The Moonlight Dreamers

by Siobhan Curham

  Afterwards, Rose stood in the shower, the water pounding her skin like hundreds of tiny darts. But no matter how hot she made it and how hard she scrubbed at her body, she couldn’t remove the feeling of dread. She hadn’t got the photo back and now she never would. What if Matt uses it against me to get his own back? What if he shows it to his friends? What if he puts it on Facebook?

  She turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around herself, then raced back into her bedroom to check her phone. No messages. She checked Facebook. No notifications. She did a quick search for Matt’s page. He hadn’t updated it since he’d checked into the gig last night. She took a deep breath. Matt wouldn’t do anything like that. He was probably just as shaken up as she was. They’d both been so drunk.

  She went downstairs to grab some coffee before the others got up – hopefully it would make her feel a bit more human. But when she got to the kitchen she found Sky already there, pacing up and down, muttering to herself. Great, that’s all she needed, Hippy-Chick going gaga. Rose was about to sneak back upstairs when Sky turned and saw her. Her face flushed bright red.

  “Oh – I was just – rehearsing – my poem. I’m entering a poetry slam – tomorrow night.”

  Rose pulled her robe tighter and looked at the floor. She didn’t want Sky to see her face. She felt as if what happened last night was written all over it. “Go ahead. I was going to get some coffee.”

  “Here.” Sky grabbed the cafetière and offered it to her. “I just made some.”

  “Thanks.” Still avoiding eye contact, Rose took the jug and poured herself a cup.

  “Are you… Are you OK?” Sky asked cautiously.

  Rose froze. “Yeah. Why shouldn’t I be?”

  “No reason. I just…”

  Rose needed to get back to her bedroom, where she could keep the events of last night safely locked away inside her. “I’m great. Good luck.”

  “With what?”

  “The poetry slam.” Rose turned and hurried back upstairs.

  Amber groaned and rolled onto her side. But no matter how she lay, it felt as if a giant claw had reached inside her and was twisting her stomach slowly and painfully. Why do periods have to hurt so much? Why do we have to get them in the first place? Of course, she knew the biological reason, but why did they have to start when you were a teenager? She wasn’t planning on having kids for at least another twenty years. She wasn’t really planning on having kids full stop. So why did her body have to start releasing eggs when they just weren’t needed and the whole thing was so damn painful? She shifted in her bed. She needed pain relief, and she needed it now. What did women and girls do before painkillers were invented? How did they cope? She also needed a letter excusing her from PE. PE was bad enough when she was feeling OK, but having a giant claw inside you was in no way conducive to running about like a lunatic. She hauled herself up and pulled on her dressing gown. Daniel would write her a note. He was always really understanding about “women’s issues”. And he’d been extra nice to her since their conversation the other night.

  Amber slowly made her way downstairs to the kitchen. A note in Daniel’s handwriting lay on the table beside a plate of croissants.

  Happy Thursday, sweetie!

  I’ve gone swimming. Help yourself to the croissants. Have a great day!

  D x

  Amber stared in disbelief. Have a great day? Was he kidding? If she didn’t get a note for PE this was going to be the very worst day ever. Various options flicked through her head. She could ask Gerald for a note. But Gerald’s exhibition was looming, which meant he was locked away in his studio, painting 24/7. And it wasn’t as if they were getting on well. She’d barely seen him since their argument. If she went to him now he was bound to say no and she didn’t want to give him that satisfaction. She went to the cupboard where Daniel kept the painkillers. She was just going to have to tough it out. What was the worst that could happen?

  Miss Savage stood in the middle of the changing room, hands on hips. “OK, girls, today we’re playing hockey.” A collective groan rumbled around the room, echoing in Amber’s head. The painkillers were wearing off and she could feel a dull ache returning.

  “I need you to get into two teams,” Miss Savage continued. “Chloe and Darcy, can you be captains, please, and take it in turns to pick?”

  Great, Amber thought, now she’d have the added humiliation of being the one left till last, like battered goods in a supermarket.

