Competitions

by Sharon Green

  “I know you’re right, Tamrissa, but there’s nothing I can do to change matters,” he said with a sigh as he patted my hand. “Hat isn’t behaving the way a friend should, but that doesn’t give me the right to be just as uncaring. I have to help him if I can, but at this point it’s more for my own benefit than his. I don’t want to forget how a friend is supposed to behave.”

  “I think I understand now why there are so many nasty people in this world,” I replied with my own sigh. “Being nice lets too many people take advantage of you. Well, all I can do at this point is say that if I win any gold in the preliminary competitions, I’ll help you pay them off.”

  “Now that’s what I call being a friend,” he said with a laugh, then his smile softened as he gently touched my face. “Thank you, friend Tamrissa, for disapproving of what I’m doing but supporting me anyway. In turn I’ll try not to need your help, but it still feels good to know the offer is there. Shall we go back to the others now?”

  “We might as well,” I agreed, returning his smile as I took his arm. “And you’re right: being a friend does feel awfully good, no matter how dumb your friend’s behavior is. I’ll have to remember that.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever been insulted so nicely before,” he said, laughing again as we retraced our steps to the back of the house. “But if a friend isn’t entitled to insult you, who else is?”

  We discussed that point as we walked outside, but Lorand’s laughter wasn’t fooling me. He was still upset about what had happened, and there was nothing I could do to make things better for him. I was beginning to learn that it was possible to give people pain in ways that weren’t physical, but had no idea how to cope with it. People tend to defend themselves from physical pain, but with the emotional kind…

  The refreshment table held Lorand’s brandy glass and my teacup, so we each retrieved our possessions before Lorand went off to tell Jovvi about what had happened. I stood and sipped my cooled tea, simply glad it was over, then abruptly discovered that that conclusion was extremely premature. Vallant Ro was once again heading straight for me, and this time there was no possibility of escape.

  I finished the tea in my cup in a single gulp, then turned to pour myself more. It was the oddest thing, but after the time I’d spent in Rion’s bedchamber I now found taking Lorand’s arm and holding it tightly not in the least difficult. But for some reason facing Vallant Ro was harder, and speaking to him seemed one step below torture. I would have run to hide if I could have, but something told me he’d simply follow.

  “Tamrissa, I’d like to speak to you for another moment,” he said from behind me while I spooned sugar into my tea. “I promise not to intrude long, but something has been disturbin’ me and I’d like to discuss it with you.”

  “I think I know just how you feel,” I muttered, paying very little attention to what I did with the tea, then abruptly decided on surrender. If I simply stood there and let him have his say, the torture would hopefully soon be over.

  “All right, I’ll listen,” I said in a tone loud enough for him to hear as I took my tea and turned to face him. “Just please make it brief.”

  “As best I can,” he agreed with a small bow. I couldn’t help noticing again how marvelous he looked in his practice clothes, how broad-shouldered and slim-hipped. My cheeks warmed as I found myself trying to remember how he looked without them, his platinum hair falling loose about his shoulders and those light blue eyes staring directly at me…

  “Tamrissa, are you all right?” he asked, bringing me back to reality with a jerk. “I somehow had the feelin’ you didn’t hear what I said.”

  “I’m … sorry, I was just … distracted for a moment,” I apologized, trying not to die of embarrassment. “Please go on, and I promise I’ll hear you this time.”

  “I just said I’ve been doin’ some thinkin’ about what you said,” he obliged, faint puzzlement in those beautiful blue eyes. “You told me about all those men you’re involved with and so didn’t want to lead me on, but I’m afraid it’s too late. You already have led me on, and now I find myself feelin’ … hurt.”

  “Hurt?” I echoed, now even more appalled. “But I didn’t mean to hurt you, truly I didn’t! Let me apologize again, because I really—”

  “Please,” he interrupted solemnly, holding up one big hand. “I realize you didn’t hurt me deliberately, but that doesn’t change how I feel. I’ve been standin’ there picturin’ you … sharin’ yourself with all those men, but when it comes to me you just want … brevity. Treatment like that says that in your opinion I’m not even good enough to talk to.”

