by Laura Howard
“Okay,” I said, filling a plate with rice and dumplings.
Jeff tipped his chair back and patted his belly. “I guess I’ll just head back to work, then.”
I looked over at Ethan, who was slurping a noodle. “You should head back, too,” I said.
Ethan shot me a look. “Nope. You’re stuck with me.”
I sighed. I couldn’t even tell him I wasn’t in any immediate danger from Aoife. I was selfishly glad he’d be here.
“Some of us have a wedding to pay for,” Jeff said with feigned distress, getting to his feet. Nicole threw a fortune cookie at him, but he just bent over to kiss her and waved before heading out the front door.
I heard him talking to someone on the porch and exchanged a look with Ethan. I stood to see who was out there.
Jeff was walking to his truck by the time I made it to the door. Niamh stood out there, eyes wide.
“Oh, hey,” I said slipping out the door. “I didn’t expect you to be back so fast.”
She swallowed and looked away. “Aodhan insisted we come straight back.”
“Listen,” I whispered. “I tried to find my way up to you guys.”
She started to say something, but I cut her off. “I know it was stupid. Especially since my car broke down on the way.”
“Did Tagdh follow you?” Niamh asked.
I frowned. “I, ah… I don’t think so.”
“Bláithín said you haven’t seen him lately?”
“No, not in a day or two.” I lowered my voice, “But, my family thinks I went after you because you were fighting with your brother Liam.”
She pursed her lips and the door behind me opened. Ethan came to my side and greeted Niamh.
“You said Aodhan insisted you come back. Is he here?” I asked.
“Yes. He’s checking out the woods around the houses,” she said.
“What about the others?”
“They’re here, as well. Niall doesn’t like that he can’t get in touch with his brother.”
My heart was filled with sadness for both Niall and Tagdh. I wished I could tell them the truth. I needed to concentrate to make sure Niamh couldn’t get a read on my thoughts. This was only the beginning of the deceit I had to pull off.
“Why don’t you come in?” I said. “My grandfather wasn’t feeling well this morning, so he’s been admitted to the hospital. It’s just my mother and my cousin Nicole.”
She nodded and they both followed me inside. Nicole looked up from where she was wiping down the table. She’d cleaned up the boxes of food, leaving behind only my plate.
“Nicole, you remember Liam’s sister Niamh,” I said, feeling awkward.
“Sure,” Nicole said, barely looking up. “I hope everything’s okay with your family,”
“Thank you,” Niamh said, raising a brow at me.
“Listen, Al. If you’re okay here, I’m going to head next door to take a shower, all right?” Nicole said.
“Of course. Thanks Nic.”
“No problem,” she said, her face unreadable as she headed for the door.
I watched as the door closed behind her.
“What’s going on?” Niamh asked, pinning me in place with a shrewd look.
I wrung my hands together and sat at the kitchen table. “I had to tell them something about why I was suddenly driving up to Thunder Bay yesterday.”
“Not yesterday, Al. Two days ago,” Ethan said.
“Oh, right. I really need to catch up on sleep,” I said, rolling my eyes. What I needed was to be a better liar.
There was a knock at the door. Niamh’s eyes darted toward it before she looked at me. “Aodhan.”
“Come in,” I said, knowing he could hear.
If I could keep up the pretense of an ill attempt at following them to Thunder Bay, I could begin Aoife’s task once I had a chance to speak with Aodhan alone.
When he walked in, Aodhan stood behind the table, leaning against the kitchen counter. “Any news?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No. My grandfather is in the hospital, so I’ve just been staying home waiting to hear from my grandmother.”
“And your mother?” he asked.
“Sleeping in the next room,” I said, pointing to the den.
He nodded. “Niall says you saw Aoife?”
I told him the same story I’d told everyone else. He listened, but said nothing.
“What is she playing at?” Aodhan said after a moment’s silence. Rubbing a hand over his head, he walked to the living room and stared out the window facing the woods between this house and Liam’s.
