Alice's Nightmare In Wonderland

by Jonathan Green

  “Oh, you foolish Alice!” she scolds herself. “Whatever made you think that eating that cake would make you smaller?”

  (Reduce Alice’s Logic score by 1 point.)

  Angry at herself for doing something so foolish, Alice strides off towards a dark forest, and, with each step, she starts to shrink, until she is her old size again.

  Turn to 291.

  216

  With its ear-chimneys and fur-thatch, whoever built the house Alice is now approaching was quite clearly following the lepus style of architecture. There is a long table set out under a tree in front of the house, with a large arm-chair placed at one end.

  If you have the word ‘Revelation’ recorded on Alice’s Adventure Sheet, you will also have a number associated with it; turn to the paragraph with the same number now.

  If you do not have the word ‘Revelation’ recorded on Alice’s Adventure Sheet, turn to 318.

  217

  As the Unicorn, Lion and Wyvern close on her, Alice wracks her brain for a way out of this particularly thorny predicament.

  Take a Logic test. If Alice passes the test, turn to 237. If she fails to come up with a solution, turn to 299.

  218

  In the centre of the grotto stands a marble statue of a forest spirit, the kind Alice has read about in books of classical mythology. As she walks past the sculpture a sound not unlike a pestle being ground slowly in a mortar echoes from the craggy walls of the cave. Alice turns to see the statue coming to life.

  She takes in its goat-like legs, its protruding horns, its curly stone beard, and the devilish leer on its face and knows that whatever the animated statue intends for her, it can be nothing good.

  If you want Alice to employ The Pen is Mightier ability, turn to 147. If you would rather she employ the Curiouser and Curiouser ability, turn to 167. If not, Alice will have to protect herself as best she can – turn to 157.

  219

  Opening the slim leather-bound volume, Alice begins to read:

  ‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

  Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

  All mimsy were the borogoves,

  And the mome raths outgrabe.

  “Beware the Jabberwock, my son!

  The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!

  Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun

  The frumious Bandersnatch!”

  “What a curious poem,” says Alice, “and yet it seems strangely familiar too.”

  If you think Alice should keep reading, turn to 199. If you think she has dallied in the library long enough, turn to 454.

  220

  The path Alice is following turns a sharp ninety degrees at the point where there stands a statue of a lobster performing a quadrille with a salmon.

  If you want Alice to head south, turn to 140. If you want her to go west, turn 230.

  221

  The coin lands with a plop in the pool where it proceeds to sink to the bottom, and Alice’s wish is granted. Add 2 points to her Endurance score, and then turn to 241.

  222

  “You know what they call me?” the hag shrieks as she capers across the smoky kitchen, ready to slice Alice into rasher-thin slices. “Bloody-Bones, on account of how I don’t like to waste a thing from a carcass, and I don’t just mean the offal, but right down to the blood and the bones.”

  With that the Cook swings her cleaver at Alice and the terrified child is forced to retaliate. (Bloody-Bones has the initiative, and for the duration of this battle Alice must reduce her Combat score by 1 point, due to sneezing so much from all the pepper that is in the air.)

  BLOODY-BONES COMBAT 9 ENDURANCE 8

  If Alice wins her battle with Bloody-Bones, turn to 242.

  223

  Prising a club from the fingers of the Six of Clubs, Alice tests its weight in her hands.

  If Alice chooses to use the Club in battle, every time she lands a successful blow, roll two dice (or pick a card). If you roll 2-10 (or you pick an Ace up to a Jack), Alice’s strike causes 3 Endurance points of damage to her opponent. However, if you roll 11 or 12 (or pick a Queen or King), Alice’s blow knocks her opponent out, removing them from the fight.

  Turn to 243.

  224

  Blocking Alice’s way onwards through the maze is a stone archway, within which is set a heavy iron portcullis. Approaching the gate, Alice grabs hold of the portcullis and tries to lift it. She feels the heavy gate move slightly, but it will take all her strength to lift it.

  Take an Endurance test. If Alice passes, she manages to raise the portcullis with her bare hands (turn to 244). If she fails, it will not budge, and she is forced to retrace her steps (turn to 320).

  225

  Pulling out the ‘Drink Me’ bottle, Alice downs the last of the cherry-tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffee and hot buttered toast-flavoured infusion, and immediately starts to shrink. In no time at all she is back to her original size and feeling very pleased with herself for her quick thinking.

  (Strike the Shrinking Potion from Alice’s Adventure Sheet, but add 1 to her Logic score.)

  “What is going on in there?” comes a voice from behind the other door in the room.

  Curious as to the identity of the owner of the voice Alice turns the handle… Turn to 516.

  226

  “Good day to you,” says Alice, having been brought up to always be polite, no matter what the occasion. The Tick-Tock Men say nothing, but continue their relentless advance. With time running out, the disappearing seconds marked by the ticking of the mechanical men’s inner workings, Alice is going to have to try something else – and quickly!