  “Oh, I really didn’t mean anything like that,” I babbled, silently cursing that stupid idea I’d had. “I was actually trying to show concern, not—”

  “Concern?” he interrupted again, taking the teacup and saucer out of my hands before I managed to spill the tea all over both of us. He’d put his brandy glass down somewhere, so he had no trouble holding the teacup and saucer.

  “It doesn’t seem to me like concern when you’re willin’ to walk about on Coll’s arm, but don’t even want to talk when it comes to me.” He looked so serious and so really upset that I wanted to hold him close and comfort him—right after I cut out my tongue. “I understand how betrayed you must have felt when your daddy lied to you about me, but it was a lie and we both know it. Does that mean I’m not fit to breathe the same air as everybody else?”

  I wanted to tell him that it meant nothing of the sort, but if I agreed to forget the incident he’d want to go back to the way things had been between us. I was beginning to very much want the same thing, but he really did make me too vulnerable where my father was concerned. He was a point of attack my parents would not hesitate to use against me, and I simply couldn’t let that happen.

  “Your silence says I got it just right after all,” he told me heavily after a moment, those eyes now infinitely sad. “I was goin’ to suggest somethin’ that would make things … less than right but at least fair, but now I suppose we’d better forget it. I’ll just get out of your way, and won’t be botherin’ you again…”

  He looked so forlorn as he began to turn away that I simply couldn’t bear it. I finally had to admit that he’d never actually done anything to harm me, but circumstance had had me treating him as shabbily as Hat was treating Lorand. I’d been hurt too often myself to casually do the same to someone else who was innocent, so I had to make whatever amends were possible.

  “Wait,” I said before he’d taken even two steps away. “I … don’t want you to believe what isn’t true, so I’ll … agree to your suggestion about how to make things fair. As you said we might have to work together, and working around something like this is just too hard.”

  “Don’t you want to hear the suggestion before agreein’ to it?” he asked after turning back to me, an odd look now in his eyes. “It might be somethin’ you’d find objectionable, even though it would only be fair. I don’t want to think I’m forcin’ you into somethin’ you don’t really want to do…”

  “You’re not,” I assured him as forcefully as I could, looking up into those incredible eyes. “I want to do this for you, I really do! Just tell me what it is, and I’ll do it.”

  “Well, if you’re sure,” he gave in with a sigh that looked rather odd. “And it does make me feel a lot better to hear you agree. Now all we have to decide is when to do it, but I don’t want to rush you. How about in two days time, which will make it week’s end night?”

  “Yes, that would be fine,” I agreed, relieved that I would have two whole days to get ready to—“But you still haven’t told me what it is that we’ll be doing, not to mention where. Were you thinking about out here in the garden if it doesn’t rain?”

  “No, to tell the truth I wasn’t thinkin’ about usin’ the garden,” he said, scratching his ear as he tried to swallow some sort of amusement. “Actually it came to me that if you were lyin’ with so many other men, it would only be fair if
you lay with me as well. Now that you’ve agreed I don’t feel so much less than them, but this garden isn’t the proper place. I’ll come to your apartment, and maybe you’ll even let me stay the night.”

  After saying that he gazed at me in the blandest way I’d ever seen, pretending that I wasn’t gaping at him with my jaw down to the ground. And that I wasn’t blushing so furiously it was a wonder the nearest trees hadn’t caught fire. My thoughts were in the most chaotic whirl it’s possible to experience, but after a moment a very definite thought broke through.

  “You tricked me!” I hissed, knowing it beyond all shadow of doubt. “You deliberately told me stories and tricked me! I’ve never heard of anything so vile, so—so—!”

  “Excuse me, but I offered to tell you my suggestion before askin’ you to agree,” he interrupted for the third time, the look in his eyes having hardened. “You were the one who insisted on agreein’ before you heard anythin’ about it, so you have nothin’ to complain about. We have a date, Tamakins, and I’m really lookin’ forward to it.”

