Untangle My Heart (Tangled Hearts)

by Alexander, Maria K.

  “How long has it been since you last tried?”

  “A couple years.”

  He reached out and squeezed her hand. “I’ll help you if you want.”

  Panic crossed her face.

  “Not tonight, of course,” he added with a smile.

  “I’m not sure, Edward. My entire family has tried without success.”

  “But I’ve not tried. Why don’t you think about it and we’ll see. All right?”

  After considering it a moment, she nodded.

  He hated the thought of her still being haunted by her son and husband’s deaths. It was as though she blamed herself and refused to be happy. Like it was some sort of punishment. Well, he’d have to find a way to break past her stubbornness and convince to put her past just there, in the past.

  Chapter Nine

  Kate’s family had attended mass at St. Christopher’s church her entire life. Although she’d stopped regularly attending service over the past four years, Kate would go when visiting her family. This morning, the church was decorated for the holiday, complete with lighted trees, candles, and wreaths.

  Kate had always loved Christmas, and not just the day itself, but the entire season. Since Tony’s death, however, holidays had lost a lot of their wonder. Kate would never tell her mother this, but she’d even stopped putting up a tree in her apartment.

  Every decoration was a reminder of another year that passed without her son. With that came the realization that she’d never again see the excitement in his eyes come Christmas morning. Sometimes the pain of her loss was so great the only way she could deal with it was to avoid thinking about holidays and special events.

  But this year, she was looking forward to the Christmas party at the orphanage. She was grateful to have met Lucas and wanted him to spend the holiday with her family. She hoped to speak with Father Dominic later that day about the adoption process.

  Next to her in the pew, Lucas squirmed. She remembered all too well the struggle to sit still through an hour-long mass. For a young child, it could be torture. Lucas must have sensed her watching him because he lifted his head and smiled. She put her arm around him and he snuggled close to her side.

  Edward sat on the other side of Lucas. She’d been surprised when he offered to join her family for mass. He wasn’t Catholic and not religious at all, to her knowledge. When asked why, he mumbled something about always having been interested in the architecture of old churches.

  In actuality, Kate suspected it had something to do with their conversation the night before. Something shifted between them since her admission about not being able to drive. She’d allowed him to see another piece of her—a piece she’d kept private over the years. Normally, that should make her feel vulnerable, but for some odd reason, it didn’t. Telling Edward had been a sort of relief. Sometimes it was more difficult trying to keep a secret, and, after four years, Kate was tired of pretending.

  Over Lucas’s head, she met Edward’s gaze and wondered what he was thinking. She’d been worried how he would react when he learned she hadn’t driven since the accident. She wasn’t sure what she expected, but it hadn’t been the genuine concern he displayed. She’d never admit it to him, but she’d been pleased by his concern. Despite his offer to help her, she knew he wouldn’t push her to get behind the wheel of a car.

  He was a good man and while a part of her wanted to reach out to him, the practical part of her refused to allow it. She didn’t want a man in her life and, even if she did, would he be the one she’d choose? If she decided to get involved, she’d want it to be with a potential life partner, not someone who could have a different woman each night.

  But he continued to surprise her and cause her to rethink why she pushed him away. Take Lucas. The boy idolized him, and she wasn’t even sure Edward realized it. Last night when they brought Lucas back to the orphanage, he convinced Edward to stay and watch How to Train Your Dragon with him. When it was time to go, Lucas didn’t hesitate to give Edward a hug goodbye.

  The three of them, sitting together in the church pew, made her recall the times when she, Mario, and Tony used to come to mass. It reminded her of being a family and that both pleased and petrified her. It made her happy because she’d given up all hope of having a family, and was surprised to realize she was actually considering it, even though it would just be her and Lucas. But, deep down, lay the worry and fear she would lose all that was dear to her a second time. She didn’t have all the answers, but knew she couldn’t live through that pain again in this lifetime. Lightning never struck the same place twice, did it?

