Falling for the Nanny

by Bella Winters

  “That’s the thing. I haven’t wanted to go out with anyone except her. And I still don’t. I see beautiful women all the time. Sometimes they flirt with me, but I’m so shut down after the accident that I just don’t even want to go to that headspace. It’s just too much. The pain is still there.”

  “I know man,” he said.

  “No, you don’t.”

  He took a breath and tried again. “I know I can’t imagine how hard that is to go through and I doubt you can ever get over it, but you know that you are still alive and you deserve to be happy. You deserve to move on with your life. It doesn’t take away the memories you have. And she would tell you the same thing.”

  I noticed that Nathan wasn’t saying the name either. He knew it was painful for me to even do that sometimes.

  “Well, I’ll just have to see what happens with this woman,” I said.

  “What’s her name?”

  “Teri.”

  “Nice. I’ve dated a few Teri’s in my time. They are wild in the sack.”

  “You can’t really believe that a person’s name says that much about them.”

  He shrugged. “Of course I can. I know people who look like their names, or what you would expect someone with their name to look like. This is the same thing. Women named Teri are usually great in bed.”

  “And women with what name are lousy?”

  He paused a moment. “I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like a woman wasn’t great in bed. Sex is that way, isn’t it? Even if it’s bad it’s still sex. And sex is always fun.”

  “You’ve never had bad sex?”

  “No, but I’ve had sex that was less fun. And I’ve had sex that was less fun than beating off.”

  “Ok, then wouldn’t you classify that as bad sex?” I asked him.

  “No, because it was still a lot of damn fun. I’ve never truly had bad sex, like sex I wish I hadn’t had.”

  “But there have been women you wished you hadn’t had sex with.”

  “No. There are women I wished weren’t crazy that I had sex with. The sex was still awesome.”

  Nathan was a very interesting guy. He was a good friend and fun to hang around with though.

  “Alright, well I’m going to do some riding and see if I can get in the zone, maybe show you a thing or two.”

  “Go for it,” he said. “Show me how it’s done Grand Master.”

  “I don’t mind if I do,” I said.

  I rode the bull several times and managed to hold on for close to eight seconds each time. That was fairly impressive, especially since I’d been off from the ranch for about a week. It had just been that crazy busy with work and now I was finally getting a chance to get back into it. Maybe the time off actually helped a few things.

  I rode the bull a few times and then Nathan took a few turns. We went back and forth for a few hours until we were both tired and bruised. There was something about doing such a physical thing that really made you feel alive and even afterwards when you were hurting, the pain felt good to you.

  I took a quick shower in my private shower there and then I changed back into my work clothes and I drove home. It was just about dinner time when I arrived, and I hoped that meant I might minimize the time I had to spend with the lovely Teri. I had to get past this, though. I was almost afraid to enter my own house because I wasn’t sure I could control my feelings about this woman. That was weird.

  I took a deep breath and then I walked into the house. I saw Bobby and Teri eating dinner at the table. It looked like pasta with meat sauce and garlic bread. Ah, one of my favorites.

  “Hi, daddy!” Bobby said. He got off his chair and ran to me. I picked him up and held him above my head so that he could try to touch the ceiling. It was our little thing. He was still about three feet low from touching the ceiling, but he was determined that one day he would do it.

  I gave him a hug and a kiss on the forehead. “How’s my little buddy?”

  “Good. Miss Teri and I made pie out of playdoh.”

  I gasped in fake surprise. “You did? Was it good? Did it taste good? What kind of pie was it?”

  He giggled. “It was apple pie, but you can’t eat it daddy. It’s playdoh. It’s fake.”

  “Ah, I see. Thank you for telling me. I see it over there and it looks very delicious.”

  I sat him back down and he ran back to his seat at the table to continue eating. I could see that Teri had cut his pasta into little tiny bites for him.

  “How was everything?” I asked.

  “Oh, it was great,” she said. “We played some games and watched a bit of a cartoon. Then I fixed dinner. He is a sweetheart.”

  “Yeah, and he knows it,” I said. I noticed he was wearing his pajamas. “He’s ready for bed?”

  “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to put him to bed right after dinner or if he stayed up for a bit. Either way, I figured I’d get that out of the way for you.”

  “Oh, thanks,” I said. “That helps a lot.”

  “No problem. And there is plenty of pasta if you want some.”

  “Sure,” I said. I went to the office and sat my things down. Then I checked myself in the mirror, felt I looked sharp, and then I went right back to the kitchen.

  “Can I go play for a bit? I’m done,” Bobby asked.

  “Sure, buddy,” I said.

  He ran off to his playroom.

  “Oh, to have that much energy again,” I said.

  “Right? I would love to bottle that stuff,” Teri replied.

  Teri had a bowl of pasta and a plate of garlic bread waiting for me. It felt good to have someone who cared enough about me to do such a sweet gesture. It felt nice and comforting. It had been a long time since I had anyone in my life who cared to even do little things for me.

  “This is great,” I said as I dug in. “Thanks.”

  “Sure,” she replied.

  “This is really some of the best pasta I’ve ever had,” I said.

