In the Shadows

by Tara Lyons

  Maria wanted to giggle when Grace removed a pad and pen from her handbag, but she suppressed the urge and remained professional.

  “I’m worried I won’t remember all of this. Can you repeat the commands so I can jot them down and memorise them?”

  “Please don’t fret. Before we begin, I’ll repeat the commands so they’re fresh in your mind. Don’t put added stress on yourself by trying to memorise them. It will be more fluid and natural when we begin. I just wanted you to be aware of the basics. Are you okay with all of this?” Maria began to worry that she had overloaded the young patient too soon. She reached over the table and placed her hand on Grace’s to comfort her. “We can stop any time you like.”

  “That’s a relief, and I certainly have a much better understanding of the process now. I’ve read quite a lot about hypnotherapy on the Internet in the last few weeks, but it’s different hearing it from you. You have made it sound much simpler. I just hope I remember all the commands correctly.”

  “Well, I’d like to do a preliminary session today. This is standard practice—a test, if you like—to find out how susceptible you are to the therapy.”

  Grace chewed her bottom lip but nodded. “What do I have to do?”

  “Just lie as you are and relax.”

  Maria dimmed the lights and taped a black dot on the wall directly across from Grace, just above her eye level and the framed photographs. “Place your hands on either the chair or your lap, whichever is more comfortable for you.”

  She sat down again and altered her voice to a soft hum that worked well for her patients under hypnosis. “Grace, breathe deeply while you focus on the spot in front of you and listen to the sound of my voice. When I count one, you will close your eyes until I say two. When I do, you will open your eyes and focus your attention on the spot again. When I count three, you will close your eyes again until I say four. Continue to open and close your eyes as I count.”

  She paused to study her patient, whose eyes were firmly on the spot. This might be easier than I thought. “Your eyelids will begin to feel heavier and heavier as I count. You will feel so relaxed that you’ll want to keep them closed and fall into a deep, peaceful state. Okay. One, close your eyes. Let all the muscles around your eyes relax. Breathe steadily and freely.” Maria watched her table clock and waited sixty seconds.

  “Two, open your eyes and focus on the spot. Let the relaxation flow from your eyes down to your cheeks.” Grace’s breathing relaxed as Maria continued to count.

  She smiled as she knew they had reached the point she’d been waiting for. “Seven, close your eyes. Feel that relaxation now flowing from your eyelids down your cheeks, into your shoulders and neck. It is so relaxing that you don’t want to open your eyes, and even if you tried, they would not open. Try to open your eyes.”

  Maria exhaled in relief as she watched her patient attempt to open her eyes. She had worried that maybe Grace wasn’t a suitable candidate for hypnosis, given her vulnerable state, but the young girl just proved her receptiveness. Perhaps too much so. I’ll have to be careful not to let her go too deep. Maria continued to count to ten, giving the commands to encourage relaxation. She then sipped her tea and gave Grace a few moments of tranquillity before she began the count up.

  “In a moment, I’m going to count from one to five. When I reach the number five, you will open your eyes and feel wide awake.”

  Grace opened her eyes easily at the count of five and smiled. “That was so peaceful, a bit surreal, but I felt safe that I could follow your voice. How do you think I did?”

  “Brilliantly, you were very open and responsive to the therapy. I’m glad you feel so positive. I do too.”

  Maria turned the lights back up and walked over to the alcove in the corner of the office. She flicked on the kettle and set about making a fresh cup of tea for Grace. She didn’t do so after every session, but her fondness for the young lady continued to grow.

  “Just one more cuppa to warm you up, make sure you don’t feel too relaxed before you leave here.” She giggled.

  “Thank you. I’d appreciate that.” Grace yawned.

  “What I’ve scheduled is for you to come back the day after tomorrow, in the afternoon, and we’ll truly begin the hypnosis in order to uncover those nightmares of yours.”

  Once Grace had left the office, Maria spent the rest of the afternoon making notes about the session. It had been a long time since she felt so excited about helping a patient.

  CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

  The incident room was uncharacteristically subdued when Hamilton returned from yet another meeting with DCI Allen. The gloominess could easily have been attributed to everyone being deep in thought about the impending outcome of the murder case. He noticed the newspaper on Clarke’s desk.

  “I can understand today’s article has probably stirred some mixed reactions with us all,” Hamilton said.

  “Why do I feel so crappy about it?” Clarke slumped in his chair. “I should be over the moon that Sparks was refused bail.”

  Wedlock grunted. “Don’t worry, Lewis. You’re not alone. It’s difficult. On the one hand, we got the guy, and he’ll definitely serve time, but on the other, he wasn’t the serial killer we were expecting to nail.”

  Hamilton exhaled deeply. “Look, I don’t want to stand here and patronise you all with a false pep talk on how we can make this situation better.”

  “What did the chief say?” Morris interrupted.

  He searched for the appropriate response. Backed into a corner, he hated being the bearer of bad news, but he knew he owed it to his team to be the one to tell them directly.

  “We’ve been instructed to close the case and, for now at least, add it to the unsolved murder files. An alert will be placed on the system, which will immediately notify us of any similar crimes committed in the future. It doesn’t mean it’s over,” he finally said.

