by Bee Rowlatt
26.07.06
Some questions about the future
Dear Bee
I received your email and was really happy to see you having a nice time. It gives me some hope for a better world, where people can come and go where and when they wish. I’m also glad that little Elsa is a very nice and happy baby. At least she won’t make you edgy and nervous from the continuous screaming and lack of sleep. As for us here, it is rather difficult to describe what we are going through. It is not just the lack of security but it is the lack of everything. Do you know, Bee, that I am 46 years old and still can’t do what I want? What is worse now is the threat of losing our lives, just because we are university teachers. Some of my colleagues have been viciously murdered and others have received threats warning them that if they don’t leave the country they will meet a similar fate.
I would love to leave and seek asylum somewhere, anywhere, but I don’t know where and how. Simple migration requires a lot of money, which I don’t have, because I’ve always worked to provide for my home. My first husband was always in debt. My second husband is a nice person, but is jobless because he is a Sunni and no Sunni can ever work with the various militias controlling Baghdad.
Bee, although we have only known each other via email, I feel that you understand me. I know that I’m probably asking too much, but can you please inquire whether I can get asylum or anything similar? I have to go; there is a power failure.
Love
May
xxx
26.07.06
RE: Some questions about the future
Dear May
I am going to try. I will contact some friends I have who work at the Refugee Council (a charity which helps asylum seekers and refugees) to find out what the best procedure is. I know it’s not easy and that Britain has become much more strict. But I will look into it, and let you know.
Hang in there, May!
Love from
Bee
30.07.06
Aborted trip to Jordan
Dear Bee
I am really very grateful – thank you for your concern. Things here are getting worse every day. Imagine, I was supposed to go to Jordan for a couple of days, to hunt for a job and a way out of here. Since I cannot afford to go by plane, I decided to go by car. A lot of my friends warned me that there were gangs on the way and that I might get robbed, raped or killed, or maybe all three. But my stubborn head kept telling me not to worry and so I made reservations and contacted some friends. But what happened was just unbelievable.
The driver told me to be ready at six in the morning, so as to start the journey as soon as the curfew ended. At five he called to confirm and I told him that I was ready. I had food and cold drinks etc. My husband was scared of my going alone all the way there, while he had to stay on his own in Baghdad. The mere thought of my leaving made him ill. But going to a hospital nowadays is out of the question because medical facilities in Iraq are almost non-existent. The hospitals are mostly controlled by militias, so that any Sunni seeking treatment is likely to be killed by deliberate medical malpractice, such as being given the ‘wrong’ injection. He could not risk going.
But it seems that fate had already made its decision about my journey. The driver called again at 6.15 and said that he was sorry, he couldn’t make it because some armed men had broken into his uncle’s house and killed his 27-year-old cousin. I realized how dangerous it was. I cancelled the reservations and sat at home thinking.
Anyway, in the afternoon we went out to try to buy hair colour to hide my grey hair but could not find one single shop open – except two or three selling food, which is of course a mercy.
Can you believe my homeland has become so lawless and chaotic? I thank you again for your concern, and I do hope that we can meet one day. My love to you and the girls and a big kiss for Elsa; my regards to your husband.
XXX
15.08.06
Not good news
Hi there, May
I’m sorry, but the news about immigration and asylum is bad.
I contacted a friend who works for the Refugee Council, and he said that when the invasion first began in 2003 lots of Iraqis claimed asylum here. But now the government is not accepting any more, and some who have tried to claim asylum are being sent back home. I asked my friend what the best way to claim asylum is, and he said you have to prove that your life is in clear and direct danger if you return to Iraq. I told him that some of your colleagues have had death threats or even been murdered, and he said you should look for documentary evidence of this; newspaper reports might help.
It is really difficult to do, and furthermore those in the actual process of claiming asylum can be treated very badly – I volunteer for the Refugee Council as a careers adviser, and my current mentee told me that the interviews to claim her refugee status were totally traumatic. As career mentors we’re not supposed ever to talk about why they became refugees. But it came up once in conversation, what she had gone through at British Immigration. She just put her face in her hands and was silent for a while, and then said it was indescribable (she came from Angola several years ago).
I feel bad giving you such negative news, May. If you can get any kind of documentary evidence of your danger, you must do so. Also keep a diary of events, with the dates. Could you go to live in Jordan? I wish I could do more to help, and if there’s anything else I can do then you must let me know.
I wish I could get hold of better news to cheer you up a bit. Today is Zola’s birthday (my middle daughter) and she is 4. We’re all about to go to an outdoor theatre in the park, to see a children’s play.
Take care, May.
All my best wishes
Bee XX
21.08.06
Hiiiiii and thank you
Hi, Bee
Thank you very much for everything and for explaining the asylum situation.
