Beginnings - SF2

by Susan X Meagher

  "Yeah, but not for school," Jamie replied huskily as she wrapped her arms around Ryan and began to return the affection. But Ryan gently extracted herself and asked, "You free for dinner?"

  "For you, anything," she replied breathlessly as she looked up at her in a state of helpless devotion.

  They walked together in the cool mist, hardly even noticing where they were. As they walked by the plant genetics and biology building Jamie looked up at her quizzically. "Isn't your morning class in Koshland Hall?"

  "Yeah," she replied with a sigh. "But I need a few more minutes with you. I'll walk you to your class."

  "Ryan! Don't be silly," Jamie said, her good sense returning for a moment. "That will take you 20 extra minutes if you run all the way back!"

  "Your point?" the thoroughly besotted woman asked.

  Jamie couldn't help but gift her with a very wide smile. "My point is that you are quite possibly the sweetest woman on earth and if we weren't in public I'd kiss you until you cried for mercy."

  Ryan matched her smile and slowly shook her head. "That will never happen," she vowed. "I love your kisses better than chocolate."

  Jamie stopped in her tracks and stared at her in amazement. "Now that was a declaration of love!"

  Ryan showed up every morning at seven for the rest of the week. They would spend a few minutes in Jamie's room kissing and holding each other. Then they would stop at a coffee shop and get breakfast, which they would eat, on their walk.

  To create more time alone Ryan had come up with the deviously brilliant idea of spending their lunch hour in the small observatory on campus. The intimate space was always dark and usually empty during the middle of the day. Comfortable, theatre style chairs ringed the small room providing a perfect secluded spot for a half-hour or so of quiet intimacies.

  They spent every evening together. They were both wary of spending too much time at the house so they generally ate at local restaurants. Then they would walk around Berkeley or stroll through the campus until Ryan had to leave. This was the hardest part of each day for both of them; their need for each other was growing stronger day by day and parting was becoming more and more difficult.

  Their partings were not often passionate. They were heartfelt expressions of the depth of their connection, a manifestation of their growing dependency. They would hold each other tenderly for long minutes, just letting the emotion seep into their bones. Then a few gentle kisses as they parted for the night, with one of them often rushing back for just one more firm hug.

  On Thursday night Ryan had her companion backed up against the stone surface of Haviland Hall when a group of students exited right next to them. It was obvious to the young men that the women had been locked in a passionate embrace and as they passed Ryan stood at her full height and raised her arms to shield Jamie from their stares. They weren't obnoxious guys, but their snickers obviously affected Jamie. After they had passed she leaned her head against her partner's chest and sighed deeply. "This is really getting to be hard for me," she said softly.

  "It's okay, Jamie," she soothed. "They didn't mean anything. I'm sure they would have done that if I was a guy, too."

  "That's the problem, Ryan," she insisted. "I don't feel comfortable with a lot of public displays of affection. I wouldn't have felt comfortable kissing Jack like this in public either."

  "God, Jamie, are you doing this just to please me?" she asked in shock. "I…I just thought…"

  "No, no, Ryan, please don't even think that! I need your kisses desperately! It's just hard for me to feel like we have to sneak around to be close."

  "Ah, damn, Jamie," she said as her shoulders slumped in defeat. "This is exactly what I was worried about. I never want you to feel like our love is anything to be ashamed of."

  "I'm not ashamed, Ryan, I'm really not. I just feel like our love is a very private thing. I'm sure I'll loosen up with time."

  "But Jamie, I don't want you to loosen up! If you need privacy to feel comfortable we'll just figure something out. Your comfort means a great deal to me and I'll do my best to make you feel safe."

  "Thanks," she said as she hugged her firmly. "Let's go get your bike," she suggested as she took her hand. They walked back to Jamie's street where Ryan had started to leave her bike in the morning. To avoid detection she parked a full block away, which was where Jamie now said her goodbyes. "Don't worry, Ryan, we'll figure out a way to get all of our needs met," she promised. But Ryan was more than a little disappointed when their goodbyes were much more chaste than normal.

