Captain Bartholomew Quasar: The Space-Time Displacement Conundrum

by Milo James Fowler

  But now with the United World and everything else on Earth completely annihilated courtesy of a certain despicable Emperor Zhan—

  Captain Quasar shook his head sharply. He was confusing his timelines. Right here, right now, he was in the past, and he was bound by honor to keep his crew from harm. It did not matter that he was physically attracted to Lieutenant Davis and often fantasized about kicking Ensign Elliott out the nearest airlock. He would save them both, like it or not, if he possibly could.

  "We'll see." Steve materialized beside the captain's chair and gazed at the viewscreen with interest. "So, that's Carpethria."

  "Yes it is." Quasar set his jaw.

  Elliott swiveled in his seat to face the captain. "What do you suppose they look like, sir? Those Goo-blobs sure were something—in a gross sort of way. I sure hope these Carpethrians are better to look at."

  If he liked sloths and orangutans back on Earth, then he was in for a real treat.

  Quasar punched the intercom button on his armrest. It was time to wax nostalgic. He only hoped he could do his younger self justice. If he remembered correctly, the Welcome to Carpethria speech had been among his best efforts.

  "Attention all hands," he began, using his radio voice—the one he saved for momentous occasions such as this. "I give you Carpethria! Earth's sister planet, our first ally in this little corner of the galaxy we like to call our own. Once upon a time, decades ago, our great-great-grandparents received a radio transmission from another world. Now here we are today, about to introduce ourselves properly—"

  "Captain," Commander Wan interrupted. "We're being hailed."

  Quasar's brow wrinkled. He didn't remember this rude interruption the last time. Releasing the intercom button, he swiveled to face his first officer standing at her post. "From the surface?"

  "No, sir. From astern. A ship—make that two ships—are on an intercept course."

  "Torpedoes ready, Captain," Lieutenant Davis announced, as perky as ever. Her blonde ponytail bounced as she locked her lively turquoise eyes on her commanding officer.

  "Hold torpedoes." Quasar held up a hand to reign in her high spirits and nodded to Wan. He glanced back at Davis who watched him expectantly, her finger poised over the weapons console.

  "On screen," Wan said as the two vessels in question appeared on the fore wall.

  Quasar recognized the battered hulks instantly. "About-face!" he commanded, nearly leaping from his chair.

  Elliott gawked a moment, then jabbed his lanky fingers across his console, turning the Magnitude around to greet the unexpected visitors head-on.

  "Ready torpedoes!" Quasar pointed to Davis like a director organizing a stage play. She beamed with enthusiasm.

  "Captain, I don't recognize these ships…and there is no record of any such vessel in the Carpethrian database." Wan frowned at her console.

  "That's because they're not from around here," the captain muttered under his breath. "Answer their hail, Commander." He prepared himself for the inevitable.

  The viewscreen switched to reveal the upper torso—if one could call it that—of a large spider-creature. There was no other way to describe the thing. It had a fuzzy, spidery head with eight glistening eyes, four equally fuzzy limbs visible, arching above it, and it wore the torn uniform of a freighter or mechanic, augmented for its multiple appendages. The crew of the Effervescent Magnitude had never seen anything like it, and their uncouth gasps of horror filled the bridge.

  "And I thought those Goo-blobs were ugly!" Elliott blurted out, clapping a hand over his mouth as he stared wide-eyed at the captain.

  The Arachnoid—for that was the creature's species, and Captain Quasar knew it well, having survived multiple encounters with them in the past, or after this point in time—chattered and hissed, clapping its obscene mandibles as the ship's program did its best to translate.

  "You will surrender to us," it said.

  "We will do no such thing," Quasar replied.

  "You fetch a high price, dead or alive." The Arachnoid jerked its head strangely. "But we are hungry. It may be difficult for us to return you to Goobalob Prime, despite the reward."

  The news came as no surprise to Quasar. He had, after all, lived through this once before—although the first time, the Arachnoid bounty hunters had arrived after the Magnitude's cold fusion near-lightspeed reactor had already been installed by the Carpethrians. Much like Quasar's previous encounter with the Goobalobs, past events had been altered, if only slightly.

