No Holding Back

by Dresden, Amanda

  She approached Wade and stood directly in front of him, bringing her acrobatic stick-play to a halt. After shoving them into his chest, she made a fist up by the side of her face and flexed her fingers. Wade distinctly heard several knuckles crack and pop.

  “They’ll do,” she said.

  And she walked away.

  Both Wade and Ed turned around and watched as Chris disappeared through the doors.

  “Holy fuck,” Ed whispered. “I never got a hard-on from a dude before.”

  Wade chuckled and looked down at the finely polished pieces of wood in his hands. He didn’t care how expensive they were. All he knew is that he had to have them.

  Finally, Wade turned to Ed and put both sticks in front of his face, trying to snap him out of his delirium.

  “Ed! Ed - hey, c’mon, man!”

  “Huh-wha?”

  “These sticks,” he said, shaking them in front of Ed’s face. “How many do you have?”

  Ed shook his head and blinked. “Hell, I dunno, man. Forty? Fifty? In five years, I haven’t sold a damn one-!”

  Wade dove down into his back pocket and held up a credit card in front of Ed’s face.

  “I want ‘em all.”

  With a not-so-subtle ‘ching’ of the cash register, Wade left carrying all of Ed’s snakeskin drumsticks (fifty-four to be exact) and several packs of Vic Firths just in case - but not before taking half a dozen photos with Ed, all while wildly exclaiming that his friends were ‘never gonna believe this’ and Wade even offered to autograph a few guitars in his store.

  Wade ran up a hefty bill but he didn’t so much as bat an eye at any of it. In fact, he was so happy, he told him he’d have tickets for Ed and a few of his friends for the concert that night - best seats in the house.

  Afterwards, Wade couldn’t recall the last time another man hugged him for that long, but he didn’t care. With Chris’ new sticks in tow, they all made it to the concert just in time.

  Chapter 13

  From that day forward, no one spoke a word of the events that almost led to Chris’ reveal. Chris was happy to pretend that it never happened either despite what could have come of it. Even Os seemed to be extra nice to his younger brother, trying everything he could to get back on his good side. But he still never talked to Chris - not if he could help it. He didn’t even offer so much as an apology after that night.

  Wade could have cared less about his brother’s brown-nosing but he made sure to put him in line whenever he could. It must have worked, because after a few performances, Wade never got any more trouble out of Os. It seemed that Wade’s threat to remove his brother from Heretic set itself firmly into his mind, although sometimes he would catch his older brother staring at him - as if he and he alone held a secret that would keep Heretic together. Wade didn’t like that his brother had the upper hand on something and tried to focus on other things.

  After Chris settled into her new drumsticks, it was as if she was a new person. But Wade had to constantly watch himself around her, careful not to arouse any suspicion with Joe or Os.

  Chris did her best to forget Wade’s sleepover. In fact, she pretended like it never happened, wanting only to return to her normal routine.

  Wade noticed that Chris’ playing was different after her new drumsticks - in a good way. If he didn’t know any better, he never would have guessed that her wrist was injured at one point in time. Wade swore up and down that even Heretic’s fan cheered harder and louder - just for her.

  Since Chris always wore her hoodie and beanie, her other injuries went by relatively unnoticed. But there was still one thing left that Wade needed to do.

  “Heads up!” Wade threw a plastic package at Chris and this time, she caught it.

  “Nice catch.”

  Chris sat up in her bed, confused at why he would get her boxer shorts.

  “What’er these for?”

  “They’re for you.”

  Wade tried to keep a straight face as he spoke. He knew why she needed them, but she didn’t know that Wade accidentally caught her getting dressed a few weeks prior.

  “I have underwear,” Chris stated and not at all embarrassed.

  “I realize that. But it got me thinking about the day you got separated from the rest of us. You’re lucky they didn’t take your pants for a souvenir. They are kinda baggy, y’know.”

  Chris sighed as she opened the packaged and inspected them.

  “Plaid?” she asked, turning her nose up at Wade’s fashion sense.