“She wanted to kill Allison and nearly did. She could be finishing what she started,” Ethan said. I shuddered and looked down at my hands.
“That’s a logical reason, I suppose,” Niamh said, tapping her finger on her chin.
“Seems more like a game of cat and mouse,” Aodhan said quietly, still turned toward the window. “If she wanted you dead, you’d be dead.”
I lifted my head and dragged my gaze from Aodhan’s back to Niamh. “If only we could know, really be sure what she’s doing.”
It was quiet for a moment as Niamh leaned back, lost in thought.
“I’ll go see my mother,” she said finally, crossing her arms over her chest.
Relief and dread warred inside me as I imagined taking advantage of Niamh’s absence to recreate the level of animosity Aodhan held for her when we’d first met.
Without thinking, I muttered, “As if we can count on what Saoirse says.”
A terrible silence settled over the room. I cursed my inability to keep my mouth shut, knowing I needed to reign myself in if I wanted to pull off my assignment.
“What does that mean, Allison?” Niamh said tightly.
I swallowed and shook my head. “Nothing. I’m just scared. I shouldn’t have said that.”
Peeking over at Aodhan, I noticed the way his eyes narrowed as he turned back toward the window. My stomach lurched. This would be far easier than I’d allowed myself to believe.
Niamh didn’t waste any time before consulting with her mother. She called her guards and left for her house in Wheelwright to use the portal in the root cellar. Aodhan excused himself shortly after, wanting another look around the properties.
When it was just the two of us left in the living room, Ethan grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled me to him. “Come here.”
I lowered my cheek to his shoulder and sighed, taking comfort where I could.
“You should try to get some sleep,” he murmured into my hair.
I nodded and let him lead me to the couch. I snuggled into his side, inhaling the warm scent of his fabric softener.
I was mentally and physically exhausted and it wasn’t long before my eyes started to drift closed. Just before sleep completely overtook me, Ethan’s phone went off in his pocket.
He groaned and pulled it to his ear. I couldn’t make out the words, but I could hear that it was his mother on the other end. When he disconnected, he took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, feeling his body tense.
He took my hand in his and I sat up, taking in the tight line of his mouth.
“That was my mom,” he said. “She’s coming over.”
“Okay,” I said, waiting for an explanation. His mother Joanne was my mother’s best friend since childhood. She was one of the few people we could leave alone with my mother.
“Your aunt said she wants you to come to the hospital. Things have taken a turn, and they want you there.”
Tears pooled in my eyes and slipped down my cheeks before I could stop them. “What does that mean?” I asked, sniffing.
“I don’t know,” he said as we stood up together. “Let’s go find out.”
Uncle David stood outside the double doors of the Critical Care Unit where Pop’s room was. The fluorescent lights drained all color from his face and I felt a hollow sensation in my stomach at the grim lines around
his mouth.
“Hey honey,” he said, giving me a brief one-armed hug while he opened the door.
Ethan and I followed him down the tight corridor, weaving through blood pressure machines and empty hospital beds. Most of the rooms had viewing windows, but my uncle stopped at a door with a placard that read ‘Lounge’. He gave me a tight-lipped glance and held open the door for us.
Gram sat in the middle of a faux leather couch in the room, Nicole on one side and Aunt Jessie on the other. They didn’t look at us. Jeff stood against the opposite wall, nodding at us as we walked in. I barely held myself upright as I took in the scene before me. Nicole’s head rested on Gram’s shoulder, Aunt Jessie’s hand rubbing circles on Gram’s trembling back.
I silently sat on a chair across from them. Nicole and Aunt Jessie finally looked up at me. Both had tear-stained cheeks, and trembling lips. Gram took a shuddering breath and when she met my eyes, a little moan escaped her lips.
“He’s gone,” was all she said.