  “I have a few secrets up my sleeve,” she said.

  “Oh, I’d love to hear them.”

  “No, they wouldn’t be secrets anymore.”

  I nodded. “Right. So, how was your day otherwise?” I felt the need to make polite, adult conversation since she was sitting there at dinner with me. “And did you eat already?”

  She nodded. “I did. And my day was fine. The typical life of a college student.”

  “So, you are in grad school or still pursuing the bachelor’s?”

  “Bachelor’s. I have just one more semester after this. I decided to take a year off after high school to find myself. That was how I ended up working my first nanny job. That was when I decided that I wanted to work with kids.”

  I dabbed the corners of my mouth with my napkin. “That’s great.”

  “Yeah, it is strange how you never know where life will lead you and what paths you will be led down. I had never really considered working with kids before that, but I had so much fun taking care of them.”

  “So, you are working towards what career goal?” I wondered if this topic of conversation was boring her.

  “I want to be a child psychologist,” she said. “So, I’ve got a lot more schooling to go through. Got to get my masters, then I need my PhD.”

  “That’s a fantastic goal,” I said. “I admire anyone who has that kind of ambition to stick with something. I wish I’d actually graduated.”

  “You didn’t graduate? I thought you had a degree?”

  “I have an honorary degree because of my accomplishments in business, but I dropped out three semesters early of graduating.”

  “Why did you quit?”

  “I was bored by it, but I was also making good money in business by then and I had to make a choice which path to pursue.”

  “I’d say you chose the right one.”

  “I’m not so sure, sometimes. I mean, I love what I do and I do make a good living, but I still feel that I should complete those courses and earn that degree for
real. I want that feeling of accomplishment. It’s the only thing in my life I’ve ever started without finishing and I hate that. I can’t stand unfinished business.”

  “I see,” she said. I loved the way she was staring into my eyes right then. Her gaze was so lovely. It just penetrated my head until I wanted her with me, beside me, and I wanted to make love to her. What if I kissed her right then? What would she say? Would she pull away and say no? Or would she kiss me back? The fantasy started going through my mind and it wouldn’t stop. I wasn’t sure how long it went on but I noticed that she was now staring at me a little strangely. I was staring at her. Oh shit.

  I snapped myself out of it and went back to my food. That was damn awkward. I knew this was going to be hard.

  “So, what else do you like to do when you aren’t working or doing school?” I asked. “Any other passions or hobbies?”

  She thought a moment and then smiled. “Yeah, I do enjoy swimming and I play some golf.”

  “Oh, a fellow golfer. I’m intrigued,” I said. “How often do you play?”

  “Well, this time of year not much, unfortunately. But during the spring and summer I play at least once or twice a week. I just find a way to work it in.”

  “That’s what you have to do,” I said. “You have to find the time to do things that make you happy.”

  “And what else makes you happy?” she asked me.

  “Work and Bobby are the two main things, but I do like to do other things when I can find the time. I bowl, I golf, I do some martial arts, and my biggest passion is bull riding and calf roping.”

  She raised her eyes. “That’s surprising. I had no idea you were into that.”

  “Yeah, not many people do. It’s just one of those things I got into at an early age and I have never really grown out of.”

  “I’ve never even ridden a horse.”

  “Wow, we have to get you on a horse soon.”

  “I’m not sure. I think I’m scared of it.”

  “Don’t be,” I said. “It is as easy as can be once you get the hang of it. You just have to communicate to the animal that you are the boss. That’s what bull riding is all about as well. It’s about focusing all of your energy on this thing and just making it through the ride, but you can’t think about making it to the end. That’s too long. You have to think about this one moment right here and then that one and so on. That’s how it’s done.”

  “That’s very inspiring. I’m going to have to learn how now.”

  “Well, I do have a stable and a ranch if you ever want to come out and ride. I’d be happy to teach you personally. I’m sure Bobby would love it if you came out there as well.”

  “You think so? Ok, I’ll do that.”

  “Great,” I said.

  “Well, I’d better get going and let you enjoy your evening,” she said. “But same time tomorrow?”

  “Yes,” I replied. I wanted to tell her that she was welcome to stay as long as she wanted to. I was having a great time talking with her. But I didn’t want to come on too strong. And I still hadn’t made up my mind about what I was doing or was going to do here. This was heavy. The attraction I was feeling was overwhelming. She was becoming more amazing in my mind by the minute and I wondered if there was a chance for the two of us.

  I knew she was attracted to me. I could feel it in the way she looked at me and the way she laughed at things I said that were only a little bit funny, but that wasn’t it. The thing to be concerned about was whether or not I really wanted to risk losing her as Bobby’s nanny. I had to make sure she was comfortable with it. Beyond that, I was willing to take the chance to see where this could lead.

  “Goodnight,” I said as I walked her to the door.

  She started to open the door and her hand slipped off the knob unexpectedly. I ended up not being able to stop my own momentum in time and I bumped into her. My crotch actually bumped against her rear end as it so happened. I felt a bit embarrassed by it, mostly because I was hard as a rock. Being near her kind of did that to me. I wondered if she felt it. Shit. That was going to be very awkward now.