  He laughed. “It beats the alternative. Girls think you’re a guy, Chris, and they’re going to pull at your pants and grab your ass-.”

  “…they already have…” she mumbled under her breath

  “-and the last thing we need to explain to fans is why you wear ‘panties’.”

  Chris rolled her eyes and as Wade started to close the door behind him, he turned and looked at her one last time.

  “They’re not too bad, actually. They help with circulation,” Wade teased. “Put ‘em on!”

  He made a funny face on purpose and stuck his tongue out at her. Chris chuckled at Heretic’s front man and threw the partially torn package at Wade, but missed.

  It hit the door and landed on the ground in a soft thud. Wade snickered and left her alone. But as he walked away, he could have sworn that he heard her groan in protest.

  After their last concert, Wade thought that Chris could use another outing. As much as she was nervous about being spotted, she couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

  “Ooh - ooh!! I wanna go too!” Joe begged.

  “What the hell for?” Wade asked as he got out his wallet, handing several large bills over to Chris.

  “Awe, dude! I want one of those new tablet-thingys!” Joe spouted off, making a square shape with his hands.

  “Why the hell do you want one?”

  “I just - I wanna be able t-…y’know? So I can watch movies in my room,” he finished sheepishly.

  “Movies hell. You just wanna watch porn and yank off in ‘your room’!”

  “Dude! You promised you wouldn’t say anything!” Joe punched Wade weakly in the shoulder while Chris roared with laughter. “Ever since you took away my girls, I’ve had to take care of shit myself!”

  Months ago, Chris would have been disgusted at Joe’s comment, but now, she loved his humor and laughed outright. Even Os couldn’t help but snicker to himself in the corner.

  “Fine. Take this,” Wade groaned, slapping more money into Joe’s eager hands. “You can go, but not like that-.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I’m goin’,” Joe grumbled and dragged his feet to his room.

  “Not like what?” Chris asked as Wade punched in a few numbers on his phone.

  “If he’s gonna go with you, he can’t look like Joe Bedden. Get my drift?”

  “Oh.”

  Chris planted herself by the table and waited patiently for Joe. She only half-listened to Wade while he talked to Mike over the phone - too busy listening to the sound that was made whenever his hand dove into his pocket. She was never able to get over Joe’s explanation from several months ago. Even now, she still chuckled to herself.

  “Ta-DAA!!” Joe pushed aside his plastic partition and sprung from his room in one big jump.

  “Oh. My. God.”

  “I know, I know. Sexy, right?”

  Joe twirled 360 degrees and opened his plaid, button-up shirt, showing off his a shirt from his favorite sports team underneath.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without your hair in your face.”

  “Likewise, sista,” Joe fired back and flicked playfully at her ponytail.

  Chris stuck her tongue out at him but she still couldn’t get over Joe’s transformation, albeit small. All he did was tie his dreads up into a ponytail and stuff them through the hole in the back of his baseball cap. Other than a few simple clothing changes, Chris would never have recognized him if he had passed her on the street.

  “Alright,
we ready!? Ladies first,” Joe said with a sweep of his hand.

  Before Wade could talk himself out of it, Mike’s voice seemed to fade away as he stole a glance at Chris and at the skinny jeans she wore. She looked stunning in a small black and grey dress shirt that showed off her bosom a little more than what he approved. He tried shifting his thoughts elsewhere and away from the lingering scent of her perfume and searched for Mike’s voice again.

  “Wade. Wade? Are you even listening to me?” came his agents’ irritated drawl.

  “Yeah! Yeah, I’m here.”

  “I’m not a lady, remember?” he heard Chris over his agent’s lecturing.

  “Ohhh! Right!”

  Joe clasped his hands on his baseball cap, preparing to walk out, but not before Chris held her arm out in front of him.

  “But I will go first.”

  Surprised by her comment, Joe backed out of her way and lip synced, did you see that, to Wade while pointing at her.

  Wade shook his head and laughed while ‘uh-huh’d’ with Mike on the phone. They were nearly out the door when Wade stopped them.

