by Laura Howard
I shook my head. “Thank you. But, I feel the same. Loving you is… it’s part of who I am.”
He brushed his lips against mine again. “Let’s go check on your Gram.”
I smiled back at him, reluctantly pulling away.
I walked down the stairs to find Joanne and my mother sitting on the couch watching TV together in the dark. My mother’s head rested on Joanne’s lap and I wondered if she still remembered her.
“Were you able to get some rest, honey?” Joanne asked, concerned.
“Oh yes,” I said as I went into the kitchen and pulled out the pitcher of iced tea. “Anybody need a drink?”
“No, thank you,” Joanne said.
“I’ll take one,” Ethan said, pulling a chair out and dropping down into it.
I filled two glasses and joined Ethan at the table. The clock said it was a few minutes past eight o’clock.
“Gram is still upstairs. Your aunt and uncle went home to try to get some sleep,” Joanne said, absently running her fingers through my mother’s hair. “It’s been a long day for everyone.”
“Is there any of that pasta left?” Ethan said.
“Oh yes, plenty. Help yourself.”
Ethan heated two plates for us. Since I’d gotten some rest, I found I had quite the appetite. As I ate, I noticed a flower arrangement on the counter by the kitchen sink.
“Who are the flowers from?” I asked.
“Oh dear. Those are for you, honey. I forgot to mention that.”
“No problem,” I said, going over to see if there was a card. Even in the dark kitchen, I could make out the bright yellow lilies.
I pulled out the little rectangle and opened the envelope.
My deepest condolences. Please feel free to stop by when you’re feeling up to it.
Aodhan O’Donnell
I brought the card over and showed it to Ethan. It was such a kind gesture, a lump formed in my throat.
“Who’re they from?” Joanne asked from the couch.
“One of our neighbors, Aodhan,” I said, sniffing a little.
“Hmm, I haven’t met him. Is he nice?” she asked absently.
“Yes,” I whispered, overcome with guilt at what I still had to do. “He’s a wonderful person.”
Once we were done eating, I cleaned our dishes and asked Ethan if he’d take a walk next door with me to thank Aodhan for the flowers.
“Yeah, you okay here Ma?” he asked Joanne.
“I’m fine, you two go ahead. Beth is about ready to call it a night, I think.”
Before I turned to leave, I noticed the shine of my mother’s eyes reflected by the TV. She’d once told me that underneath her lifeless demeanor, she was fully aware of everything around her.
I went back into the living room and knelt in front of the couch, feeling more tears pooling in my eyes. She’d never gotten to say goodbye to her father. I should have killed Aoife and destroyed the amulet for my parents when I had the chance. Now I was under Aoife’s control and as much as I tried, I couldn’t think of a way to get out of it without causing more death and suffering.
“I love you, Mom,” I whispered. She wouldn’t meet my eyes, but I told myself she’d heard me and she knew.
Ethan followed me through the path to Liam’s house. Most of the leaves had fallen from the trees and we could see the house through the wooded area. The light from the living room in the back of the house shone on the small patio.
I knocked on the French door even though I knew Aodhan heard us coming.
“Come in.”
Ethan opened the door and we entered into the living room to find Aodhan leaning against the wall. His eyes were closed and his arms crossed.
“Thanks for the flowers,” I said, trying to smile.
He waved his hand and straightened. “You’re very welcome.”
“Any news?” I asked, walking over to perch on the arm of the big couch. Ethan stood by my side, our arms touching.
Aodhan shook his head. “No signs of Aoife or Tagdh.”
“Did Niamh give you any indication of what her plan is?” I said, hoping I looked curious.
He sighed. “Not really. She walks on tiptoe around me.”
“No kidding,” I said, seeing my opportunity. “I remember when we first met, you told me I couldn’t trust any of them, no matter what my instincts told me. I don’t think I’ve done a very good job taking that advice.”
He eyed me curiously. “What do you mean?”
I shrugged. “Saoirse let Aoife out of the fey globe. Aoife told me that, and I thought she was just messing with me. Saoirse has a way of making me see her as an ally.”
Aodhan snorted. “That she does.”
“Have you ever asked Saoirse why she would let Aoife out?” Ethan said.
I looked at the floor. “Well, no. Like I said she has a way of making me forget when I’m near her.”
“Aoife may have lied, Allison,” Aodhan said, his boots thumping as he walked across the room to lean on the back of one of the arm chairs.
“What does Niamh expect to find out, Aodhan?” I asked. “I mean, she seems to be under her mother’s influence as much as anyone.”
“I think Niamh is starting to question her mother, just as you are.”
I was surprised, but I had to use this to my advantage. “Sometimes I wonder if they’re all laughing at us, the stupid humans. How we slide into position so easily on their little game board.”
Aodhan’s jaw hardened. “It’s impossible to tell, though I find it difficult to believe Saoirse would condone Aoife harming you,” he said shaking his head.
“Why? What am I to Saoirse?”
He didn’t answer for a long time. “Damn it,” he muttered. “Maybe I’ve become just as influenced by them as I’ve warned you against.”
I had to be careful. His emotions were dangerously on the edge and could go either way.
