Sugar Walls

by Brittani Williams

  “Are you OK, Ms. Clark?”

  “I’m just having contractions, that’s all,” I said, breathing heavily trying to channel the pain.

  “Are you sure you want to go in? Maybe you should go to the hospital.”

  “I’m OK, I—” Before I could finish the sentence another intense contraction stopped me. “Could you call this number for me, and tell him that he needs to come back and get me?” I asked, passing her my cell phone, which displayed Marlo’s cell number.

  I sat on the bench waiting for him to arrive as the contractions began to get closer together. By the time Marlo ran into the spa, they were five minutes apart and tears were pouring out of my eyes. He was excited but nervous as he sped down Broad Street to get me to Temple University Hospital. After pulling up to the emergency room I was immediately taken up to Labor and Delivery. I cried as the pain became more intense by the minute.

  Once examined by the doctor, I was five centimeters dilated—five away from where I needed to be to start pushing. Marlo was excited and ignored the sarcastic remarks I made due to the pain I was experiencing. The pain medicine that the nurse gave me through the IV was no longer working, and I was growing more uncomfortable.

  “I need something else for pain, I can’t take this anymore,” I yelled as I grabbed hold of the pillow to try and breathe past the pain.

  “Baby, you’re almost there. You’ve done so good,” Marlo spoke, holding my hand.

  I cried for the next hour until they checked me again, and I nearly flipped when they told me I hadn’t made any progress. The pain was excruciating, and my entire body was trembling from it. Two hours later I still hadn’t progressed any further, and with the baby’s continued dips in heart rate, the doctors decided to give me a Cesarean section.

  I was nervous as they wheeled me down to the operating room. I kissed Marlo once more before they took me in. Marlo was ushered to the waiting area since I would be put to sleep under the emergency circumstances.

  When I woke up in the recovery room, Marlo was sitting by my side with our baby girl in his arms. When I held her, I felt chills go through me because though I loved Marlo with all my heart, this little girl consumed it as soon as I looked at her. I thought about all of the trouble that I had gone through since leaving my mom’s, and at this point it was all fading away. You never really know how good it feels to be a mother until you actually experience it yourself. I was in love with them both, and I now believed that a happily ever after was possible after all. I never knew that I could love anyone more than Marlo, but that idea was out the window now.

  After debating over a name for the baby we came up with Skyy Janae Billups. She had fair skin like mine, but she was the spitting image of her father. She definitely made me fall in love with him all over again. I was in a lot of pain once the pain medication from surgery began to wear off, and once I was comfortable again I sat with my family and enjoyed them.

  The four days I stayed in the hospital seemed like an eternity, and I was excited to get home and lay in my own bed. Marlo surprised me by having the nursery set up. I had planned to do it myself before I went into labor, but Skyy had her own plans. I was ready to walk down the road of motherhood and it was going to be much easier once the club was gone. I looked through the list of buyers bidding for the club and ended up selling for $10,000 less that my asking price to the highest bidder. Skyy had given me the boost that I needed to just get rid of it, and I wanted to have more time for her and her brother.

  On the first day of Mya’s trial I was sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to go to court, but I knew I had no other choice. Marlo dropped the kids off at his mom’s, and we began the drive to the court house. The court room was packed with people, including the press. It had been a highly publicized case, and though I knew it would be packed, I didn’t know to what extreme.

  Once Mya was escorted into the court room we never made eye contact. I wasn’t ready to testify, but I knew there was no other way to get justice. The prosecutor and defense attorney both made their opening statements to the charges of conspiracy and solicitation to commit murder and third degree assault and assault for hire. The defense tried to use the death of Mya’s first born as a temporary insanity plea and stated that she wasn’t in any condition to sign a confession, which she did without an attorney present.

  I was pissed that she would try to get out of this, and I wasn’t going to allow that to happen. The following day when it was my turn to take the stand I had a new attitude and I was ready to bury her under the jail. The courtroom was silent as the prosecutor began to question me.