  A chill ran down her back, similar to the day she was in the cemetery. She glanced around, looking for what could have caused her to shiver but saw nothing unusual.

  Then it was time to offer peace to their neighbors. As Kate shook hands with those around her she noticed a figure off to the side. There was something familiar about how the person stood. His face was blocked by someone leaning forward, but Kate had a definite and creepy feeling she knew the man. Before she could adjust her position for a better view, someone moved, blocking him completely from her sight. When they moved back, he was gone.

  But in that split second, she’d felt as though she’d seen a ghost.

  Edward furrowed his brow. “Are you all right?” he whispered. “You’re as white as a sheet.”

  She wasn’t sure, but she nodded, not wanting to alarm him.

  After the service ended, her family gathered in the back. Lucas persuaded Edward to buy him a donut and pulled him toward the community room behind the church, where refreshments were being served.

  Kate had been searching for the person she saw earlier, but he seemed to have disappeared. Despite the snow-covered paths, Kate wandered over to the prayer garden along the side of the building. Ice crunched under her boots as she walked along the path. She paused at the statue of the Blessed Mother and said a prayer.

  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” a voice said from behind her.

  The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, and she whirled around, fists clenched, as though preparing for battle.

  “You’re looking mighty fine on this cold winter day, Kate,” a cold and spine-chillingly familiar voice said.

  Salvatore DiSilva. Her creepy brother-in-law turned convict. Last she’d heard he was in jail for theft and aggravated assault. What was he doing out of prison and here?

  She held her chin high. “Too bad I can’t say the same for you, Sal.”

  “Aw, is that any way to greet me after all this time?” he said. “Come, give me a hug and kiss.”

  “Go to hell,” Kate said.

  His deep, evil laughter filled the silence and reminded her too much of her late husband’s when he was drunk and forced himself on her.

  “Sorry, babe, I just got out of there, and I’m not planning on going back.”

  When he moved closer, she stepped back, determined to maintain the distance between them. Although it was morning, she could already smell booze on his breath. Sal was dangerous without alcohol and even worse with it.

  “What do you want, Sal?” she ground out. She glanced behind him for any trace of her family, but they’d all remained inside.

  He continued to creep forward, his eyes wild and dark. Her chest tightened and she breathed in slowly through her nose, attempting to squelch the panic threatening to take control.

  When Mario was alive, there’d been many times Sal had gotten too close to her when no one had been looking—closer than a brother-in-law should. He never acted on it but enjoyed taunting her with vivid details of how he could satisfy her better in bed than his brother. At first, she tried to laugh it off. But over time, the details became more suggestive, the look in his eyes hungry with lust. Eventually, she did everything she could to avoid being alone with him.

  For Mario’s sake, after Sal had gone to jail, Kate had tried to show empathy rather than pleasure at seeing him hauled off to jail. No easy task for even the most skilled
of actresses.

  “Well, seeing that you are my brother’s widow and I just got out of prison, I thought maybe I’d let you make me dinner. You always made the best lasagna.”

  “I seem to recall your mother’s lasagna being pretty damn good, too,” she fired back. “Go beg her for food.”

  “I could, but Ma can’t give me the things I’ve gone without for the past six years,” he said, his eyes traveling down the length of her body. “But you can, if you get my meaning.”

  “Go to hell, you bastard.”

  He lunged. She was ready, though, and side-stepped to avoid his grasp. But in her haste, her foot slipped on the ice, forcing her to grab onto the statue for support. Now he stood mere inches away.

  “Kate,” Lucas called from across the garden.

  Her eyes met Edward’s and she knew he correctly interpreted the situation when he bent down to whisper into Lucas’s ear and the boy took off.

  “There you are, luv,” Edward said, strolling toward them until he stood next to Kate. Offering her a hand, he helped her up and laid a possessive arm around her. “Everything all right here?”

  “Sal was just leaving. Weren’t you, Sal?” she said.

  He took a step closer but stopped when Edward put himself between them.