  If you think Alice should try to dodge past the advancing Tick-Tock Men, turn to 5. If you think she should attack the Tick-Tock Men, before they can attack her, turn to 169.

  227

  “Well now we know why a writing-desk is like a raven,” Alice says, before adding, “which means that surely a raven is also just as much like a writing-desk.”

  At those words, with a strangled creaking croak, the raven folds its wings, tucks its head beneath its breast, and becomes a writing-desk once more.

  Without waiting for the writing-desk to turn back into a raven, Alice hurries out of the house.

  Turn to 267.

  228

  Hurrying away from the house, beneath a glowering sky, Alice is a little startled when she sees a large moggy sitting on the bough of a tree a few yards off.

  “There you are,” says the Cat, grinning from ear-to-ear, “I was starting to worry that we would never get the chance to speak.”

  If you have the word ‘Revelation’ recorded on Alice’s Adventure Sheet, you will also have a number linked to it; add 47 to that number and turn to the paragraph with the same number. If not, turn to 253.

  229

  Alice peruses the shelves for some time, passing over many books as being far too dull and dry for her liking. “After all,” thinks Alice, “what is the use of a book without pictures or conversations?”

  She finally settles on two tomes with interesting titles but which one should she read? Jabberwocky (turn to 219) or Phantasmagoria (turn to 103)?

  230

  The path Alice is following ends at a white gazebo, draped with honeysuckle. Beneath the gazebo is a glass table, upon which is a glass bottle containing a crimson-coloured liquid.

  “Hello!” says Alice. “This is all starting to look very familiar.”

  If you think Alice should drink from the bottle, turn to 54. If not, the only other option open to her is to turn back the way she has just come (turn to 220).

  231

  How many attacks have already been made against the Alice-Jabberwock?

  None? Turn to 418.

  One? Turn to 287.

  Two? Turn to 328.

  Three? Turn to 363.

  Four? Turn to 513.

  232

  The air is suddenly rent by a keening cry that has Alice looking to the sky in abject dread o
f what might be descending to attack her now.

  She hears the ruffling of feathers and a sinister shadow falls across the forest as some avian monster swoops down and snatches the grotesque Slug from the stalk beneath you.

  It only takes a moment and then the bird is gone again, and the Slug along with it. Not wanting to remain in such an exposed position any longer herself, Alice wastes no time in descending the toadstool herself.

  Turn to 131.

  233

  Alice agrees that there’s not a moment to lose, but how will she return to the palace to finish the job she started there?

  If Alice has a Golden Feather, turn to 276. If not, but Alice is wearing a Wig, turn to 326. If Alice has neither of these things, turn to 305.

  234

  Shrieking shrilly the Bat attacks. (In this battle the Bat has the advantage.)

  BAT COMBAT 6 ENDURANCE 5

  If Alice manages to defeat the furious Bat, turn to 62.

  235

  It seems that usually, if Alice is prepared to wait long enough, the effects of anything she has eaten or drunk will wear off relatively quickly, so that is what she resolves to do now.

  Suddenly she feels someone trying to open the door she didn’t enter by, but, as the door opens inwards, and Alice’s elbow is pressed hard against it, that attempt proves a failure. “What is going on in there?” comes a voice from behind the door.

  Alice is about to answer when she hears a shrill scream and the crash of breaking glass. This is followed by sounds of a disturbance. Her heart racing she cries out “What’s going on?” herself, and “Who’s there?”

  There are more screams and then an eerie silence falls over the house, one that is absolute other than for the pounding of Alice’s pulse in her ears.

  It is only then that she realises she has started to shrink, and very soon she is back to her normal size. Her heart still racing, she tries the door, which had previously been jammed by her elbow.

  It opens onto a snug study. At least it must have been snug until the massacre occurred. Blood covers the walls and even drips from the ceiling. Lying on the floor, their viscera spilling out across a once fine Persian rug are the bodies of a Mouse, dressed like a bank clerk, and a Lizard wearing clothes for gardening in.

  Flopped in a chair behind a leather-topped writing desk is the body of the White Rabbit, stuffing and mangled clockwork spilling from rents in his skin. His head is lying on the desk, glass eyes blinking mechanically. The eerie stillness is disturbed only by the dull ticking of a grandfather clock, and the clicking eyelids of the White Rabbit. Such sights are not for the likes of eleven year-old girls. (Add 1 to Alice’s Insanity score.)

  “Who could have done such a thing?” she gasps, her voice barely more than a whisper.

  And then the question is answered for her as, with a creaking of mahogany and oak, the grandfather clock transforms before her eyes, unfolding itself until it looks not unlike one of the Tick-Tock Men Alice encountered in the Hall of Doors.

  The clock’s heavy pendulum weight hangs from the end of one arm-like appendage, looking rather like a flail, while the other arm ends in the scissoring hands of the clock face. And the hands are still wet with the blood of the slaughtered animals.

