Somehow Lily managed to keep the children entertained, and to take them for quite a long walk before they all returned to the car, hot and thirsty. By which time the familiar bright zig-zag lights over one eye made Lily realise that she just couldn’t go on.
Freya, ever-perceptive, was the first to notice. ‘Lily—what’s the matter? You look funny.’
The boys stared up at her, and Lily thought that the time for keeping quiet was over.
‘I—I shall have to lie down for a bit…I’ve got a headache coming on, and I can’t see very well. I shan’t be able to drive us home just yet…’
Just then, her mobile rang, and Lily’s heart sank as she took it from her bag. It could only be Theo, ringing to make sure they were all enjoying themselves. But before she could answer it Freya had almost snatched the phone from her.
‘Daddy? Lily’s got a headache and she can’t drive us, and…’ There was a pause as Theo spoke to his daughter, and then the child handed the phone to Lily. As soon as she heard his voice, her heart started to race. She couldn’t even be trusted to bring his children back home from a picnic—that was what he’d be thinking.
The strong voice made her head ache even more when he spoke. ‘Lily—what is it? What’s the matter?’
Her reply was faint and feeble as she answered him. ‘I’m—terribly sorry, Theo,’ she said tremulously. ‘I’m afraid I’ve started a migraine, and I…I forgot to bring my tablets with me…’ How pathetic did that sound? she asked herself. ‘We’ll be a bit later home than I thought—I’ll have to wait until my vision improves before I risk driving.’
‘Stay exactly where you are,’ he said at once—and it was a command, not a request. ‘Tell me how to find you. I’m coming to fetch you.’
Lily’s hand went to her mouth. This was dreadful! He was disgusted with her. That was obvious. Not because she had a headache, but because she was thoughtless enough to forget the all-important tablets. What did that say about her? And why did she care so much, anyway? She cared because she wanted to please Theo, to convince him that she was a suitable person to be in charge of his family—even though her appointment had been his idea and not of her seeking.
Fortunately her mind was clear enough to give him precise instructions as to where they were, and once the call ended she sank back down on the rug they’d left on the grass, the children gathered around her protectively. Even Tom, only three years old, wanted to hold her hand, telling her that she’d be better soon.
Thankful to close her eyes against the mid-afternoon sun, Lily tried to ride out the pulsating throbbing in her temples. She could just imagine how irritated Theo would be feeling—not to say angry. Thanks to her, he’d have to leave his post and rescue them all, probably in the middle of something vitally important at the hospital where he’d told her he’d be working that day.
Lily cringed as she dwelt on it, but must have drifted off in to a kind of semi-doze for a while. It seemed no time before Alex shouted, ‘Daddy’s here!’
Struggling to sit up, Lily watched him stride along the track towards them, and her mouth dried as he approached. He’d obviously left his car the half-mile away on the road, rather than negotiate the narrow dusty path which Lily had taken.
The children jumped up and scampered towards him, all clamouring to give the news. But he barely looked at them, coming over to Lily and offering a hand to bring her to her feet. She had no idea what he was thinking, because his sunglasses hid any expression, but his voice was kind enough.
‘Lily—poor you,’ was all he said, and she looked up at him.
‘Theo—I’m so…sorry…’ she began.
‘What for? For getting a migraine?’ The question was almost rough.
‘No—I mean, I cannot believe that I forgot my tablets. They don’t exactly stop a headache, but they delay the worst of it. I should have been able to get us home without having to bother you.’ She looked away, feeling unsteady on her feet for a second, and he immediately put a strong hand under her elbow, helping her balance. ‘Did I interrupt something terribly important?’ she asked.
‘No. We’d finished what we had to do—that’s why I rang. To say that I’d be home early today.’ He looked down at her, conscious that she had leaned into him for support. ‘Come on, everyone. Let’s get poor Lily home to bed,’ he instructed.
Such a huge feeling of thankfulness swept over Lily that she could have cried. He wasn’t angry—or if he was he wasn’t going to show it in front of the children.