  “Ms. Clark, how do you know the defendant?”

  “She’s my sister.”

  “So were you two close? How was your relationship?”

  “No, we haven’t been close for some time now. Probably since we were little kids.”

  “So what happened to the close relationship you had?”

  “I really don’t know. I tried to be her friend, but she always pushed me away.”

  “So what motivated the alleged attack?”

  “Well, she never told me exactly what motivated her.”

  “But she did admit to it?”

  “Yes she did. When I went to visit her in prison she told me that she was behind it and she even tried to attack me when I told her that I was pregnant.”

  “So she admitted that she planned to have you kidnapped and assaulted?”

  “Yes.”

  The line of questioning went on for nearly an hour, and once the defense began to question me it took just as long. The day was exhausting, and I was glad when it was over.

  The day that the jury read the verdict I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, so much so that it was like a TV on mute. They found her guilty of all four charges, and she could possibly spend the rest of her life in prison. After leaving the courtroom I was quiet, and I began to think more about the future and the fact that I would have to be a mother to her child forever if she was sentenced to a life term.

  Once we were home I sat down and before Marlo left to get the kids, I told him to sit so that we could discuss the things that were on my mind. I had been really stressed lately, and I needed him to understand what was going on with me.

  “I need you to stop selling drugs, Marlo.”

  “What? You know I can’t do that.”

  “You have to, we have two children to think about, and we have enough money to survive.”

  “Surviving is not enough. I need to maintain what I have now, and a nine to five won’t cover it.”

  “Marlo, I’m serious. I want to go back to school, and I want us to be a family, but I can’t keep going to sleep every night wondering if I’ll ever see you again.”

  “I can’t, Sugar. This is all I’ve ever done, and I don’t know if I can do anything else.”

  “I need you to be here for us, and it’s not guaranteed if you keep living like this.”

  “Life isn’t guaranteed period! I have to do what I have to do, and I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he said before rising from the sofa.

  “Marlo, please,” I begged.

  “I’ll talk to you later. I’ll be back with the kids by seven,” he said before walking out of the house.

  I cried because I knew that I couldn’t live without him and I didn’t want be a single mother. I wanted life for the children to be so much different than that, and I prayed that he would come around before it was too late. It bothered him that I was demanding him to stop, and I understood that he would have to make that decision on his own if it was ever going to happen. I knew that you couldn’t force a man to make a decision like that, and all I could do is sit back and pray for the best.

  For the next few weeks Marlo and I barely saw each other. I was beginning to think that he was cheating again, and I wasn’t ready to deal with that. His quick visits home were thinning out, and I wasn’t sure what I needed to do. I missed making love to him and I missed spending quality time.
From the day that I demanded he stopped distributing drugs, I was lucky if he even looked me in the eye. I begged him to talk to me and tell me what was going on, but each time he said that he was too busy and had some runs to make.

  When it was time for Mya to be sentenced I decided not to go to court. I contacted the prosecutor after it was final and found that Mya would spend the next fifteen years in prison before she would be eligible for parole. Though I felt that she deserved everything that she got, deep down inside I wished that she could walk away from this. I wished that it had never happened, and she and I could be the close friends that we once were. Marlo wasn’t around when I got the news, and when I told him he acted as if he didn’t really care either way.

  I was losing my grip, and each day I was getting closer to snapping. I needed Marlo to be there for me now the way that he had been in the past. I needed him to hold me when I was upset and reassure me that everything was going to be OK. Instead, he was out in the streets while I was home with two kids playing mommy.

  Chapter 19

  The Truth, No More Lies . . .

  After I began to give up on Marlo again I started spending time out. I was tempted everyday, and I tried my best to keep out of the life that I lived before. I didn’t want to cheat, and even if Marlo had resorted to that, I was going to be the bigger person this time. I stopped begging him to come home, and when he did I ignored his presence. I could tell that it was beginning to piss him off.

