American Buffalo

by David Mamet

  TEACH grabs phone. Listens. Hangs up.

  He’s not home. I say fuck the cocksucker.

  DON: He’ll show up.

  TEACH: You believe that?

  DON: Yes.

  TEACH: Then you are full of shit.

  DON: Don’t tell me that, Teach. Don’t tell me I’m full of shit.

  TEACH: I’m sorry. You want me to hold your hand? This is how you keep score. I mean, we’re all here . . .

  DON: Just, I don’t want that talk.

  TEACH: Don . . . I talk straight to you ‘cause I respect you. It’s kickass or kissass, Don, and I’d be lying if I told you any different.

  DON: And what makes you such an authority on life all of a sudden?

  TEACH: My life, Jim. And the way I’ve lived it.

  Pause.

  DON: Now what does that mean, Teach?

  TEACH: What does that mean?

  DON: Yes.

  TEACH: What does that mean?

  DON: Yes.

  TEACH: Nothing. Not a thing. All that I’m telling you, the shot is yours. It’s one night only. Too many guys know. All I’m saying. Take your shot.

  DON: Who knows?

  TEACH: You and me.

  DON: Yeah.

  TEACH: Bob and Fletcher. Earl, the phone guy, Grace and Ruthie, maybe.

  DON: Grace and Ruth don’t know.

  TEACH: Who knows they know or not, all that I’m telling you, it’s not always so clear what’s going on. Like Fletcher and the pig iron, that time.

  DON: What was the shot on that?

  TEACH: He stole some pig iron off Ruth.

  DON: (I heard that . . .)

  TEACH: That’s a fact. A fact stands by itself. And we must face the facts and act on them. You better wake up, Don, right now, or things are going to fall around your head, and you are going to turn around to find he’s took the joint off by himself.

  DON: He would not do that.

  TEACH: He would. He is an animal.

  DON: He don’t have the address.

  TEACH: He doesn’t know it.

  DON: No.

  TEACH: Now, that is wise. Then let us go and take what’s ours.

  DON: We have a deal with the man.

  TEACH: With Fletcher.

  DON: Yes.

  TEACH: We had a deal with Bobby.

  DON: What does that mean?

  TEACH: Nothing.

  DON: It don’t.

  TEACH: No.

  DON: What did you mean by that?

  TEACH: I didn’t mean a thing.

  DON: You didn’t.

  TEACH: No.

  DON: You’re full of shit, Teach.

  TEACH: I am.

  DON: Yes.

  TEACH: Because I got the balls to face some facts?

  Pause.

  You scare me sometimes, Don.

  DON: Oh, yeah?

  TEACH: Yes. I don’t want to go around with you here, things go down, we’ll settle when we’re done. We have a job to do here. Huh? Forget it. Let’s go, come on.

  DON: We’re waiting for him.

  TEACH: Fletcher.

  DON: Yes.

  TEACH: Why?

  DON: Many reasons.

  TEACH: Tell me one. You give me one good reason, why we’re sitting here, and I’ll sit down and never say a word. One reason. One. Go on. I’m listening.

  DON: He knows how to get in.

  Pause.

  TEACH: Good night, Don. (He starts to go for door.)

  DON: Where are you going?

  TEACH: Home.

  DON: You’re going home.

  TEACH: Yes.

  DON: Why?

  TEACH: You’re fucking with me. It’s all right.

  DON: Hold on. You tell me how I’m fucking with you.

  TEACH: Come on, Don.

  DON: You asked me the one reason.

  TEACH: You make yourself ridiculous.

  DON: Yeah?

  TEACH: Yeah.

  DON: Then answer it.

  TEACH: What is the question?

  DON: Fletch knows how to get in.

  TEACH: “Get in.” That’s your reason?

  DON: Yes.

  Pause.

  TEACH: What the fuck they live in Fort Knox? (“Get in.”) (Snorts.) You break in a window, worse comes to worse you kick the fucking back door in. (What do you think this is, the Middle Ages?)

  DON: What about he’s got a safe?

  TEACH: Biiiig fucking deal.

  DON: How is that?

  TEACH: You want to know about a safe?

  DON: Yes.

  TEACH: What you do, a safe . . . you find the combination.

