How I Fall

by Anne Eliot

  “That, my friends,” she turned back to us, grinning while winding the rubber band at the end to tie it all with one hand, “took me two years to get right!”

  Then she moved her hair back off her face to show us how one side of her cheek and the edge of her mouth are slightly off balanced. I couldn’t see it at all, but apparently she can feel it all the time. She also revealed she has reduced sensation in her bad hand, on her cheek and mouth and some areas on her left side as well. The most surprising thing—besides that amazing braiding innovation—was that she gets these Botox injections every few months. When used on her finger joints and muscles, it allows her to extra flexibility. Sadly, it wears off. And, because Botox is considered a cosmetic drug, it’s not included in what her insurance will pay for, so there are times when her mom can’t afford it and she has to go without it.

  She held up her hand and showed us each finger, named each muscle within each finger, and how and where each one fails in strength and coordination. She said she could do the same with the bones and muscles in her feet as well. I don’t even know the name of one bone in my foot or my hand, yet Ellen knows all of them, every muscle, every tendon and how they work!

  Of course, I was distracted thinking about holding that same hand as she was flashing it in front of my face. All while I was staring at those little twists by the sides of her mouth that I love so much. I spent every minute after that formulating my plan to kiss the left side of her lips with slightly more pressure than I do the right, but I’m not sure if it’s possible yet.

  I’ve also planned to make sure next time I touch that curve on her beautiful cheek I press just a bit harder, too. I also have new plans for the next time I hold the pretty hand that curves in as well. I’m going to work my fingers in between hers, ask if I can massage each finger and each joint as well as the palm of her hand. If she wants. She works so hard, I want to help, be part of the endless way she has to work in order to keep her muscles supple and loose. I’ve also vowed to never complain about sore muscles or anything on my whole body ever hurting again.

  I won’t even bring up a toothache! How could I when my girlfriend is such an amazing, stoic badass?

  Finally Ellen stops texting and looks up. “Oh, no. Oh…no, our poor Laura.”

  “What’s up?” I frown, unable not to get close to her because, already I have this surge of protectiveness and I want to diffuse her distress, even from text messages.

  “Laura’s not okay. Apparently Casper broke up with her over email!”

  I sigh. “Coward. Poor Laura.”

  “Patrick said she wanted some time to get herself together. He drove her down Lakeshore Drive to look at the mansions, but when they got near Sarnia she broke down bawling. He says she’s sobbing her heart out and he can’t drive her anywhere.” She gives me a look. “If you can imagine.”

  I nod. “Laura is probably sad the same way she’s happy. Is she flooding Patrick’s car with salt water?”

  Ellen nods. “He says no way he can drive because she’s clinging to him like a leech. Luckily, Patrick’s great with sobbing women thanks to me training him during my long lifetime of disappointments, painful surgeries and falling down episodes. I also bawl on him when I’m really happy and when things work out great, too.”

  “You cry on Patrick every time?”

  “Yep,” she nods. “When it’s really bad he brings me treats.”

  “How do I sign up for that job, because I feel a little bit jealous of him right now. Not going to lie.”

  Ellen glances at me then around the Hummer as cheers roar up from the beach as they light the bonfire. “Tell me how you’re planning to get me down to this first date and I’ll see if you qualify for an interview.”

  ellen

  “You’re going down there on my back!” Cam says, pulling out a soft blanket and a small pack from the Hummer then handing them to me. “I have this all planned out. Put on this pack. You’re going to have to carry our picnic, if you don’t mind.”

  I shrug on the pack, watching as his expression changes. His mouth is smiling but his eyes are twinkling extra bright like he’s looking forward to giving me a piggyback ride way too much, but I sense that he’s also worried I’m going to hate his idea.

  He wraps the blanket around my neck. “The blanket stays over your shoulders so we can pull it off first, and lay it out before I put you down. Can’t have my girlfriend getting all sandy.”

  “Don’t shout out the word girlfriend like that. Are you nuts?” I whack his arm.

  He grins at me without one shred of apology as I tug my braid free of the pack and the blanket, glancing around again to be sure no one is near us.

  His grin stretches wider. “Best, fastest and of course most romantic way to get to all first dates! And second dates. And third. You think you handle it?”

  I look up at him—at the whole, extra-tall him—and nod. As much as I hate the idea because I think it’s going to be embarrassing to climb on to this guy, I adore this idea…because it will be awesome to snuggle up next to him.

  He looks around to make sure we are still unobserved, then turns and hunches down very low in front of me. “Sorry this is a bit of an awkward start, but hop on. When we’re down by the bonfire it will be easier to exit. I figure we’ll both be sitting on the sand and you can just stand next to me while I stay seated and pretend to wrestle me—or something like that—and I’ll just run off with you or something. What do you think?”

  *Loves how he’s thought this out. Pictures Cam Campbell running off with a girl that’s actually me on his back. And…dies.*

  “Sure. But, I haven’t done this since I was pretty little with Nash.”

  “Never with Patrick?” he asks, glancing back over his shoulder at me.

  “No. I’m sure I’m heavy and it would seem awkward.”

