Alice's Nightmare In Wonderland

by Jonathan Green

  “Goodness me!” she gasps. “I do believe this frog considers me a fly and wishes to eat me!”

  What should Alice do to protect herself? If you want her to use the Curiouser and Curiouser ability, turn to 385. If you want her to use The Pen is Mightier ability, turn to 345. If not, Alice will need to defend herself – turn to 375.

  335

  “Correct,” purrs the Cheshire Cat. “You’re mad, bonkers, completely off your head. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are. And now for my second question: Why is a raven like a writing desk?”

  What should Alice say this time?

  “Poe wrote on both!” Turn to 313.

  “Because it can produce a few notes,

  tho they are very flat; and it is nevar put

  with the wrong end in front!” Turn to 354.

  336

  “Thank you but no thank you,” says Alice, who has been brought up to be polite to strangers, even if the strangers in question are gargantuan butterfly larvae.

  Turning away from the mushroom she considers which way it is best to go now.

  “Are you content now?” the Caterpillar calls after her. “Would you rather not know who you really are or why you have been drawn back to Wonderland?”

  The Caterpillar is being very persistent; perhaps it would be wisest to take its advice.

  If you think Alice is best off not eating or smoking anything out of the ordinary – she is, after all, only eleven years-old – turn to 316. If you think Alice should relent, do you think she should eat some of the mushroom (turn to 21) or take a puff on the pipe (turn to 346)?

  337

  Thunder rumbles across the glowering sky overhead and lightning flashes between the burgeoning storm clouds. With a crack loud enough to rend the sky in twain, a bolt of incandescent energy sears down from the heavens and strikes the Tumtum Tree.

  Alice is momentarily blinded by the burst of actinic light. As the echoes of the thunderclap recede into the distance, so Alice’s vision returns. Before her stands the lifeless Tumtum Tree, its blackened trunk rent in two by the lightning strike that saved Alice’s life.

  Turn to 307.

  338

  “Why, I’m quite parched,” Alice declares reaching for the teapot. As she does so the teapot hops out of the way.

  Alice reaches for the teapot once again, and once again it skips away from her clutches. Only it is not the only thing on the table that is moving now; the cutlery has started to rattle loudly as it dances on the tablecloth.

  Turn to 251.

  339

  Alice returns to testing the handles of the doors around the hall. She can think of no other way of getting out of this place now, after falling down the interminable rabbit-hole.

  Suddenly a handle turns and the door she is trying opens a crack. However, it is at this exact moment that she spots a low curtain that she had not noticed before, covering the wall beside the unlocked door. Pulling back the drape reveals another door, only fifteen inches high, with a golden lock. This tiny door is locked.

  If Alice has a Golden Key, and if you want her to try it in the golden lock, turn to 351. If not, she opens the other door instead (turn to 366).

  340

  The ground at Alice’s feet is now a well-tended green sward rather than gravel. As the pathway turns at a right-angle, Alice must once again decide which way she wants to go.

  For Alice to go east, turn to 350. For Alice to head south, turn to 257.

  341

  Alice misjudges her leap and misses her landing point, bouncing off the side of the next toadstool and tumbling down into the bottom of the stinking hollow. The mulch and mud break Alice’s fall, even if she does end up filthy from head to toe, but she is not out of danger yet.

  The seething muck is alive with gigantic maggots. Their pulsating white bodies writhe and twist towards Alice as, thanks to some inexplicable preternatural sense, they detect her presence and wriggle towards her.

  Alice sets off at a run, but before she can escape the pit of maggots she is bitten by their scissoring mandibles several times. Roll one die, divide the number rolled by two, rounding fractions up, and deduct this final total from Alice’s Endurance score. (Alternatively, pick a card – counting picture cards as being worth ten – divide the card’s value by four, round any fractions up, and deduct this total from Alice’s Endurance score.)

  If Alice survives her brush with the gigantic fly larvae, turn to 361.

  342

  As Alice proceeds along yet another passageway, certain that she is heading towards the heart of the Palace, she hears voices coming from up ahead, and they are arguing with one another.

  “I told you butter wouldn’t suit the works!” a nasal voice snaps.

  “It was the best butter,” comes a second, meek voice in reply.

  “Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,” grumbles the first voice.

  “You shouldn’t have put it in with the bread-knife,” yawns a third.

  “But it was the best butter, you know,” comes the second again.

  From out of the gloom at the other end of the passageway, emerges the most bizarre and horrifying amalgam of metal and living flesh Alice has ever seen.

  The abomination standing before her now was quite clearly once three separate creatures – a man, a hare, and a dormouse – but now they have been made into one by some mad genius. All that is left of the three individuals are their heads, which have been mounted on top of a skeletal metal armature. The brass and steel components of its body have been constructed around a large kettle-like boiler, and steam gouts from its spout with every step the hideous automaton takes. There appears to be some form of grease dripping from the cogs and gears that make up the inner workings of the abomination.

