A Simple Change

by Judith Miller

  Still deep in thought, I hurried inside the men’s quarters and nearly collided with Sister Margaret. With the onion harvest complete, she’d returned to her regular work schedule at the dormitory, and I was glad once again to have her help. However, I hadn’t readjusted to her constant presence. Since her return, she’d managed to startle me at least once each day.

  After bidding me good morning, Margaret gestured toward the rear door. “I have to go out and heat the water. You remember we will do the wash today. Ja?”

  I hadn’t remembered, but I nodded. “You go ahead and I’ll strip the beds and bring the basket of sheets when I finish.”

  When she reached the rear door, she picked up a basket filled with some of the men’s dirty clothes. She wouldn’t wash those until after she’d laundered the sheets, but her kind gesture would save me an extra trip to the washhouse later in the day. While the water heated for the wash, she’d prepare a pot of coffee that would be kept hot on the stove throughout the morning, and while I remarked that it was much too warm for coffee, Sister Margaret declared she hadn’t yet seen a day when it was too hot for at least several cups of the strong brew.

  Working quickly, I yanked the sheets from the beds, picked up any remaining clothes that had been left on the floor, and carried the baskets to the washhouse. Sounds of the clacking looms, the whirring spinning jacks, and the rumbling carding machine filled the morning air as I crossed the distance between the dormitory and the washhouse. I’d become accustomed to the muted sounds of the machinery, but I often wondered how the men inside the mill could tolerate the noise day after day.

  I’d returned from my final trip to the washhouse and was cleaning in the sleeping room when the bell tolled to announce the midmorning break. After dusting the windowsills behind the beds, I turned and gasped when I caught sight of Thomas in the doorway. I didn’t know how long he’d been standing there staring at me, but his eyes were as cold as ice. His lips were clamped in a tight line, and the moment I saw him, he spun on his heel and strode off.

  My heart pounded in my chest and I tried to slow my breathing. Had Nathan been wrong? Had Thomas checked the money bag and discovered the newspaper clipping was missing? Was this his way of letting me know he’d caught me? My palms turned damp and I wiped them down the front of my apron. Any other time he’d caught me alone, he’d asked questions or at least spoken to me. But not today. Not any mention of Kathleen or any questions about a letter from Lilly—just a cold stare. I needed to remain calm, but how could I?

  I wanted to talk to Nathan. Maybe he’d said something to Thomas. There wouldn’t be time before the men returned from their break. Besides, I could hardly stand in the doorway and wave to Nathan. I could picture the workers’ looks of astonishment if I should do such a thing. A nervous giggle escaped my lips.

  “What is so funny?”

  I jumped and pressed my palm against my chest. “Sister Margaret. You startled me again.”

  “You are the most easily alarmed person I have ever met. What is it that causes such uneasiness in you?”

  “I-I don’t know. I didn’t hear you enter and you surprised me. There is no other explanation.”

  She tipped her head to the side and looked at me. “When I was a little girl, my Mutter told me such jumpiness was a sure sign I was hiding something.” Her eyes gleamed in the bright sunlight that shone through the dormitory windows. “Are you hiding something?”

  “No, of course not.” I cleared my throat. “Is it time to hang the sheets?”

  “Ja, the first ones are ready.” Margaret grinned at me. “There was one other thing my Mutter used to say to me about jumpiness—do you want to know what it was?” I really didn’t want to know, but she didn’t wait for a reply. “Mutter said when I was quick to change the topic, I was for sure hiding something.” She waved me forward and strode toward the rear door. “My Mutter is a very smart woman.”

  “I’m sure she is, but I’m not hiding anything. I only mentioned the laundry because . . .”

  Before I could finish my sentence, Margaret had cleared the doorway and was out of earshot. She’d been quite observant, and I wondered if Thomas had been just as perceptive. Was she guessing or did she know what I’d discovered? No, that was impossible. Neither Thomas nor Nathan would have talked to Margaret, and she’d been busy with the onion harvest when I found the money. I was letting my imagination run away with me.

