by Maggie Walsh
“There’s nothing you can do for me, Uncle, but thank you.”
“I may not be able to change the past, or take the memories away, but I can be here for you whenever you need me to offer up my support and love, as well as a shoulder should you need it.”
Castiel gave him a sad smile in return. “Thank you.”
“What is the hardest thing you are struggling with about all of this, Cass?”
Cass swallowed hard and looked down as shame once again filled him. “I never wanted anyone to know what Michael did to me. What he made me do. Hell, I even forgot it. That in itself is killing me. How do you forget things like that?” Cass asked his voice filled with anguish.
“What your wonderful mate said is true, Cass. Our minds try to protect us and block out moments of great pain. There are many people who have gone through this same thing and for the same reasons. But eventually it all does come to the surface and the memories will come back. Some can’t handle it when it happens or are told they are lying or making it up. The victim becomes the victim again because people just can’t understand how anyone can forget such things. But the soul is on survival mode from our first breath to the last, and if it feels the heart being so damaged by things that have happened, the brain takes over. And even if others don’t believe you, you know the truth and you need to face it, so that the healing and understanding of it all can begin. It will be a lot of hard work, but you are fortunate to have a family full of people who believe you and will stand by your side and do anything to help you. And you have two beautiful mates that love you and won’t let you go through it alone. Fate sent you soul healers as your mates for a reason, Cass. Take that gift for the blessing it is, and allow them to set you free from your past.”
Cass listened to his uncle and knew everything he said was true and the right thing to do, but he still felt betrayed by what Kia did. “He should never have done that, Uncle. Those were my memories and it should have been my choice, but he took that away from me. How can I ever forgive Kia or trust him again?”
“By being the amazing man you are and seeing it for what it really was. By seeing the truth. Kia didn’t mean to take your power from you or your choice. He did what Fate wants of him. He took you and us to see the truth so that we all would understand and be able to help you. I believe we did need to see it, Cass so that we could also know the true depth of Lucius and Michael’s depravities. And I believe that was the only way for us to see it. I know you are feeling a sense of being violated and betrayed, but that was not your mate’s intention. I have only met them briefly and already I know that they are both good and pure. There is not an evil bone in either of them.”
Cass let Raphael’s words wash over him, and took them into his heart. His uncle was right. His mates had no evil in them, only love. “I know what you’re saying, Uncle, and I agree. I just need a little time to process everything.”
“Take all the time you need, Cass, but not when it comes to your mates. Put that before everything else, and let them help you,” Raphael said and patted Cass’s knee, then gave him a hug.
After a few minutes, they pulled apart and Raphael gave him a loving smile. “Someone else is dying to speak with you, so I will take my leave, but know that I am so proud of you, Castiel. You are a wonderful man and a beautiful soul. Please know that I am always here for you. You can tell me anything and it will always be safe with me. You’re not, nor will you ever be, alone. I love you, son.”
“I love you, too, Uncle. I always wished that you were our father instead of Lucius,” Cass confessed.
“You should have been, and you are now. You, Gabe, and Raffy are all my boys and I never want to hear you call me uncle again. Only Dad.” Raphael tapped Cass’s cheek lightly.
Cass’s eyes filled with fresh tears. “Thank you…Dad.”
“Now, I will go so Christian can stop stressing, but I expect you and my new sons-in-law to come for dinner at the house soon.”
Cass gave him a watery smile. “I promise.”
“Good. I think we should make it a weekly thing. All my sons and their mates, Micah and Jesse, Raith, Aaron, and Rory, Gabriel and Taylor, you, Shay, and Kia, Ash, Maddy, Milo, and Josh, Sage and Slade, and we’ll even bring in Fallon and Trevor, as well as the boys in the house, and have a big family dinner.”
“I like that idea.”
“Good. I’ll talk to Evan and Micah.” Raphael turned, shifted, and padded away.