  “You want to choose your actions and words carefully, mate,” Edward said in a threatening tone she’d never heard before.

  Sal glared at her. “This isn’t over. You’re going to pay for what you did. I’d watch my back if I were you, sis.”

  With another of his blood-freezing smiles, he slinked away.

  When he was gone, Edward faced her and grasped her shoulders. “Did he hurt you? Are you all right?” he demanded, concern etched across his face.

  “Y…Y…Yes. I’m fine,” she said, annoyed at the trace of fear in her voice. “Thank you for finding me and getting Lucas away.” She felt the trembling start and struggled to control it, not wanting him to know how freaked she was by the unwelcome encounter with Sal.

  “You’re safe now. He’s gone.” Edward pulled her to him. “Who is he? He called you sis. I haven’t met him, but I know that’s not Nick.”

  She pulled back, feeling in control now. “That’s my former brother-in-law, Salvatore DiSilva, Mario’s brother. Apparently, he just got out of prison.”

  “What did he want with you? Why did he say you’d pay for what you did?”

  “Sal was in jail when Mario was killed. He hadn’t witnessed the slow demise of his brother and probably picked up whatever he knew of the case from the papers or his contacts on the outside, who I’m sure didn’t put the fault on Mario.”

  “So he blames you for his brother’s death?”

  “It appears so. He was also looking for a booty call.” She shuddered at the thought of the man even touching her.

  Edward paled, but behind it sparked the heat of anger, which he quickly replaced with concern. She placed a hand on his forearm. “It’s okay now. Sal’s gone and it’s over.”

  “Are you mad? Did you see his face? It’s far from over.”

  “I’ll talk to Nick. He’ll know what to do.”

  “I won’t have this nutter threatening or hurting you.”

  “I appreciate your concern, but I’m not your responsibility to protect.”

  “Maybe not but you have it.”

  “Even if I don’t want it?”

  “Yes. Let’s go find Lucas and the others.”

  Still shaken, she let Edward pull her toward the church. While a part of her didn’t want to involve him, the more reasonable part was grateful for his presence and the strength she could draw from him. She would need all the strength she could muster to deal with Sal.

  ****

  “Quick, grab this before I drop it.” Kate shoved a Chinese food take-out bag into Karen’s unsuspecting hands and swooshed into the apartment.

  “Oh my gosh, Kate. What did you bring?” Karen asked, pointing at one of the many bags Kate juggled.

  “A few things to celebrate the big unveiling.”

  Meghan rounded the corner. “Just so you know, we’re not using the word ‘big’ around Karen anymore.” Then she grabbed a second bag from Kate and whispered, “She’s a little sensitive about her size.”

  “I heard that,” Karen called as she waddled down the hall.

  Kate watched her friend with fondness and remembered her own final months of pregnancy. The waddling was something she’d always swore she’d never do. But even carrying only one child, she had found herself helpless to the waddle. Watching one of her two best friends in that state brought a giggle close to the surface.

  Meghan watched her face. “You’d better not let her see you laugh.”

  “Oh, come on, how can she not waddle? She’s like fifteen months pregnant with ginormous twins. I think she might need to celebrate their first birthday when they come out.” Kate said.

  Meghan laughed and then clasped her hand over her mouth. “Stop it,” she said, amusement still in her eyes. “I’m dreading the day when I’m big like that. I’m already self-conscious around Charles.”

  “Why? He isn’t giving you a hard time about the weight is he?”

  “Quite the opposite. He’s obsessed by my changing shape. He won’t let me wear a nightgown to bed and he’s constantly touching my stomach.”

  “Oh, you poor baby,” Kate crooned, wrapped her arm around Meghan, and followed Karen toward the kitchen. “It sounds really tough to have your husband worship your naked body.”

  “Did you tell her about the endless sex?” Karen asked as she handed Meghan plates from the kitchen.