  DON: Where he wrote it down.

  TEACH: Yes.

  DON: What if he didn’t write it down?

  TEACH: He wrote it down. He’s gotta write it down. What happens he forgets it?

  DON: What happens he doesn’t forget it?

  TEACH: He’s gotta forget it, Don. Human nature. The point being, even he doesn’t forget it, why does he not forget it?

  DON: Why?

  TEACH: ‘Cause he’s got it wrote down.

  Pause.

  That’s why he writes it down.

  Pause.

  Huh? Not because he’s some fucking turkey can’t even remember the combination to his own safe . . . but only in the event that (God forbid) he somehow forgets it. . . he’s got it wrote down.

  Pause.

  This is common sense.

  Pause.

  What’s the good keep the stuff in the safe, every time he wants to get at it he’s got to write away to the manufacturer?

  DON: Where does he write it?

  TEACH: What difference? Here . . . We go in, I find the combination fifteen minutes, tops.

  Pause.

  There are only just so many places it could be. Man is a creature of habits. Man does not change his habits overnight. This is not like him. (And if he does, he has a very good reason.) Look, Don: You want to remember something (you write it down). Where do you put it?

  Pause.

  DON: In my wallet.

  Pause.

  TEACH: Exactly!

  Pause.

  Okay?

  DON: What if he didn’t write it down?

  TEACH: He wrote it down.

  DON: I know he did. But just, I’m saying, from another instance. Some made-up guy from my imagination.

  TEACH: You’re saying in the instance of some guy . . .

  DON: (Some other guy . . .)

  TEACH: . . . he didn’t write it down?

  Pause.

  DON: Yes.

  TEACH: Well, this is another thing.

  Pause.

  You see what I’m saying?

  DON: Yeah.

  TEACH: It’s another matter. The guy, he’s got the shit in the safe, he didn’t write it down . . .

  Pause.

  Don . . . ?

  DON: Yes?

  TEACH: How do you know he didn’t write it down?

  DON: (I’m, you know, making it up.)

  Pause.

  TEACH: Well, then, this is not based on fact.

  Pause.

  You see what I’m saying?

  I can sit here and tell you this, I can tell you that, I can tell you any fucking thing you care to mention, but what is the point?

  You aren’t telling me he didn’t write it down. All that you’re saying, you can’t find it. Which is only natural, as you don’t know where to look. All I’m asking for a little trust here.

  DON: I don’t know.

  TEACH: Then you know what? Fuck you. (All day long. Grace and Ruthie Christ) What am I standing here convincing you? What am I doing demeaning myself standing here pleading with you to protect your best interests? I can’t believe this, Don. Somebody told me I’d do this for you . . . (For anybody) I’d call him a liar. (I’m coming in here to efface myself.) I am not Retch, Don, no, and you should thank God and fall down I’m not. (You’re coming in here all the time that “He
’s so good at cards . . . “) The man is a cheat, Don. He cheats at cards—Fletcher, the guy that you’re waiting for.

  DON: He cheats.

  TEACH: Fucking A right, he does.

  DON: Where do you get this?

  Pause.

  You’re full of shit, Walt. You’re saying Retch cheats at cards.

  Pause.

  You’ve seen him. You’ve seen him he cheats.

  Pause.

  You’re telling me this?

  TEACH: (The whatchamacallit is always the last to know.)

  DON: Come on, Walt, I mean, forget with the job and all.

  TEACH: You live in a world of your own, Don.

  DON: Fletch cheats at cards.

  TEACH: Yes.

  DON: I don’t believe you.

  TEACH: Ah. You can’t take the truth.

  DON: NO. I am sorry. I play in this fucking game.

  TEACH: And you don’t know what goes on.

  DON: I leave Fletcher alone in my store. . . . He could take me off any time, day and night.

  What are you telling me, Walt? This is nothing but poison, I don’t want to hear it (Pause.)

  TEACH: And that is what you say.

  DON: Yes. It is.

  Pause.

  TEACH: Think back, Donny. Last night On one hand. You lost two hundred bucks.

  Pause.

  You got the straight, you stand pat. I go down before the draw.

  DON: Yeah.

  TEACH: He’s got what?

