Assignment: Second Chances

by Honor James

  Wiping a hand over his face, he pressed his thumb to a point over his left eye. “For the first week of boot camp I didn’t have any excess energy to even attempt to find a phone and try calling again. In week two it was a little better, so I tried each night a few times. Usually it was your mother that got on the line and told me to fuck off. Not exactly in those words, but close enough. I wrote to you hoping, praying you’d be the one to collect the mail one day instead of one of your parents and you’d get one of the letters. Nothing. Then it came time and I was shipped overseas. I tried one last time to see you. I had a two-day pass. I went home, and my parents said you were married and I had to let it go. I didn’t believe them, but they swore it was the truth. So I spent two days getting blasted and then went overseas. For a time there I lost hope, was willing to do anything, and everything that was completely suicidal. What they’d told me broke my heart for the final time. So I shut up all the pain deep inside, and let no one in ever again so I’d never feel that kind of pain again. The only time I actually thought of you, imagined what might have been, was in that cave when they were trying to break me with their torture. I’d slip into my memories, and remember everything we’d done together, and play out the fantasies we’d talked about of life once we were old enough to live it how we wanted.”

  He finally turned his head to look at her. “I’m pretty sure it’s the only thing that got me through that until the team could find me and get me out of there. I do know for a fact the memories I had of you were all that kept me going in the hospital and through rehab. The hardest part was closing it all back off again when I rejoined the team and we went out on what would be our last tour together before all getting out of the service.” Lee shook his head, a faint smile tipping his lips for a brief moment before vanishing. “When I got stateside, the first thought I had when my boots hit the tarmac was that I should call you. It nearly crippled me in that moment to remember you weren’t mine to have.”

  “But I always was,” she whispered sadly. “I don’t know why our parents would have lied to you, but I had always been completely honest with them. Your parents even came and saw Lee when he was born,” she told him honestly. “I’m glad that you survived what you went through in that cave though. I can’t imagine life without you being alive at least somewhere in the world.” He might not be hers, but she still was in love with him. Jesus, god help her, but she was still in love with him.

  “They never told me that,” he said. He let out a heavy breath, and fell back into the sofa. “There you have it,” he muttered. Using the side of his thumbnail, he picked at the label on his water. “Nathan will go with you to Florida, keep an eye on you, and ensure you’re safe. I trust him, he won’t let you down or disappoint you.”

  “So you are basically walking out on me again.” There, she said it aloud. “Why do you keep doing that? Why do you keep pulling me close only to push me away again? I don’t understand.”

  He stared at her like she’d grown a second head. “What are you talking about? I’ve only walked away from you once, Olivia. And even then it was only to get my head on straight before we spoke. I have a temper, we both know that, and I know better than to speak when I’m in that state. I tend to say shit that can’t be taken back.” Shifting, he turned to face her more, a confused look on his face as his gaze moved over her face. “I was only offering you the easy way of doing this. I know I’m only a reminder of that time, something you definitely don’t need when having to deal with this right now. If you want me to go I will, but I will not force myself on you during this time. I’m only trying to make your life easier, Olivia. You’ve had more than your share of pain, little one.”

  She sighed and rubbed her temples. “I don’t know what I want anymore,” she told him honestly. “You are the only man that I had ever loved, the only man that I had ever fully trusted. Even now, how freaking whacked out is that?” Nathan as well, she realized. She had fallen in love with Lee all over again and felt growing emotions for Nathan as well. That wasn’t something that was particularly normal.

  Hesitantly he lifted a hand. When she didn’t move he gently cupped her cheek in his palm. “Tell me, do you want me to go with you, or would you rather I remain behind? I will bow to your wishes on this, Olivia. But you need to be the one to make the decision, sweetheart.”

  Olivia closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. “Come with me?” she asked with her eyes still closed. “Will you come with me, please? I trust you to keep me safe, and oddly enough I trust Nathan as well. We have a hell of a past to get over, a lot of pain and agony that we suffered, but we can get over it. Right?”

  His thumb stroked gently over her skin before he slid his hand around her neck. He drew her in closer, his arms moving to wrap around her and hold her close. “Of course I’ll come with you,” he said gently. “This step will be one in the direction of healing I hope. I know it won’t be easy, there is a lot of hurt on both sides, you especially. But I think we can get there as long as we talk to one another.”

  “I hope that it will be in the direction of healing as well. It’s well past time, don’t you think?” She rubbed her cheek to his chest and then looked up at him. “We have both had far too much hurt. At least I had ten years to get over the pain of the loss of our child. You just learned about him. I’m so sorry.” She pulled her locket up and off of her neck and passed the necklace to him after opening it. “His picture right after he was born.” She knew what he would see. He would see the child that looked exactly like him.

  Lee took the locket from her and stared down at it. Shocked, she watched a tear slide down his cheek as he took a shaky breath. His jaw clenched as he so very carefully closed the locket and returned it to her. “He had your nose,” he whispered.

  She leaned in and brushed the tear from his cheek and smiled a sad smile. “He was fabulous. If not for the heart defect, he would be nine this year, almost ten. Pretty wild, don’t you think?” she asked with a grin as she put her locket back on her neck. “He was the best thing to ever happen to me.”

