking at him as he holds me there, half on the railing and half hanging over the edge and dangling into thin air. “Max! You fucking psychopath, what-”
“YOU WANT TO DIE?!” he roars in my ear, silencing me. “Is that it, man? You wanna go out with a bang and fucking drink yourself to death or some shit, huh?!”
I close my eyes, silently shaking my head as I hang over the side of that balcony.
“Well I got news for you, pal,” Max bellows at me. “You’re not allowed to! You’re not allowed to take that road, because now it’s about more than just you!”
He suddenly hauls me back onto the deck and drops me at his feet.
I let my breath out in a whoosh as I roll into my back and close my eyes, trying not to think about the view I just saw ten stories down.
Max drops down next to me, panting about as hard as I am as I sit up and lean back against the metal railing behind me.
Neither of us says a word for a solid three minutes.
“You think things would be any different for you if you’d gotten into that fucking truck with him that night?” he finally says.
I shake my head.
“I got news for you, they would be, cause you’d be fucking dead, too.”
I close my eyes, the memory of that night slamming into me.
“I should have stopped him,” I say through clenched teeth.
“You’re beating yourself up about something that just happened, man. Shit happens, terrible shit happens.” Max turns to me and sticks a finger into my chest. “That’s life. But you need to stop mourning his and go on living yours. That’s what Brandon would have wanted.”
Max sighs, and we sit in silence another minute, listening to the sound of the Houston traffic down below.
“She really pregnant?”
I nod.
“It’s yours?”
I shoot him a dangerous look and he shrugs.
“Well, then this ain’t just about you anymore, pal,” he growls. “This is about that kid.”
“Yeah, well, she’s gone, man,” I say darkly. “She’s gone and she doesn’t want me to have anything to do with it.”
“That ain’t the Holden Cade I know.”
I choke out a laugh.
“Yeah, well, surprise.”
“Fuck that,” Max spits. “The Holden I know broke records his first week in the pros. The Holden I know never fucking quit and never said ‘no’ or ‘it’s too hard’ or ‘good enough’.” He turns to me. “The guy I know - the guy who’s my friend even though he’s a fucking idiot sometimes - would never walk away from this. He wouldn’t even consider it an option.”
“You hang all your friends off of ten story fucking balconies?”
Max grins.
“Only my best ones.”
“You’re a sociopath.”
He laughs, chuckling deeply before he turns back to me again.
“The Holden I know would never in a million years let this girl get away from him and let that kid out of his life.”
And he’s right.
The guy I used to be - the guy I still am somewhere inside - would never be sitting here sulking like a fucking pussy. The guy I used to be went after what he wanted and didn’t know how to quit until he got it.
Something happened to me that night all those months ago. Yeah, I wasn’t in the pickup when it went off the road at eighty miles an hour, but a part of me still died that night.
And I’ve been trying to bury it in darkness ever since.
I’ve been running away from the part of me that’s still here, and I’ve gotten so damn good at it, that I almost didn’t recognize me when she walked into my life and showed me how to find me again.
London.
The one-night-stand. The terrible idea. The last girl I should’ve had anything to do with and the last girl I’d have ever seen coming. All that, and it turns out she might just be the only one that can save me.
And suddenly, it’s like I’m waking up.
Suddenly, it’s like I’m coming up for air after holding my breath underwater for the last ten fucking months.
Suddenly, I can breathe.
And suddenly, I realize the best thing to ever happen to me is slipping through my dumb-ass fingers, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let that happen.
I lurch to my feet, blood pounding through my veins as I fill my lungs and ball my hands into fists.
No way am I letting her and that kid walk out of my life - not a fucking chance. Because somehow, through all the shit, I think I may have just found the old Holden Cade.
And there’s only one thing I want right now.
I whirl on Max.
“I need you to drive.”
He scowls. “What?”
“What, you think you could give me a fucking gem of a Max Sheffield pep-talk like that and not help me out?”
He gets to his feet, cocking a brow at me.
“The thought had crossed my mind.”
I grin.
“Also, I might still be a little drunk, so I definitely need you to drive.”
“Holden, I’ve got Hannah and the girls waiting downstairs.”
“So?” I grin.
I feel good. I feel invincible.
I feel fucking alive for the first time in a long time.
“Fuck it, bring them too! How fast does that rental car of yours go?”
Max crosses his arms over his chest.
“It goes five miles an hour under the speed limit, Holden, because it’s got my goddamn family in it.”
A shadow of a smile peeks through Max’s thick beard.