I smoothed my face into a concerned expression. “I know the history between you and Niamh makes it especially hard for you.”
I hated doing this to him. It made me sick to work against what I felt was a real bond between him and Niamh. I could only hope that even if he ended up hating me for the rest of my life, at least he’d understand I had no choice.
Aodhan looked as though what I said distressed him. I could almost hear Aoife’s merry chuckle. You have him right where we want him.
“Possibly,” he said, his expression closed off.
“I remember Niamh’s father saying he thought it was Saoirse who let Aoife go,” Ethan said. “Maybe he really did it and now he’s just messing with you. Wouldn’t be the first time.”
I sat back and let Ethan’s words settle. If I was to do my job, I needed to be subtle. Convincing Aodhan was not what I wanted. He needed only a nudge to be pushed away from Niamh.
Aodhan began pacing again. “Deaghlan was with us when Aoife’s guards were set free. Unless he let them go before he joined us.”
“We won’t figure this out tonight. We’re just making guesses,” I said, closing my eyes as a throbbing pain started up between my temples.
“You’ve had a hell of a day,” Ethan said, eyes searching mine. “Why don’t we just try to take it easy tonight, and you can look at everything with fresh eyes tomorrow?”
Aodhan nodded. “He’s right. I will keep watch overnight, please try to get some rest.”
“Okay, I can’t argue with that. Aoife will still be up to no good tomorrow.”
As Ethan and I walked back to my house, I glanced over my shoulder. Aodhan stood in the doorway, hands fisted by his sides, glaring into the woods. I sensed his mind was turning over the things I’d said. Relief that Aoife might not punish her prisoners because of me was shadowed by my self-disgust.
Joanne sat on the couch when we got back. She stood immediately, smiling sadly at me and pulling me into her arms.
“Oh honey, it’s been such a long day for you.”
“Yeah,” I said, hugging her back. �
��But I really appreciate you being here for us.”
“Of course. I’ll do whatever I can. I only wish I could do more.”
I pulled back and kissed her cheek. “Don’t be silly. Thank you for everything.”
“You’re very welcome. Your mom and grandmother are both tucked into their beds. I’m going to head home, unless there is anything else you can think of?”
“Go,” I said, waving her off. “I’m just going to watch a movie and go back to bed.”
“Okay,” she said, smoothing her hand down my cheek. “I love you all so much.”
“I know,” I said, shaking my head so I wouldn’t start tearing up again. “We love you, too.”
She turned and hurried toward the door, but not before I saw the tears slip down her cheeks.
“I’ll be home soon, Mom,” Ethan said, coming to my side and wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
I rested my forehead against his chest and tried to get my breathing steady.
“Now we will watch one of the most hilarious movies I’ve ever seen. And despite everything, I will see you smile,” he said.
As if I were putty in his hands, I smiled up at him. I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried. The truth was that a funny movie sounded perfect.
I sat down on the couch while he went to the counter and picked up a DVD case. “Have you ever watched The Office?” he asked.
“Nope, never,” I said, watching him put the movie in the DVD player.
“Okay, well this has the guy, Steve Carell from that show,” Ethan said, dropping down beside me and pulling my head down on his shoulder. “He plays this geeky forty year-old who’s never done the deed. It’s a freaking riot.”
He was right, it was pretty funny. It felt good to laugh at the absurdity. By the time it was over, I was ready for bed.
“As much as I hate to leave you, I’m going to head home,” he said as I turned off the TV with the remote.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, standing up to stretch. “You still have a life you need to live.”
“And it’ll be good for your Gram to have you all to herself,” he said, grabbing his keys from the little bowl on the sideboard.
“I don’t know about that, but it’ll do me good to be with her.”
He walked back to me and put his hands on my shoulders, concern in his eyes. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
I didn’t say anything, reaching up and smoothing my hands down his forearms. He sighed and pulled my head to his chest as he put his arms around my back.
I returned his embrace, feeling warm and safe for the moment.
“Allison,” he said, sounding very serious.
“Mmm?”
“Promise me you won’t go off on your own again without waiting for me. No matter what.”
“I- I can’t,” I said, unable to look in his eyes.
“Yes, you can,” he said, tilting my chin up so I had to meet his gaze.
“It’s like I said before, you have a life you can’t just put on hold every other day. I would never expect you to.”
“You are a very big part of that life. Don’t you see that?”
God, I wanted to keep him out of this whole mess. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. If you do, it’ll be my fault, Ethan. I don’t think I could deal with that.”
“Then we have to promise to look after each other. I swear I’ll always be here when you need me. Always.”
I nodded and let out a ragged breath. He was even more stubborn than me. “Okay. I promise.”
“That’s my girl,” he said and ruffled the top of my head.
“Get out here. I’m going to bed.”
Ethan held up his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. I’m going.”
I walked him to the front door and he stepped onto the porch and turned. “I’ll talk to you in the morning,” he said, kissing my forehead.
He climbed down the porch steps and got in his truck. With one last look he started it up and drove away, his hand over his heart.
I woke from a dreamless sleep before the sun came up. I lay there, wrestling with a million unwelcome thoughts before I got out of bed. I washed and dressed quickly before heading down into the quiet kitchen.