  DON: A flush.

  TEACH: That is correct. How many did he take?

  DON: What?

  TEACH: How many did he take?

  Pause.

  DON: One?

  TEACH: NO. TWO, Don. He took two.

  Pause.

  DON: Yeah. He took two on that hand.

  TEACH: He takes two on your standing pat, you kicked him thirty bucks? He draws two, comes out with a flush?

  DON (Pause): Yeah?

  TEACH: And spills his fucking Fresca?

  DON: Yeah?

  TEACH: Oh. You remember that?

  DON (Pause): Yeah.

  TEACH: And we look down.

  DON: Yeah.

  TEACH: When we look back, he has come up with a king-high flush.

  Pause.

  After he has drawed two.

  Pause.

  You’re better than that, Don. You knew you had him beat, and you were right.

  Pause.

  DON: It could happen.

  TEACH: Donny . . .

  DON: Yeah?

  TEACH: He laid down five red cards. A heart flush to the king.

  Pause.

  DON: Yeah?

  TEACH: I swear to God as I am standing here that when I threw my hand in when you raised me out, that I folded the king of hearts.

  Pause.

  DON: You never called him out.

  TEACH: No.

  DON: How come?

  TEACH: (He don’t got the address the guy?)

  DON: I told you he didn’t.

  Pause.

  He’s cheating, you couldn’t say anything?

  TEACH: It’s not my responsibility, to cause bloodshed. I am not your keeper. You want to face facts, okay.

  DON: I can’t believe this, Teach.

  TEACH: (Friendship is marvelous.)

  DON: You couldn’t say a word?

  TEACH: I tell you now.

  DON: He was cheating, you couldn’t say anything?

  TEACH: Don. Don, I see you’re put out, you find out this guy is a cheat. . . .

  DON: According to you.

  TEACH: According to me, yes. I am the person it’s usually according to when I’m talking. Have you noticed this? And I’m not crazed about it you’re coming out I would lie to you on this. Fuck this. On anything. Wake up, Jim. I’m not the cheat. I know you’re not mad at me, who are you mad at? Who fucked you up here, Don? Who’s not here? Who?

  DON: Ruth knows he cheats?

  TEACH: Who is the bitch in league with?

  DON: Him?

  TEACH (Pause): You know how much money they took from this game?

  DON: Yeah?

  TEACH: Well, I could be wrong.

  DON: Don’t fuck with me here, Teach.

  TEACH: I don’t fuck with my friends, Don. I don’t fuck with my business associates. I am a businessman, I am here to do business, I am here to face facts.

  (Will you open your eyes . . . ?) The kid comes in here, he has got a certain coin, it’s like the one you used to have . . . the guy you brought in doesn’t show, we don’t know where he is.

  Pause.

  Something comes down, some guy gets his house took off.

  Pause.

  Fletcher, he’s not showing up. All right. Let’s say I don’t know why. Let’s say you don’t know why. But I know that we’re both better off. We are better off, Don.

  Pause.

  What time is it?

  DON: It’s midnight.

  Pause.

  TEACH: I’m going out there now. I’ll need the address.

  TEACH takes out revolver and begins to load it.

  DON: What’s that?

  TEACH: What?

  DON: That.

  TEACH: This “gun"?

  DON: Yes.

  TEACH: What does it look like?

  DON: A gun.

  TEACH: It is a gun.

  DON (rises and crosses to center): I don’t like it

  TEACH: Don’t look at it.

  DON: I’m serious.

  TEACH: So am I.

  DON: We don’t need a gun, Teach.

  TEACH: I pray that we don’t, Don.

  DON: We don’t, tell me why we need a gun.

  TEACH: It’s not a question do we need it . . . Need . . . Only that it makes me comfortable, okay? It helps me to relax.

  So, God forbid, something inevitable occurs and the choice is (And I’m saying “God forbid”) it’s either him or us.

  DON: Who?

  TEACH: The guy. I’m saying God forbid the guy (or somebody) comes in, he’s got a knife . . . a cleaver from one of those magnetic boards . . . ?

  DON: Yeah?

  TEACH: . . . with the two strips . . . ?

  DON: Yeah?

  TEACH: And whack, and somebody is bleeding to death. This is all. Merely as a deterrent.