  He sensed their deflated mood, but none of them voiced an opinion. The dissatisfaction was clear, but he wondered if any of them felt like a failure as he did. He needed a reaction from them. “So come on, I want to know your feelings about this decision.”

  “It sucks, gov, but what can we do?” Wedlock called out. “There hasn’t been a female victim for two months, and our media plea has dried up.”

  Morris agreed with her colleague. “Our Crimewatch appeal was four weeks ago, sir, and frankly, we’ve been chasing our tails with those insignificant leads.”

  Hamilton nodded. He was fully aware of the details, but to hear his team speak them aloud gave him a clear indication of how they felt. He looked at Fraser, the sergeant he believed had contributed several brilliant ideas to the case. She was also the shyest member of the team, and he wanted to ensure her opinion was voiced before it was too late.

  “Kerry, you’re quiet. How do you feel about this decision?”

  “It’s difficult, sir. The verdict has been decided. It’s out of our hands.”

  “What if it were in your hands? Would you have made the same call?”

  Kerry’s cheeks flushed red. “It’s unfair to put me in that position, sir. But I suppose, in all honesty, yes, I would have felt I had to. These guys have already made valid points about the lack of evidence and clues. From my perspective, the social media side of things is like a ghost town. It’s completely quiet online. When I post a status or retweet the victims’ photos, there’s barely a response any more.” She looked down and fumbled with her fingers. “But there’s another side of me that’s carrying the burden of guilt for the victims and their families. I feel as though we’ve done them an injustice by not finding the killer. I almost don’t want to admit to myself that the investigation is about to join the unsolved files.”

  Hamilton appreciated his team’s candor, and Fraser’s statement had echoed the one he’d spoken through with Allen. He was also anxious that the guilt would plague them all long after they had walked away from the case.

  He assured them of the support they woul
d be offered and urged them to approach him if they needed to talk to someone in the future. Morris and Wedlock glanced at each other and continued with their paperwork. As long-serving members of the Met, they had, unfortunately, already been involved with other unsolved cases. Fraser, however, remained quiet, and Hamilton made a mental note to check in with her. This wasn’t an investigation he felt entirely comfortable abandoning, and he knew she felt the same.

  CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

  Maria opened the front door, feeling buoyant about her afternoon session and pleased to see her patient wearing the same excited expression. “Come in, Grace. Go on upstairs and make yourself comfortable.”

  Believing it better to begin the hypnosis straight away, Maria bypassed the tea-making routine. We’ll share a cuppa afterwards, while we discuss the session. She watched Grace sink onto her usual spot on the reclining sofa. The young girl lifted her legs and curled them underneath her bottom, depicting a friendly vibe.

  “I want to make sure you are completely comfortable in going forward with this therapy, because we will attempt to go deeper than our last session.”

  Grace nodded enthusiastically. “It’s okay. You don’t need to keep asking. I understand. I’m comfortable, and I’m willing.”

  She was encouraged by her patient’s confident reply. “Fantastic. But we will take this at your pace. And if I feel you’re going too deep into the hypnotic state, you’ll hear me call your name, and you’ll return to your safe place.”

  Maria carried out the same movements as before: she dimmed the lights and taped the black dot in exactly the same place. “I want you to remember, Grace, that anytime you want to return to full consciousness, just cross your arms over your chest, and you’ll be back in the present. Most patients don’t feel comfortable talking in their hypnotic state, and that’s absolutely fine. So I want you to relax, rest your hands on your lap, and when I ask you a question, just signal yes by moving your left hand or no with your right hand.”

  Grace stretched out her legs and placed her hands where she had been instructed to. She inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly as she focused on the spot, and Maria was impressed with the young woman’s commitment.

  “We’ll begin with the counting technique we used in our last session to help you relax, and then we’ll begin to delve deeper.”

  Maria waited a few moments, allowing the silence to take over the room and for Grace to fall deeper into her hypnotic state. She observed her patient, a figure of serenity desperate to unmask her dreams. Using the same soft, whisper-like tone, Maria gave the counting commands and instructed Grace to open and close her eyes; to again focus on her breathing and the black dot until she was so relaxed she could no longer open her eyes.

  “I want you to imagine your safe place. Picture it clearly in your mind. What kind of day is it? Is the sun shining down on you, or can you feel the rain wet against your skin? Think about what you can see and smell around you. Is the ground beneath you soft and inviting? Walk barefoot and feel it between your toes. Let your senses take over and entice a feeling of safety.” Maria didn’t expect answers to her questions—they were a technique to lead her patient into a sense of security.

  “Grace, do you feel safe?”

  This time Maria was answered with a twitch of Grace’s left hand.

  She smiled at the young girl’s susceptible nature. She continued to observe Grace for a few more minutes before attempting to go deeper into her subconscious. Grace’s breathing was steady and calm. A peaceful expression etched on her face.

  “Grace, are you ready to go further into your thoughts?”

  She moved the fingers on her left hand again.

  “I want you to think about the nightmares you’ve suffered. Remember how they made you feel. Bring those dreams to the forefront of your mind. Go deeper into the memory of them. Visualise yourself in them as they are happening, actually watch them play out in your mind. Why do they entice a feeling of fear? Who or what can you see?”