  Which begged the question: would he be able to save his crew this time around?

  Episode 46: The Arachnoid Encounter

  The Arachnoid's jaws drooled with a yellow salivary goop as it stared at Captain Quasar, its eyes indecipherable.

  "Do not underestimate our ships, Earth Man. They may not be much to look at, but they are better armed than your fancy star cruiser. Trust me on this."

  Quasar knew the bounty hunter spoke the truth. He remembered all too well what had happened here the first time, when the Magnitude had yet to take leave of the Carpethrian space dock and had suffered considerable damage at the Arachnoids' hands—or claws, or whatever sort of appendages they had.

  "Did you hear that?" Quasar glanced up at the ceiling. "This handsome fellow is threatening to destroy you." He paused, glancing back at Commander Wan with a shrug. "Might as well use the ship's self-preservation mode to our advantage."

  "One of their vessels is circling around to our bow, Captain," Ensign Elliott reported. On the screen, the two battered vessels had separated.

  "Do not expect your furry friends on the surface to come to your aid," the Arachnoid hissed. "They know better than to cross paths with the likes of us."

  The Carpethrians were a diligent, hard-working race who mostly kept to themselves. Their relationship with Earth across light years had been mutually beneficial, and the United World Space Command often asked if there were other species of sentient life beyond Earth's solar system. The Carpethrians had acknowledged the fact that other life forms existed, but they'd never been very forthcoming about them. Earth's greatest minds had taken this to mean the other species were nothing to be concerned about. The younger Captain Bartholomew Quasar had soon learned such was not the case.

  The Carpethrians tended toward xenophobia—as a rule, they were uninterested in off-world affairs. They'd reached out into the void with their radio signal and found a planet with the mineral resources they lacked, or which they refused to strip-mine their own planet in search of. Copper, zinc, and magnesium all fetched a high price on Carpethria, as they were used for every form of technology prevalent in their society, from communication to transportation, commerce, and entertainment. In many regards, Carpethria wasn't much different from Earth.

  Right now, these spidery bounty hunters were interfering with the first contact both Earth and Carpethria had been anticipating for some time. Perhaps the Carpethrians would make an exception in this instance and lend a helping hand.

  "I wouldn't be so sure," Quasar said, raising his chin and folding his arms with every muscle standing at attention. "This happens to be a very momentous moment. Between our two species, you see."

  "Not for us, it isn't," the Arachnoid said.

  "I wasn't referring to you. Our friends on Carpethria have been expecting us. We have a certain working relationship, and I doubt they would take kindly to you interfering in any way."

  One of the Arachnoid's upper legs twitched in a gesture to someone off-camera. "You bore me, Earth Man."

  "Captain, they're charging weapons—some kind of laser cannon by the looks of it." Lieutenant Davis stared at her console. "It's massive, sir."

  "Ready torpedoes." Quasar refused to be the first to fire. It went against his years of combat training. "Standby."

  "After we disable your ship, we will board her." The creature's mandibles filled the viewscreen as it leaned into the camera. "Then we will devour you, one by one. It has been a long while since we've been presented with�
��such a feast."

  The screen switched back to a view of space with the lone vessel at the Magnitude's stern preparing to fire. The one at the bow held its position, seeming to wait for whatever would happen next.

  Captain Quasar came to the helm in one swift stride. "Take us down," he ordered.

  "Huh?" Elliott answered.

  Quasar demonstrated with his hands, forming a horizontal cross. "X axis, Y axis. They've got us cornered." He formed a perpendicular axis with his forearm. "But not on Z." He nodded, hoping the dim-witted ensign would understand without further explanation. But unfortunately, such was not the case. "Not forward, not reverse. Down. As fast as you can."

  Elliott's face squirmed at the effort his brain was making to comprehend the captain's order. "Can she do that—the Magnitude, I mean? Doesn't seem possible, considering the location of the thrusters and all. Do they pivot? I think they'd have to if—"

  Quasar shoved him out of his chair and assumed the helm, fingers flying across the console with an ease borne of years rising through the ranks and never forgetting a single skill set he'd mastered while making the arduous journey toward captainship.