Chapter Fourteen
Cass watched Papa Angel leave, and his best friend come closer. Once Christian was near, he shifted back into his human form and sat where Papa Angel had been. “Are you okay, man?” Christian asked softly.
“Would you think I was crazy if I told you yes and no?” Cass replied with a chuckle.
“No. Look, Cass, I know I don’t know everything that happened because your mind blocked out a lot that even you weren’t aware of, but I do know a lot of what you remember. We have had so many conversations about the abuse that you lived through and some of the times you took those beatings to protect Gabe. I know it’s hard for some to believe because Gabe is so fucking huge now, but there was a time when he wasn’t. When you were so much larger and stronger than him. And as you explained to me many times, even though Gabe was your big brother, you felt the need to protect him. You are a good man, an amazing man, for putting yourself in harm’s way to protect your brother. I’ve told you this numerous times. Don’t let the new memories of what you sacrificed destroy you or lessen what you did.”
“I know you’re right in here, Chris,” ―Castiel touched his heart, then he touched his head― “But in here, I feel lost. The memories of what Michael, did to me…” Cass’s words trailed off as they got stuck in his throat. He placed his head in his hands as he bent forward.
Christian wrapped an arm around Castiel’s shoulders, trying to comfort him. “Do you remember all the conversations we had about Michael? And how many times did you tell me that you didn’t think he was actually your brother?”
“I know, Chris, but he is. I can’t hide from that fact.”
“How do you know that? Maybe there is something in your memories beside Michael telling you that you weren’t brothers, and you just haven’t hit upon that memory yet.”
Cass dropped his hands from his face and sat up. “I think that’s wishful thinking from my subconscious all these years.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. But I do know of a cute little jaguarundi who can help you with that. Who would love to help you.”
“I don’t know, Chris.”
“Yes, you do. Look in your heart, Cass—that big, beautiful heart of yours—and see what it tells you about your mates, and I guarantee it will tell you what you need to do,” Christian said and bumped his shoulder to Cass’s.
“They are beautiful and amazing, aren’t they?” Cass asked with a smile.
“Yes, they are, and they are all yours. Handpicked by Fate just for you. I always knew your mate would be special. I just didn’t know you would get two someone specials. But I always knew he would be amazing because you are amazing and you would need someone just as wonderful as you so that you would have an eternity of happiness. Which I also know you deserve.”
“I need to go apologize to Kia. I was such an asshole,” Cass groaned.
“Yeah, you were. But I think he understands and will forgive you. I think both your mates already know how great you are and that you are deserving of their forgiveness. I don’t even think you’ll have to grovel,” Christian said with a laugh, causing Cass to laugh, too.
* * * *
After spending three hours talking with Christian about everything that had happened in his dream and all his worries, Cass was feeling better. Christian knew him better than anyone, and he could always make Cass put things into perspective. The sun had come up an hour ago as they sat and talked, but now he was feeling wiped out. As much as he was afraid to sleep, Cass knew he needed to. He was more tired than he could ever remember b
eing in his life. But first, he needed to make things right with his mates.
He and Christian walked up the stairs together and separated on the landing. Christian went on to his room and Cass continued up to the third floor to his own. He stopped at the door and took a deep breath, released it slowly, then opened the door.
Most of the room was already light with the sun streaming through, but the alcove with his bed was still in darkness. He made his way to stand at the foot of the bed and looked down upon the two adorable creatures that were wrapped around each other in a ball. The sight made his heart happy, and a smile come to his lips. His mates really were pure and beautiful. How could he do that to Kia? How could he speak to him the way he had?
“Because you were hurting and not thinking. But if you ever hurt Kia again, I won’t be so forgiving.” Shay’s soft voice filled his head.
Cass’s gaze flicked to Shay’s face and found beautiful violet eyes looking back at him. Seamlessly, Shay shifted back to his human form, his gaze never leaving Cass’s. Suddenly Kia shifted, too, and his eyes popped open. Cass looked to him and could see the worry and sadness there. His heart hurt knowing he was the cause. Sadness filled him and tears burned the backs of his eyes. Cass dropped to his knees on the floor at the foot of the bed.
