Talking About Jane Austen in Baghdad

by Bee Rowlatt

  Oh your students, May, what will they do without you? You are like a benevolent public service. I bet they’re too shy to tell you, but I would love to know how they feel after being in your class. It must be almost like going into a forbidden world. I wish you could bring them with you. Or, at least, the one who’s been promised to the guy in jail.

  Will send this now but hope you are well…

  More soon.

  All my love

  Bee XXX

  21.11.07

  Questions

  May! Now that he is back in Baghdad, how is Ali coping?

  Listen, I know the last few months have been a nightmare of uncertainty, but what do you two as a couple really wish for? I can’t tell you too much, but we are still all working away at the plan to get you here through CARA. I know I really hassled you about the money circumstances, and I’m so sorry for putting pressure on you, but I was worried that you didn’t have a grasp of things. But if we can get the funding, this will be much less of a worry.

  But how do you feel about all this? Does Ali want to come to the UK? If it all happened, would you both be ready to come over? Probably the last thing you want to think about after all the stress, but I really want to know what you both think about it. On the radio this morning was a debate about how it’s become much safer in Baghdad. Apparently attacks are down by 50 per cent and lots more people are returning from Syria to Baghdad. Is it true? But does this mean that if the coalition forces withdraw then there will be a return to violence?

  Better go.

  Hope you’re well…

  B X

  22.11.07

  RE: Questions

  Dearest Bumbo Bee

  You asked about women and Islam. Let me start by recalling an old saying: ‘Traditions start like cobwebs then turn into thick chains.’ We all abide by them to a certain extent, depending on how we look at it.

  Bee, Islam (contrary to all that is said and circulated) is greater for women than men; that is, if people really follow its principles. Women, first of all, have their independent financial status, keep their maiden names after marriage and are a separate and sovereign entity. On top of all that, women are not responsible for their living expenses, unless they wholeheartedly desire to be so. The money they gain from work or inheritance is for their own use and leisure. Costs of living, housing, clothing, food etc. are the man’s responsibility, whether father, brother or husband. In the absence of these men, then it would be the responsibility of the nearest male kin.

  Women are not banned from work, and they have their own say. If you want my view, I think Islam puts the pressure on men more than women, but what we see today are traditions that have been exploited and manipulated by many people and by the clergy to serve their ends, ignoring the real religion.

  Forced marriages, for example, are prohibited by law and religion, but they are seen as a tradition and are mistaken for religion. Most women are neither banned from seeking knowledge nor from education. But the key point is that a helpless woman cannot possibly raise healthy men.

  Let me put a finger on a sore spot. The two most important decisions in an individual’s life – education and marriage – are the targets of the greatest interference. Many of my friends chose the seemingly easy way; they followed Mum and Dad’s instructions, and in some cases these were literal orders. They joined colleges and majored in fields they loathed and eventually graduated with a hatred for everything to do with their speciality. Many married people whom they did not love, but who were highly recommended by their families, and ended up miserable and stuck in the golden cage of matrimony. They pleased others and tortured themselves. Many of them are now grandmothers in their late forties, wailing over their long-lost youth.

  What bothers me is how anyone can become creative in a situation they detest or, at least, feel true to themselves.

  As for coming to the UK, and the security conditions in Iraq, it is true that many, many people have returned. But the real reason for their return was not a safer Iraq, but because Syria did not renew their visas. Many of those who returned also had jobs they did not want to lose, or they had used up all the money they had brought with them and had to return to get some more. In turn, Syria would not allow them to re-enter, and so they have had to stay. The situation is not 50 per cent better, but it is a wee bit better. Even now on the news, they found five bodies buried in the garden of a house with their identities all erased. Fights break out every now and then between the government forces, made up of the Shi’ite militias, and the Sunnis, who are called the ‘armed groups’. As for the Iranian gangs, well, their assassinations of university professors and the highly educated continues.

  As for us, well I know I won’t be rich, Bee, and we both plan to work to make ourselves a better life. We want to start from scratch and build ourselves a new life. It is useless to wait for things to get better. I’ve waited for 35 years with nothing to show for it at all. It is always getting worse. Ali hasn’t been out of the house since he got back. Our ‘safer’ area is now controlled by the army, and we do not trust them, because every now and then they carry out arbitrary arrests of Sunnis.

  So, Bee, England is a dream place for us. At least we will live without fear and we can work freely, and go out freely with no one to fear but God. We are both law-abiding citizens, and I think you have sensed that in us, so we will be much happier. You know, Ali wants to improve himself and acquire further education in addition to work. He is full of hope and he tells me that he wants to be like me: ‘a fighter in life’.

  Must go now. Electricity will be cut off. Will write again.

  Love you always

  May XX

  23.11.07

  Freezing

  Hi, May

  This is a bit like back to the old days, isn’t it? We’ve had all the ups and downs, and now here we are again, writing between London and Baghdad.