  The head of the Dormouse is clearly fighting the urge to doze off, while the hare’s eyes and ears twitch and jerk erratically. The man’s head, positioned between the other two, wears a top hat that is one size too big, and has a card bearing the words ‘In this Style 10/6’ tucked into the hatband.

  It is the Hatter who is the first to catch sight of Alice.

  “She’s here!” he shrieks, breaking off from his constant bickering. “Alice is here!”

  “Off with her head!” screeches the Hare.

  “Time for tea,” mutters the drowsy Dormouse.

  It would appear that Alice must fight for her life once again. If you want her to use The Pen is Mightier ability, and she still can, turn to 392. If not, Alice must prepare for battle – turn to 372.

  343

  Turning to the thick undergrowth growing beside the path, Alice throws herself into cover among the nettles and ferns, and can’t help but be both scratched and stung by the pernicious plants. (Lose 1 Endurance point.)

  Alice is forced to stifle a gasp as something huge and hideous emerges from the cave. It is vaguely humanoid in form but is clad only in animal skins. One strong arm it is dragging a massive club, made from a whole tree branch, and its muscular, malformed body is covered with a host of healed scars.

  But what has attracted Alice’s attention, and has her shaking in an apoplexy of fear, is the fact that the lumbering brute has not one, but two heads, growing from lumpen necks upon its shoulders.

  The two-headed Ogre sniffs the air sharply as if it has caught the scent of something – or should that be someone?

  “Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum, I smell the blood of human scum,” growls the head on the left.

  “Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee, I’m gonna eat ‘im for my tea,” rumbles the head on the right, the Ogre coming closer to Alice’s hiding place with every thudding footfall.

  Is Alice carrying some Cheese about her person? If so, turn to 75. If not, the Ogre stops, turns around, and then stomps off into the forest, following something else’s scent – turn to 501.

  344

  Alice looks about her in a daze after her traumatic encounter with the fearsome flowers. To her left, past a trellis wal
k bedecked with vivid purple wisteria, she can see the fountain. Ahead of her the hedges of the garden have been sculpted with shears and guiding bamboo canes to resemble all manner of exotic animals, while to her right is an open white wooden gate that leads, via a gravel path, to a neat little house.

  To approach the fountain, turn to 51. To go through the gate to the right, turn to 2. To head for the topiary at the south-east corner of the garden, turn to 173.

  345

  The air is suddenly rent by a dreadful screeching cry that shocks Alice to her core and sends her scampering for the cover of a yew hedge. The huge Frog, equally startled, looks to the sky as a sinister shadow falls across the maze. Before it can hop out of the way, a huge bird – something like the Roc from the Voyages of Sinbad – swoops down, snatches the overgrown amphibian up in its mouth, and flies away again, its cry echoing from the distant hills as it flies away.

  Alone again, and not wanting to linger here a moment longer, Alice hurries on her way, but which way does she go? East (turn to 210) or west (turn to 510)?

  346

  Tentatively putting the mouthpiece of the pipe between her lips, Alice breathes in and almost chokes on the sweet-tasting smoke that fills her mouth and throat. Once the coughing fit has subsided, she tries again.

  Inhaling deeply, she closes her eyes as the smoke fills her lungs and curious, cloudy visions fill her mind…

  She opens her eyes again – or is it her mind’s eye? – but sees nothing but shifting mist and coiling blue smoke. Then the fog banks part and Alice finds herself standing at the entrance to the rabbit-hole under the hedge again, peering down into darkness. She takes a step forwards, over the edge of the void, unable to stop herself, as if in a trance…

  And then she is at the bottom of the hole. Before her is a long passage, and the White Rabbit is in sight, hurrying down it. Alice knows, somehow, that there is not a moment to be lost, and away she goes like the wind, and is just in time to hear the Rabbit say, as it turns a corner, “Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it’s getting!” She is close behind it when she turns the corner…

  And finds her way into a tidy little room with a table in the window, and on it a fan and two or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves. She is just going to leave the room, when her eye falls upon a little bottle standing near the looking- glass. There is no label upon it but nevertheless she uncorks it and put it to her lips, and before she has drunk half the bottle, she finds her head pressed against the ceiling…

  And Alice is looking up at a large mushroom, about the same height as herself; and when she has looked under it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it occurs to her that she might as well look and see what is on the top of it.

  Stretching herself up on tiptoe, Alice peeps over the edge of the mushroom, and her eyes immediately meet those of a large caterpillar that is sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long hookah.

  And the Caterpillar turns to her and says, “Alice you must come back now. Come back…” And its voice seems to be coming from both far away and all around her at the same time…

  And then she is standing before a grand house set within acres of parkland, even as the mists start to thicken about her. “Whoever lives here?” wonders Alice in a dreamy way.

  “Come back,” comes the Caterpillar’s distant voice again. “Come back…”

  If you think Alice should answer the Caterpillar’s summons, turn to 357. If you would rather Alice open the door and enter the palatial house instead, turn to 379.