  Meghan flushed. “Well, there’s that, too. It seems my pregnancy seriously turns him on. Things were hot before we got married but now...” She fanned herself and nodded at Karen. “And you should talk. Has your weight deterred Mark from wanting you?”

  “Not a bit. Like Charles, Mark seems turned on by it,” Karen said. “And I don’t get it. I’m not sure I’d want him as much if he gained fifty pounds.”

  Kate removed the containers of food from the bag and arranged them on the table while Meghan set out the plates.

  “Yeah, well now I feel really bad for both of you. Regular, scorching sex with your husbands. It’s a crime. Meanwhile, I’ve almost forgotten what sex feels like, it’s been so long,” Kate said.

  She had so much built up sexual tension she’d almost had an orgasm while Edward massaged her feet the other night. The man knew exactly what he was doing with those talented hands, and damn if he didn’t seem to be completely aware she’d been turned on—and probably was himself.

  “You’ve only yourself to blame,” Meghan said. “You’ve got a man all willing and ready, and all you do is push him away.”

  Kate sighed. “Part of me wants to jump Edward and have my way with him. The other part is just…”

  “Scared?” Karen finished for her.

  “Yeah.”

  “Of him being the wrong guy?” Meghan asked.

  Kate shook her head. “Of him being the right one and hurting me.”

  “Oh, sweetie, you can’t think like that,” Meghan said. “Edward is nothing like Mario. He would never hurt you.”

  “I know he wouldn’t hit me. Actually, sometimes I get the sense that he gets turned on when we fight. He gets all cool and indignant, but there’s something in his eyes like he wants to kiss the stuffing out of me. Weird, huh?” she said.

  “More like hot. And we thought Charles and Mark were odd for being turned on by our pregnancies. Mark is definitely not turned on when we fight, but the make-up sex has always been fantastic,” Karen said.

  “And then there’s Lucas,” Kate said.

  “The little boy from the orphanage, right? What’s he got to do with Edward and you?” Meghan asked.

  Kate took a deep breath. “I’m considering adopting him.” She watched the expression on their faces go from stunned to happy.

  “Oh, my God,” Karen said.

&n
bsp; “So, you’re seriously thinking about it?” Meghan said.

  More than she’d ever thought about anything.

  “Yeah, I am,” she said. She reached into her purse and grabbed her phone. “Here are some pictures I took.”

  She handed Karen the phone.

  “Oh, he’s adorable, especially with the missing front tooth,” Karen said.

  “And look at Edward with him. He appears very natural,” Meghan said.

  “Surprisingly he is. And Lucas idolizes him,” Kate said.

  “Oh, and I love this picture of the three of you,” Karen said. “You look like a family.”

  The reality of watching her best friends fawn over the pictures overwhelmed her, and she couldn’t stop the tears pooling in her eyes from falling.

  “I know,” she said. “Now do you see why I’m scared?”

  “You and Edward want each other. You both obviously care for Lucas. It makes sense for all of you to be together,” Meghan said.

  “I don’t think Edward wants to be tied down to a woman permanently, let alone a six-year-old,” Kate said. “And then there’s the whole love thing.”

  “What, you can’t see yourself falling in love with Edward?” Karen asked.

  “I wouldn’t want Edward to feel compelled to be with me because of Lucas. I have no doubt I can raise Lucas myself. I wouldn’t be the first single mom out there. But Edward and I…I can’t convince myself I have feelings for him just so Lucas can have a father. That wouldn’t be fair to any of us. If I get involved with someone again, it has to be for keeps.”

  “So you’re not in love with him?” Meghan asked.

  “I don’t know what I am. I care for him, and I definitely lust after him. But could that turn into love? I don’t know.”

  “You won’t know unless you give it a try,” Karen said.

  Kate shook her head. “I know, but I can’t, especially if I adopt Lucas. The timing to start a relationship couldn’t be worse.”

  “I think you’re over-analyzing things. Six months ago, I was in your shoes, afraid to give in to my attraction for Charles. I finally had to stop listening to my head and start with my heart,” Meghan said.