It is getting worse here. We are on the brink of a civil war. The warring parties are all fighting for government posts and authority. Everyday life is a difficult mission. You have to search for bread, vegetables, petrol, clean water. But even so, there are many people who are finding it even harder than us. There are no shops. The shopping area in our district is closed and people are using it to dump their rubbish because it is not being collected. I’ve been keeping the black plastic bags in the garden but the hot weather rotted them quickly and the smell became unbearable so my husband took them and dumped them, just as other people were doing. Bee, when he went there he was shocked to discover that not only was rubbish being dumped there but also unidentified corpses. There were about four bodies dumped among the rubbish bags.
Please don’t stop writing, because your emails give me hope that there still are good people in the world.
Love and kisses
May X
31.08.06
Another tale of two cities
May!
I can’t begin to imagine your daily life, the backdrop of violence and then trying to get stuff done. How about your paper on A Tale of Two Cities; how is it going?
Summer is ending here. The leaves on the trees are just starting to go yellow; the smell of the air changes. It’s very beautiful but it makes me feel a bit sad and nostalgic. My girls are back at school next week, so that will mean I’ll have some time free to plan my next moves. Elsa is only three months old now but I know I will want to do some part-time work when she’s about six months.
Take care of yourself and remember someone is thinking of you and wishing for your safety.
Bee XX
31.08.06
Fountain!
Hi, Bee
Got your email and was so happy. It was like a fountain in the middle of a desert.
I’m happy that you’re thinking of going back to work because that is really your biggest asset in life. Kids grow up, husbands might become a pain in the neck (or anywhere else for that matter); but your work is your true life.
As for our life here, I can tell you that we ha
ve learned to solve all kinds of problems. We’ve solved the problem of electricity by buying private generators and also by linking up to a huge street generator (also privately owned) because our small ones cannot go on all day and night. You can’t imagine the cost of all this. Almost 60 per cent of my income goes on fuel.
As for my work on Dickens, I’ve collected all the stuff I need and written a first draft. But it seems futile, and I keep asking myself, ‘What is the point of work and education if the illiterate or semi-illiterate gain control over everything and kill the learned?’ The other day a professor of linguistics was shot dead at the College of Arts. He was a man devoted to his work, and I don’t think that he had any political views or anything, but still this did not save him.
Bee, I have applied for a job at the UN and will have to take an exam sometime in October. I don’t know if I will be accepted. Being an Iraqi is an obstacle in terms of getting any job with an international organization, or a visa to any country.
Anyway, that’s all for now. Kiss the girls for me, and my love to you.
May
03.09.06
Gift for you
MAY, hello. I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently and I was very excited. I wasn’t going to tell you, but I thought I had found a way to get a gift to you – a couple of nice books – because an old friend of mine visited us today and he’s been working as a cameraman for CNN, embedded with the US military in Baghdad. I thought you could meet up. But he thought it was so horrific out there that he says he is never going back. (Even though they paid him TWO THOUSAND dollars a day, can you believe?)
Yes, you are right about the importance of careers. My father left when I was 2 and my brother was 5, and he never gave my mum a single penny from that day on. And so she did absolutely everything herself, and never stopped working. Indeed, I think we modern women really define ourselves by our careers – perhaps almost too much. I have always loved my job and thought I was lucky to have it. But even so, I sometimes feel I would like to try something new.
OK, May – I hope you had a nice weekend.
Love
B XX
11.09.06
Power failures and fish and chips
Hi, Bee
This is the third attempt to write an email to you. Every time the power fails my old computer breaks down. My husband took it to be repaired and it came back OK, but we didn’t have an internet connection for three days.
We are back at college, and the re-sit exams are on. You can’t imagine how frustrating it is to read the poor English of our students, but considering the current situation they cannot really be blamed.
The other day two more professors were killed. More shopkeepers in our area have been slain – and I mean that (their heads were cut off). I don’t know what will happen to us all. I hope things will ease, but I doubt it.
Love and kisses to you, dear.
May XX
PS How much does a portion of takeaway fish and chips cost now, and an ice cream? Back when I lived in the UK it cost 90p for the first and 6p for the second.
PPS A joke: WHAT DO SEA MONSTERS EAT?? FISH AND SHIPS.
21.09.06
Fish and chips
Hello, May
Fish (large cod) and chips (medium) are now £4.95 at my local chippy. I sometimes get them if we’re all really tired. I love it. And an ice cream from the ice-cream van costs around 60p, but with the girls we usually get a Mini Milk – they’re tiny little ones but they’re delicious and they only cost 30p.
I’ve been trying to think of a joke to send you, but I’m terrible at jokes and can never remember the ones I like.
Term’s started and I am somehow suddenly on the Parents’ Association at the girls’ school. I’m not quite sure how it happened, I was basically pounced upon by a scary mum and so I said yes. Lots of meetings, fund-raising, chasing parents around and so on. We have to do it for two years. Hmm.