  When the next load of wash was ready to hang, Sister Margaret returned and, from outside the door, hollered, “Don’t jump, Sister Jancey, I’m coming inside!” I soon grew weary of her shouted announcements, but I could see she thought it great fun. I considered asking her to stop but decided I should let her enjoy herself—at least a little while longer.

  We were in the midst of hanging another basket of clothes when the bell tolled, announcing it was time to depart for the noonday meal. “You go ahead. It takes longer for you to get to your Küche. I can finish hanging these shirts and still have time to get to the kitchen house in time.”

  “Are you sure? We can leave them until after lunch.”

  I leaned down and picked up one of the shirts and gave it a snap before pinning it to the line. “You go on. I’ll make it with time to spare.”

  With a quick wave, Margaret turned and hurried off. I grabbed another shirt, snapped it in the air, removed a wooden clothespin from my pocket, and secured it on the line. Over the weeks, I’d developed a kind of rhythm and had grown to enjoy this particular task, probably because being outdoors reminded me of playing button, button, who’s got the button or duck, duck, goose with the children at the orphanage.

  I reached for the last shirt at the bottom of the basket, but a light tap on the shoulder caused me to startle. I jumped and my foot found a dip in the ground. My ankle twisted and I toppled to the ground, landing in a most unladylike position. I don’t know if Thomas or I looked more horrified.

  He stooped down in front of me, which only served to make matters worse. My skirt was bunched beneath me and hiked up as far as my knees. I’d never been so appalled in my life. Anger replaced my earlier worries, and I pointed a finger at his nose.

  “Why do you insist on sneaking up on me? Now look what you’ve done.” The joint throbbed inside my leather shoe. “I’ve injured my ankle because of you.”

  “It’s not as though I pushed you down, so don’t be saying it’s because of me.” He stretched out his hand and took hold of my shoe. “Here, let me take a look at it.”

  Before I could slap his hands away from my leg, a long shadow hovered over us. I looked up and gasped at the supervisor of the woolen mill. “Brother William!” Pain shot through my ankle as I pulled my foot free from Thomas’s grasp.

  “Sister Jancey.” He gave a brief nod, then looked at Thomas. “You should go to the kitchen house, Thomas. We will talk later.”

  Thomas stood up. “But I want to—”

  Brother William closed his eyes and pointed over his shoulder. “You will please do as I have asked or you may pack your belongings and leave. Which will it be?”

  “I’m going to the kitchen house.” Head bowed low, he strode toward the path without a backward glance.

  Brother William kept his gaze turned from me. “You will please cover your legs, Sister Jancey.”

  I rolled on one hip, freed my skirt, and yanked it over my legs. My legs were covered by black cotton stockings, but my hiked-up skirt would have been considered improper even in the outside world.

  The heat raced up my neck. “I am properly covered, Brother William.”

  Only then did he turn and look down at me. “Do you need assistance getting to your feet?”

  Oh, how I wanted to say that I didn’t need his help, but I knew I’d likely fall again if I tried to get up. “If you could bring me one of the wooden chairs from inside, I could use it to steady myself.” I’d expected him to offer his arm instead, but he did exactly as I requested.

  Moments later, Brother William returned
and placed the chair beside me. “I will hold the back of the chair so that it does not topple over. Until you are sure the ankle is only sprained, you should keep weight off of it. Push up on your uninjured foot and sit on the chair.” Once I made it onto the chair, Brother William gave a firm nod. “Take off your shoe in case the foot and ankle swell, and stay on the chair while I go to the kitchen house and get some ice. We will talk when I return.”

  I wanted to tell him I’d prefer to talk now and wait for the ice, but from the stern look in Brother William’s eyes, I knew he would brook no argument. I leaned forward, removed my shoe, and propped my injured leg across my other knee. The ankle wasn’t broken, of that I was certain. It had swollen a bit, but massaging seemed to help.

  An eternity seemed to pass before Brother William returned. He carried a bucket containing small chunks of ice that had already begun to thaw in the rising summer heat.

