by Tawny Weber
She?
Why she would visit him on base?
Dammit. Aiden sighed. As if he needed to wonder.
“Sage is here?” he asked, tossing his cards on the table, not caring that they sent the others flying. Clearly, he was through playing solitaire.
“Sage Taylor,” Brody acknowledged with a nod. His tone was casual, but the look in his eyes was piercing. “She claims she’s your fiancée.”
Aiden didn’t have to glance over to see that Castillo was looking just as intrigued.
Shit.
“You’re engaged?”
No. Before he could deny it, rule three flashed through his brain. Dammit.
“Yeah. Sorta.” He shrugged. “We had a fight.”
“Ahhh, one that made you question life directions,” Castillo surmised with a grin, pointing the sock at Aiden.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Aiden said, not willing to have this discussion. Now, or ever. He grabbed his cap out of his back pocket and pulled it down to shade his eyes. “Can’t keep my fiancée waiting while I hang around chitchatting with you guys.”
“Not a problem,” Brody said, scraping the cards into a pile without glancing at them. His eyes still locked on Aiden, he nodded and tapped the deck on the table. “We’ll be here when you’re done.”
“Yep, waiting to chitchat,” Castillo said, holding his sock up in the air as if inspecting his lousy sewing. The eyes on the thing were lopsided, but it was actually starting to take on an eerie resemblance to Banks. Aiden made a mental note to refrain from pissing Auntie Castillo off.
“You said she’s at the Joint Reception Center?” he asked Brody.
“Yep.”
A nod of thanks and he headed out the door and across the base at a double-step.
What the hell was Sage doing here?
His guts were in knots, the emotions he’d been carefully ignoring churning. Maybe it was news. Something she didn’t want to tell him over the phone.
He’d just talked to the Professor two nights ago, so he knew the older man was recovering from surgery well and they were pretty sure they’d got most of the cancer.
He’d had his thrice-weekly email update from Dr. Brooke this morning.
They wouldn’t lie about Lee’s health.
Sage must be here for a different reason.
The logical ones all ran through Aiden’s mind and he let them run right back out. Because every one of them was tied to the emotional nightmare of their last encounter. But she wasn’t a masochist. Nor had she outed their engagement to her father. He knew she hadn’t because the Professor was still pitching job changes and property purchases.
So why ever she was here, he was sure it had nothing to do with logic.
He was equally sure his funk was about to take a nosedive, skating somewhere along heartache and misery.
He wondered what advice Castillo would have for that. A threesome with triplets, probably.
* * *
SAGE PACED. Five steps to the window wall, seven steps to the door, three steps to the lumpy couch, then do it all over again.
Nerves.
They sucked. She couldn’t decide what she hated more. The miserable pain that was now her constant companion. The sense of loss in realizing that she’d finally found the answer to everything she’d been searching for, only to have to let it go. Or the giddy rush that had her skin dancing in anticipation of being near Aiden again.
Find the silver lining, Sage, she warned for the millionth time this month.
At least she’d found her bliss, and had mind-blowingly incredible sex. Lots and lots of it, too. There were plenty of people who went through life without either.
As far as silver linings went, it was pretty weak. But she had the rest of her life. She’d shore it up eventually.
Feeling a smidge better after that dreary pep talk, she took a deep, meditative breath. Zen. Find Zen.
She’d just about found it when the door opened.
She spun around, her Zen fizzling like a wet firecracker.
“Aiden,” she said.
She’d rarely seen him in his military clothes. Fatigues tucked into gleaming black boots, a fitted T stretched over that gorgeous, rock-hard chest. A cap shading his gaze, and the glint of metal around his neck.
Oh, my. He was one sexy SEAL.
Suddenly a million doubts pounded through her mind, each one shaking its finger at her in warning. Aiden didn’t know why she was here. She didn’t have to follow through with her plan.
Instead, she could throw herself in his arms, declare her lust and beg him for a quickie. She glanced around the room. There was a chair, right there.
“Why are you here?”
Sage swallowed hard, mentally waving goodbye to that little fantasy. Might as well stick with the original plan since her sexy SEAL was clearly thrilled to see her.
“It’s so good to see you, too,” she said, not bothering to rein in her sarcasm. The ugly combination of heartbreak and sexual frustration tended to make her grumpy.
“What’s the deal? Are you here to try and talk me into playing another round of Mission Marriage?”
Clearly he’d rather play with pygmy cannibals. Still, if she thought it’d get him into bed one more time, it might be worth rounding up a few short, hungry tribesmen.
As if she were starving herself and he was a feast, she stared at him. He only looked better now than he had when he’d told her he loved her. Given that he’d followed that declaration up by deeming them impossible, she shouldn’t want to wrap her arms around that hard torso of his and squeeze.
“Sage?” he prompted impatiently.
“No more missions,” she said. Then, pressing her lips together to keep them from shaking, she forced herself to say, “Actually, I’m here to break our engagement.”
His eyes widened and for just a second he looked shocked. Hurt, even. Then he shook his head as if trying to dislodge her words.
“Break our engagement? The fake one?”