  Bug-eyed and miffed but trying his best not to show it, the lanky helmsman gathered what self-confidence he still possessed and rose to his feet, staring at the coordinates the captain had programmed into the display.

  "They're firing, sir." Lieutenant Davis kept her tone steady even as she gripped her console, bracing herself for impact. The other members of the bridge crew did the same.

  "Hold on," Quasar said, waiting for the right split-second to punch the ignition.

  The thrusters of the Effervescent Magnitude fired at maximum capacity, but instead of bolting at full speed straight for the Arachnoid vessel a few hundred meters off its bow, it plummeted into the empty space under its belly, careening as it did so to come about and head directly for the planet Carpethria.

  Lieutenant Davis released a whoop as she hung onto her console and grinned at the display. "Direct hit, sir!"

  "Report," Quasar gripped the helm and continued to enter course corrections. He glanced at Helmsman Elliott, who had failed to hold on to anything in time and had smashed into the ceiling only to crash back to the floor onto his belly, knocking the wind out of himself.

  "Their laser cannon fired on the other enemy ship!" Davis said.

  Quasar winked back at her. "All part of the plan, Lieutenant."

  Episode 47: Time for Last Words

  Captain Quasar's plan had called for swift evasive action, and that much he'd already accomplished, sending the Effervescent Magnitude diving out of range of the Arachnoid bounty hunters' laser cannons. The ship's self-preservation mode was now working with him; he could feel it in the power of the ship's thrusters, driving the Magnitude's bow straight toward the thick upper atmosphere of the planet Carpethria.

  "Let them know we're coming in hot," Quasar ordered. His gaze remained divided, riveted first on the helm console, then the viewscreen as they raced ahead of their pursuers.

  "Torpedoes remain at the ready, sir!" Davis called.

  "We've already killed enough aliens for one day," Quasar returned. "Let's see if the Carpethrians will lend us a hand."

  "Message acknowledged, Captain," Commander Wan reported. "The Carpethrians welcome us and look forward to our first meeting."

  "And?" Quasar grit his teeth, tapping in evasive coordinates as fast as his fingers could dance across the console. So far, the Arachnoids hadn't fired a second shot with their cannons, but it would be only a matter of time until they were once again within range.

  "They are watching our maneuvers with great interest." Wan cleared her throat. "They say our maximum speed should increase by a factor of thirty-three once they've installed the new reactor."

  The captain nearly cursed out loud. Instead, he forced himself to count backwards from zorthe in Flexicant decimals—a process that took about twenty Earth seconds. "So we're on our own."

  "It would appear so." Wan glanced back at Lieutenant Davis.

  "Both enemy vessels are powering up weapons," Davis reported.

  "Didn't you say one of them suffered a direct hit?" Wan frowned.

  "The second ship appears unscathed, Commander."

  "They're built to withstand plenty of abuse," Quasar muttered. The Arachnoids were known for their mercenary ways and for their uncanny ability to make even the most un-spaceworthy vessel a force to be reckoned with. The captain's younger self wouldn't have known any of this, however. "Or so I've heard," he added quickly. But he could feel his first officer's gaze burn into the back of his neck. She hadn't said anything yet, but he was beginning to believe she noticed something different about her captain. If she only knew!

  Ensign Elliott babbled like an imbecile as he regained consciousness, pushing himself up from the floor with trembling arms. How he'd ever managed to make it out of basic training was a real mystery.

  "Hey, uh, aren't we going in kind of fast?" He stared at the viewscreen and the swirling green-grey-brown mists surrounding the planet.

  "They're firing!" Davis announced, and a split-second later the Magnitude was shaken to its core as an Arachnoid laser slammed into its hull. "Direct hit!"

  Quasar grimaced at the helm, pressing the ship to its limit. "Damage report," he demanded.

  "Fractured hull plating along our port side—a two-hundred-meter swath."