  I like hearing about Ali. He’s an unknown quantity for me, and sometimes I worry about his traditional values. But then you tell me things like what he said about wanting to be a fighter like you, and then I like him. Anyway. While we’re on the subject of the male species, May, it’s all very well you and Justin wanting me to have a baby boy (has he been secretly in touch with you to use your influence?) BUT have you ever spent time watching boys? They just run around hitting things, all day long. The idea of changing a nappy with a penis in it horrifies me. Girls are almost always advanced with talking, reading, toilet training and so on, you just have to wonder when/how precisely it is that men suddenly take over the world. Naturally if I had a boy I’d change my views on this 100 per cent, but even so I resist the notion that I should want a boy just because most other people want them.

  (Two caveats: teenage girls are frightening and that’s probably when it’s best to have a son. Also, this morning I took Elsa on the 168 bus and she behaved appallingly, thrashed about, head-butted me and screamed her head off. She might as well have been a boy, haha.)

  It’s still freezing cold here; I can’t keep warm and I keep making cups of tea and then finding they’ve gone cold really quickly. YUK!

  Better go and collect the girls. Am taking them to ballet later.

  Love you, May

  Bee XXXX

  26.11.06

  DIRTY WATER

  Dearest Bee

  I’m writing to you and the weather is just beginning to get cold. I know it is freezing in London but it is also cold here.

  Today I got the worst disappointment. I was so excited when my friend phoned and said that she had managed to get me 60 litres of kerosene for the heating. I got in the car and went to collect it, but something was nagging me all the way back. I didn’t know what it was till later. When I got home Ali was so happy that at last we were going to have some heat in the house. Suddenly I thought to test the kerosene before filling up the heater tank.

  And so we brought a piece of paper, put it in the kerosene and tried to light it. To our surprise it didn�
�t start. The whole quantity turned out to be dirty water. Imagine buying 60 litres of DIRTY WATER for $45!! My friend had also been cheated and we both cursed those black-market cheats.

  Write as often as you can. Do not wait for answers, just write and warm my days, my beloved wee sister. Love you always.

  Must go now.

  May XXXX

  29.11.07

  Ahh-CHOO

  Aaarghgrhr, May! It’s the Christmas Fair on Saturday and I’ve got a streaming cold and even Justin’s ill now. He’s never normally ill.

  Have to go now and do the never-ending, never-ending bloody eternal laundry. (Do you know, sometimes I dream about laundry? I hate it so. You can’t imagine how many dirty clothes a family of five makes, and Justin is the worst of all – he just chucks his socks and stuff all over the place and only wears things once, even though I go mad with him.)

  Just ate a very large tray of baklava and drank it with a coffee. Tried it no sugar, like you, and liked it. And that’s about all. Not very interesting, but wanted you to know I thought of you as I ate the baklava and drank the coffee, and sent you a nice thought.

  Hugs always

  B XXX

  (PS I can write more next week – after the Fair, life will be normal again.)

  30.11.07

  Iraqi Hell

  Dear Bee

  A man dies and goes to Hell. There he finds that there is a different Hell for each country. He goes to the German Hell and asks, ‘What do they do here?’ He is told, ‘First they put you on an electric chair for an hour, then you lie on a bed of nails for an hour, and then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day.’

  The man doesn’t like the sound of that, and so he moves on. He checks out the Russian Hell as well as the American Hell, and many more. He finds that they are all more or less the same as the German Hell.

  Then he comes to the Iraqi Hell and finds a long queue of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, ‘What do they do here?’ and is told, ‘First they put you on an electric chair for an hour, then you lie on a bed of nails for an hour, and then the Iraqi Devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day.’ ‘But that is exactly the same as all the other Hells – why are people waiting to get in here?’

  ‘Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair doesn’t work. Someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the Devil is a government employee so he comes in, signs the register, then goes off to the canteen!’

  May xxx

  30.11.07

  VERY IMPORTANT!!!!

  MAY

  This is extremely important, and I want you to read it with an open mind because I think it could change everything. Up until now I haven’t told you what I’ve been up to, as I couldn’t bear to get your hopes up once again, but now I think I have to tell you, and you will understand why. I’ve been trying to find ways of raising the £30,000 we need for your student visa application. I and some friends applied for six places on the London Marathon so that we could raise the money that way, but we didn’t get the places. So I have been looking for other ways.

  A long time ago Professor John at CARA suggested writing a book, but at the time I never considered it further. But now we need that money to get you and Ali out. Well, Kate has a friend, Adrian, who is a literary agent and publisher. He is a lifelong friend of Kate’s, and has helped CARA in the past. So I went and met him, and told him our story. He loved it. Then (this is the bit where I think you’re going to kill me, but please just hear me out) he asked me to send him all our emails, every single one, and I did. He thinks they could be published. I know what you’re thinking: they’re private emails. And you’re right, we never meant them to be read by anyone else. But what if they can realize this new possibility?

  An advance on a book could cover your cost of living which should be sufficient for a UK visa. Then you and Ali could come to the UK. Then, and ONLY THEN, would a book be published: after you both were safely here.

  I feel extremely nervous telling you this.

  What do you think?

  Love always

  Bee XX

  30.11.07

  WOMEN CAN CONQUER THE WORLD!!!