‘Everyone help to transfer the picnic stuff to my car,’ he said. ‘Give me your keys, Lily, and I’ll lock yours up for now. I’ll arrange for my garage people to come along later and drive it back. It won’t come to any harm here for a few hours.’
Overwhelmed now, with thick, steady pain, Lily walked slowly along beside the children, who were all helping Theo carry their belongings towards his car. What an awful end to the day, she thought miserably. And it was all her silly fault that Theo had become involved.
As soon as they got into the house he turned to look down at her. ‘Choose your room, Lily,’ he said. ‘Because you’re not going home. You need an early night.’ As she looked up to protest, he added quickly, ‘Look, you’ve agreed to stay for a few nights in any case—what does it matter if it’s a day early? Tomorrow you can drive back home to fetch your stuff.’
‘Is Lily sleeping over?’ the boys chorused. ‘Yeah! Great!’
And Freya said, ‘Please sleep in the room next to mine, Lily! Please!’
Theo smiled faintly. ‘Do I need to say anything more?’ he murmured. ‘And don’t you dare think about our supper—Freya and I will cope alone, I promise you.’
Lily had got past the point of arguing about anything at all, and she let Freya take her to the guest room she’d be sleeping in. It had an en suite bathroom, and was perfectly equipped—apart from night clothes, which didn’t matter because as soon as she was alone all Lily had to do was slip off her cotton jeans and shirt and sleep.
Much later—after Theo, with a bit of help from the children, had rustled up cheese omelettes, to be eaten with oven chips taken from the freezer—everyone got ready for bed.
‘Can we go in and see Lily?’ Alex said, making for the stairs to the second floor.
‘No, we cannot,’ Theo said firmly. ‘No one is to interrupt her or make a noise. She’s got to get well enough to look after you three for a few days all by herself, because I shan’t be around.’
‘That’s OK, Dad, we’ll manage without you,’ Freya said cheerfully, and Theo looked at her sideways.
The remark his daughter had just made hadn’t held the normal dismissive tone he’d become used to hearing. It had been more of a reassurance that they would help look after each other, and the hint of a smile tugged at his strong, uncompromising mouth. For a brief second that had sounded just like something Elspeth might have said.
Deep into her drugged sleep, Lily tossed and turned on the pillow, her hair damp with perspiration on her forehead, her dreams vivid and nightmarish. Theo was furious, staring down at her, his anger white-hot as he berated her over and over for her incompetence.
Much, much later, when everyone was asleep and Theo had locked up for the night, he went slowly up the stairs, pausing to look in on the boys before going up to the second floor to check on Freya. He stood for several moments outside the guest room, listening for any sound from Lily. There was complete silence, and he pushed the door open tentatively. She had looked so ill during the afternoon—almost ghost-like. He opened the door wider and stepped inside, going over to the bed and gazing down on her inert form. She was so still lying there, clad only in her bra and panties, her tanned, slender legs slightly bent beneath her, one arm stretched above her head, her hair as pale as a cold winter sky, tumbling around her face. But she was breathing normally.
He took a step backwards, momentarily disturbed at his own emotions. Of course she was an overpoweringly delectable sight—but what was that to
him? he thought angrily. She was the young woman he’d engaged to look after his offspring—nothing more, nothing less. He’d only truly desired one woman—had only had one meaningful relationship in his life, with the mother of his children. To whom he’d committed himself for ever. And that was the way it was going to stay. No one could ever, would ever, replace Elspeth. Why, then, was his body sending out all these disturbing, persuasive messages, threatening to unbalance his frame of mind?
CHAPTER SIX
WHEN she woke up the following morning, Lily couldn’t think where she was. This wasn’t her room…She’d never set foot in here before! Then memory rushed in and she sat up quickly, recalling everything that had happened yesterday. She cringed again. Theo had been very kind and considerate, she couldn’t deny that, but she knew she must have gone down in his estimation. If she was too careless to look after herself, how could she be expected to look after his children?
It was early, and there was no sound in the house. She washed and dressed quickly, before treading lightly down the stairs and passing the children’s rooms without going in. If Theo needed to leave soon to go to his conference she’d better get her act together as quickly as possible and check up on a few things, she thought. The smell of percolating coffee drifting up towards her made Lily realise that his day had already begun. She knew that he would have arranged for her car to be brought back here, so she’d drive home now, without delay.