  He grinned at the way I began to sputter, caused by trying to say seven things at once. I hated him for tricking me like that, but I realized with a sinking feeling that he was right. I had insisted on agreeing to terms I didn’t yet know, and he had offered to tell me first. That meant I was trapped unless I found it possible to go back on my word, something I’d never been able to do. Not being able to trust the word of those around me, I’d sworn to myself that my word would always be good…

  “What a relief it is to get this problem out of the way,” the monster said, trying to sound innocent despite his continuing grin. “The worry was interferin’ with my sleep, but I’ll certainly get my rest tonight. And tomorrow night, so that I don’t disappoint you on our date.”

  He was really enjoying himself, and then I saw him notice that he still held my cup of tea. Rather than return it, though, he raised the cup to his lips just where my lips had been. Those eyes were on me as he took a deep, sensual sip, all but commanding me to remember what it had been like when those lips had really touched mine. In spite of myself I began to feel what he so obviously wanted me to, and then—

  And then he made a strangled sound and turned away to spit the mouthful of tea into the grass. I couldn’t imagine what was wrong—until I remembered that I’d lost count of the number of teaspoons of sugar I’d put into the cup. I’d been distracted by his presence, which made the entire episode one of poetic justice.

  “I hope there was so much sugar in there that it poisoned you!” I snapped as he stood there trying to get the cloying sweetness out of his mouth. “And I may have agreed to lie with you, but I said absolutely nothing about speaking to you. Don’t bother addressing me again, Dom Ro, as you and I have already exchanged our last words!”

  And with that I hurried back to the house, needing to be alone in my bedchamber. I hated Vallant Ro for tricking me like that—but now could think of nothing but the approach of week’s end night…

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Clarion felt positively lighthearted as the carriage took him and the others back to the new testing area for the second day. Yesterday had not only seen him gaining his first set of masteries, but it had also brought Tamrissa Domon to his bedchamber with her totally unexpected request. The time with her had been very sweet and pleasantly fulfilling in an odd way, considering that he felt no more than warm friendship for the girl. Her constant support of him had prompted him to agree to something he’d had no actual burning desire for, but he’d granted the request as a favor.

  And afterward he’d been extremely glad he had. As despicable as his own personal situation was, Tamrissa’s was clearly a good deal worse. He’d almost felt her waiting for him to give her pain, and only after they parted had she seemed willing to believe there would, in truth, be none. She was such a harmless, soft, little thing; how any man could bring anguish to her was completely beyond him.

  Rion shifted on the carriage seat, taking the opportunity to glance at Vallant Ro. Ro seemed distracted this morning, but not broodingly so. It seemed more a matter of … daydreaming, with an occasional sigh thrown in. Last night he’d obviously had words with Tamrissa, but it hadn’t been anguish that he’d given her. Furious anger was what it had looked like to Rion, and although he hadn’t been able to hear what was said, he’d seen the pained look on Ro after Tamrissa had stormed off.

  Which most likely meant things hadn’t quite gone the way Ro had wanted them to. Rion chuckled to himself, feeling a bit sorry for Ro. The soft, harmless woman he’d held in his arms had become a growling, claw-covered tigress where Ro was concerned. Rion freely admitted that he’d rather have Tamrissa defending him than attacking him, a position Ro couldn’t seem to find a way into.

  After Tamrissa had left, Jovvi had casually spoken to the rest of them about not being too quick to follow her example. They had to establish a picture of people who enjoyed spending time in each other’s company, or any future meetings and discussions they held would be noticed by the servants who were reporting to the testing authority. Even Holter had agreed to the request, so they’d stood around having unimportant conversations—until one of the regular house servants had approached Rion.

  “Excuse the intrusion, Dom Mardimil, but there’s a young lady at the servants’ entrance asking to see you,” the man had murmured. “If you’d care to follow me I’ll take you to her, otherwise I’ll send her on her way.”