  “Because piggybacks are reserved for super-strong boyfriends only.” He waggles his brows up and down. “By letting me transport you in this way you’re kind of making a loud public statement.”

  I laugh. “You don’t have to be jealous of Patrick. He’s helplessly and hopelessly in love with Laura London for this month. Next month it will be another girl. He is never able to take a crush past the two week point. He and I have never been more than just great friends.”

  “I know. He told me himself. But it would help some if your best guy friend wore horn-rimmed glasses, wasn’t all Viking huge and didn’t love you to the point where he’d kill to protect you. It does a job on a guy’s mental status.”

  “I can’t help that, you know? But I will feel better when he finally trusts you like I do.”

  “You trust me? Yes!”

  “I don’t know why.”

  “This is good. Very good, because I’m really trustworthy where hearts are concerned. I swear.”

  “I really hope so…” I mumble, letting my fingers trail on to one of his shoulders. “Do you have a clue what the best way for me to clamber onto your back might be?”

  He points to the shoulder I’m touching. “Put the weight from your good arm here first, then your weaker arm can lean on the opposite side. I’ll get a good gentle grip on both arms and stand quickly so you can arrange your legs. Everything should settle into place from there.”

  I’m glad he’s got his back turned because now I’m blushing. “Okay. Here goes.”

  I scoot in and follow his directions, thinking this is going to be terrible now that we’re actually in motion, but then like anything Cam does, I’m swept up in the most graceful, strong and comfortable move possible. Somehow he’s already standing, but leaning far forward in a way that takes all of my weight. My legs tuck around him just where they’re supposed to and he’s pulling gently on my arms so I feel secure until I can lock my grip around his neck. He moves his hands quickly to support my l
egs and straightens, lifting all of my weight like I’m made only of air! Before I can catch one breath, he’s walking with me across the parking lot, past the beach clubhouse and rest rooms and is approaching the beach faster than I could ever imagine.

  “You okay?” he asks.

  “I feel like one of those tiny Hobbits that got to ride in the giant trees in Lord of the Rings.”

  “Hey. I’m not that huge.”

  I laugh. “You are to me. I can see everything from up here, and—wow—you really cover ground on your long legs, don’t you?”

  “Too fast?” His voice has caught with worry and he immediately slows.

  “No. I’m good. Don’t worry.”

  *Sighs. Better than good.*

  As he approaches the crowd at the beach my whole body tenses, and I think at the same time his shoulders have gone all rigid. Instead of panicking and begging him not to walk closer like I want to, I lose my fight against a small cluster of uncontrollable nervous giggles that creep out as I catch the questioning glares coming off Bella-Jane and Tanner Gold over Cam’s shoulder.

  “Oh, my,” I say. Sadly, my giggles won’t stop, even though I meant to keep a really serious expression in place for all of these people. “This is really strange.”

  “I know, right?” Cam mutters under his breath. “We’re cool. Just be cool.”

  “If that’s what you want, you’re asking to date the wrong girl.” I bite my lip, succeeding in swallowing a few giggles.

  He talks funny then, like he’s speaking through a smile, “I want you. I think I’ve made that clear. And I’m not cool either.”

  He pauses, and speaks in a normal—but obviously forced—voice, “Ellen, can you see a good spot from up there?”

  He’s making up excuses for why I’m riding on his back!

  *Sighs. So cute.*

  I’m only able to grip his shoulders and answer, “Mh—fmaff—mm.”

  Everyone’s laid out blankets and beach towels that look like a pretty, interconnecting patchwork-quilt circle going around the whole fire ring. Paige and Jennie are front and center on the side facing the lake, along with a bunch of other cheerleaders, boyfriends and other guys from Cam and Patrick’s team.

  Cam’s doing the guy-guy head nod thing with a couple of the guys. To one walking directly past us he mutters, “Hey.”

  As we get even closer I’m watching Bella-Jane’s mouth start to move. She leans over to the group of girls nearest her and moves it some more. Hands go over mouths as there is more leaning and whispering, and then just like dominoes falling, each person on the interconnected blanket system seems like they’ve looked up to stare at us all at the same time. Sub sandwiches freeze in mid-air, cheeks full of food stop chewing, drinks float halfway to mouths, and all eyes go wide as we walk slowly by.

  I whisper into his ear. “Forget Lord of the Rings. Does this remind you of the part in Sleeping Beauty when the entire kingdom gets frozen in time?”

  He tightens his grip on my legs. “Don’t you worry about them. We’re going to sit on the other side in a spot loaded with freshmen we’ve never met. A spot where this crew will have to be really obvious if they want to continue to stare like a pack of gaping idiots! Soon the fire will be so huge, they won’t see us at all.”

  He quickly switches course and heads for a spot on the direct opposite side of the bonfire.

  “I’m actually not worried about them for some reason,” I gasp out in a whisper as the giggle-fit resurfaces. “But…I can’t stop myself. Sorry…” I turn away from all of the faces and my giggles go into full-fledged belly laughs, which I try to hide in the back of his neck.

  Maybe because he’s also nervous—or because I’ve tickled him somehow—he’s suddenly laughing along with me. His low laughter rumbles against me. My heart.