  “Hey! Hold on a sec, Mike…hey! Hey, I want you guys back in one hour!” Wade said, pressing the receiver firmly against his chest, rendering his agent deaf to his conversation.

  “One hour?!” Joe protested. “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah, I got somethin’ planned for us.”

  “Man…”

  “Oh, Chris!”

  “Relax, man! I’ll watch her!” Joe interrupted.

  “Actually, I was going to tell her to watch you.”

  Chris snickered and walked off the bus.

  “Joe, did you hear me? One. Hour.” Wade delivered his order one last time before turning his attention back to his phone. “Hey, Mike - you there? Yeah, okay. Listen-.”

  Without missing a beat, Joe held up his middle finger and repeated, “One hour? Okay - got it.”

  Wade glared at him just as Joe raised both of his middle fingers and waved them around in the air. “Or was that two hours?”

  Wade wanted to retort, but Joe made a goofy face and got off the bus just in time, before Wade tried to slap him.

  Afterwards, he found it hard to concentrate on the phone with Mike knowing that Chris was out and about in form-fitting clothing. He knew they would be alright, and that Joe would look out for her like a sister despite the fact that he jokingly hit on her. But Wade couldn’t get over the feeling in his gut as Mike’s voice faded in and out of his head. It was the same feeling that night that he had slept with Chris. It was also the same feeling that he had whenever the two of them went off doing their own thing. But Os’ sleazy grin defeated him whenever he thought about it. He was careful around his brother since that day. But the feeling in his gut wouldn’t stop when he realized something.

  He was jealous of Joe.

  Chris and Joe found an ice cream parlor just a few blocks from where the bust was parked. From the moment Joe spotted cherry pistachio, Chris didn’t have a choice as she was practically dragged in against her will. As soon as they walked in, he pranced up to the counter like a small child, but the few patrons inside didn’t know or care who they were. For the first time in a long time, Chris felt safe being hidden in plain sight.

  When they found a place to sit, Joe licked at his cone while Chris picked at her sundae.

  “So, uhm…Joe?”

  “Yeaowp?” he asked as he vigorously attacked his ice cream.

  Chris decided to use Joe’s short attention span to her advantage, hoping he could answer a question she had.

  “Why does Wade act like that?”

  “Like what? Tss! Brain freeze!” Joe asked, rubbing his head.

  “Like he’s our mom.”

  “He just doesn’t want anything to happen to us is all - especially you," he admitted, and she flushed at his response. "Hell, I dunno what I’d do if I couldn’t play anymore. I don’t think I could work in the real world!”

  Chris covered her laugh with her hand trying to keep her mouth, full of vanilla ice-cream, closed.

  “Do you even know what happens to all the money we make?”

  “Mm! Oh - uhm. He’s a brainiac when it comes to that…like investing ‘n shit. So, whatever we make from playin’ goes directly into accounts that he made for us. Come quittin’ time? We’ll be sittin’ pretty.”

  “You mean…when we stop playing?”

  “Well yeah but,” Joe paused, wiping his mouth with his napkin. “I don’t plan on that happenin’ till my balls drop off. Know what I mean?”

  Chris shook her head at Joe’s answer. With all of the time she spent with Joe and the rest of Heretic, he could still surprise her with his humor.

  While Joe answered her questions, she played with the idea about mentioning her predecessor. Even Wade mentioned him as little as possible. She knew it was a sore spot for all of Heretic and she certainly didn’t know how Joe would react to the mere mention of his name. She never had the courage before, that is, until now.

  “What about Hess’ stuff? What did he do with his account?” Chris asked gently. And for the first time ever, Chris watched as Joe’s upbeat and lively personality seemed to settle into that of a quiet serial killer. At once, she regretted asking it.

  Joe licked the remaining ice-cream from his lips.

  “He can burn in hell for all I care. But as for his money? I wouldn’t be surprised if Wade rolled it into something for you.”