“And where are we going, exactly?”
“Does that mean you’re in?”
His grin widens.
“It means you better shower, because you smell like shit.”
I flip him off.
“We’re making two stops.”
“Hey, you know it also means you’re sitting in the back with the girls, and you’re on bag duty.”
I frown.
“Bag duty?”
Max’s grin is huge across his face now.
“Puke bag. Cas and Ginger get real car sick these days.”
I give him a look.
“Both of them?”
Max laughs as he claps me on the shoulder. “Welcome to fatherhood, bud.”
44
London
Serena drives me to the airport.
I stare out the window the whole way there, watching Houston slide past t
he window, watching it fall away behind us into the rearview mirror until I’m forced to look forward.
Because there’s only looking forward from here. Because looking back, there’s only Holden, and what might have been, and the knife-twisting, all-consuming guilt that comes with knowing I’m running away from him and everything that might mean.
But I know with every passing mile-marker along the highway that it’s the only way. I know with every fading glimpse of the city behind me that what I want there to be with Holden can never actually be.
The player; the jock. The hard-drinking wild man with the broken past. The man whose whole adult life is I’m sure littered with the broken hearts of women just like me.
Women who thought they could change him.
It’s a tragically silly thought, and I’m smart enough to know better. I’m also well aware of what adding a baby to that sort of mix does.
I turn back to the road in front of us.
* * *
After a final hug, and lingering tears, and promises to come back after my meeting no matter the outcome, I say goodbye to Serena.
When I’m through security and finally make my way down the huge concourse of the terminal to my gate, I finally find a seat and breathe. I take my phone out and hover over my dad’s name. He knows I’m taking the meeting - he’s even encouraged me to take it. But there’s a last trace of guilt for running away like this that’s still lingering, even here when I’m minutes from boarding my flight.
“You’re supposed to turn the damn phone off on the plane, you know.”
I smile, even as emotionally drained as I am.
“Haven’t boarded yet, Dad, I just…” I trail off, part of me almost wanting to tell him right there and then about what else is going on besides a possible change in employment.
“I know this is something you’ve gotta do, hotshot,” he says quietly.
I nod, closing my eyes. I try to imagine the life inside of me - the little spark, the little piece of good that’s coming from the disaster of crashing into Holden Cade.
I quickly wipe that from my head, before I start crying right there at the gate.
Stupid hormones starting already.
I cough, clearing my thoughts.
“What about you, Dad? You okay?”
Dad’s officially had Joanne’s things moved out of our house, along with a court order barring her from contact. He’s decisive like that, even though I know he’s hurting from the betrayal.
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he sighs. “Been a hell of a month, hasn’t it?” he says with a dark chuckle.
I close my eyes again, only managing a non-verbal nod.
There’s a pause before my dad’s voice comes through the phone again.
“We’re gonna make it through this, you know. Hell, did I tell you the legal guys found a transfer of board voting contract with my name forged on it in her things here at the house?”
He’s told me already, but I still shake my head.
“What’s that mean?”
Dad snorts.
“Mean’s I’ve got that witch by the balls is what it means.”
I laugh.
“And hell, it ain’t all bad, hotshot. Season starts in a week, and I’ve got goddamn Holden Cade on my starting line-up thanks to you!”
I squeeze my eyes shut, going quiet.
“What’s eating you, honey?”
“Nothing,” I lie.
That part I can’t tell him.
Not yet.
“I’m just…” I trail off.
“Don’t be,” Dad says quietly. “Don’t be scared, or worried, and don’t you go doubting yourself, honey. Don’t let the world get to you like that, you understand? You’re my daughter, and you’re stronger than anyone I know. Don’t worry about the damn interview or whatever that Reece fellow wants, because they’d be damn lucky to have you.”
I smile as a single tear trickles down my cheek.
“Believe me,” he chuckles. “I should know.”
I sniff.
“Dad, just tell me to stay and-”
“Nope, uh-uh. You gotta do this. You gotta get out there and see what’s up. Be who you want to be and live the life you need to live.”
I can hear his smile through the phone.
“Be the strong, capable, take-no-shit woman that I raised, and you go in there and knock ‘em dead.”
* * *
I linger longer, as the line forms for the boarding process, staying in my seat and looking out the window at the plane that’ll carry me away to whatever may come next. But it slowly dwindles, until all that’s left is the attendant at the gate, and me still sitting there.
Alone.
“Miss?”
I look up.
“Will you be joining us today?”
