A Matter of Trust

by Anne Schraff

  Darcy watched Hakeem give his father the second-place trophy. Both parents hugged a smiling Hakeem, but there was something in his eyes that seemed to contradict his smile.

  As Darcy and Hakeem rode out of the parking lot on his motorbike, Hakeem said, “I don’t like sports. I just do it for my dad. He’s always been after me to get into sports—track, football, basketball. I’ve got three sisters, so I’m the only hope for him to have an athlete son. All his h-h-hopes for reliving his glory days in s-s-sports rest on me. ”

  Darcy had rarely heard Hakeem stutter when he was not in front of a crowd. Now, while they were alone together, just thinking about his father’s expectations was making him stutter. “You looked great out there,” she said, tightening her arms around his waist.

  “I always hated competition,” he admitted. “I’d shoot baskets with the guys, but I s-s-stayed away from joining the school team or anything. Then Dad got s-sick. You know, I felt guilty, like I’d cheated him out of all those years he wanted to watch me play. I got s-scared. What if he didn’t get well? Then he’d never g-g-get to see me do sports. So I got into this track thing. Well, second is okay, I guess. It sure beats nothing, huh?” There was a rich vein of sadness in Hakeem’s voice.

  They stopped at Niko’s, a small pizza place that looked shabby but had the best pizza in town. After ordering pepperoni pizza and sodas, they sat down.

  “So, how’s it going with you, Darcy?” Hakeem asked. He seemed eager to change the subject from his own problems. “Are you getting to know your dad since he came back?”

  “Not really. My sister Jamee is with him today. They got a big day planned. She acts like he never left. She’s been so lonely for Dad. But I haven’t seen him much. We’ve talked on the phone, but I feel weird with him. I mean, when he helped us find Jamee when she ran away and got lost, I was really grateful, but . . . ” Darcy shook her head sadly.

  “You should try to make up, Darcy. Just get together over hamburgers or something. Don’t let it go. Like with my Dad, he’s a great guy, but we had a lot of big fights. He thinks my music is stupid, and I hated how he tried to push me into sports. We both said lousy things to each other. I told him I hated him. And then when he got cancer, it hit me like a ton of bricks. My Dad had something bad, and maybe he wouldn’t always be around, and we were wasting time fighting over something stupid. ”

  Darcy took another slice of pizza. “Yeah, but Hakeem, your dad was there for you, big fights or not. My dad just left. No goodbye, no cards, no nothing. He can’t expect to waltz back in and have everybody falling over themselves for him. ”

  “I know, Darcy, and I’m not saying you’re wrong. All I’m saying is maybe you could give your dad a second chance. From where I’m sitting, it looks like he’s trying awful hard. ”

  “You’ve got a point,” Darcy conceded. “I’ll think about it. ”

  Hakeem pulled his motorbike to a stop in front of Darcy’s house. For several seconds he hugged her, and Darcy gave him a soft kiss on his lips.

  “Thanks for everything,” she said.

  Hakeem smiled. “I’ll call you,” he said, starting the engine of his motorbike. Then he drove away slowly, the drone of the bike’s engine fading into the distance.

  “Did you have a good time, sweetie?” Mom asked.

  “Yeah,” Darcy said.

  “Good. You didn’t forget tomorrow, did you?”

  “What’s tomorrow?” Darcy asked, concerned.

  “We have to go have dinner with Aunt Charlotte. Ms. Harris will be staying with Mama. ”

  “Oh, Mom!” Darcy whined, plopping down onto the sofa.

  “Don’t you ‘oh Mom’ me. She’s my only sister. I know she can be a pain, but she’s still family,” Mom scolded.

  “Is Jamee going?”

  “Of course. I’ve given her strict orders to dress nicely and behave like a lady. Last time we were over there, I about died of shame because of the way that child acted. But I had a talk with Jamee. If she wants to go anywhere this week—with your father or her friends—she’ll treat Aunt Charlotte politely. ”

  “Is Jamee still out with Dad?” Darcy asked.