  “Yes, miss,” Chloe trilled.

  Amber glanced at her. It was unlike Chloe to be so enthusiastic in PE. But Chloe had been surprisingly good-natured since their run-in. Maybe Amber’s standing up to her had made her back off. Daniel was always saying that bullies were just big cowards at heart. Maybe he was right.

  “I’ll have Amber,” Chloe said, smiling sweetly.

  Amber stared. This never happened. She was never, ever picked first in PE. She was always in the bottom two – with a bifocal-wearing girl called Sonal. Something was up. The pain in her stomach intensified

  “Come on, then,” Chloe said, gesturing at Amber to come and sit on the bench next to her. Amber numbly moved over, entering the cloying cloud of Chloe’s perfume. Why had Chloe picked her before any of her fellow OMGs? It didn’t make sense.

  “I want Amber playing up front with me,” Chloe said once the teams had been picked and they were assembled on the playing field. Surprise rippled around the team. There was no way she should be up front. She was one of the slowest runners in the class. Normally she was tucked away on the subs bench or in defence. Was Chloe trying to humiliate her? Was that what this was about? Well, if it was, it would be no different to any other PE lesson. All she had to do was suck it up for forty minutes and then it would all be over for another week. She gripped her hockey stick and went to join Chloe at the centre of the pitch. It was one of those bleak winter days when the entire world seemed shaded in grey. Her fingers were already numb with cold. Come on, you can do this, she told herself. You’re a Moonlight Dreamer. She smiled. Who cared if she looked stupid on the hockey pitch? It wasn’t as if she ever wanted to play hockey again once she left school, and she couldn’t care less what Chloe and her friends thought of her. Miss Savage blew a sharp burst on her whistle. Chloe looked at Amber and smirked. Yep, it was definitely a smirk. Oh, whatever, Amber thought with a sigh as the game began.

  The first few minutes weren’t that bad. The other team had most of the play, so Amber and Chloe had to hang back, waiting for the ball to be passed to them. Or in Amber’s case, praying that it wouldn’t be. She looked over at the wall of leafless trees lining the playing field. Their silhouettes looked so beautiful against the grey sky, so intricate and—

  “Amber!” Chloe screeched.

  Amber turned to see the ball sailing out from a cluster of players at the far goal, straight towards her. She gripped her hockey stick tighter and braced herself. She felt a contraction in her abdomen, so sharp it made her eyes water. Her nearest opponent was racing down the wing towards her, cheeks flushed bright red. Amber focused on the ball, managed to control it with her stick and hit it over to Chloe. Somehow the ball actually went in the right direction. Chloe controlled it and started descending on the goal. She had a clear run. Amber felt something hot between her legs and hoped that her super-absorbent towel was as super-absorbent as the advert claimed. “Shoot!” one of their teammates yelled from behind them. But at the very last minute, Chloe turned and hit the ball back across the pitch, to a few yards in front of Amber.

  What the hell? Amber lurched forwards trying to reach the ball. She felt more blood seeping from her, hot and wet. The other team’s defenders were descending upon her. Why had Chloe passed to her when she had a clear shot on goal? Amber reached the ball and prepared to hit. But just as she raised her stick something struck the back of her legs. And then she was on the ground. Mud squelched and splattered in her face. She felt another stab of pain as someone kicked her, hard and swift in the small of her
back. She looked up to see Chloe’s best friend, Tanya, sprinting off after the other team. So this was Chloe’s plan. It wasn’t just to make her look stupid, it was to hurt her at every opportunity.

  “Get up!” Chloe screeched at her. “You idiot, you just cost us a goal.”

  “Amber, are you OK?” Miss Savage called, running over.

  Amber rolled onto her side. Her entire body throbbed with pain.

  Miss Savage blew her whistle. The other team let out groans of frustration.

  “Are you OK?” Miss Savage asked again as she crouched down.

  Amber made herself nod even though her legs were stinging so much she thought she might be sick. She couldn’t let Chloe beat her.