No.
No, because this isn’t a plan, it’s just running away. No, because there’s so much left to say, and so much I want to tell him, and I know once I get on that plane, no matter if Serena makes me come back to pack first or not, there’s no real coming back.
Not to what we almost had.
“Yes,” I say out loud, standing and picking up my bag.
I take a deep breath as I make my way to the gate and the older woman standing beside it.
“I’m ready.”
I pull my boarding pass out of my purse and pass it to her. She scans it, and she’s passing it back to me as I reach for my suitcase handle, when the voice from somewhere inside my heart comes booming from behind me.
“London!”
I freeze.
“Stop!”
The voice booms down the long terminal concourse.
His voice.
I swallow the lump that forms in my throat before I slowly turn, and the boarding pass drops from my fingers.
Holden is running full tilt down the crowded terminal towards me, shoving people out of the way and ignoring the looks and camera flashes of people who recognize who he is.
The bag drops from my other hand, and I start to move towards him, like autopilot.
Like magnets.
Like something I can’t say no to.
“Miss?” the airline attendant says sharply. “Miss, you can’t just leave your bag here.”
But I’m walking away. I’m moving towards him in slow motion as he shoves his way through the crowd, his eyes locked on me.
“Miss!”
Holden pushes his way through the last of the crowd, and then we’re face to face. We’re a few feet apart, just standing there, staring at each other, waiting for something to shatter that last distance between us.
“I fucked up.” His voice is edged as his eyes lock onto mine. “Actually, I’ve been fucking up for pretty much as long as I can remember,” he says quietly.
“Holden-”
He shakes his head as he holds up a hand.
“Hang on, let me finish.”
A crowd with camera phones out is starting to form around us as people recognize the sports superstar standing there in the airport. But he’s ignoring them as he steps closer to me.
His eyes locked onto mine.
“I’ve made fucking up a cornerstone of who I am, and I was pretty damn good at it too,” he spits out. “Until I met you.”
I can feel my heart pounding as he takes a single step towards me, slowly shaking his head.
Cameras are flashing, the crowd is murmuring quietly, and the room is spinning as he moves right in front of me.
“How’d you even get in here?” I say.
He grins, pulling a ticket out of his pocket and nodding at it.
“Bought the first flight that came up.”
“To?”
He shrugs as he looks down at the ticket. “Japan, apparently.”
“And what’d that cost?”
“Like six grand for the last-minute, day-of ticket.”
My brows shoot up.
“You spent six-thousand dollars just to get to me, huh?”
<
br /> He smiles.
“Yeah well this really hot contract negotiator actually got me this pretty sweet signing deal to play for Houston.”
I bite my lip, shaking my head at the titters from the crowd around us as he just looks at me.
“London, I could promise you a bunch of shit, and tell you how much I’m going to change.” He shakes his head. “But I don’t think either of us want to be that much of a cliché.”
“So what do we do instead?” I say softly, feeling my heart about to beat out of my chest.
“How about we do this instead.”
The whole world suddenly spins as Holden drops down onto his knee in front of me, his hand reaching up to take mine.
“How about I show you how much I’ve changed. How about I show you every single damn day how much you’ve changed me, and how much you and this,” he nods at my belly, “how much you both mean to me. How about I never fucking stop showing you that you’re the key. How about I wake up every day for the rest of my life and make sure you know you’re the greatest fucking thing that’s ever happened to me.”
I can feel my pulse thudding in my ears, my breath coming ragged in my throat as I stare down into his steely blue eyes. I’m completely oblivious of the crowd around us at that point - like it’s just him and I in this frozen little moment.
“You could go,” he says evenly. His eyes move to my belly again before they drag back to my face. “You could go and do this by yourself. You could get on that plane, and go to Denver, and take the job, and you could never see me again. And I could probably go on without you here.”
His jaw tightens along with his fingers around mine.
“I could put my head down and just drown it all in booze like I’ve always done.” His eyes lock onto mine. “And I could live the rest of my life without you, London Jacobs.”
Time stops for just one second.
“I just really don’t want to.”
And suddenly, he’s reaching into his back pocket and I’m staring at the box he’s opening in front of me.
The ring glitters gold and diamond in the neon and fluorescent airport lights as the crowd gasps and cameras flash around us.
“Are you-” I’m reeling - my mouth opening and closing without any words coming out. “Holden, you don’t have to,” I shake my head. “You don’t have to just because-”
Jock: A Secret Baby Sports Romance Page 25