  On Friday evening after a short debate they decided to attend a movie. They wanted to see a quiet little picture about a farm family in the south of France, but once they entered the theater they were dismayed to find that the last three rows were filled. Neither of them had any real desire to see a movie at all. Watching a film would just be a necessary façade to disguise their true purpose--needing a place they could attend to their growing needs. The only theater in the complex with seats available in the rear was I Still Know What You Did Last Summer since most of that audience liked to sit close to the screen. As they squirmed around in their narrow seats, trying to make every minute count Ryan had a very unpleasant flash. I'm sitting in a tiny little chair trying to make out with my girlfriend with a horror movie blaring in the background. This is truly getting ridiculous! I feel like we're twelve years old! She found herself beginning to resent Cassie and Mia, then her own family, and finally Jamie for putting her in this situation. If she wasn't so fucking afraid of her dumb ass roommates we could be at her house right now! Hell, if she wasn't so afraid of her roommates we'd be having hot sex right now! Damn it, damn it, damn it!

  Long before the movie was over Ryan indicated that she just had to leave. They walked along the quiet streets, hand in hand as usual, but neither of them spoke. It was obvious that the strain was wearing on both of them even though less than a week had passed. She walked Jamie to her door and gave her a friendly hug. "We'll figure this out. I promise."

  She was home by a little after nine and after a rousing welcome from Duffy she shuffled into the living room. "Hi Da," she said wearily.

  "Hello, Sweetheart," he said with a wide smile. "Did you have a nice evening?"

  She flopped down on the loveseat and gazed at him glumly. "No, I would have to say this was not a nice evening."

  "What happened, dear? Did you have a row?"

  "No, nothing like that. We just spent a dreadful hour at an insipid horror movie."

  "You took Jamie to one of those things? I wouldn't have guessed that was her style." She gave him a look that included one raised eyebrow and a smirk. "Oh, I see, the movie wasn't the attraction. But why spend your evenings that way, Darlin'? Doesn't Jamie have her own home?"

  "She does, but she has a roommate that doesn't like me. Jamie doesn't want her to know about us, so we can't spend much time there. And we can't really be too affectionate around campus or even out in public. Jamie is just not ready for the world to know about us so we have to be pretty careful." She turned to smile up at him, "I guess it's making me a little cranky."

  "Be kind to yourself, Siobhán, falling in love is not the easiest thing in the world, in the best of circumstances."

  That brought a small smile to her face. "I guess that's part of it," she replied. "She's all I think of, Da. I've just never been like this about anyone," she said as she shook her head a little.

  "She's really special to you isn't she?" he asked fondly.

  "She's the one, Da. I've never said that about anyone before, but I know it's true. She's the one for me."

  He looked at her for several minutes, neither gaze wavering in the slightest. "I believe you, Sweetheart. I know that determined look and when you have it, there's no doubt in your mind."

  "None whatsoever," she agreed with a beaming smile.

  "You know, Darlin', the reason I've always asked all of you not to have your girlfriends over here is because I felt that it created a tense atmosphere for
the others. But maybe we have to look at this issue again for you."

  "Why just for me?" she inquired.

  "Well, honey, you're the only one who can't get married to your love. It hardly seems fair to stop you from being with the woman of your dreams just because you can't make a public commitment to each other."

  She got up from her chair and crossed over to him to hug him soundly. "When was the last time I told you that you were the best father in the whole world?"

  "You show me every day, Sweetheart. You don't need to tell me," he said as he gave her a kiss on the forehead.

  She sat back down and tried to explain the current state of their relationship. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate your willingness to change the house rules for us, Da. And we will get to the point that we're ready to take you up on the offer. But we're not really there yet," she said with a thoughtful look on her face. "We're both very committed to one another but Jamie has some issues to work out concerning…well, …sex," she said with a blush.