When she went into the kitchen, he had his back towards her as he stood by the stove. Hearing her footsteps, he turned to look down at her.
‘Ah—how are you this morning?’ he asked, and to her it sounded like the kind of impersonal, polite enquiry he would have made to anyone. He was immaculately dressed in a dark business suit, his black hair gleaming in the sunlight that shafted in through the window, and Lily swallowed, looking away quickly.
‘I’m better…thank you,’ she replied, matching his coolness of tone. ‘I had a very good, long sleep. I’ll be fine now,’ she added. ‘I don’t get those attacks very often, so it’ll be a while before I get another one.’
‘I’m glad to hear it,’ he said, and Lily looked at him sharply.
Go on, say it, she thought. Tell me that if I’m going to take to my bed while I’m supposed to be doing my job, we’d better call it a day now. But he didn’t say that. He just looked at her closely for a moment.
Even though obviously she was wearing what she had had on the day before, she still managed to look fresh and dainty—and desirable, he thought. With a decisive movement, he turned to pick up the coffee.
‘Can I pour you a cup of this?’ he asked quietly, feeling annoyed that he was still painfully aware of the sensuous vibes which had troubled him last night. He needed to get away soon—get away from her and concentrate on his work. Work had been his salvation for the last fourteen months, and it would be again.
‘No, I’ll have tea instead, thank you.’ She picked up the kettle and poured some boiling water into a mug, adding a tea bag and swirling it around for a moment.
‘Is my car back?’ she asked.
‘Yes, it is,’ Theo said, going over to the table. ‘It’s outside. When you’re ready, perhaps you’d go and fetch what you need from home? I must leave here at eleven.’
‘I’ll go straight away,’ Lily said at once. ‘As soon as I’ve drunk this. There’s no sound from the children—they’re obviously sleeping in this morning,’ she added.
‘Yes. They’re usually tired after a day in the open air,’ he remarked. He had opened his morning paper, spreading it on the table in front of him, and without looking up he said, ‘By the way, I think I ought to get in touch with the agency again—about acquiring someone permanent here, I mean. The weeks are going to fly by, and I don’t want to be caught out with you expecting to finish up and there being no one to replace you. I’ll ring them this morning,’ he added. Still not looking up, he said, ‘That is what you want, isn’t it? To be free to change your life?’
‘Yes. It is,’ Lily said faintly.
Standing by the stove, her mug of tea in her hand, Lily felt as if she’d been punched in the stomach. Her fears had been well-grounded, she thought. After yesterday he couldn’t wait to get rid of her—couldn’t wait to replace her with a professional. She fought back her tears, sipping at the steaming tea to take control of herself. It was only a couple of days ago that he’d spoken so warmly of the holiday they were all going on together, and she’d felt so wanted, so special…as if she belonged with his family. But today he was different—cruelly different. She hadn’t seen Theodore Montague in this kind of mood before. He seemed distant and detached, and for the first time she was being made to feel like the employee that she was. Why had she let herself think that she was liked any more than any of the others had been?
Defiance took over, and saved Lily from letting herself down. She went over to the table and sat down beside him calmly.
‘I’ll do it,’ she said coldly. ‘I’ll ring this morning, as soon as you’ve gone. Why don’t you leave the number of the agency you like to deal with, and I’ll arrange some interviews for the week after next? The week before you go on holiday. Shall I do that?’
‘That’ll be perfect,’ he said obliquely.
Almost immediately Lily drove herself home to collect some clean clothes and other personal belongings. Glancing around at her little flat, she couldn’t help comparing it with Theo’s place…Chalk and cheese just about summed it up, she thought. Then she straightened her shoulders. It might be a humble dwelling, but it was cosy and private, and always clean and tidy…the way she liked to keep it. She shrugged as she left, locking her front door securely. She’d be back here full-time sooner than she’d thought. Just as soon as a permanent and much more suitable nanny could be found for the Montague family. And that was fine by her!