Sage sniffed. For a man who didn’t do sarcasm very often, he was very good at it.
“Well, it’s only fake to you and I,” she pointed out. She tried to smile, but could only manage a tilt of her lips.
“But not to your father.”
No. Her tilt fell away. But her father wouldn’t want her to ruin Aiden’s life by living a lie. Nor would he want her to be miserable spending her days and nights wishing that lie were real. Sage had been in—and out of—a lot of relationships. She’d thought herself in love at least a half-dozen times over the years. Now she knew better. With those, she’d easily gotten over the relationship within a week, easily able to ignore or dislike the beau in question.
But not Aiden. Despite his being the only person to ever break her heart, she couldn’t feel badly toward him. Since ignoring him was proving impossible, too, she knew she needed to take drastic steps if she was going to get on with her life.
Her long, blissless life.
“I know we went into this for my father, but it’s served its purpose,” she told him.
“The purpose was to provide your father a positive focus to help him get through treatments, to assist in his healing. How has that changed?”
Sage combed her fingers through her hair, wanting to tug on the long strands to relieve some of the frustration. This should be easy. She breaks up, he smiles in gratitude, they go their separate ways. Why was he arguing with her?
“Look, our engagement was good for my dad’s spirits. But it’s bad for you,” she reasoned. There. Logic. Aiden should love that.
“How? I’m here, you’re up there with your dad. I’m not seeing where this is a major pain in my ass.”
Sage wanted to ask if missing her like crazy was a pain in his ass, but was afraid to hear that he hadn’t missed her enough to even feel a twinge.
Stick with the plan, she told herself. She straightened her spine, pretending it was made of steel instead of mush, and took a deep breath. Get
this done and get home.
“How many calls have you had from my father that included hints about leaving the service? Or beyond hints, that straight-out painted a picture of the happy professor life he’s putting together for you.”
He didn’t have to say anything. The truth was right there on his face. He shrugged, though.
“I’m a big boy, Sage. I can deal with hints, requests and nagging just fine.” He narrowed his eyes. “You came down here to break up with me because your dad is nagging? Ponied up plane fare, flew to San Diego, rented a car, finagled your way onto base. All to tell me that our make-believe engagement isn’t working for you anymore.”
He made it sound so stupid. And maybe if it’d just been the nagging, he’d have a point. But it was more. It was her peace of mind. Still, Sage couldn’t resist correcting him.
“Actually, I borrowed Dad’s car and drove down. I-5 is boring, but a pretty easy trip.” At his dead-eyed stare, she blew out a breath, then lifted both hands in the air. “Don’t you think breaking up by email is the epitome of tacky? And something that, if intercepted, would ruin the entire engagement mission. Don’t you guys have rules against that kind of thing?”
“Sage?”
After a deep sigh, she pushed one hand through her hair, then shrugged.
“We need to end this. That’s the only way we can get past it.” Before he could argue, and he had a good one, she could tell from the stubborn look in his eyes, she held up one hand. “I don’t want us to be a mess, Aiden. This whole thing, it got out of hand. If it keeps going, we’re never going to be able to be friends again. We’ll lose each other for good.”
And she couldn’t stand that thought.
She could deal with not having him in her bed. She could handle him not loving her. But she couldn’t live without him in her life, even if it was just as a distant friend again.
“My dad’s nagging has to be a distraction. And that’s on top of you already being worried about his health. Drama between us will only cause you more stress, mess with your head. I don’t want to be responsible for any of that.” She swallowed hard and shrugged. “I couldn’t live with myself worrying what that’d do to you. To your performance.”
“So you’re doing this for my, what? Safety? Peace of mind?” He shook his head, giving her an icy look. “Do you have a pacifier and baby blanket in that big purse of yours, too?”
“I’m sorry.”
His glare was fierce, but she lifted her chin and stood her ground. After a solid, miserable minute-long stare-out, he finally sighed, rubbing both hands over his face.
“Fine. You want to end it, go ahead. Tell your dad I couldn’t deal, tell him you’re running off to join the circus. Do whatever you want.”
“It’s for the best,” she promised brokenly. She gulped back the tears, reminding herself that crying made her blotchy and she didn’t want him to see her that way. “You might be irritated with me now, but soon, probably as soon as tomorrow, you’ll admit I’m right.”
Sage winced at his dead-eyed stare, one that was just as lethal as some of the weapons he carried.
“Don’t count on it,” he said, heading for the door.
“Aiden?”
“What?” he asked, tossing a glare over his shoulder.
“Kiss me goodbye?” she suggested, unable to resist one last taste.
“Kiss you...” Aiden yanked off his hat, smacked it against his thigh, then crunched it in his fist so tight, she figured it was wrinkled for life.
He stormed over, looking so ferocious her toes melted.
His eyes never leaving hers, he grabbed her by the forearms, yanked her up and pressed his mouth over hers.
As soon as their lips touched, the anger melted away.
Passion, delight, and the most painful surge of love she’d ever felt washed through her with each slide of his lips.
Then he stopped. It was all Sage could do not to grab him back and hold on forever.