  "Well, I'm one of the world's poorest resources on that topic but I'd be happy to talk to you about it if you need to."

  "Thanks," she said with a big grin. "It's not really all that big a deal. Jamie has just never been with a woman. She wants to take it slow so she can feel comfortable. She likens it to just dating for a while."

  "Oh," he said, "So you've not…"

  "Right," she agreed. "We've not."

  "Ahh, that must be quite a sacrifice for you, Darlin'. I know you're not used to a celibate life," he said with a chuckle.

  "Y…Y…You know about my…?" she stammered.

  "Siobhán, just because I haven't been with a woman in 17 years doesn't mean I don't understand the urge. It's been obvious to me for years that you greatly enjoy the company of women."

  "Does that…did that bother you?" she squeaked out.

  "Well, I'd be lying if I said I would have chosen that path for you or for any of your brothers for that matter. I would prefer that you found someone to love and shared yourself with them alone. I've always considered it a blessing that you're a lesbian though," he added wryly. "It's been a weight off my mind not to have to worry about you getting pregnant!"

  "One more benefit of lesbianism," she agreed wholeheartedly.

  Chapter Three

  Ryan was on the phone as early as she thought polite on Saturday morning. She had gone on a long run with Duffy and she felt fully rejuvenated after her talk with her father and a good night's sleep. "Are you in the mood for a hot date tonight?" she asked when she reached Jamie.

  "Sure," she replied readily. "You certainly sound like you're in a good mood. What's up?"

  "I've decided that we've been going about this togetherness thing all wrong. We're trying to fit our little square pegs into round holes. It's time we refocused our energies," she said mysteriously.

  Since they had both been neglecting their schoolwork so thoroughly they decided to spend the day studying and, to her surprise, Ryan refused Jamie's offer to study with her in Berkeley. She knew the study session would turn into a make out session post-haste, and she needed to get caught up with finals looming just three weeks away.

  She called Jamie just before she left her house and was pleased to learn that no one else was home and that neither roommate was expected back that evening. Mia was down in L.A. visiting her boyfriend, and Cassie was staying with her parents. "Bring your jammies," Jamie instructed, much to Ryan's pleasure.

  Forty-five minutes later Jamie ran down the stairs to answer the door. The stunning vision that greeted her nearly knocked the breath out of her lungs. Ryan was wearing her most faded jeans, an even more faded jeans jacket and a skin tight white tank top. As Jamie pulled her into the house she slid her hands into the jacket and ran her hands up and down the strong back as she stood on her tip toes for a welcoming kiss. Ryan gave her a sexy grin as she stretched to her full height. "Like the look?" she drawled.

  As she slowly blinked her eyes to clear her head she could only nod mutely. Her ability to speak had been stripped from her when her hands discovered that the only material covering her lover's gorgeous torso was the thin ribbed cotton of that painted-on tank top.

  "Thanks for the generous compliment," Ryan murmured as she pulled her close for a longer, hotter kiss.

  "You look so…" she said weakly.

  "Yes?"

  "So hot," she finally decided as she slowly walked in a little circle to admire the vision from every angle. "And sexy," she added while she ran her hands down her broad shoulders. "And tough," she growled as she slid her arms around her slim waist from behind and pressed her body firmly against her partner's. "I hope we're staying in tonight," she murmured as she rested her head against Ryan's broad back.

  "Nope," she said firmly. "We're going out. But we'll be able to kiss and hug to our hearts' content."

  "We can do that here," Jamie suggested, refusing to release her captive.

  "I know we can, but given how you're acting and how I'm feeling I think being in a public place is a good idea," she said gently. "My self-control is a little wobbly tonight."

  "Whew," Jamie said as she released her hold and shook her head. "I don't think I have any tonight, so that's probably a good idea. But I need to go change so I look like we belong together," she said as she glanced down at her polo shirt and khakis. "I look like I'm going to play golf and you look like you're going to…well, I don't know what it is you look like you're going to do, but I want to be there to do it with you," she decided.