I imagined Pop would be measuring coffee at about this time, whistling under his breath. I felt a pull toward the coffee pot myself. The smell of fresh coffee was familiar and comforting as I measured the grounds into the filter. There was a pattern here in doing what Pop might have been doing that made me feel closer to him, somehow.
Just as the first rays of the sun peaked through the spindly branches of autumn trees, I found myself stirring a bowl of pancake batter. I poured it over the sizzling griddle, and went into the freezer to see if we had any sausages.
Finding what I was looking for, I emptied the entire package into a frying pan. The smells began mingling into those of my memories of Sunday breakfasts with my whole family. As I stood over the griddle flipping the pancakes, I watched the little birds flutter around the backyard. Chickadees and cardinals searched out the birdseed my grandfather so lovingly kept full for them year after year. I made a mental note to fill it later.
I glanced over my shoulder when I heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs. Gram entered the kitchen, still in her nightgown and robe. She looked so tired, but she wore a knowing smile.
“Good morning, Allie-girl.”
“Morning, Gram,” I said in the most cheerful voice I could conjure.
“Smells good,” she said, pulling out a chair.
“Thanks,” I said, flipping some pancakes onto a plate.
“I haven’t been there for you in the past few weeks as much as I should have,” Gram said, looking down at her clasped hands.
I dropped the spatula and spun around. “What? Of course you have, Gram. Don’t even say that.”
She shook her head. “Life gets busy and we forget to check in with each other. I’m sorry. Pop and I had this conversation many times,” she said, smiling.
“If anyone is guilty of that, it’s me,” I said, picking up the spatula.
“Would it sound strange if I said I’m glad you’ve been so busy lately?” she asked.
My brow furrowed. “A little.”
“You’ve always been such a little worrier,” she said, chuckling a little. “Always worrying about your mom and about us. I’m glad to see you doing things for yourself for a change. That’s how it should be.”
“You can be glad for me once I get done with school,” I said as I poured more batter on the griddle.
“While I believe your education is very important, you’ve always done well in school. It’s made me happy to see you enjoying yourself with Ethan. It made your grandfather happy too, you know. He always thought you worked too hard.”
“Oh, yes. He was never shy about letting me know,” I said with a little smile.
Another chair pulled back from the table and I saw my mother sit down beside Gram.
“There she is,” Gram said, wrapping her hands around one of my mother’s.
“I hope you’re both hungry,” I said, placing the sausages on a platter.
“Oh my word, are those pancakes I smell?” Aunt Jessie called from the front hall as the door clicked shut.
“Good morning, Mom,” she said, kissing the top of Gram’s head. “Were you able to get some sleep?”
“Hi honey,” Gram said. “I got plenty of rest. What about you?”
“Yup, how’s Beth feeling this morning?” Aunt Jessie said, sitting beside her sister.
“Her cough seems to be getting better,” Gram said. She started to stand when the coffee pot beeped.
“I’ll get you a coffee, Gram. Relax.”
“Oh, you don’t need to do that,” she said, frowning at me.
“I insist,” I said. “It’s been a rough couple of days for you and I want to take care of you.”
“You are too good to me,” she said, flustered.
“
I’m going to call Wallace Funeral Home at nine, Mom. We should get the arrangements taken care of.”
Gram’s face fell once the elephant in the room was brought up. She nodded and the tears that instantly filled her eyes nearly undid me.
I set plates out for the three of them while they discussed their plans for the day. Aunt Jessie was so strong, I admired the way she was taking such good care of Gram. I hadn’t even considered things like wakes and flowers.
Before long, Uncle David and Nicole came over and grabbed some food. I took a plate for myself and ate leaning against the counter.
A buzz went off and I looked around trying to remember where I left my phone. The sound was coming from the living room and I hurried in, not sure where it was exactly.
I searched the cushions and found it under where I watched the movie with Ethan the night before.
I had a missed text from Niamh. I wasn’t even paying attention to keeping her out of my head, maybe she was just giving me space.
I know you’re busy. Come over when you can.
I stuck the phone into the pockets of my jeans. Niamh was back from Tír na n’Óg. I was nervous about seeing her. I had no idea what Saoirse had told her. Maybe she really couldn’t see Aoife and didn’t know about my part in the plan to separate Niamh and Aodhan.
There was only one way to find out. Once I cleaned up the kitchen, I’d go next door. The promise I made Ethan the night before echoed in my mind. I pulled my phone back out and texted him a quick message.
Aunt Jessie stood and started clearing the table. “I can get those,” I told her.
“You cooked, I’ll clean,” she said, ushering me out of the way.
“I’ll dry, Mom,” Nicole said as she jumped up to help.
“When you find out what time we can go to Wallace, give me a call,” Uncle David said. “I’m going to get rid of the leaves in the yard. I’ll take care of yours while I’m at it, Jane.”
The whole family kept busy. Being idle was not our way, and it helped keep unpleasant thoughts from taking over.
“I’m going to take a walk next door, Gram,” I said, trying to ignore the way Nicole’s eyes darted to me. “Niamh’s home and I want to check on her. But, I’ll have my phone if you need me.”