  “Yeah. They’re making a day of it. ”

  Darcy went to Grandma’s room and helped her to the bathroom. Then she fed Grandma some rice pudding. The elderly woman was very listless, and the whole meal was a struggle. She kept asking the same questions over and over, and when Darcy answered her, she asked the question still again. Was Grandma getting worse? Had the final decline begun? Or would she brighten again, and be sort of normal, and call Darcy “Angelcake” again?

  “I love you, Grandma,” Darcy said anxiously.

  “Is it still raining?” Grandma asked.

  “No, it isn’t raining anymore,” Darcy answered.

  “Is it still raining?” Grandma asked again in a flat, weak voice.

  “It will stop soon,” Darcy said, her eyes brimming with tears. She knew that someday, maybe soon, Grandma would leave them. But Darcy could not stand thinking about that day. She kept hoping for a little more time, a few more twinkling smiles from Grandma, another chance to hear her talk about being a child picking blackberries in the summer.

  All the way to Aunt Charlotte’s townhouse, Jamee spoke about her dinner with Dad. “It was a really cool restaurant. The waiters were guys, and they were always asking us if we wanted more bread or something. I felt like some rich kid!” Jamee beamed. But as they neared Aunt Charlotte’s townhouse, Jamee’s mood darkened.

  “Hello, Mattie, girls,” Aunt Charlotte chirped when she met them at the door. Aunt Charlotte was Mom’s sister, but she could have been her daughter. Aunt Charlotte had perfect, smooth skin like a girl. She bought expensive makeup, and her cocoa-butter complexion was dramatically highlighted by a rich blush on her cheeks. “I’m so glad to see you. I have something really important to talk about,” Aunt Charlotte said, looking right at Darcy. “It concerns all of us as a family, but it particularly concerns you, Darcy. ”

  Darcy felt like a butterfly stuck by a pin to a display. She did not want to be the topic of Aunt Charlotte’s discussion. It was true that her aunt was one of the most beautiful women Darcy had ever seen. It was also true that she bought the nicest furniture for her townhouse and that she decorated the walls with expensive, fancy paintings. But despite everything, Darcy did not admire Aunt Charlotte, and she did not want to be like her. Even though they had arrived only minutes earlier, Darcy wished the dinner was already over.

  Darcy would have rather been home in their small apartment with the spots on the wall where it had leaked during last winter’s rains, where there was a cracked tile right in the middle of the kitchen floor, where the only art was the paint-by-numbers pictures that Grandma did years ago. Darcy reluctantly sat down at Aunt Charlotte’s fancy table, dreading the conversation to come.

  Chapter 4

  Everyone was careful to praise Aunt Charlotte’s newest cooking creation, a strange veal and broccoli dish with an odd, woody taste. Then they all went into the living room for coffee and cake. Darcy was relieved to see the cake was from a bakery. That meant Aunt Charlotte had not baked it.

  “I’m concerned about the effect Mother’s condition is having on your family, Mattie, especially on Darcy,” Aunt Charlotte began.

  “Charlotte, what are you talking about?” Mom responded. Darcy could tell by her voice that she, too, was worried about what Charlotte had to say.

  “Mattie, I don’t think having Mother at home is good for the girls, especially for Darcy,” Aunt Charlotte went on. “It can’t be easy on her or Jamee to have a working mother who’s not around enough. It just doesn’t seem fair that you are putting such a burden on your children. ”

  “But we’re fine with Grandma,” Darcy broke in quickly. “We have a nice neighbor who helps out when we need her, and everyone is doing fine. Grandma doesn’t bother us, not at all. ”

  “Yeah,” Jamee chimed in. “I’m helping more with Grandma n
ow too. We work together most days. ”

  Aunt Charlotte cast a pitying glance at the girls, as if Darcy and Jamee were toddlers whose opinions did not count. “It’s all very noble and everything, Mattie. Your girls have good hearts, but it can’t be healthy for them to have a sick old woman there twenty-four hours a day. ”

  “Charlotte, I don’t know what has gotten into you, but Darcy and Jamee are fine. Mom is not that much trouble, and even if she was, what right do you have telling me how I should be running my own house? You haven’t volunteered to help with Mom. ” Darcy could hear the anger and tightness in her mother’s voice.