  “Sister Bertha was kind enough to give me ice from the cellar. You are fortunate this was one of her delivery days for the ice, or she would not have had this much to spare.”

  “I’ll be sure to thank her.” I offered a feeble smile, but his lips remained fixed in that same tight line I’d observed when he saw Thomas leaning over me.

  He handed me a cotton towel. “Wrap some ice in the cloth and then hold it to your ankle.” His eyes remained fixed on the bucket of ice. “Do you think you need Brother Rudolf?”

  I shook my head. I didn’t want to bother the doctor for a sprained ankle. “I’m sure it’s only a sprain. By later this afternoon, it should be fine—especially since I have the ice.” I smiled again, but he remained expressionless.

  “Gut.” He folded his arms across his chest and rested his back against a nearby tree. “Now you will tell me what was happening between you and Thomas Kingman. And be sure you are truthful, Sister Jancey, because I will compare your story to the one he tells me. I hope they are the same because I would not want you to add to your disobedience.”

  The ice had begun to melt and rivulets of cold water were dripping down my ankle—a near match for the icy fear that now gripped my heart. How I wished there was some way to know exactly what Thomas would tell Brother William, but I’d have to hope he’d do the same as I: tell the truth but keep the explanation to a minimum.

  “It’s all very simple, Brother William. I was hanging clothes and didn’t hear Mr. Kingman approach. He startled me, and I think my ankle twisted when I turned around too quickly.” I looked toward the clotheslines. “There may have been a slight dip in the grass that caused me to lose my balance and fall. I’m not certain. It happened so fast.”

  His arms remained folded across his chest. He nodded and tapped the fingers of his right hand against his left upper arm. “Go on. What happened next?”

  I swallowed hard. “I, well, I fell down and Tho—Mr. Kingman, stooped down to see if I’d been injured. That’s when you appeared.”

  “Ja, I see. So you will tell me please why Mr. Kingman was coming into the backyard to speak with you.”

  A hot breeze sailed around me, and I wondered if I might faint. No, I wouldn’t faint. That would be too easy. Instead, I’d remain fully conscious and attempt to answer Brother William’s questions in a suitable fashion—suitable enough that he would find me faultless. He arched his brows as if he’d tired of waiting for my response.

  “I’m not positive why Mr. Kingman came to the backyard. He didn’t have an opportunity to say anything before I fell down. As you know, I haven’t spoken to him since then, so I think he could best answer that question.”

  “You should put fresh ice in the towel.” He pointed to the bucket of melting ice and sighed. “I know it is difficult to learn our ways, Sister Jancey, but I am sure you have been told that meeting alone with any man, particularly an outsider, is not acceptable, ja?”

  “Yes, Brother William, I have been told about that rule.” After wringing out the towel, I retrieved several chunks of ice from the bucket and wrapped them in the cloth. “On a few occasions, the men return to pick up something they have forgotten or to inquire about their laundry and I must speak to them, but—”

  He nodded. “Ja, and that is expected. You should not be rude to anyone and should always speak with kindness to those who are in our village, but you should not visit with the outsiders. They are lonely and could easily misinterpret your goodwill as an invitation to . . .” When he looked up, his cheeks had turned the shade of a ripe apple. “To become close friends, and that is not acceptable. Do you understand?”

  My ankle throbbed and my head pounded as I nodded and mumbled my understanding.

  He unfolded his arms and pushed away from the tree. “Sister Margaret should return soon. If you are unable to return to your work, you may go home and rest your ankle. I will leave that for you to decide.” He stood a short distance from the chair and looked down at me. “Our life in the colonies is not for everyone, Sister Jancey.”

  His words stung. I thought I’d made great strides in applying the rules to my life, but it sounded as though Brother William did not agree. He was preparing to leave, but I couldn’t let him go without asking the question that had been plaguing me ever since he’d seen me with Thomas.

  “Do you plan to bring this before the other elders, or have I sufficiently answered your questions, Brother William?”