  Pause.

  All the preparation in the world does not mean shit, the path of some crazed lunatic sees you as an invasion of his personal domain. Guys go nuts, Don, you know this. Public officials . . . Ax murderers . . . all I’m saying, look out for your own.

  DON: I don’t like the gun.

  TEACH: It’s a personal thing, Don. A personal thing of mine. A silly personal thing. I just like to have it along. Is this so unreasonable?

  DON: I don’t want it.

  TEACH: I’m not going without it.

  DON: Why do you want it?

  TEACH: Protection of me and my partner. Protection, deterrence. (We’re only going around the fucking corner for chrissake . . .)

  DON: I don’t want it with.

  TEACH: I can’t step down on this, Don. I got to have it with. The light of things as they are.

  DON: Why?

  TEACH: Because of the way things are. (He looks out window.) Hold on a second.

  DON: Fletcher?

  TEACH: Cops.

  DON: What are they doing?

  TEACH: Cruising.

  Pause.

  DON: They turn the corner?

  TEACH: Hold on.

  Pause.

  Yes.

  They have the right idea. Armed to the hilt. Sticks, Mace, knives . . . who knows what the fuck they got. They have the right idea. Social customs break down, next thing everybody’s lying in the gutter.

  A knocking is heard at the door.

  (Get down.) (Douse the light.)

  DON: (Lemme see who it is . . .)

  TEACH: Don’t answer it.

  BOB (from behind door): Donny?
/>   TEACH: (Great.)

  DON: (It’s Bobby.)

  TEACH: (I know.)

  BOB: Donny?

  Pause.

  TEACH: (Don’t let him in.)

  DON: (He knows we’re in here.)

  TEACH: (So let him go away, then.)

  BOB: I got to talk to you.

  DON looks at TEACH.

  DON (to BOB): What is it?

  BOB: I can’t come in?

  TEACH: (Get him outta here.)

  Pause.

  DON: Bob . . .

  BOB: Yeah?

  DON: We’re busy here.

  BOB: I got to talk to you.

  DON looks at TEACH.

  TEACH: (Is he alone?)

  DON: (I think.)

  TEACH (Pause): (Hold on.)

  TEACH opens door and pulls BOB in.

  What, Bob? What do you want? You know we got work to do here, we don’t need you to do it, so what are you doing here and what do you want?

  BOB: To talk to Don.

  TEACH: Well, Don does not want to talk to you.

  BOB: I got to talk to him.

  TEACH: You do not have to do anything, Bob. You do not have to do anything that we tell you that you have to do.

  BOB: I got to talk to Donny. (To DON) Can I talk to you? (Pause. To DON.) I came here . . .

  DON: yeah?

  BOB: . . . The Riverside?

  DON: Yeah?

  BOB: Grace and Ruthie . . . he’s in the hospital. Fletch.

  Pause.

  I only wanted to, like, come here. I know you guys are only playing cards this . . . now. I didn’t want to disturb you like up, but they just I found out he was in the hospital and I came over here to . . . tell you.

  Pause.

  TEACH: With what?

  BOB: He got mugged.

  TEACH: You’re so full of shit.

  BOB: I think some Mexicans.

  TEACH snorts.

  He did. He’s in the hospital.

  TEACH: You see this, Don?

  DON: He’s mugged?

  BOB: Yeah, Grace, they just got back. They broke his jaw.

  TEACH: They broke his jaw.

  BOB: Yeah. Broke.

  TEACH: And now he’s in the hospital. Grace and Ruthie just got back. You thought that you’d come over.

  BOB: Yeah.

  TEACH: Well, how about this, Don? Here Fletch is in Masonic Hospital a needle in his arm, huh. How about this?

  DON: How bad is he?

  BOB: They broke his jaw.

  DON: What else?

  BOB: I don’t know.

  TEACH: Would you believe this if I told you this this afternoon?

  DON: When did it happen, Bob?

  BOB: Like before.

  DON: Before, huh?

  BOB: Yeah.

  TEACH: How about this, Don?

  BOB: We’re going to see him tomorrow.

  DON: When?

  BOB: I don’t know. In the morning.

  DON: They got hours in the morning?