  Aunt Charlotte was unmoved. “I’m your sister, Mattie. If you are making a mistake, I’m going to tell you. Right now, your girls are not being given the attention and the time they deserve. You have to work extra hours just to support Mother. And while you are out, the girls are forced to be baby-sitters and nurses because you want to keep Mother in your home. It’s not fair to keep Mother so close to you. ” Charlotte paused for a moment to look at everyone. For a second, Darcy thought her aunt sounded like a jealous young child. “Mother should be in a nursing home,” Charlotte continued. “She has no personal assets, so the state would pay for her care. It wouldn’t be a burden on either of us. This way your girls will be free to grow up without having to worry about her all the time. ”

  Darcy could see that Aunt Charlotte’s words hurt Mom. She knew that Mom often felt guilty for asking Darcy and Jamee to look after Grandma. In fact, a few months ago her mother had even asked Darcy if taking care of Grandma was too much for her. Darcy assured her not to worry, but she could see by the sad look in her mother’s eyes that Charlotte’s words made the feeling come back. Darcy wanted to tell Aunt Charlotte that she was the meanest woman she ever met, that she would rather take care of Grandma than be the selfish woman that her aunt had become. But instead Darcy said, “Aunt Charlotte, we love Grandma. We don’t want to send her away to some nursing home where she wouldn’t know anybody. ”

  “Oh, come on,” Aunt Charlotte scoffed. “She doesn’t know anyone now. She’s senile. ”

  “She does too know us,” Jamee piped up. “Sometimes anyway. She calls us by name when she’s having a good day. I mean, if she was all alone among strangers, she’d call our names and nobody would come. ”

  Aunt Charlotte turned to her sister again. “Mattie, you’re the adult in this situation. You can’t let your kids make up your mind for you. Mother has lived her life, and there’s no reason she can’t be cared for adequately in a nursing home. She might even be happier there in her more lucid moments. I understand they have special activities for people like her—”

  “Charlotte, this is our mother you’re talking about! Why are you talking about her like she is some thing?” Mom yelled, tears welling in her eyes.

  “Mattie, you’re a nurse. You know how hard it is to care for people. Darcy and Jamee should not have to take care of Mother, keep her clean, feed her. Your children deserve more. ” Charlotte’s words seemed carefully selected to hurt her mother’s feelings, Darcy thought. Charlotte leaned forward and took a deep breath, as if she was preparing for a major announcement. “Which brings me to the real reason I need to talk to you all. This summer, I will be vacationing in France for a month, and I would be delighted to have you along, Darcy. I think it would be the experience of your life. It would help you see there’s more to life than Bluford High School, your grandmother, and your rundown neighborhood. ”

  Darcy was shocked. “France?” she gasped. The farthest from her home she ever was before was San Francisco, only a few hundred miles away.

  Aunt Charlotte started to smile, wrinkling the perfect skin around her eyes. It was like watching a mask crumble a little. “Yes! France! Doesn’t it just thrill you? The French Riviera, chateaus, seeing Paris, and climbing the Eiffel Tower!”

  “It’s really great for you to ask me,” Darcy stammered.

  Aunt Charlotte turned to Jamee. “And don’t you feel bad, Jamee. I will be asking you too when you are sixteen years old and learn to show some respect. ”

  “I’d never go to France with you, Aunt Charlotte,” Jamee said angrily, “Never!”

  “Jamee, don’t you talk to your aunt like that!” Mom warned.

  “We’ll see how you feel later, Jamee,” Charlotte purred. “After Darcy comes home with stories of places you can’t even dream of, you’ll change your mind. So, Mattie, if you could get Mother settled in the nursing home during the next few months, Darcy and I could be ready to leave by the beginning of summer. ”

  “Aunt Charlotte,” Darcy said quickly, “thanks a lot for asking me, but I don’t want to go. ”

  “You mean because of the burdens of home?” Aunt Charlotte demanded.

  Mom broke in, “Darcy, if you really want to go, we could get a home health care nurse for Mama. You could go on the trip. ”

  “No, I really don’t want to go,” Darcy repeated.

  Aunt Charlotte glared at Mom. “You see, Mattie? Do you see how this life has affected your daughter? Now she doesn’t even want to take the opportunity of a lifetime. How much longer can you sacrifice your children by turning your home into a hospital?”