And I’ve also been in touch with my colleagues at the BBC, just to remind them I’m still here and when I’m thinking of going back (probably around Christmas time). May, listen: I’ve been asking around about who is going into Baghdad from the BBC next. One of Justin’s colleagues is going over soon, and although they have to stay inside the International Zone, they work with Iraqis who come in and out of the zone. Is there any way I could get a present to you? I have two books I wanted to send you, but would you be offended if I sent a small amount of money too? US dollars perhaps, I don’t know what would be best. Or, if not, is there something I could send to help your students perhaps? Well, in any case, let me know if I can proceed with that plan, and what is the best way.
Wishing you a bright day
Bee
23.09.06
Ramadan
Dear Bee
Can’t tell you how happy I am to hear from you. Feeling happy, or at least satisfied, gives us inner strength and helps us overcome anything.
Today is the first day of the fasting month for Moslems. In this month people are supposed to fast from dawn to dusk (they literally eat nothing). Families gather at sundown with all kinds of lovely food to break their fast. Before the invasion people used to invite friends, but now it is just families. At sundown the streets of Baghdad are empty and you can drive fast and go anywhere in a few minutes, because everyone is inside eating. Yet most people are not grumpy, despite the hunger, because they know that this is the month of forgiveness and it makes people generous and kind.
Anyway on this occasion we were visited by the National Guard who carried out a house search. I haven’t told you that I live next to the family home, where my mother and brother live (our neighbourhood is a quiet residential district with large houses erected on substantial plots, so there was enough space for me to build a small house in the garage area). My husband and I were visited, but my brother had filled in a form saying that he was the owner of the house. I’ve just been informed that the people who fill in such forms may be killed, and I’m scared stiff.
Some good news: we are painting our bedroom. It is a hectic job and we’re tired, but it is really worth it. It looks beautiful. My husband says that he is painting it for me, to remove all the bitter memories of the past.
As for the books and the gift you want to send me, I’m really grateful. You don’t have to go to any trouble. I’m already very happy with your friendship. You can of course send anything you like through your colleagues but it would have to reach me (even at the university) via an Iraqi because it would otherwise be very dangerous for both sides. We might both be killed.
Anyhow, I can send you my mobile number and your colleagues can contact me. I would be very happy because I also want to send you something to remember me by. I have to go now because I need to fix food for my fasting husband (who is quite chubby and adores food, so the first day of fasting is hard for him).
LOVE AND KISSES TO YOU AND FAMILY
MAY
25.09.06
The wonder of Marmite
Hello, May
How are you doing with the fasting? I don’t think I could do it. I can’t live without toast – hot buttered toast and Marmite. Maybe you remember Marmite? It’s something I always try to give to foreigners as an experiment; mostly they recoil in fear. But we are brought up on the stuff in this country.
I always start the day really healthily; eating lots of fruits and porridge with the girls before they go to school. But then in the evening when I’m relaxing I love ice cream, chocolate, that sort of thing. And wine. There’s a Turkish shop round the corner where they sell baklava; when you bite into it all the honey squeezes out. I love food, and luckily Justin is a brilliant cook – he does all the cooking. What is Iraqi food like?
Am heading out to the shops now. Hope your husband does OK with the fasting.
Love
Bee XXX
05.10.06
Food and Librans
Dear Bee
Our cuisine, though tasty, is very unhealthy. I
t is rich in fat, and is made up of a lot of everything: meat, poultry, rice, vegetables, sweets. You tend to gain weight because it is accompanied by laziness, especially since the invasion as it’s become quite hazardous to take walks or go shopping. With the curfews and troubles people run to the shops and buy almost everything in them. We tend to do the same and mostly fill the house with cigarettes, cans of Coke, dry beans, cheese, jam, potatoes, cooking oil and flour because these to me are the most important items. I had a trim figure before the war, but now I’m really fat because there are no walks, no social life. The only exercise I get is giving lectures two or three times a week, and limited physical activity!
We have baklava mostly in winter, and it is a must in Ramadan. As for fasting, I don’t fast because I’m a heavy smoker and a tea addict, so fasting becomes an ordeal.
Today is a Saturday and we’ve been stuck in the house because of a curfew since yesterday. It ends tomorrow at six in the morning, which is fortunate because it will be the first day of the first semester. We have to go to the university to see the timetable and check on things. If there are students I will have to give a lecture on social and living conditions in the Victorian Age, and something about America’s Puritans etc.
You can imagine it is very hard for our students to capture the essence of things, due to cultural differences. They read the novel and then envelop it with Arabic traditional solutions. For example when I talk to them about Hester Prynne in The Scarlet Letter, they just can’t understand why her husband didn’t kill the two lovers instead of seeking indirect revenge. Or they invent their own endings, such as divorcing Hester and killing Dimmesdale. (I’m saving this in case the power goes. Bye.)
Hi again. I saved it just in time. We rent a line from a bureau a few metres away, but the terminal was cut off because the owner received a threat telling him to close his shop. We were left with no internet line until yesterday afternoon.