  Or not. It would be how I reacted to it. If I wasn’t embarrassed then she wouldn’t be as embarrassed either. I didn’t want to let my feelings dictate the way I behaved here. That would only cause me more stress and anxiety. There was no reason to be embarrassed of my feelings.

  She looked back at me and smiled sheepishly. She tried to maintain the eye contact, but her gaze went down and she smiled instead. I could tell she was embarrassed. She’d probably felt me and she probably felt all of me…

  I embraced it and decided it was funny. That was fine. She could feel what she wanted to. It was an accident and I was not ashamed that it happened. Maybe now she would realize that I had a strong attraction for her just as she had for me.

  “Are you alright?” I asked.

  “Yeah, it’s just… um my clumsiness.”

  I loved to see her being so shy. That was adorable.

  I reached around her and opened the door. She looked at the door as if she felt stupid and then laughed. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  She stared back at me then and let her stare linger. Was that some signal? Was she waiting for me to make a move? I should have just done it. I knew that it was going to happen eventually. I would not be able to control that impulse forever.

  Why was I beating around the bush with this? I should have just gone for it.

  But I didn’t. I held it back.

  She leaned forward towards me and stared from my eyes to my mouth. I leaned in and before she could see that she turned around and stepped out the door. The moment was past. I had missed it. Fuck.

  And I wasn’t sure that Teri even realized it. The whole thing had happened that fast.

  “Bye. Drive safe,” I said. I felt stupid for saying that. Dammit. This was really affecting my whole center of self. I felt awkward and out of my depth somehow. I was allowing this attraction to rule my life. I just needed to come out with it and tell Teri that I was attracted to her. If she didn’t want to pursue this then we would just leave it at that.

  But she would most likely quit the nanny position. It would be super awkward otherwise. If she said no, but I continued to see her every single day then she was always going to know that I wanted more with her. I wanted something real to validate these feelings. And she was going to have to feel bad about that, or it was going to drive her to want to change her mind.

  I didn’t want to cause her any sort of discomfort. That was the last thing I would have wanted for her. She was a great woman.

  I closed the door and slumped back against it. I’d blown it. I’d done something incredibly stupid. But it might not matter.

  I would have to see how tomorrow went. Would Teri show up and be the same her? Or would she tell me that I needed to find someone else and she would fill in during the interim?

  I put away the leftover pasta and then got tucked Bobby into bed. I asked him if he liked Teri. “Yeah, she’s nice. Is she going to be here every day?”

  “Yeah, she is,” I said. “Do you want that?”

  “I do.”

  I tucked him in and told him I loved him. Then I turned off his light (except for his little night light) and then closed the door. I walked down the hall and then down the stairs to the kitchen. I grabbed a beer and sat down in front of the television. I was tired today. It had been a very long one and I was ready for bed but it was too early. I decided to try to find a ball game on.

  As I sipped the beer and searched for the game, Teri’s sweet face came into my mind. I thought we might actually have something going. It was the very beginning of something, but it was there. And this made me happy to think about a possible future with this woman.

  I just hoped that it worked out the way I thought it might. At any rate, I had to proceed slowly and to make sure that she was ready for this and that she wanted it as badly as I did. I’d wrestled with it in my own mind for a while now and I had finally
given up trying to beat myself.

  Chapter 4

  Teri

  “That’s all for today everybody. Have a great day. See you next time.”

  Mrs. Perkins, my English professor dismissed the class and I was immediately relieved. I’d been listening to her drone on and on about literature that best represented the Industrial Revolution for over an hour now and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could really take it.

  I packed up my notebooks and textbooks and then I started to ease out of my seat. I was just getting to the door when there came a tap on my shoulder. I spun around and I was shocked to see a guy I was not familiar with.

  “Yes?” I asked.

  “So what did you think?” he asked.

  “About the lecture?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I think I’ve had dental procedures that were more pleasant,” I said with a smile.

  “Yeah, I hear that,” he said. “I’m Josh.”

  “Hi.”

  “Hi. Do you have a name?”

  “I do,” I said.

  Then I waited.

  “Would you like to tell me what it is?”

  I wasn’t sure why I was suddenly being so standoffish. It was probably because of the fact that I felt like I was almost involved with someone else. This did not make a bit of sense, but it was the way I felt. Last night had really gotten to me. I wanted Darren. I knew it was wrong and that it was so unprofessional. It might actually tarnish my name if I ever wanted to work as a nanny again, but hopefully I’d only be doing that until I was done with college.

  The way that Darren looked at me was so extreme. It got under my skin. It made me feel things and it made me think about things. Naughty things.

  I’d felt him. I’d felt his erection when he bumped into me last night. It was such a klutzy accident on my part, but when Darren banged into my backside I had felt his arousal. And I wanted it. Oh, I wanted it so bad. I wanted it to penetrate me and make me feel things that I had not felt in a long time. I knew this man was the one who could do that to me. Why was it taking me so long to get there and just release my feelings, to just let go of all the hang-ups I’d created within myself?