  “That’s enough, Charlotte!” Mom said with fury in her voice.

  “Don’t talk about Grandma like that!” Jamee yelled. “Man, I’m never coming back to this place!”

  Aunt Charlotte gave Jamee an icy look. “I’m sorry to say, young lady, I doubt very much you’ll ever get an invitation from me to go to Europe. ” She turned to Darcy then. “You don’t have to decide right away. Just think about it. ”

  Mom stood up to leave. Darcy quietly followed her. She was eager to get out of the townhouse and her aunt’s presence. “I will. Thank you, Aunt Charlotte. It was really nice of you to ask me on the trip. ”

  When Darcy, Jamee, and their mother were on their way home, Mom said, “Darcy, you know that would be a wonderful opportunity for you—”

  “I’m not going,” Darcy said flatly.

  “I know Charlotte seems cold and heartless sometimes,” Mom said, “but I hope I haven’t been putting the burden of Mama on you girls too much. That wouldn’t be fair. ”

  “No!” Jamee cried. “I want to take care of Grandma. ”

  “Me too,” Darcy said. “When we were little, she was always there for us. ”

  Mom stopped for a red light, then glanced at her daughters. “But it can’t be easy having to rush home from school every day. ”

  “Mom,” Darcy groaned, “aren’t you always telling us that life isn’t supposed to be easy? I mean, aren’t you always saying hard stuff is what makes us grow? Haven’t you said that a thousand times?”

  Mom smiled. “I guess that’s the trouble with telling your kids stuff. Sometimes they remember it and toss it back at you. But just remember this, Darcy. If you want to take that trip this summer, you can get it done without Grandma going away. We’ll find a way to take care of Grandma. ”

  “I know,” Darcy said, “but Mom, I wouldn’t enjoy going on a trip with Aunt Charlotte. ”

  Later, when they were almost home, Darcy asked her mother, “We’ll never put Grandma in a nursing home, will we? I mean, that’d be like sending her away because we don’t love her anymore. ”

  “Baby,” Mom said heavily, “I don’t want to do that, but you know it could happen. If she got so sick that we couldn’t take care of her anymore, what choice would we have?”

  Darcy closed her eyes, her throat tightening. She remembered last summer when she used to volunteer a few days a week at a nursing home. The patients sat in wheelchairs or moved slowly in walkers. They seemed to always be searching for familiar faces. A frail old lady had asked Darcy if she had seen her daughter. “My daughter is coming today to take me home,” she had said in a trembling voice. The nurse’s aide had smiled and whispered to Darcy that the daughter lived in another state and would certainly never take her mother home. Other elderly people had cal
led out names of people they half-remembered. Darcy could not bear for Grandma to be in such a place, calling in vain for her loved ones.

  It would be like in that song Hakeem wrote,

  Will you hear me if I cry?

  Will you come before I die?

  When they got home, Darcy went straight to Grandma’s room. She found her sitting in a chair by the window. Ms. Harris was next to her and smiled when Darcy came in.

  “I’m home, Grandma. Are you hungry?” Darcy asked.

  “Your grandmother just finished her dinner,” Ms. Harris said as she got up to leave. “She’s been talking about you all night, Darcy. She calls you Angelcake. ”

  Darcy thanked Ms. Harris before she left and then sat down next to her grandmother. “I love you, Grandma,” she said.

  Grandma smiled and then said, “I think I’ll make a nice picnic basket and we can go to the mountains on Sunday. We went to the mountains last Sunday, and we had a nice time, didn’t we? Carl was so funny. He was telling stories, don’t you know. Your Daddy can be such a funny one,” Grandma said.

  “Yes, Grandma,” Darcy said, taking Grandma’s tiny, veined hand and pressing it to her cheek.

  Tarah Carson was turning sixteen on the following Saturday, and she decided to invite all her friends to a party at a nearby bayfront park. “We can roast hot dogs, and my mom said she’ll make her famous potato salad and even fry up some chicken. We’ll throw on some CD’s, Hakeem can play his guitar and sing—it’ll be great!” Tarah declared.

  “Yeah,” Darcy agreed, “sounds like it’ll be loads of fun. Hey, you’re not inviting Brisana, are you?”