  Ryan cooled her heels in the parlor while Jamie went upstairs to change. Ten minutes later she came back down, having performed admirably in the matching outfit competition. To Ryan's extreme pleasure she had taken the tough theme and tweaked it to match her own style. In a surprise twist she was wearing a dress. Ryan was generally very appreciative of Jamie's dress selection and she had tried to banish lascivious thoughts from her mind on several occasions when her companion had worn one. But now that they were lovers, lascivious thoughts were not only allowed, they were welcomed.

  Tonight's ensemble was sky high on the lascivious chart, and Ryan realized that they had better head out immediately or they would never be able to leave.

  Jamie's mother had once told her that her clothing was a little juvenile. But her mother had obviously never seen the outfit she had on tonight. The dress was sleek, black, tight, shiny… and leather. Ryan wasn't sure what this style of dress was called—other than mouth-wateringly hot that is. The strapless top fit like a black leather long line bra—also a good fashion choice in Ryan's mind. But the dress continued down Jamie's firm body, caressing every one of her many womanly curves. It ended about four inches above her knee and Ryan spent a moment wondering how Jamie was going to walk, much less dance, in the skintight outfit. But she decided that some sacrifices had to be made for fashion and Jamie was just the one to make them. As Ryan stood and gazed at her Jamie just smirked at her slack-jawed expression. She remained on the last step to equalize their heights and crooked her index finger to summon her. Ryan trotted over like a compliant pet and placed her hands on her partner's slim waist. As Jamie dipped her head to reward Ryan's obedience their mouths merged in a sweet kiss that gradually heated up until it became nearly incendiary. A small growl escaped from deep in Ryan's chest as her hands strayed from her partner's waist and found that her rear was unencumbered by her normal panties. She couldn't help but trace the outlines of the tiny thong that she found and against her better judgment she ventured to ask with a weak voice, "What color is it?"

  "It's black and it's lace," she whispered as her warm breath glided past Ryan's ear and sent chills up and down her spine.

  "That's just not fair," Ryan moaned. "I think the Geneva Convention covers this under cruel and unusual punishment."

  "Ha! What do you think that little tank top does to me, Ms. Gorgeous Braless Breasts?"

  "So are you discovering that you're a breast woman?" Ryan asked teasingly.

  Jam
ie's deep blush was a clear enough answer but she fought through her embarrassment to admit, "I didn't know that I was but I must be. I just get chills when you wrap me in your arms and I feel those hard little nipples rubbing against mine. Maybe that's why I had a hard time feeling desire for men, huh?" she added with a wry smile as she wrinkled her nose in amusement at her amazing powers of denial.

  "That could be a factor," Ryan chuckled as she took her hand. "I assume we'll drive your car?"

  "Are we going far?"

  "Nope."

  "Then let's ride."

  "In that dress?!"

  "Yep." She playfully tapped Ryan's nose as she enunciated each word. "I want to drive you crazy."

  Jamie went to the hall closet and pulled out a black leather trench coat just slightly longer than her dress. The coat had deep slits on each side that gave her some flexibility. When they reached the bike she hiked her dress up a good foot and climbed on the back, tucking the leather coat around her legs to create a modest appearance. But Ryan knew what little was between them and that knowledge did indeed drive her nuts on the short drive.

  They pulled up near the lesbian bar on Telegraph but Ryan quickly turned around and instructed, "Let me get off first." Jamie obeyed and waited patiently as her partner climbed off. Ryan stood next to the big bike and placed her hands firmly around the smaller woman's waist and easily lifted her from the seat.

  "Why'd you do that? Just showing off?" Jamie asked as she shimmied around to pull her dress down to its normal length.

  "No, Jamie, you're the one who would be showing off," she explained. "I don't want that crowd of women to see your hidden assets before I do." She pointed at the group of women standing on the sidewalk smoking cigarettes, and then pointed at Jamie's extremely short skirt. "Even you can't gracefully get off a motorcycle in a skirt that short."