  In seconds he’s found us an empty spot and he gently leans back so I can slide down on to the sand and turns to face me. He whispers in a voice that’s only for me, “Are your feet good? Can you stand steady while I do the blanket, or do you need to sit first?”

  I glance around, searching for anyone or anything that might send me flying but there’s no one near. “Go for it.” I shrug off the backpack while he quickly spreads the blanket—a nice navy and red woolen plaid—onto the sand. Without making it awkward or treating me like an invalid, he takes my hand and together, we sit.

  He pulls the pack over and unzips the top. “I got Tim Hortons. Hope it’s okay. Because of heavy work schedules we don’t keep a lot of fresh food at our house and we do carry-out for dinner almost every day. Turkey or Ham?”

  “Mmm. Mine and Patrick’s favorite place. Turkey please.”

  He pulls out two, sealed and insulated coffee mugs along with one long yellow and red box, digging spots in the sand next to us for the mugs. “Hot chocolate and Timbits for later.”

  I grin. “I’m so happy right now.”

  I take a huge bite of my sandwich—which has just the right amount of mayo and no mustard at all. I realize it’s also got double the tomato slices and a dash of vinegar and salt sprinkled on it as well! It’s exactly how I’d order it for myself.

  After a couple more bites, I dart him a suspicious glare. “Did you ask Patrick exactly what to feed me to get into my heart?”

  “Yes. I did.”

  My chest tightens with a feeling that I’m not quite familiar with because it is somehow connected to how my heart feels when Cam’s eyes meet mine.

  Cam goes on, “I had to listen to Patrick’s ridiculous mafia-inspired death threats to get the information out of him, though. So you know, if I hurt you in any way, if your heart gets broken or one hair on your head gets harmed because of this ‘relationship’ Patrick’s going to break both of my legs and every bone in my body. He’ll also blacken both of my girl-hypnotizing eyes.” Cam blinks very slowly.

  I bust out laughing. “Oh…man. I might have said those exact words to him about your eyes.”

  He makes this sad face and goes on, “I want you to know, zero people are worrying about me. If you crush me, if you break my heart or mess it up I will be all alone.”

  “Not for long. So many girls stalk you and Patrick these days. I think you’re the best looking guys at our school. Or, have you not noticed attendance is way up at your games?”

  Cam flexes his arms. “Whatever. They’re coming to see me, and me alone, not Patrick.”

  “Oh, really?” I laugh, wrapping up the second half of my sandwich. “Next time I have to peel the line of girls off Patrick to speak to him, I’ll let them know they’re climbing all over the wrong guy and send them your way.”

  He takes my bad hand into his, twining his fingers into the fingers that used to make me so embarrassed and says, “No, thanks. My girlfriend wouldn’t like me talking to other girls. Would you?”

  I shake my head. “She wouldn’t mind actually. Because…like I said…she trusts you.”

  He grabs my other hand and meets my gaze. “Really? So…we’re good? Officially good and going out, I mean.”

  I shake my head no but whisper, “Yes. You’re insane—this is insane—but just for this moment, for today and even for tomorrow—yes.”

  He tightens his grip on my hands. “I knew you’d come around. I know you won’t say it, but you’re totally already thinking about us being together the day after tomorrow, aren’t you? Say you are. I am already well into next week.”

  Suddenly I’m shivering and I know only half of it is from cold. The other half is because I’m scared. Even though I said I trusted him I know I don’t trust myself not to fall in love with him. Not to fall in love with how amazing his hands feel in mine like this.

  I change the subject. “Sun is almost set. Don’t you love this light?” I stare away from him adding, “The fire is making coals that are al
most the same peachy-orange color as the sky.”

  He scoots around behind me and I let him draw me into his arms so that I’m nestled in front of him. My legs are crisscrossed and his on either side of me. His limbs have framed me in to the center of his warmth and I’m not sure if it’s his heart or mine beating in my head. I draw in a huge breath of lake air and when he pulls me tighter I decide to let go of silly worries and just go with things.

  He’s running his finger along my cheekbone. “I love how this light plus the orange from the fire highlights the edges of your face. The sunset did the same thing yesterday. You’re so beautiful,” he whispers next to my hair and kisses the top of my head, and then he sneaks one onto my temple.

  “You are,” I whisper back, enjoying the shivers tickling each spot he’s kissed. I close my eyes against anyone who might be looking at me—including Cam—and I smile a little and turn toward him as his kisses reach the cheekbone on the left side of my face.

  “Can you feel this?” he asks against my ear. “I’m trying to induce equal goose bumps and feelings on your bad side.”

  “You don’t have to worry about that,” I whisper back. “I’m covered in them, but what if someone sees you—us—doing this?”

  “Ellen. Now that you’ve agreed to this, I want everyone to see us together. Maybe it would be easier.” He moves his kiss from my cheekbone to my temple again. “Your skin is so soft.” One of his hands has wound into my braid to move it aside so his hand can brush against my neck. Suddenly the scratchiness of his chin is against my collarbone and my heart’s flipping in every direction just as my entire spine’s melting.

  He must know, because I’ve gone half limp next to him.