  He raised an appreciative eyebrow at her use of the word swath even as he fumed at the damage his ship had taken.

  "Captain," Davis gasped.

  "What is it?" He didn't look back; he couldn't afford to. Navigating the ship consumed his complete attention.

  "My console is offline, sir. I'm locked out!"

  That could mean only one thing: the Effervescent Magnitude's self-preservation program had reasserted itself. The ship's artificial intelligence must have come to the conclusion that the safest course of action included blowing up the Arachnoid vessels with a couple of plasma torpedoes. Disarming the warheads was out of the question. There was no time.

  "Hail them." He glanced back at Wan.

  "The enemy ships? Or the Carpethrians?"

  He should have been more specific. "Both!"

  She blinked, then quickly tapped her fingers across the console. "On screen, sir."

  The ugly bug-eyed Arachnoid reappeared. If anything, its salivating mandibles had secreted twice as much goop as before, so much that it oozed down onto the creature's jumpsuit, staining it with wisps of acidic vapor.

  "Time for last words, Earth Man?" it hissed with what sounded like glee. That could have been a glitch in the ship's translation program, however.

  Quasar raised his chiseled chin. "I've lost control of my ship's weapons systems, I'm afraid."

  "Too bad for you!"

  "No. Too bad for you. The Carpethrians are my witness: I have never fired upon you. My ship, the Effervescent Magnitude, has a certain self-preservation program that takes over when threatened. Our Carpethrian friends are welcome to scan our systems to verify." He paused.

  "You have no friends, Earth Man. You are going to die alone. I will enjoy disemboweling you personally," the Arachnoid said with a diabolical chuckle that required no translation.

  "I offer you this warning: cease and desist, and perhaps my ship will decide not to destroy both of yours."

  "You think we fear your weapons?"

  Quasar inclined his head. "One of our torpedoes took out an entire Goobalob vessel earlier today." He wasn't proud of the fact, but its verity came in handy now. "As you well know. The Goobalob High Command is signing your checks, aren't they?"

  The creature's mandibles clicked for a few moments before the translator returned with, "Goobalob vessels are for short-range patrols. They are bureaucrats, tax collectors, nothing more. Our ships are built to withstand more abuse!"

  "We assumed as much." Quasar glanced back at his first officer. "Don't say we didn't warn you." He signaled for her to end the transm
ission. "Anything from our Carpethrian friends?"

  She nodded. "They have confirmed that we have no weapons control."

  "And?"

  "They remain impressed by our valiant efforts to elude our pursuers."

  That confirmed it: the Carpethrians wouldn't be sending any help. Quasar clenched his jaw and blew out a sigh. "Tell them to clear their air space. We'll be plowing into their lower atmosphere any second."

  Episode 48: Outmatched

  Ensign Elliott clapped his hands to his cheeks and shuffled his feet in what could have been mistaken for an awkward jig. "Oooh, we're coming in too fast!" he moaned, staring without blinking at the viewscreen, consumed by the Carpethrian horizon.

  Captain Quasar ignored him, but true to his irritating ways, Elliott remained at his elbow.

  "We've—the Magnitude has fired on both enemy vessels," Lieutenant Davis announced, staring at her hijacked console. "Torpedoes are away!"

  Quasar grit his teeth. He wasn't making any friends here in the past, that much was certain. The first time around, his younger self had destroyed the Goobalob vessel, but the Arachnoids had attacked just as the Carpethrian workers finished up the installation of the cold fusion near-lightspeed reactor. Most of the Carpethrians had already disembarked by that point. Only one of them had remained behind to calibrate the helm control to deal with the Magnitude's new, improved power supply—and his name was Hank.

  The bounty hunters' assault had come without warning, and the bridge had suffered a direct hit before Quasar could shout, Get us out of here!

  Hank, not even one of the crew at the time, had taken the most logical course of action. He'd activated the cold fusion reactor and sent the Effervescent Magnitude hurtling away faster than the Arachnoids could follow.

  But the damage had been done: Quasar lost both his weapons officer and his idiot helmsman.