  Women make the world go round, the world go round, the world go round… Heheeeee. I am not just excited, I’m going mad! At last we have great news. I hope we don’t get disappointed this time. Oh Bumbo Bee, you can really buzz quietly – or, how do you say? Discreetly. I never suspected something so big. Well done, my lovely. Hope to hug you for real this time and hug the girls and kiss you all.

  When I come (I hope) start thinking of that wee baby boy and I will help you with him and his wee ‘P… s’. Hehee.

  Love you for ever and a day

  May XX

  30.11.07

  We’ll just have to see what happens

  Dear May

  You’re brave, as always, to want to give it a try. I thought you might go mad with me. Of course it’s not certain, but we have to try every possibility, don’t we?

  I’ll keep you posted. Sorry it’s only a few lines but I have to go over to school now for setting up tomorrow’s Christmas Fair. ARGH!!

  B XX

  03.12.07

  All mixed up

  Dearest Bee

  Can’t describe how I feel. You are so kind to keep trying, but there have been so many setbacks and false dreams that something inside tells me not to set my hopes on anything, while at the same time pulling me towards the opposite view and telling me soon I will reach the light and the sunshine and finish climbing out of this long dark tunnel.

  Things are bad here again. It is freezing cold and we do not have a drop of fuel. The violence has returned and there is absolutely no hope that the country will settle down, not in a hundred years.

  How can a country settle down and be stable when all the big fat greedy politicians pursue their own welfare and forget about the people? I’ve been watching sessions of our parliament on TV and all they seem able to discuss is their salaries, their security and immunity – these are the only things that they worry about and are able to take decisive measures to improve.

  As for the rest of the country’s problems, well, the population (who are poverty-stricken, hungry and freezing) can go to hell for all the politicians care. From all the sessions I’ve watched they have never discussed the people once, and if they ever attempted to do so they would probably postpone the session and fail to take any serious action.

  Ali has gone into a silent phase. This phase is broken now and then by a question: ‘Do you think we can make it?’, ‘Will we be ever able to live our own lives again?’ and things like that. By the way, he has been sick since we returned and he has lost quite a lot of weight. I think it is mostly psychological, and a result of the freezing-cold house.

  Must go now.

  Love

  May

  17.12.07

  Sparkly Germany

  Hi, dearest May! We’re back.

  Sorry to have been silent, but we went to visit my German family in Freiburg. Up in the Black Forest mountains, the snow was deep and brilliant and we sledged on our tummies right down close to the snow, which sprays up in your face. My dad was nice and tolerated my demands not to smoke near the kids, which I know he hated. My granny didn’t look very well – she was all skinny. I haven’t seen her since August 2006 so it was a shock. She is still quite tough, but she complains constantly and I struggle to keep up in my not-very-good German. She exclaimed, ‘When you’re 85, yes, well, THEN you’ll think of me, won’t you!’ And I said, ‘But I already think of you, Oma.’ So she said, ‘Well, just you wait till you’re 85 – see what you think then.’

  So that was a bit glum, but otherwise she was delighted to see the girls. Of course, she thought that golden Elsa was amazing. Elsa is a bit of a performer at the moment; she shouts ‘Bye-bye’ if someone leaves the room and then blows them a kiss. She knows it sends all the adults into a fit of joy. Zola got dressed up in lots of 1950
s children’s clothes and strange old-fashioned gear. Eva galloped around; Oma’s house is bizarrely enormous and has about 12 sofas arranged all in one huge room. All three girls stuffed themselves with Lebkuchen (German chocolate gingerbread that’s traditional at Christmas) and had chocolate-coated faces for most of the holiday.

  We got back yesterday and I’m still finishing the laundry.

  I wish you were here, May. I wish it with all my heart that you and Ali could just be here and be able to relax and not be afraid. Is there any chance Ali could go to Damascus again for some time? Just so he doesn’t go mad. What is your money situation? Write soon; I miss your letters.

  Bee XXX

  19.12.07

  Funny how life goes on

  Dearest Bee

  Today is the first day of the al-Adha feast. I don’t feel very bright because the day reminds me of many things in the past. I woke up this morning feeling rotten, but that’s the way life goes, and it has to go on whether I like it or not.

  I keep thinking about what your granny said. You see, getting to a certain age is something we cannot sense until we get there. When I was 16 I thought people at the age of 30 were very old and about to die. I remember when I had my tonsils removed at the Glasgow Royal Infirmary, at the age of 15, the matron came and asked if I had dentures and I burst out laughing and replied that I wasn’t old enough to have false teeth. The woman looked at me hatefully and went away (I think she had dentures) and even today I still feel ashamed for being so impolite.

  You know, something just happened right now. As Ali was working outside in the back yard trying hopelessly to fix the generator, the US helicopters detected him and they began to fly above him. It is so funny and sad at the same time. I mean, it is they who are intruding on our privacy in our house and in our country. Do you see the irony of the situation? How would you feel if someone came into your house, destroyed the furniture and kicked you out? Wouldn’t you hate them with all your heart?