When she got back the children were up and dressed and running around. Theo stayed just long enough to say goodbye and to tell them all to be good.
‘Remember, there are three of you and only one of Lily,’ he said. ‘So be kind children and do as she asks.’
He turned to Lily for a second. She’d changed into a flowery sundress with a halter neckline which showed off her slender neck and shoulders, and she’d pulled her hair right back in a high ponytail, making her look pure and innocent…and lovely.
His features darkened. He’d better be going, or he’d be late. ‘Are you quite sure you’re OK today, Lily?’ he asked as he went towards the door—knowing full well that she was. There was not a hint of the stress she’d endured yesterday.
‘I’ve told you—I’m quite well, thank you,’ Lily replied swiftly, only just managing not to sound as aggressive as she was feeling. ‘The children will be perfectly safe with me, I assure you, and I won’t drive them anywhere. So please don’t worry about them. There’s no need.’
He didn’t look at her, but shrugged briefly. At that moment he hadn’t been thinking about his children, he’d been thinking about her—but she was obviously feeling defensive this morning, guilty because she’d forgotten those wretched tablets, he thought. ‘You’ve got my mobile number,’ he said. ‘Ring me—any time—if you need to.’
Although there were times when she felt utterly exhausted, the following day passed amazingly quickly for Lily. The children seemed to treat her as a contemporary, rather than someone older, and there was never a shortage of things to do.
On the second day, Bea looked in on them while they were all sitting at the kitchen table doing some colouring.
‘Well, well,’ she said, leaning over to admire what they were doing. ‘What beautiful pictures!’
‘We went to the shop this morning, and Lily bought us all new pens,’ Alex said, not even bothering to stop what he was doing.
‘Yes, and we’re making pancakes for tea,’ Freya said. ‘Lily’s going to show us how to toss them.’
‘They’re going to go right up to the ceiling!’ Tom-Tom exclaimed, not wanting to
be left out.
Bea smiled down at Lily. ‘You’ve certainly got everything all sussed,’ she said kindly. ‘I know it’s such a relief to Theo that you’re here.’
Lily smiled faintly. ‘I hope so,’ she said slowly. ‘But he’s asked me to arrange some interviews…to find someone more permanent to replace me,’ she added. As Bea raised her eyebrows, she said quickly, ‘And how is your husband, Bea? I’m sorry he’s got to have tests.’
The older woman shrugged. ‘Oh, well, it happens to all of us from time to time. But he’ll be OK, I’m sure. His dad lived to be ninety-nine!’
Bea waited a few more minutes before departing. ‘Don’t forget to give me a shout if you’re desperate, Lily,’ she said. ‘You know where I live.’
Leaving the children to finish their colouring, Lily went into the sitting room to ring the agency again—and wasn’t surprised to learn that there was a shortage of possible candidates at this time of year. There were only two on offer at the moment, she was told, so she made an arrangement for them to come on two consecutive mornings during the week she’d agreed with Theo.
With an undeniably sinking heart, Lily replaced the receiver. Doing this was like sealing her own fate—signing her own death warrant. Yet she knew that was silly. She’d known all along that her contract with Theo was only temporary—her own wish, because she didn’t want to be tied down. She’d told him so again the morning he’d left. That she wanted time to make her own plans. But the problem was that she loved her three charges more than she’d ever have thought possible—really loved them. And it was the prospect of saying goodbye to them that was getting to her.
She allowed her thoughts to pause for a moment before continuing with her soul-searching. It was right that she should go, that she should not stay here any longer than necessary, because she admitted to undergoing a sea change in her personality. She admitted to wanting to be near—physically near—to the children’s father, and that must never happen. It flew in the face of her determination never to let a man touch her ever again. Up until very recently, the thought had been repellent, disgusting! But, unbelievably, that was beginning to change. And she must not let it. Because she could never again trust a man. Theo was right to take steps for someone else to replace her. For Lily’s own sake and sanity she must be prepared to draw a line beneath her present situation and retreat once more into the protective shell she’d formed around herself since childhood.
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