  Miss Savage turned to Chloe. “Why did you pass to Amber? You had a clear run on goal.”

  Chloe wiped a spot of mud from her knee. “I wanted to give her a chance, miss. Amber never gets to play up front.”

  Miss Savage’s frown softened. “Oh, I see. Well, that’s very kind of you, Chloe. Come on then, Amber, up you get.”

  “Are you OK, Amber?” Chloe asked, fake sincerity dripping like syrup from every word.

  Amber sat up. She felt another contraction. She looked down and saw a dark red stain on her white shorts.

  “Ewww!” Chloe gasped. “Is that…? Oh my God, that’s, like, so gross!”

  Shame burned through Amber.

  “Miss, miss!” Chloe called after Miss Savage, who was walking back up the pitch. “Amber’s had an accident.”

  Everyone stopped and stared.

  “What kind of accident?” Miss Savage called back.

  “Er, like a personal accident,” Chloe yelled at the top of her voice. Amber imagined classes all over the school putting down their pens to listen.

  “Oh my God, has she wet herself?” Tanya called out, equally loudly.

  Amber hugged herself and hunched over. She wanted to run away. She wanted to run away and never come back. But that would mean running past them and then they’d all see.

  Miss Savage came striding back. “What’s happened, Amber?”

  “It’s her period, miss,” Chloe said loudly, staring at Amber’s shorts.

  Amber looked pleadingly at Miss Savage. Please save me. Miss Savage glanced down at her. “Ah, I see.” She pulled off her tracksuit top and handed it to Amber. “Tie this round you,” she said briskly. “Then go back to the changing rooms and have a shower.”

  Amber nodded, unable to say anything in case she sobbed. She tied the top around her waist, fingers clumsy and numb with cold.

  Miss Savage patted her on the back. “Don’t worry,” she said. “Happens to all of us.”

  Amber trudged back across the playing fields, the wind biting into her face. She knew Miss Savage had been trying to comfort her, but what she’d said wasn’t true. It didn’t happen to “all of us”. It only happened to people like Amber. And now Chloe had been given a bonus prize. Not only had she had the satisfaction of seeing Amber humiliated and hurt, but she’d got enough ammunition to make her campaign global.

  By lunchtime what had happened would be all round the school and Amber’s status would go from “bit of a freak” to “total outcast”.

  Chapter Thirty

  Rose walked out of the tube onto Camden High Street and switched on her phone. Everything was going to be OK. Going to the patisserie instead of school was the best decision she could have made. She’d told Francesca her school was closed for a teacher training day. Francesca had been delighted to see her, as her assistant had just called in sick. A few hours of washing dishes and clearing tables had been the perfect distraction. Francesca had chatted away about her life in France and how she’d always dreamed of coming to London to open a cake shop. She’d looked so pretty in her gingham dress and matching bandana, and so happy as she’d talked. And this had filled Rose with hope. If Francesca had been able to do it, then surely so could she.

  The alert on Rose’s phone went off, then again, and again. She took the phone from her pocket and looked at the screen, heartbeat quickening. Two missed calls and four new messages. One was from Jasmine and three were from Savannah. Crap! She opened Jasmine’s first.

  OMG! Xxx

  What was that supposed to mean? Was it because she wasn’t in school? But why all the drama? Rose’s mouth went dry. Did she know what had happened at Sebastian’s last night? But how could she? Matt was hardly going to tell her. She clicked open Savannah’s messages.

  CALL ME!

  Where are you?!

  I don’t know where you are or what you’re playing at but you need to come home immediately.

  Rose leaned against the side of the bridge. Down below, Camden market was in full swing. What had happened? It couldn’t be anything to do with Matt, she told herself as she hurried to the station. It had to be school. They must have rung Savannah to find out why she wasn’t in today. And that had to be why Jasmine was texting too. Didn’t it?