  For an instant Rion had been terrified that Mother had returned, but once the servant began to speak he’d been able to relax. Mother would never have used the servants’ entrance even if she’d known where to find it, and the servant had definitely said young lady. He’d immediately wondered who that could possibly be—

  And then he’d known who it had to be. With pulses pounding he’d told the servant to lead the way, and then he’d followed the man into and through the house to a side door off a narrow hall near the servants’ quarters. The servant indicated the door and then quickly disappeared, leaving Rion to open it to find just the one he’d hoped it would be: Naran Whist.

  “Dear lady, how did you find me here?” Rion had asked as his entire body began to tingle at the sight of her. “But I’m being just as rude as that servant was. Please come inside.”

  “My lord, forgive me, but I haven’t the time,” she begged off with the loveliest smile, looking up at him with those incredible eyes. “I asked some discreet questions among … acquaintances I have, and in that way discovered which residence you were in. I hope you’ll excuse my intrusion, but I’m leaving the place I currently live and couldn’t bear the thought of you coming there and not finding me. Here.”

  She pressed a folded envelope into his hands, but Rion couldn’t take his eyes from her in order to examine it. She wore a dark gray hooded cloak, the hood framing her dark-haired loveliness. Beneath the cloak he was able to glimpse a red gown trimmed in gold, but one that seemed … scantier than what Tamrissa and Jovvi wore. The gown emphasized Naran’s charms, and Rion would have enjoyed seeing more of it.

  “I’ve written down where I’ll be by this week’s end night,” she went on, slowly withdrawing her hands from his. “If you’ve changed your mind about coming to see me I’ll understand perfectly, but if you haven’t… I wanted you to know where I would be.”

  “Since I haven’t changed my mind, I’m very grateful for the information,” Rion said with his own smile, wishing it were still her hand in his grasp rather than the envelope. “Are you certain you can’t come in even for a little while?”

  “Unfortunately I have a … an appointment which I’m already late for,” she denied, sadness and regret clear in her expression. “It isn’t far from here, so I was able to stop on the way. Now I must go, but—I’ll dream about seeing you again.”

  That last was said with such shy delight that Rion yearned to take her in his arms, but a breath later she had disappeared into the night. His first thought was to follow and at
least see her to her carriage, but then he remembered the men Mother’s agent had watching him. If they had the least idea that he was involved with Naran, they would quickly report the fact. Then Mother would have Naran thrown out of Gan Garee—or maybe even worse.

  For that reason Rion quickly closed the door, to keep from being seen by accident. There seemed to be a thick hedge just beyond the wide path to the door, so his meeting with Naran might have gone unnoticed. If it hadn’t and Mother did indeed find out, Rion didn’t know what he would do. But his immediate rage at the thought gave him something of a hint, so he would hope that it never came to that.

  Rather than return to the garden, Rion first found the excellent servant who had been so marvelously discreet, privately tipped the man one of the four silver dins he’d earned that day, and then he returned to his bedchamber. He wanted to look at the contents of the envelope he’d been given, but without an audience. He tore the envelope open and pulled out two sheets of paper.

  The first sheet had nothing but an address, which Rion recognized as being somewhere in the middle of the city. It told him exactly where Naran would be by this week’s end night, so he turned curiously to the second page. If they were directions on how to reach the address, he didn’t really need them.

  But they weren’t directions. It was recognizably the same gracefully delicate hand which had written the address, but this was a letter. Rion had never gotten a letter before, most especially not from a woman, and the scent of lilacs reached him as he began to read.

  “My dear sir,” it began, for all the world like a greeting from a merchant one had patronized before. “Please don’t think me forward, but I felt I had to make some attempt to say what knowing you has meant to me. I’m certain you will quickly grow tired of me, and you need have no fear that I will try to hold you longer, but until then I live for the few brief moments we’re able to be together. You fill my dreams each night and my thoughts each day, and I live for the time you will find it possible to come to me again. Until the day, I remain, yours devotedly, Naran Whist.”