  There is barely time for Alice to take all this in, never mind come up with some cunning ploy to get out of danger, so she will either have to use The Pen is Mightier ability to save herself, if that option is still open to her (turn to 247), or she will have to prepare to defend herself (turn to 171).

  236

  “I remember this place,” says Alice as she passes through a gate in the rickety fence. “Why, it’s the March Hare’s House! The last time I was here the March Hare was having tea with the Hatter and the Dormouse, but there’s no sign of them. I wonder where they could be.”

  If you want Alice to approach the table, turn to 256. If you want her to look inside the March Hare’s House, turn to 381.

  237

  “What do you use to get rid of nuisance plants?” Alice ponders, and then her face brightens as she comes up with the answer. “Why, weed-killer of course!” But where is Alice going to get weed-killer from? Even if there was a potting shed somewhere in the garden containing the necessary supplies, she would still have to get past the monstrous topiary to find it.

  And then the answer comes to her – the Shrinking Potion that enabled her to enter the garden in the first place!

  If you want Alice to use the Shrinking Potion on the plants, turn to 255. If not, turn to 299.

  238

  The crustacean dead, and looking not unlike the remains of an epicure’s Lobster Thermidor, Alice starts to pick at the scraps. The Lobster’s flesh is very sweet, and if Alice eats some it will add 4 Endurance points.

  She briefly considers using one of its claws as a weapon but they are large and cumbersome. Instead, she picks up a piece of the Lobster’s carapace. It is big enough and hard enough to act as an effective shield, should Alice wish to take it.

  If she does, record the Shell Shield on Alice’s Adventure Sheet and make a note that it will reduce the damage caused by enemy attacks by 1 Endurance point. However, carrying it will also impede Alice’s movements and so you must reduce her Agility score by 2 points for as long as she has it in her possession. Alice may discard the Shield at any time (losing both the benefit and the burden it brings), but she will not be able to recover it again during the course of her adventure.

  When she is done with the rocky cove, Alice may either make her way towards the sandy bay (turn to 258), or head into the dunes instead, in the direction of the well-tended topiary (turn to 312).

  239

  Opening the door Alice enters an extensive library. Bookcases twice as tall as she is line the walls and are filled with dusty leather-bound tomes on all subjects, from Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing-Wax, to Cabbages and Kings.

  In the centre of the room, on a little table, a game of chess appears to be in progress, but there is no sign of anyone around who might be playing it.

  What should Alice do now?

  Peruse the books in the library? Turn to 229.

  Take a closer a look at the game of chess? Turn to 132.

  Leave the library and be on her way? Turn to 454.

  240

  The Crocodile having been sent to the bottom of the Sea of Tears, treading water, Alice looks about her. She can no longer see the walls of the hall, and above her, rather than a cracked plaster ceiling, all she can see is sky dotted with smudges of white cloud. She is all at sea in the middle of an ocean of tears.

  Turning her attention back to the distant horizon, Alice suddenly spots land between the rise and fall of the waves. She could try swimming for the shore (turn to 290), or call for help, in the hope that someone might hear her and come to her aid (turn to 440). Alternatively she could use the Curiouser and Curiouser ability to try to get herself out of her latest predicament (turn to 434).

  241

  The cascading water does look particularly refreshing. If you think Alice should drink from the fountain, turn to 71. If not, it’s time to look somewhere else – turn to 380.

  242

  The cannibal Cook will never threaten, or indeed eat, anyone ever again. Despite a grumbling ache in her belly, at the thought of eating anything she might find in the macabre slaughterhouse-kitchen, Alice suddenly loses her appetite.

  However, on the table is the Cook’s over-sized Pepper Grinder that she was so fond of employing in her cookery. If Alice wants to take the Pepper Grinder with her record it on Alice’s Adventure Sheet; before a battle one twist of the Pepper Grinder will set her opponent sneezing, reducing their Combat score by 1 point for the duration of the battle. (There is enough pepper left in the grinder for Alice to use this trick five times but it will only work against living creatures, and not animated inanimate objects such as Tick-Tock Men.)

  Keen to leave this house of horrors as quickly as she can, Alice lets herself out through the back doo
r of the kitchen.

  Turn to 228.

  243

  Stepping over the bodies of the Six and Seven of Clubs, Alice pushes open the gates and escapes the maze at last.

  Turn to 446.

  244

  Heaving the portcullis up over her head, Alice shuffles underneath before letting it fall again, only with her now on the other side. Shaking the lactic acid burn from her arms, she sets off again through the maze. Turn to 360.

  245

  In her flight from the Red Queen, Alice suddenly turns a corner and finds herself standing in chill chamber, empty except for the large, heart-shaped mirror hanging from the wall opposite her.

  But as Alice enters the room, her reflection in the mirror shifts and changes, becoming a vista of a darkened forest lurking on the other side of the looking-glass. It is hardly the most inviting place but surely going anywhere would be better than staying here, still hunted through the palace by the blood-thirsty Red Queen, as long as Alice can actually pass through the mirror, of course.