  On the train home Rose tried to convince herself that it was OK. She’d get yelled at, but then Savannah would forget all about it like she always did because she’d be too caught up in her own dramas. She ran up the street towards the house, preparing her excuses. I wasn’t feeling too good so I went to study in the library instead. And she could always play the Sky doesn’t have to go to school card if things got really bad.

  “There she is,” she heard a guy shout. She looked up and saw a group of men with cameras standing further up the road, right outside the house. Paps. Rose sighed. Clearly Savannah being dropped by the cosmetics company was major news. She adopted her anti-pap pose, coat collar up, head down, and marched towards the house.

  “Here, Rose, give us a smile.”

  “Nice pic, Rose. Is it true you’re going into modelling?”

  “Should do, body like that.”

  The men started to snigger.

  Rose stopped and stared at them and there was a flurry of shutters going off and lights flashing. She blinked hard and turned away. Why were they after her picture? What was going on? Rose sprinted up the path. Just as she got to the front door it was flung open and Savannah grabbed her arm and pulled her into the house.

  “What have you done?” she said, slamming the door behind her. Liam was next to her, grim-faced. He placed his hand on Savannah’s shoulder. “Stay calm, honey.”

  “Stay calm?” Savannah yelled. “Stay calm?!” She turned to Rose. “Were you trying to get back at me? Is that it? Were you trying to hurt me?”

  “What are you talking about?” Did Savannah know she’d been going to the patisserie? Is that what this was about? Had Sky told her?

  “I just don’t know what the hell is going on with you any more,” Savannah yelled.

  Rose sighed. This was ridiculous. “It’s only a cake shop.”

  Savannah looked at her blankly. “What’s only a cake shop?”

  “The patisserie. I’m sorry I skipped school, but seriously, there are way worse places I could have been.”

  Savannah stared at her. “You’ve been in a cake shop?”

  “Yes. I’m doing some work experience there. It’s what I really want to do.”

  “Oh my God.” Savannah turned to Liam, speechless with shock.

  Liam smiled gently. “She’s not talking about where you’ve been, Rose. She’s talking about the photo.”

  “The photo?” Rose felt her legs buckle. She leaned against the wall to steady herself.

  “How could you?” Savannah said, grabbing her shoulders. A memory of Matt flashed into Rose’s mind. His hands pinning her shoulders to the couch, his sour beer-breath in her face.

  “Get off me!” Rose yelled, pushing her away. She looked at Liam, desperate for reassurance that something far beyond her very worst nightmare wasn’t about to come true. “What are you talking about?”

  “The photo you posted on Instagram,” he said softly.

  “What photo?” Every cell in her body quivered.

  “What photo?” S
avannah shrieked. “You know what photo. The topless photo. The topless photo that Showbiz Now have told the entire world about.”

  Rose couldn’t move. She couldn’t breathe.

  “Are you OK?” Liam asked. He took hold of Rose’s arm.

  Rose nodded, even though she was so far from OK she wasn’t sure she’d ever find her way back again.

  They all jumped at the sound of a key in the lock. The door swung open and Sky bounded into the hall, holding two bags of shopping.

  “Oh, hello,” she said. “Did you guys know there are some photographers outside?”

  “Yes. We’ve called the police, so hopefully they’ll get moved along soon,” Liam said.

  “Oh. Right.” Sky looked at Rose.

  “You need to delete the picture immediately,” Savannah said, but her voice was softer this time. “Showbiz Now have linked to your Instagram page.”

  Rose nodded and stumbled towards the stairs.

  “What picture?” Sky asked.

  Rose raced up the stairs before she could hear Liam’s reply. She took her phone from her pocket with trembling fingers. Matt couldn’t have. He wouldn’t have. He didn’t have access to her Instagram for starters – or did he? Dread coursed through her body as she remembered the day they’d gone on the London Eye together. She’d left her phone at home and used his to take a really cool shot of Big Ben. She’d got him to log into her account before she took it. She clicked onto her Instagram and stared numbly at the screen. The pouting, topless photo of her stared back.