  “I’m sorry you lost him,” he said. Lifting sad, wet eyes. His gaze met hers. “You are the strongest person I know, Olivia. You went through so much, and yet came through still so positive. I didn’t deserve you before, but I definitely don’t deserve you now. I doubt I ever will,” he said. Pulling her back in, he wrapped her in his arms, she felt him bury his face in her hair.

  “I’m sorry that we lost him,” she whispered. “God I’m worn out.” Emotionally, she was fully drained. “And if you don’t stop telling me that you don’t deserve me, I swear I’m going to smack you.” She was grinning as she said it, finally finding something to make her smile.

  “Only telling it as it is,” he said. He held her tight for a little longer before finally lifting his head. “You can lay down and grab a nap while I pack and make some calls.” Pushing to his feet, he reached down for her hand and tugged her up to her own two feet. Guiding her down the hall, he pushed open the door to the master bedroom. “Go ahead. Bathroom’s through there if you need it, otherwise you may as well curl up for a while. We can’t go anywhere until tomorrow morning so we’ve got some time to kill.”

  “I just want to curl up and sleep for a while, please. With everything that we have just gone through emotionally I just want sleep, okay?” She couldn’t handle anything else, just sleep. Sleep would be wonderful. “Can I sleep with you? I won’t do anything, I just want to relax with you. Please?”

  Nodding slowly, he shut the door, and urged her toward the bed. Once she was sitting, he knelt down to undo and remove her shoes. “Do you want a shirt to sleep in? It’s not a lot, but it might be better than those jeans of yours. I promise to stay on top of the covers the entire time if you choose to wear it.”

  “A shirt to sleep on will be good.” She trusted him, always had. “Now you know you don’t have to sleep on top of the blankets. You know as well as I do that we are both grown adults and can handle sleeping next to
each other without having sex.” Well, she hoped she would be able to control herself, at least.

  Squeezing her calves lightly, he stood up, and moved to his closet. Pulling the door open, he stepped inside and then came back out with a shirt. “I’m going to slip into something a little more comfortable as well. You can change in the bathroom if you want. But don’t hang out in there too long because I actually do need to use it at some point before I lie down.”

  “I don’t plan on being in there too long. I am too tired to stay for too long.” She was emotionally and physically drained, and she had a feeling that he was as well. “Give me like three minutes and I will be out.” She took the shirt from him and went into the bathroom to change and use the facilities herself.

  When she exited the bathroom he was sitting on the edge of the bed, his head down, arms braced on his knees, and had the look of a man exhausted. He looked up at her when she got closer and gave her a fleeting ghost of a smile. Pushing to his feet, he went past her into the bathroom, and eased the door closed behind him.

  Olivia crawled into the bed and kept an eye on the bathroom door. She watched him as he moved when he walked back into the room and held her hand out to him. “How about you turn off the light and come snuggle with me? It’s been far too long since I’ve had you holding me.” Far too long since she’d had anyone hold her, but that was beside the point. “How early does our flight leave?” she asked as an afterthought.

  He moved to the wall and turned the lights off. When he came back to the bed, he picked up a remote that he pressed a button on. She watched as the drapery eased shut, cutting off all other light in the room. The bed dipped next to her, and she felt him moving in closer to her. “Lift your head,” he said. His arm wrapped around her shoulders when she did as he asked. “It leaves at nine. We’ll have to be there by eight so we can get through the crap security they have.”

  “Are you saying that their security sucks or are you complaining that they have too much?” she asked as she moved in close to him. She was plastered against him, her head on his chest and arm over it to hug him. Her leg was wrapped around his thigh and she sighed. “I’ve missed you.” There, she said it. “I think that’s why I was so angry when you walked back into my life. You reminded me how much I missed you.”

  “I didn’t mean to,” he said quietly. “I didn’t even know it was you when Michael assigned me the case. I was as surprised as you were when we came face to face again. As to the security, it’s not all bad. Their attitudes could use some serious adjustment though. Bunch of pricks.” He let out a groan and muttered a curse. “Remind me to dig out my medical card when we get up, otherwise I get to have a full-body cavity search at the airport, which I’d rather avoid.”

  That had her frowning. “I don’t understand. Why would they do that?” She wanted to know. “Was it what happened when you were in that cave so long ago?” She had heard every single word that he had said to Michael and understood that there was far more to Lee than she knew from so long ago.

  “No, it’s from a bullet that’s still lodged in my leg. The doctors left it in since it wasn’t causing me any discomfort at the time, still doesn’t. But the damn metal detectors will go off and if I don’t show them the card with the notations then they go off their rockers and insist on a strip search which leads nowhere. From there it goes downhill fast. They never believe me even though you can feel it under the muscle. Assholes one and all,” he grumbled.

  “I’m so sorry.” She would have to remember to remind him tomorrow to get his card so that he wasn’t given trouble at the airport. “Enough chatting for now though. Sleep, Lee. We both need to sleep.” She was exhausted and so was he. “Tomorrow will be hard enough without exhaustion being added to the equation.” Dealing with their son’s disturbed grave was going to be a nightmare.