  I had decided to play chef and cook a nice dinner. I went out to the supermarket and grabbed everything that was on the ingredients list for a new recipe I wanted to try. It was a Teriyaki chicken and rice meal that I thought would be good. I was in the kitchen beginning to set everything up when Marlo came in and picked the baby up out of the bassinet. After noticing me cooking, he came in and looked around.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, looking me up and down.

  “Well, hello! And I’m cooking what does it look like?”

  “Since when did you start cooking?”

  “Maybe if you’d come home more often, you would know!” I spat.

  “Whatever!” he said.

  “Marlo, why don’t you just be a man and tell me that you want this to be over? I’m tired of playing games. If it’s somebody else that you want to be with you need to speak up!”

  “Who said anything about anybody else?

  “You haven’t touched me in damn-near a month. I’m not dumb. We’ve been down this road before, and the last time you were screwing someone else.” I hoped that my yelling wouldn’t scare the baby, but I was pissed and I couldn’t lower my tone. I was glad that his son was at his mom’s because he would have definitely been upset by us arguing.

  “This is not before, and I don’t have time to argue with you right now!” he yelled.

  “You never have time for anything anymore. You might as well never come back!” I yelled, angrily.

  “What?”

  “You heard me! I’m tired, Marlo. I’m asking you for the truth, no more lies! Do you want to be with me or not?”

  “I’m not going to answer that.”

  “Fuck you, Marlo!” I said, turning my back to him.

  “I’m not going to answer it because I . . . Never mind. I’m out of here!” he said before placing the baby back into the bassinet and leaving out.

  I continued to cook and I actually felt a little better since telling him how I felt. At this point I wanted him to make a decision one way or the other so I could deal with it the way that I needed to. I knew that Marlo wouldn’t come home that night, so I didn’t worry when he didn’t show up. I did worry when a week went by and I hadn’t heard anything from him. Even when he was angry with me for whatever reason he would never go a day let alone a week without popping in to see the kids.

  I didn’t know how to contact many of his friends. The only one that I knew how to contact was Rock. I dropped the kids off at Marissa’s and went out looking for Rock. It was two hours before I found him and he just happened to be driving by when I beeped the horn and got him to pull over. I walked over to the car and immediately noticed the look on his face. He wasn’t happy to see me at all.

  “What’s up, Sugar?”

  “Have you seen Marlo?”

  “He hasn’t called you?” he asked, surprised.

  “No, I haven’t talked to him all week and I’m scared. Do you know where he is?”

  “I do, but if he hasn’t called he probably doesn’t want you to know where he is.”

  “Rock, please. I need to know if he’s OK.”

  “Sugar I can’t.”

  “Please!” I begged.

  “Look, he’s in the hospital.”

  “What?” I said, as tears began to well up in my eyes.

  “See, that’s probably why he didn’t want to tell you.”

  “What happened, where is he?” I began to get hysterical.

  “Calm down. Look, get in the car.”

  “Tell me where he is!”

  “Get in the car and stop tripping. People starting to stare and shit!”

  I walked around to the passenger side and sat down in the seat. Uneasy, I began to speak and he shut me up in seconds.

  “Look, he’ll be out of the hospital tomorrow. He got shot in the leg the other night down north and . . .”

  “He got shot? What?” I began to cry hysterically.

  “He’s OK. He was only hit in the leg. He didn’t want you to know what happened and he’s going to kill me for telling you.”

  “What hospital is he in?”

  “I’ve told you enough already. He’ll be home tomorrow.”

  “I need to go see him.”

  “Look I have somewhere to go, but I’ll see if I can get him to call you.”

  “Rock, please.”

  “I’ll try and get him to call you. That’s the best that I can do.”