I swallowed hard. I’d known, of course. But the world dropped out from under me with those two words. A buzzing sound, like radio static, filled my ears. A vice gripped my throat and my chest. I couldn’t breathe, every ounce of oxygen was sucked out of the tiny lounge.
I blinked. I wanted to cry and bury myself in Gram’s arms, but my limbs were numb. Every eye in the room was on me, waiting for my response. All I could do was nod. Everything was frozen from the neck down.
Gram took a breath. “He woke up asking for you, Allie-girl. He was agitated, not like himself. Said you needed him.”
Aunt Jessie made a shushing sound, but Gram shrugged out of her arms, determined to speak. “He tried to get out of the bed, so I called the nurse. He wouldn’t wait. I tried to help him stand, but I…I’m just not strong enough. We both fell to the floor.”
The ice encasing my body cracked and I went to my knees in front of my grandmother. Fresh tears slid down her cheeks, and she lost the ability to speak through her sobs.
I took her trembling hands in mine. They were so soft and small. Words eluded me, nothing I could say would comfort her.
Once the tears subsided, she continued. “I think he was gone before the nurses even came in, but they tried to resuscitate him. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
I laid my head in Gram’s lap. She loosened her hands from mine and began smoothing the hair away from my face. My grandparents had been the ones to raise me. I wanted to be strong and console her, but I was reduced to a tiny child under her hands. More ice shifted around my heart and I broke down, the hot tears pouring freely.
There was a soft knock at the door. I lifted my head and moved back to the chair, trying to regain some kind of composure. An olive-skinned woman with a kind smile poked her head in.
“We’re ready for you,” she said.
I looked at Aunt Jessie. She thanked the woman and stood.
“We can go say goodbye to Pop,” she said, sweeping her hand across her eyes and giving me a watery smile.
“Okay,” I said, my voice hoarse.
The next hour passed in a blur of tears. Pop was still in a hospital bed in an abandoned room at the other end of the hall. We took turns saying goodbye. I held his hand one last time. It was still soft and if I didn’t know better…
Later, I would wish I’d taken the time to memorize his face. But I couldn’t stay in the sterile hospital room another minute. There was too much pain and I was overwhelmed. I wanted to go home.
Ethan drove in silence. Both of us were lost in our own thoughts. I imagined this was what an out-of-body experience must be like. I was only minimally aware of the time of day or the streets we drove on. My head felt as slow and heavy as molasses.
Both of Ethan’s parents were at the house when we got there. Joanne had kept herself busy cooking pasta and sauce with meatballs and sausages. For the first time in my life, the spicy aroma of her Italian home cooking didn’t cause my mouth to water. My stomach felt uncomfortable and I couldn’t bear to eat.
My mother sat on the couch staring blankly at a nature program. Aunt Jessie sat beside her, taking her hand.
The first sound of my mother’s cough set a flash of hopelessness through me. How could I save Liam when I felt so shattered? How could I find the strength to keep fighting?
I wanted to crawl into my bed and find the kind of oblivion only sleep could bring.
As if he could read my thoughts, Ethan squeezed my shoulders. “You need to sleep.”
I nodded and sniffed. “I know.”
Joanne’s laser-like gaze focused on me. “When was the last time you slept, honey?”
I opened my mouth as I tried to remember. “I don’t even know.”
“Help her upstairs, Ethan,” she said, pinning him with a look.
“I’m on it,” he said. He wrapped an arm around my waist and nudged me toward the stairs.
I looked for Gram. She was in the front hall, hanging her jacket in i’s place right next to Pop’s.
“Gram,” I said, softly.
Without turning to me, she said, “Go on up to bed, sweetheart. I think I’ll lie down for a bit, too.”
“Okay,” I whispered, feeling helpless as I left her standing there and went up to my room with Ethan.
Normally, out of respect for Gram and Pop, Ethan wouldn’t lay down with me. But I didn’t even ask and he slipped onto my bed, holding his arms out to me.