“There,” he said, pulling away physically, and if the chill washing over her bare skin was any indication, emotionally. “There’s your kiss goodbye. Have a fun life, Sage.”
She tried to speak, but couldn’t find her voice until he reached the door.
“Aiden,” she called.
Hand on the doorknob, he froze but didn’t look back.
She swallowed the painful knot of tears, then forced the words out.
“We’re still friends, right?”
Her heart froze waiting for his response.
It seemed like forever before he dropped his head to his chest. Still not looking at her, he finally sighed.
“Yeah, Sage. We’ll always be friends.”
13
THIS SUCKED.
The warm overhead sunshine sucked.
The sound of the waterfall whooshing into the pool sucked.
The iced tea, the fresh fruit and even the gentle harp music she’d put on to soothe her sucked.
Sage lay on the chaise and sighed.
For the first time in her life, she’d done the responsible thing. She’d chased wisdom instead of pleasure. She’d put Aiden’s safety over her heart.
It was the smart thing, the right thing to do.
Being smart, and right, sucked.
She should be happy. Her father was doing so much better. This new career idea of hers seemed to be panning out. And all she’d had to give up was the love of her life.
Of course, he’d given up on her way before she’d given up on them, so maybe she was beating herself up for no reason.
Sage threw one arm over her eyes, blocking the glow of the sun, and tried not to scream.
All week, she’d done this. Went round and round in mental circles, chasing one painful thought after the other. Did she do the right thing, cutting the engagement off? Should she have tried to wear Aiden down with sexual promises and homemade cookies? Was keeping their friendship worth the cost of a broken heart? Wasn’t keeping him safe worth everything?
Argh. She ground her teeth so tight, she tasted enamel.
Suddenly, footsteps echoed on the stone patio.
No. Not another well-meaning friend here to cheer her up. Or worse her father, checking up on her.
She couldn’t take it.
Maybe if she lay there without moving, whoever it was would think she was asleep and go away.
“I know you’re awake, so you might as well talk to me.”
Oh, my God.
“Aiden?” Sitting bolt upright, she stared at the man next to her.
Was he real? Not a mirage brought on by sleep deprivation, sunstroke and dehydration brought on by crying for seven days straight?
She shaded her eyes and looked closer.
He looked real. And grumpy. His casual jeans and T were at odds with the power and authority of his stance.
She should probably worry that she found the grumpiness just as sexy as the power.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, not sure she wanted to know.
“It took me a week to figure out what you’d done,” he told her, hands on his hips as he aimed that intense look her way.
“And you’re supposed to be a genius?” she asked, trying to sound teasing but the words were too tight to come off as light as she wanted. “I told you face-to-face what I was doing. Should I have written it in a note, too?”
“You were trying to save me from myself. Just like you initiated this engagement to save your dad from worrying. You do that a lot, Sage. You think you need to be the one doing all the sacrificing in a relationship.”
That was ridiculous. Just because she always had been the one to sacrifice didn’t mean she wanted it that way.
“I’m hardly a martyr.”
“Nope. You might not take pleasure in suffering for others. But you do have a bad habit of suffering all the same.”
Didn’t she, though? Sage sighed, resisting the urge to drop her head into her hands. Still, there was suffering for the sake of drama, which
she might have inadvertently given in to in the past. And there was sacrificing for the safety of someone she loved.
She didn’t figure pointing that out would make Aiden leave any faster, though.
“Do you have a point?” she asked instead. “A reason you came back here when you should still be on duty?”
“Yeah. I’m here to fix this mess.”
Sage made a show of looking around the pristine grounds and glistening pool.
“You might have wasted a trip.”
“The mess that is us,” he clarified.
Us? Why was he doing this to her? Sage’s heart was one big ball of misery and her stomach tied in knots. She’d never thought Aiden was the type to torture the innocent.
“Aren’t we over?” she asked, using her best humoring the crazy man tone. “Remember? We unofficially split weeks ago over champagne. Then we made it official last week when you were in your sexy SEAL clothes.”
His lips twitched, either over the champagne or her still thinking him sexy.
“Nope. We’ve been together, in one form or another, for twenty years. Too long for us to end that easily.”
Easily? She’d barely slept in weeks. She’d spent the first week after he left with her face in bag after bag of M&M’s, then the next two weeks miserably sick to her stomach and unable to eat. She’d had to resort to self-hypnosis to meet her publishing obligations and was almost ready to give up on even believing in her positive-thinking biofeedback MP3s.
How the hell was any of that easy?
Luckily, either because he saw the look on her face or because he simply wanted to take advantage of her brief silence, he lifted a hand before she could say anything.
“You said you split up with me because your dad was pressuring me to leave the service. Right?” He didn’t wait for her to confirm the obvious. “Did you argue the point with him? Despite his illness, I’m betting you did everything you could to convince him to give it up.”
She shrugged.
He raised his brows, making it clear he wasn’t going to let her brush off this conversation.
Fine, then. If they had to have it, they could do it fast, then he could leave again.
“Well, he was using me as justification for trying to get you to quit.” She lifted both hands in the air as if it was obvious. “Of course I told him to let it go. I knew leaving the navy wasn’t what you’d want to do.”