  347

  The howl has Alice imagining all sorts of horrible things are out to get her, and she starts at every rustle in the undergrowth and every half-glimpsed shadow between the trees.

  Add 1 to Alice’s Insanity score and turn to 367.

  348

  Alice deftly dodges the flailing flipper and takes a step back as the Walrus flops down onto the sand. Giving a gruff bark, the beast lollops towards her.

  Strange scars criss-cross the animal’s body, some still displaying the pin-holes of stitch marks, and there is something unsettlingly human about the Walrus’s eyes, as if it was not always a Walrus. (Add 1 to Alice’s Insanity score.) But there is also a furious intent reflected in the creature’s human gaze, leaving Alice in no doubt as to what the Walrus intends.

  If Alice is still able to use The Pen is Mightier ability, now might be a good time to do so (turn to 394), otherwise Alice is either going to have to fight the brute (turn to 377), or run for it (turn to 67).

  349

  Considering it wise to prepare a picnic to take with her on the journey that still lies ahead of her, Alice takes several of the triangular sandwiches, tarts and pieces of cake, wraps them in a napkin and pops them into her pocket.

  Alice has enough provisions with her for four meals. Every time she eats a meal she can gain 4 Endurance points.

  Now what would you like Alice to do?

  Pour herself a cup of tea? Turn to 338.

  Pick up the bread-knife? Turn to 359.

  Take a closer look at the tea tray? Turn to 369.

  Leave the table and be on her way? Turn to 15.

  350

  A red rose bush has been planted at the next junction in the path. Now which way should Alice go?

  North? Turn to 274.

  South? Turn to 370.

  West? Turn to 340.

  351

  The key fits the lock perfectly; the tumblers turn and the door opens. Beyond it lies a small passage, not much larger than a rat-hole. Kneeling down, Alice looks along the passage into the loveliest garden she has ever seen.

  It pains her heart to gaze upon the well-tended lawns and beds of bright flowers. She longs to leave the dark hall and wander about among the cool fountains she can see beyond the end of the passageway, but she cannot even get her head through the doorway.

  If you think Alice should try the normal-sized unlocked door instead, turn to 366. If you’d rather that she drank the contents of the bottle, turn to 355. However, if you want her to open the little glass box, turn to 368.

  352

  Alice throws herself out of the way and the charging boar-like beast hurtles past her and through the kitchen door. Thinking quickly and fast on her feet, Alice runs to the door and pulls it shut before the pig-baby can correct its mistake and charge her again.

  Now turn to 148.

  353

  As Alice gazes into the still waters of the pool, a slight breeze sends ripples undulating across the pool and the reflection of the sky above changes to become an image of a grim-looking palace that holds about its battlements a sinister atmosphere, despite the ostentatious heart-shaped ornamentations.

  Another moment and the scene changes again, this time to that of a dingy, steam-filled kitchen. Seconds pass and the scene changes yet again, this time revealing an intersection in the maze.

  “I wonder if, as well as looking upon these other places, I could transport myself to one of them by entering the pool,” ponders Alice.

  What do you think Alice should do?

  Enter the heart-shaped pool? Turn to 403.

  Keep watching the waters? Turn to 373.

  Leave the heart of the maze by

  passing beneath the topiary arch

  to the north? Turn to 340.

  Continue on her way by passing

  beneath the topiary arch to the south? Turn to 170.

  354

  “Right again,” says the Cat, “or at least I think that’s the right answer. Although, to be honest, I’m not sure if that particular riddle really has an answer at all.”

  Alice sighs wearily. “I think you might do something better with the time,” she says, “than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.”

  “Very well. Question Three!” declares the Cat. “‘Do you play croquet with the Queen today?’

  How should Alice reply this time?

  “Yes!” Turn to 313.

  “I should like it very much, but I />
  haven’t been invited yet.” Turn to 376.

  355

  Alice puts the bottle to her lips and takes a sip. The liquid, which is now coloured pinkish-red again, tastes like cherry-tart.

  “Delicious!” says Alice and takes another swig. The taste tantalises the taste-buds, the flavour changing on her tongue from one moment to the next – a mixture of cherry-tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffee and hot buttered toast.

  “What a curious feeling!” the child declares as a curious feeling overcomes her. It feels as if her organs are contracting inside her, her skeleton shrinking in response, followed by the rest of her. “I must be shutting up like a telescope.”

  And indeed she is, as the table soars above her, its glass legs growing to the size of tree trunks. When she is only ten inches high, Alice stops shrinking.

  Curiously, the bottle has shrunk along with her (as have her clothes) and it still has one measure of the potion left inside. (Add the Shrinking Potion to Alice’s Adventure Sheet.)

  Alice’s face brightens up at the thought that she is now the right size to go through the little door into the lovely garden, and without a moment’s delay that is precisely what she does. Turn to 136.

  356