  Touched by the thought of it, and by the fact that Wade seemed to look after them like a big brother, made Chris feel a bit melancholy. After all, the only family she ever had was her father and he was anything but warm and caring. In fact, every time she thought about him, a cold chill swept over her. But she decided not to push the issue of Hess any further.

  Suddenly, Joe snapped back into his old self.

  “Alright - let’s get goin’! There’s an electronic store just down the street from here.”

  Chris tossed the rest of her half-eaten sundae away and followed Joe outside. They had stopped in some nameless town in North Carolina and the weather, while a bit overcast, was calm and perfect. As they walked past store after store on the strip, one in particular made Chris stop in her tracks.

  “Chris? What’s up?” Joe asked when he discovered that she didn’t answer one of his random questions.

  But she didn’t hear him. Joe looked back and found her just nose-length of a store window.

  It was a vintage store that sold items strictly for metal heads, Goths, and other die-hard music fans. Just in front of her was a display case that featured Heretic’s many souvenir albums, t-shirts, signed autographs, guitar picks, cigarette lighters, posters, pictures - you name it. She could clearly make out her own image from the one and only photo shoot that Wade allowed. He stood an imposing figure before them all - and even next to his brother, it was no contest. The three of them flanked Wade as it focused in on him more than anyone else, but it was angled to great effect.

  The deep eyeliner he wore magnified the passion he carried as front man, lead guitarist, and vocalist. The camera shot a downward angle on everyone, but showed only Wade’s red contacts among the black and white photo. He looked like a raging animal, but he flexed his muscles within his tight shirt and overly exaggerated one of his biceps that showed off his tribal tattoo. For a moment, she got lost in his eyes and her heart skipped a beat.

  “Kinda humbling, isn’t it?”

  “Y-Yeah. Humbling,” she said, laughing off her daydreaming. “You can’t even tell it’s us.”

  “Shhh!”

  Joe whispered fiercely as two people passed behind them. He eyed them closely until they walked away from them without a second glance.

  Joe sighed in relief. “Look, we better get goin’. We don’t have a whole lotta time left.”

  Chris eventually peeled herself away from the window and continued walking alongside Joe.

  “Hey, Joe?”

  “Ya?”

 
Chris dropped her voice to whisper. “What did Wade mean when he said he had something planned for us?”

  Joe shrugged his shoulders. “Fuck if I know."

  As a male employee opened the door for them both, Chris noticed his pale, blue eyes linger a while longer over her. He smiled, showing off a set of dazzling white teeth.

  “Hi,” he openly greeted her.

  Chris blushed, feeling her face grow warm. “H-Hi.”

  Just then, Joe’s arm wrapped around her waist and drug her away.

  “She’s spoken for, bud. Sorry.”

  “Joe!?” she hissed. Chris was mortified, and punched him weakly in the chest. “What’er you doing? He was so hot!”

  As Chris was being dragged away, she looked behind her one last time at the gorgeous male specimen who winked and waved at her.

  “Trust me. Guys like that only want one thing,” he said, looking straight ahead.

  Chris rolled her eyes. “You mean guys like you?”

  “It’s different,” he replied in a remarkably serious tone. “If I see anyone lay a finger on you, I’ll rip their nuts off.”

  Chris stopped in her tracks and swallowed. She couldn’t recall a time where Joe was serious about anything. But something about the way he shifted from carefree idiot to sober judge in an instant unsettled her.

  “Joe?”

  Joe stopped and looked at her. “What’s up, chica?”

  “I’m a big girl, y’know.”

  Instantly, Joe melted into a sweet-boy routine.

  “I know, Chris,” he said. But then, he put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I just don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to you.”

  With a warm smile, he let her go and turned to another employee manning the electronics counter. Chris was speechless given Joe’s response, but after her near fatal discovery, she was thankful for his watchfulness and silently accepted him as her second bodyguard.

  While Joe asked about tablets and other devices, Chris waited patiently for her friend to make a decision. In the end, he even ended up talking Chris into getting a sleek black tablet along with a few other gadgets that would keep them busy for the long hours on the road ahead.