  He looked down and the brim of his straw hat hid his eyes from my view. “I think it depends upon what Mr. Kingman tells me, Sister Jancey. If he has much the same story, then there is no need to speak to the elders.” He raised his head and the stern look had returned to his eyes. “So long as you truly understand that you should refrain from being alone with the outsiders.”

  I wanted to mention Nathan and the fact that he was a family friend who visited our home from time to time, but I didn’t think Brother William would want to hear anything further from me at the moment—especially where it pertained to the outsiders.

  “I will do my very best to follow all of the rules, Brother William, and thank you for bringing the ice to me.”

  “You are welcome. I will speak to Mr. Kingman, and if you are still at work this afternoon, I’ll give you my final decision on this matter.”

  I mumbled my thanks. Now I was dependent upon what Thomas would tell Brother William. If he mentioned the letters I’d written for him and the notes we’d exchanged, Brother William would go to the elders before the sun had a chance to set in the western sky.

  My hands shook as I wrung water from the dripping cloth. Surely Thomas would answer in a way that would avoid getting either of us in trouble. Still, I worried, for I didn’t know if he’d discovered that the newspaper article was missing. What had he wanted?

  Chapter 23

  When Sister Margaret returned from lunch and found me sitting on a chair in the backyard, she immediately bombarded me with a litany of questions. I’d barely finished her inquisition when Brother William reappeared. Thankfully, he sent her back to the washhouse so he could speak to me in private.

  His angular face didn’t reveal what news he’d brought, but I continued to hold out hope that Thomas had been prudent with his answers. If not, he’d likely be headed out on the next train and I . . . well, I had no idea what might happen to me. That was the greatest fear of all. At the moment, the last thing my parents needed was another problem heaped upon them. Though I realized they would be supportive no matter the circumstances, I didn’t want to be the cause of more distress in their lives.

  “I took time to speak to Brother Rudolf before returning. He sent this roll of bandage and said you should wind it around your foot and up around your ankle to give support. If it doesn’t feel better by tomorrow, you are to go to see him at his office.”

  I took the roll from Brother William and thanked him. If Brother Rudolf mentioned the sprained ankle to my mother when he called on her today, she would worry until I returned home.

  “He won’t say anything to my mother, will he? I wouldn’t want her to wor
ry.”

  Brother William ran his fingers along his jawline. “We did not discuss your Mutter, but since he is a physician, I am sure Brother Rudolf would not say anything that might cause her concern.”

  The look in his eyes indicated I should have known better than to ask such a foolish question. Our conversation wasn’t off to a good beginning, so I could only hope it would soon improve. When Brother William didn’t forge ahead and reveal the details of his conversation with Thomas, I decided to take matters into my own hands.

  “I trust you’ve spoken to Mr. Kingman and he disclosed much the same thing as I told you earlier.”

  “Not quite.”

  I jerked my shoulders upright and leaned against the back of the chair with my spine as rigid as a broom handle. “What do you mean? In what way did our stories differ?”

  Brother William once again assumed his position beneath the tree. “He said that you had been waving your arms, and he thought you were signaling to him.” His eyebrows scrunched together and his forehead wrinkled into deep creases. “Did you wave to Mr. Kingman, Sister Jancey?”

  I forced myself to remain calm, but anger boiled inside me like a kettle of bubbling water. “No, I did not. I don’t know why he would say such a thing. I did shake out the shirts before I hung them on the line. Is that what he may have considered waving?”

  Brother William hiked his shoulders in a dismissive shrug. “Perhaps, though he didn’t mention the laundry—only that you waved your arms overhead and he thought you were in distress. He said he feared you had seen a snake or faced some other danger and needed help.” He exhaled an exaggerated breath. “So this is not true?”

  “I didn’t signal him—at least not intentionally.” My mind whirred like a child’s spinning top. Thomas had protected himself with that story, but he hadn’t done much to help me. “The only time I raised my arms was to hang the laundry.”

  “So you were in no danger?”

  “Not until he frightened me and I fell and twisted my ankle. That’s the only danger I encountered today.”