Kia immediately sat up and slid down the bed, stopping at the bottom. Cass leaned forward, wrapped his arms around Kia’s waist, and buried his face in Kia’s stomach as the tears came. Kia wrapped his arms around Cass’s head and held him tight, giving Cass comfort and support. Gods, he really was the luckiest bastard in the world. Kia had every right to push him away, but his wonderful mate was here holding him, comforting him.
“I’m so sorry, Kia. I should never have spoken to you like that. I know you were only trying to help me, and I am so sorry for being such an asshole,” Cass cried.
“Yes, you were an asshole, but Shay and I understand, mate. And you were right—I never should have brought the others without talking to you first. I’m sorry, mate.”
Cass pulled back and looked up at Kia. “I understand why you did it, though, and you were right. As much as I wanted to spare them the truth, they needed to know so that we could all move on.”
“I know you are feeling shame, mate, but you have nothing to be ashamed of. What that demon did to you, you never could have fought against. Not back then.”
“I should have tried. I should have gone to Uncl—did you just say demon?” Cass asked in shock.
“Yes. Michael. He was a demon. Well, half demon, half wolf.”
“What? How…how do you know this?”
“Shay can see anyone’s true form, remember? After you left we tried to sleep, but Shay couldn’t. He was so upset about what happened.”
Cass looked to Shay and held out a hand. Shay moved down the bed to sit beside Kia. He looked really nervous. Cass wrapped an arm around his back and pulled Shay closer. “I’m sorry to you, too, baby. I never should have put either of you through that and made you worry.”
“We do understand, Castiel, and we do forgive you,” Shay replied.
“I never meant to hurt either of you and I will spend forever making up for it.”
Shay gave him a beautiful smile as he reached out and brushed his fingers through Cass’s hair. “You have nothing to make up, mate. As I said, we understand and we forgive you. But can you forgive us?”
“Of course, sweet pea. I know you both only meant to help me and I’m sorry I―”
Shay placed a finger on Cass’s lips, cutting him off. “We’re all sorry, and we have each forgiven. Now we move on.”
“You’re right, sweet pea,” Cass agreed and pulled them both close, hugging them. After a few minutes, he broke the hug, and Cass gave them each a tender kiss.
“You look very tired, mate. Come to bed and we’ll all cuddle and get some sleep,” Shay said.
“I would love that,” Cass replied and moved onto the bed. Kia and Shay both moved back to the head of the bed and Cass slid up between them. They cuddled up to either side of him. Cass sighed, content to be here with his mates.
A thought hit him, and Cass’s eyes snapped open. He turned his head to look at Shay. “How did you see Michael?”
Shay’s eyes filled with guilt and he looked down. Cass placed a finger under his chin and lifted Shay’s head until their gazes met. “It’s okay, Shay.”
“When I couldn’t sleep, Kia took me to one of the memories you had just had. I wanted to see the evil men that hurt my mate,” Shay replied softly.
“I wish you hadn’t, only because I don’t want their evil touching either of you. Even though it already affected Kia, I wish it didn’t have to be.”
“If we are to help you heal, I needed to see. Not everything you all did, but I needed to see you then.”
“It’s okay, baby,” Cass whispered and kissed the top of Shay’s head.
“And it’s a good thing he did, because he was able to see that Michael wasn’t really your brother, but a demon,” Kia said.
Cass’s head snapped in his direction, eyes wide open. “You said that before. How do you know Michael wasn’t my brother?
“When I saw him, I could see his wolf and his demon. You are a timber wolf, like your brothers and Micah, and your father, but Michael was an arctic wolf. They are still in the gray wolf family like your wolf, but they are different. And I could also see the demon inside him. I don’t mean the evil, but an actual demon,” Shay explained.
“So, Michael was possessed by a demon?” Cass asked in horror.