  He squeezed her closer to him and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “Sleep then, Olivia. I’ll be right here when you wake up,” he promised. Lee shifted around a little and let out a breath finally. He stroked her hair slowly, running his fingers carefully through the strands.

  Olivia relaxed in his stroking, his gentle persuading, and was very soon sound asleep against him. She gave in to the call of rest as was necessary.

  Chapter Five

  The flight to Florida went with surprising ease. With Lee having his medical card ready for the TSA, they were waved through the lines quickly. Once they were back in Florida, she turned her face up to the sun. “There is absolutely nothing like the Florida sun. I don’t know why, but there is just something so perfect about the heat of it as it floods you with its warmth.”

  She had slept wonderfully the night before but could tell that Lee hadn’t, not really. She also noticed that he had called his parents and told them that they had to see him while they were there. “What do you think it will accomplish?” she asked Lee that morning and was greeted with the fact that he wasn’t planning on telling her anything.

  She turned to face Lee once more and asked, “Are you going to tell me why you are insisting upon seeing your parents while we are here?”

  “Because I need to know why they lied to me,” he said. He didn’t expand on that, likely because Nathan was only five feet away at their rental car, letting it air out a bit before they got inside. “If I’d called about it, they could have lied over the phone. With us here, I can see their faces and I’ll know if, or when, they are lying. I’m not particularly happy with them, or your parents either, but I’m resisting the urge to go punch your mother in the nose.”

  “I would appreciate that a great deal.” Her mother might not be perfect but she had seen Olivia through one of the worst periods of her life and had also remained behind so that she could watch over Lee’s grave as well. “The only thing I can think of with Mom was that she was trying to protect me. She knows everything. When I found out I was pregnant, I broke down and told her everything.”

  “She started telling me to bugger off within hours of me walking out of that house, Olivia. I could see it weeks later when you found out, but within hours.” He shook his head. “No. Not buying it,” he told her.

  “All right, I think it’s cool enough that we won’t roast. The A/C seems to be working well enough now too,” Nathan called. “Can we get moving before I melt?”

  “You never whined this much in the desert,” Lee commented. He held the passenger door open for her to slip in while Nathan crawled into the backseat.

  “It was a dry heat there. Here it’s like the air is trying to smother me. How the fuck you people lived here is beyond me,” he muttered.

  “Pansy,” Lee muttered. He did give her a wink as he shut her door. Then he walked around the car to climb in behind the wheel, shoving the seat back further for his long legs.

  After she was buckled up, Olivia turned so that she could face Nathan and said, “When you are born in this weather, you understand it. You also live for the days when you can go to the pool or better yet the beach. Have you ever been to the beach, Nathan?” He looked like he had lived mostly landlocked his entire life. It was going to be very interesting to get to know this man as well.

  “A real beach? Once,” he said. Lee had them moving out of the airport slowly, avoiding the tourists who were weaving around in a lost haze. Sitting forward, Nathan leaned his elbows on the seats she and Lee were in. “Actually in Fort Lauderdale. Came down with a horde of other horny teenagers, drank too much, and partied really hard. It was a blast.”

  “That sounds like most of the springtime here. It’s not always like that though.” She looked to Lee and smiled. “Sometimes it’s just us hick kids kickin’ it together. Playing loud music, drinking too much, and living life. It was a great way to grow up.”

  “It definitely had its perks,” Lee said with a nod. He shot a look her way before returning his attention to the road. Once they hit the highway, he relaxed back in the seat and rested his free elbow on the console between the seats. “The best part was the hot s
ummer nights where you could stay outside all the time and never get a chill. Only downside was getting your ass grounded when you finally crawled home the next day.”

  “Too true, that one. I can’t tell you how many times that I was grounded because of you, Lee.” She was all smiles, however, she couldn’t stop herself from recalling the good times that they had. “What’s bad is that the kids today are still doing it I’m sure. They would be stupid not to. I just hope that they are safe about it.” One time, one mistake had been enough for her to become pregnant. That one lapse in judgement had changed them both forever.

  His hand touched hers lightly for a moment before he pulled back. “Hotel first to drop everything off, or do you want to head over to the cemetery now?” he asked softly. He gave her another quick look, his concern and worry obvious on his face.

  “Cemetery now.” Her smile was gone, the reminder of why they were there hitting her full force. “I want to ensure that my son’s grave is put back to rights as soon as possible.” She felt his hand on hers once more and finally relented and whispered, “Our son.”

  “Yours,” he said, shaking his head. “I never had the honor of knowing him. I screwed up, and that will be on me for the rest of my life. I don’t deserve any claim to that precious little life you nurtured.”

  “You have to stop beating yourself up over it. He was yours every bit as much as mine,” she said simply. “Yes, you did miss out on his short life, but hopefully one day his spirit will shine brightly once more in someone’s life. I just hope that we will be able to know him when he returns to this world once more.”

  He didn’t say anything at that, just squeezed her fingers. She knew he wasn’t on the same page as she was in relation to their son, but maybe one day he would be. Right about then she became aware of Nathan again, who had apparently been listening intently to their conversation if the look of shock on his face was anything to go by.