  I finally gave up since I realized that I couldn’t get any more information from him. I couldn’t believe Marlo would have concealed this type of information from me. I knew that he was angry with me when he left, but I couldn’t imagine why he would go without telling me that he’d been shot. I began to get angry as the hours passed after seeing Rock without a phone call from Marlo. I sat in the living room, staring at the wall, and when the phone finally rung I nearly broke my neck trying to run and answer it.

  “Hello!”

  “Hey, baby.”

  “Marlo, what the hell happened? Why didn’t you call me?”

  “Because I didn’t want you to go crazy worrying about me.”

  “I was getting sick worrying. How could you not tell me, Marlo?”

  “I’m sorry, baby.”

  “What’s going on that you can’t talk to me? What’s happening to us?”

  “I’ve just been trying to tie up some loose ends. I’m trying to make things better for us, and then this shit happened. I didn’t want you to be worried if I told you the things that I needed to do. There was no other woman, and I never wanted you to think that. I love you and I’m trying to make some changes for our future.”

  “Like what, Marlo?” I asked, confused.

  “We’ll talk when I get home.”

  “Do you promise to come home to me?”

  “I promise that I’ll be there tomorrow.”

  “OK, I love you, Marlo.”

  “I love you too,” he said before hanging up.

  I loved him more than I thought possible. I had never worried about anyone that much in my entire life, and from that I knew we were meant to be together. I was able to sleep that night knowing that my man was coming home and that we would be able to patch things up.

  The following day I woke up excited about seeing Marlo. I cleaned the house and since I figured it would be at least after lunch before he would come home, I went out to the market to buy a few things to cook. As each hour passed I got more anxious, and when I heard his car pull into the driveway I ran out the door to greet him. Even a
fter being released from the hospital just hours before my man looked as good as if he was never shot in the first place. He smiled when he noticed how happy I was to see him. Once I wrapped my arms around him, I never wanted to let go.

  “I missed you so much. Please don’t ever do that to me again!” I said as a tear of happiness welled up in my eye. I held on tight.

  “I won’t,” he said before kissing me. We walked toward the house, and after entering I immediately began my line of questioning.

  “So what is it that you’ve been trying to do?” I asked.

  “I’ve been trying to get out of the game like you asked me to. It’s not easy to just up and walk away. I had to tie up every loose end, and I still ended up getting shot over some bullshit. I felt bad when it happened because I snapped on you when you asked me to quit. I’m a man and it bothered me that you were trying to tell me what to do. After I got shot I really began to think. I’ve been shot before, but this time was so much different because of you and the kids. I don’t want you to have to deal with me dying when I could have just walked away. I’ve never felt the way that I feel about you, and I don’t want to lose you. I made a decision to leave that shit alone for you, and I’m going to do my best to never go back. I need you to be with me forever, and this is from my heart,” he said before bending down on one knee. I nearly drowned myself in tears as they began to flow instantly. I couldn’t believe what he was about to do and I was speechless as he removed the huge four-karat princess cut diamond ring from its box.

  “Will you marry me?” he asked, gently sliding the ring on my left hand. “Say something, baby!”

  “Yes, I’ll marry you, yes!” I kissed him.

  “You had me scared for a second there.”

  “I love you so much,” I said with a huge smile on my face.

  I moved closer to him and kissed him sensuously. He began to rub his hands over my back as I palmed the back of his head to get a deeper kiss. I moaned as he slid his hands into my shorts and began to massage my clit. I pulled my tank top over my head and forced my breast into his mouth. He began to savor the taste of my erect nipple as I pulled his manhood through his pants and slowly stroked it. I wanted him inside of me since it had been weeks since we’d been together. I begged him to make love to me, and he told me to hush while he satisfied me. He carried me upstairs to the bedroom, and after laying me down on the bed he pulled my shorts off and began to feast on my wet mound. The orgasms began to come one after another, and after I could no longer control them I tried to free myself from his grip. He instantly pulled me back and continued to work on me down below.