“No, not possessed, he was a demon. Michael had two forms that hid underneath his human form.”
“Holy shit. What about Lucius?”
Shay gave him a sad look. “No, I’m sorry, mate. Your father was just an evil bastard.”
“Shit,” Cass whispered and relaxed back into the pillows, pulling his mates closer.
The door burst open and a frantic Christian ran in. “Raffy is gone! My angel is gone!”
* * * *
Aaron had a hard time sleeping after they returned to their room and Raith told them some of the things that had happened in Cass’s memories. He thought back to his childhood and how his parents, or those he thought were his parents, had treated him. Sure, they never showed him any love and they always made him feel inadequate and caused a rift between him and Storm. They also happened to be the reason Seth was the way he was, but they had never beat him, or…Aaron couldn’t even think it. What they did was their own form of abuse. Mental and emotional abuse could be a hell of a lot more potent than physical abuse. Physical abuse was horrible, and even though those wounds would heal, it was also mental abuse. You still had to deal with what happened.
Aaron turned away from his sleeping mates and threw his legs over the side of the bed. He was restless and there was no way sleep would come right now. Maybe a nice glass of wine would help? Or maybe a snack?
Aaron stood and put sleep pants and a white tee on, then slid his feet into his slippers and quietly exited the room, making sure not to wake his mates. He made his way down into the kitchen and stopped when he found Bailey and Lexi sitting at the center island having breakfast and whispering to each other as they laughed softly and touched one another tenderly.
Bailey saw him and turned to face him. “Good morning, Aaron. You’re up early.”
“Good morning. I wish I weren’t. Is that fresh coffee?” he asked, shuffling into the room.
“Yup, it just finished. Help yourself,” Lexi replied.
“Thanks.” Aaron crossed the room and grabbed a mug from the cabinet, then poured himself a cup of coffee. He replaced the pot, took a big drink, and sighed.
“I didn’t know you drank it black,” Lexi replied.
“I don’t,” Aaron mumbled, then took another sip before heading to the fridge for milk.
“Rough night?” Bailey asked.
“You could say that. Cass had a little trip down memory lane and Kia was the tour guide. He too
k Micah, Gabe, Papa A, and Raith with them. The whole thing affected all of them. Raith was up most of the night raging about what happened and how he should have done something, even though he had no fucking clue it was happening to begin with. Rory and I tried to explain to him that he wasn’t to blame for the evil that others do. Especially when he didn’t know anything about it. And sometimes people are forced to do things they don’t want to do out of fear for the ones they love…shit.”
“What?” Bailey asked.
“I think it’s time I stop hiding from my own past and face it head on,” Aaron said, then went to the coffee pot and took out a second mug, filled it, and headed toward the back hall.
He made his way down into the basement and stopped at the cell holding his look-alike. Sasha sat on the cot with his back to the brick wall. Samuel lay across the bed with his head in Sasha’s lap.
“What are you doing down here so early, Aaron?” Sasha asked in a whisper.
“I came to see if Samuel was awake yet, but I see he’s not. I’ll come back later.”
“He was up most of the night. Bad dreams,” Sasha said.
“Sorry to hear that. I know the feeling. I brought this for Samuel, but would you like a cup?” Aaron asked as he raised the mug.
“I would kill for a fresh cup of coffee right now. Thanks.” Sasha reached out his hand and Aaron put the mug through the bars of the cell.
“You can get yourself and him out of there any time you want. Why are you still in there?” Aaron asked.
Sasha gave him a soft smile. “Samuel feels safer here.”
“So, as his mate you’ll stay to help make him feel safe,” Aaron observed.
Sasha cup froze against his lips as his gaze locked on Aaron’s. He slowly lowered the mug. “How did you know?”
“How could I not? I think everyone in this house knows. Why else would you have locked yourself in that cell with him and are so protective of him?”
“Maybe because he’s so scared and has been through so much,” Sasha replied with a smirk.