I was so tired, I couldn’t fall asleep. I lay there, wrapped in Ethan’s arms as memories of the past few days passed through my mind on a loop. Liam on the floor of the cave. My grandmother’s face as she told me my grandfather was gone. Nicole’s hurt expression when I finally came home.
“Your heart is beating like a little hummingbird,” Ethan whispered, threading his fingers through mine. “You’ll never fall asleep if you don’t calm down, babe.”
“I know,” I whispered, trying to ignore the way my hummingbird heart skipped when he called me ‘babe’.
“Sometimes my mom talks about the breathing exercises they do at yoga. They actually help me relax. I want you to listen to the sound of my breathing until your breaths match mine. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I could feel his chest rise as he filled his lungs with air. My head went up and down with each breath in a soothing rhythm. Before a minute went by, we were in perfect sync.
It wasn’t long before my eyes began to droop and the oblivion I so desired came and took away all the pain.
I walk out the front door of Niamh’s home in Tír na n’Óg. My blood runs cold when I see the flowers and grass are dead and withered to the grayish brown ground.
I turn in a full circle, wondering how this place has been reduced to ruin in such a short time. A hill I don’t remember rises up in the meadow north of her house.
I walk until I see the hill is a mass of the brambles and vines. The vines twist and writhe and I make out faces of people trapped inside. Every single person I’ve ever loved is imprisoned inside the thorny brambles— Aodhan, Liam, Ethan, my parents and grandparents. I bury my face in my hands. I can’t bear to see them suffering so much.
I feel someone come up to my side.
I startle and look over to see Aoife standing there with a look of delighted satisfaction.
She whispers in my ear. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”
I woke to find Ethan curled up behind me, his breath steady in my hair. I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to come fully awake. Shut in this room, I could pretend nothing I’d seen or heard during the past few days was real.
When I finally opened my eyes, it was dark outside. Ethan groaned and stretched behind me. I rolled onto my back, looking up at him. His face was so open and lying there with his arm draped over my waist, I wished I could be as honest with him as he was with me.
The image of my family and friends trapped beneath a hill of thorns refused to be ignored. There was no way it was a vision, I knew that much. But it spoke a lot about my deepest fe
ars. What kind of damage would Aoife do if she continued on her path? The path I was paving for her.
Ethan raised himself up on his elbow and pressed his finger into the space between my eyebrows.
“I wish I could make this go away,” he said softly.
“Don’t tell me I have wrinkles,” I said, my lame attempt at a joke.
He cracked a tiny smile. “No,” he said, dragging his finger lightly down my cheek. “In fact, you couldn’t be more beautiful.”
I laughed, I didn’t have a witty comeback in me.
“You are,” he said. “It’s killing me that I can’t take all this pain away from you.”
He ducked his head for a second before meeting my eyes again. “I would do anything to make it easier for you, you know.”
I swallowed and stared at his earnest expression, overcome by his words. “I know you would.”
Ethan ran his hand through my hair. “Good.”
I twisted to face him, tentatively bringing my hands up to his shoulders. “I’m really glad you’re here.”
His lashes lowered, hiding his eyes. I smoothed my fingers up his neck and pulled him to me, kissing him softly.
He returned the kiss. There was something so tender about the way he held my face in his hands, like I was precious.
Emotions overcame me and I deepened the kiss, wanting to feel more of this and less of everything else.
Ethan responded just as I wanted him to, sliding his hand from my cheek slowly down my jaw. His palm smoothed down my arm to my waist, pulling me tight against him.
My skin felt flushed with a fire I’d never experienced before. In all my twenty-two years, I’d never felt anything like this before. The tips of his fingers found a place where my shirt had risen up and he traced a searing pattern on the strip of exposed skin.
He pulled back a fraction of an inch, breathing heavily. With his forehead resting on mine, he looked into my eyes. “I love you, Allison. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t.”
A shudder swept through me, and I wished I could replay those words over and over.
“I…”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. I just needed you to know that I’m here.”