  Grace’s chest rose and fell faster.

  “Remember you can return to your safe place whenever you want. Do you want to return to your safe place, Grace?”

  The right hand on her lap moved quickly, signalling a negative answer.

  “Okay, remain relaxed. Slowly, take yourself to the scene you witnessed and relive it in your mind. What couldn’t you see in your dream the first time that you can see now? How does it make you feel this time? Use all your senses once again. What can you see in your nightmares?”

  Grace frowned and pinched her lips together as if she were in pain. Her body remained still, stiff almost, but the sound of her breathing took over the room as she inhaled and exhaled deeply through her nose.

  Maria feared the visions were causing Grace serious discomfort. “Do you want to return to your safe place until you feel at ease again?”

  There was no hand movement.

  “Grace, are you comfortable?”

  Maria waited, but her patient offered no communication. She wondered if she had allowed Grace to slip too far into a hypnotic state. “Grace, remember you can cross your arms and wake up anytime you want to. You can come back to the present, away from your visions.”

  There was a moment of calm as the young girl’s breathing returned to a steady rhythm. She sighed relief as Grace’s arms slowly lifted into the air. She crossed them over her chest and opened her eyes.

  Maria was aware that some patients felt nervous and vulnerable when they first woke from their hypnotic state. She quietly leaned closer to the young woman and continued speaking in her soft voice. “Grace, how do you feel?”

  Moments passed, and she speculated whether or not Grace had fully emerged from the hypnosis. As though their minds were in sync, Grace hurled her head to the side and glared in Maria’s direction. She gasped. An ugly appearance, with eyes as dark as coal, had replaced the warm and peaceful expression she’d witnessed just moments before. Her fear increased as Grace cracked the knuckles on each of her fingers—an action Maria had never observed in any of their previous sessions. A chill trembled down her spine.

  “Grace, are you okay?”

  The young girl swung her legs round and planted them on the floor with a heavy thud. She slithered closer to the edge of her seat, her face inches from the psychiatrist’s, a frown etched on her face. The breath from her flared nostrils wafted over Maria.

  “Stop calling me that, for fuck’s sake! My name is Carly.”

  CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

  Carly crept slowly around the office, satisfied with her accomplishment. She sneered at Maria and felt more powerful every time the woman flinched.

  “This is quite the dilemma for me. I can feel that Grace really admired you,” Carly said, scratching the inside of her palm. “I just can’t have you wandering around, knowing my secret.”

  “What makes you think I know anything?” Maria’s lips quavered as she spoke.

  Carly shrieked with laughter, making the psychiatrist recoil once again. “Because I know you’re not an idiot. Are you an idiot, doc?”

  “Who’s asking, you or Grace?”

  “Feisty. I like it. Shows you know who you’re talking to, though, doesn’t it?”

  “I don’t presume to know who you are, Carly, but yes, I can surmise what’s going on here.”

  Carly flopped down on the reclining chair once again, but this time, it wasn’t to get comfortable. She casually crossed her legs and arms, peering at her watch as she did. Her eyes darted to Maria, and she glared intently.

  “There’s still time on the clock, shrink, so analyse me. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on ‘ere?”

  Maria hesitated. “Well, multiple personalities—or ‘dissociative identity disorder’ as it’s now known—is not my area of expertise, but I’ve read about the condition.”

  Carly laughed at Maria’s attempt to sound confident and in control. In an instant, the cackle ceased, and she gestured with her hand for the psychiatrist to continue.
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br />   “I’ll take that smirk on your face as affirmation.” Maria gulped. “You have a mental disorder whereby at least two personalities control a person’s behaviour. I’m assuming Grace is the host identity, as she’s had the majority of control, and the memory loss, and she clearly knows nothing about her alternate personality. That would be you.”

  Carly slowly clapped her hands. The sound grew louder and louder as she rose from her seat. “You know quite a bit then, don’t you, doc?”

  “From what I understand, the disorder is an effect of severe trauma during early childhood. Grace could have been battling with this for some time. It’s a coping mechanism for the patient, and the extra stress of losing her grandfather –”

  “Don’t you dare talk about him!” Carly pinched the psychiatrist’s cheek with brute force. Maria swallowed hard, and the woman’s fear thrilled her. “You have no right to mention him, you bitch.” She pushed Maria’s face to the side, leaving red fingerprints on her pale skin. “Grace is a weak, depressed fool who couldn’t handle life after he died, and she turned to the bottle. Lucky for me, really, because it meant she didn’t have the strength to suppress me. I was free from her.” She walked to the table and perched on the edge, glad to see that Maria had made no attempt to move from her seat.

  “And thanks to you, doc, I no longer have to be suppressed. I’m the stronger one. I can’t be ignored any more.” Carly slammed her fist against the table as her rage bubbled to the surface.

  “So you know what the nightmares mean?” Maria whispered.

  “Of course I know. They’re not nightmares. They are memories trying to worm their way into her consciousness. Stupid cow thought she was clairvoyant or something.” She sniggered and clawed at her palm again.