Y'all Witches

by Amy Boyles

  A high heel–clad foot twisted on the steps. The long, lithe body of a woman was splayed out, as if she’d fallen in the middle of the stairs and couldn’t get up.

  But it was the blood dripping from her forehead and pooling beneath her that made it all too clear.

  My fingers flew to my mouth. “Oh my gosh, is that—”

  Roman stepped forward. “Griselda Blanche? Yes, indeed.”

  Her dead eyes stared sightlessly into the starry night. Her mouth was slack, and I knew in an instant that Griselda the Evil was dead.

  FOUR

  “She was bludgeoned.”

  The chief detective on board the Majestic was a thin man with a light English accent. His brown hair was thinning on top, and his suit was crumpled as if he’d thrown it in the hamper and then realized it was the cleanest suit he had because all his others were at the cleaners, which wasn’t open because it was the middle of the night. So then the detective pulled his suit out of the dirty clothes and put it on for the late-night murder scene.

  “Bludgeoned?” I said. “With what?”

  Daniel Downey, as was his name, glanced from Roman to me. From the corner of my eye I could see Roman nod as if saying it was okay to relay the details.

  But I was minding my own business from here on out. I was on the airship for my honeymoon, not to get wrapped up in a murder.

  Right?

  Maybe if I kept saying that to myself, things would work out that way.

  “We don’t know what the murder weapon is yet,” Daniel said, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “Still working on that.”

  Roman led me away as the detectives covered Griselda’s body. The captain, a real pirate of a man with a black eye patch and an old-fashioned pirate hat, stood off to one side, watching the scene.

  He eyed Roman and raised a hand. “Roman Bane,” he said.

  We walked over. Roman extended his hand, and the man shook. “Captain Byrd,” my husband said.

  My husband. Wow. Not sure I’ll ever get used to the sound of those two words. I smacked my lips and mouthed them. Roman shot me a quizzical look.

  I shrugged. “Sorry. Just thinking out loud.”

  Even though I was really only mouthing words. Well, whatever.

  “Good to see you, Bane,” the captain said. “Glad to have a man like you aboard.” His one eye flashed on me. “And this must be Mrs. Bane.”

  I beamed. “Yes, sir.”

  “Captain Bob Byrd,” he said, taking my hand. He brushed his lips over my knuckles. “Pleasure to meet you.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “Your husband and I go way back,” Captain Byrd said. “Knew him from my days in the witch police, before I took to captaining.”

  I nodded. “She’s a wonderful airship.”

  “Yes, she is.” His voice faded. “Bane,” he said, clapping Roman on the shoulder. “We may need your help in this one. Not many people liked Griselda, and an independent investigator may be just the thing to keep the peace.”

  His gaze shot to a group of aristocrats standing to one side. The men were dressed in tails, the women in long, sparkling evening gowns. They had stiff upper lips and narrow eyes. I could practically feel the accusations flying from their minds.

  Roman shook his head. “I’m on my honeymoon, Byrd. I can’t get involved with a case like this.”

  “But—” I said. The dark look in Roman’s eyes cut the rest of my sentence short. I was going to say, but you could help, then I remembered my own pledge not to get involved.

  Don’t get involved, Dylan.

  Just don’t.

  If I had to remind myself of it every moment for an eternity, I would.

  Don’t get involved.

  “Well, can my men at least come to you if they have any questions?” Byrd asked.

  Roman nodded. “Of course. Send them my way. But from the looks of it, you’ve got a solid group. They won’t need me.”

  “If you change your mind,” Byrd said, “you know where to find me.”

  We left the deck and walked back toward our cabin. “Who do you think did it?” I said, hugging my arms.

  Roman’s voice was low. “Not getting involved.”

  I slapped a hand to my thigh. “Of course. No one’s talking about getting involved. I’m only asking a simple question.”

  He shrugged. “I’ve no idea who did it, and I don’t care.”

  I inhaled sharply. “A woman was murdered and you don’t care?”

  Roman’s shoulders slumped. “Don’t do that. Don’t start guilting me. If we were out in the real world, I would care. I would give a thousand cares. But I’m on my honeymoon. Her murder is someone else’s problem.”

  I twisted the ends of my hair. “I guess so.” Roman flashed me a look so dark my insides chilled. “I mean, you’re right. I don’t care, either.”

  We reached our cabin and went inside. Roman turned to me. “Now, how about some us time?”

  I giggled as his fingers slid down my sides. “That sounds about right.”

  I awoke the next morning to what felt like a small tongue licking my chin. I grimaced. What the heck?

  When I opened my eyes, I saw Grandma sitting at the vanity and a white poodle staring me straight in the face.

  “Ah,” I said. “What’s going on? What have you done with Roman? And this better be a nightmare because you’re supposed to be in your own room doing your own room things.”

  Grandma blinked at me. “Roman stepped out to bring back breakfast. He said I could come in and say good morning. And don’t worry, you’re not naked under those sheets anymore. I took the liberty of putting clothes on you.”

  I lifted the covers and saw I was wearing what looked to be a baby blue doily. I groaned. “Is this something from your own closet? Like a century ago?”

  Grandma clapped her hands, and the dog scurried from the bed.

  “Hold on,” I said, wiping sleep from my eyes. “Come here,” I said to the dog. With tail wagging, the dog padded back up to the bed. I inspected the collar and read the name.

  “That’s Fifi,” I said, “Griselda’s dog. She’s dead.”

  Grandma shook her head. “No wonder Fifi showed up at my door last night to apologize for winkying on my feet.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Well, that was nice of him.”

  I did not believe for one second that the dog appeared to apologize to Grandma, but you know, why kill an old woman’s hopes?

  I pushed back the sheet, and Fifi padded over to Grandma. “You know Griselda had that assistant, Annie, or whatever her name is. I’ll find out where she is and give her the dog.”

  Fifi jumped into Grandma’s arms and licked her face. “Why? I like the dog.”

  “Because,” I said, my feet hitting the floor, “you’re not supposed to be on the ship, remember? You’re supposed to be back home in Silver Springs doing wacky things with Nan and Milly.”

  Grandma bobbed her head. “Well, when you put it like that, maybe we’ll give it to the girl.”

  “There’s no we in this,” I said. “I’ll do it. You need to stay out of sight.”

  Grandma folded her arms. “Dylan, I did not come all this way and risk my neck to stay in a cabin and watch my life pass me by.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Fine. We’re leaving in ten minutes. Let me text Roman and tell him.”

  I did just that and showered. Turned out, Roman was busy not getting involved with the investigation himself.

  Detective Downey has a couple of opinion questions for me, he wrote.

  I smirked. I thought it was none of your business and you’re on your honeymoon.

  I don’t need your sarcasm.

  I laughed. And I don’t need you breaking promises.

  Don’t worry, he texted, this is as much as I’m going to help them.

  “So you say,” I whispered.

  When I was dressed, I called Fifi to me. “Okay, dog. Let’s go find your next of kin. Grandma, you stick close by.
I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  Grandma threw her scarf over her neck. “Don’t worry about me, Dylan. I’ve faced off against bigger enemies than this big bad ship. Why, once I took on an entire mountain.”

  “Of what? Villagers?”

  She shook her head. “No. I actually fought a mountain. The whole forest had gone rogue.” She splayed her hands dramatically. “The mountain had threatened to walk away from its home and go to Namibia.”

  I gritted my teeth, afraid to ask. “And where was the mountain originally located?”

  “Oh, on the moon, of course. There’s a nice mountain and forest range located on the dark side.”

  I face-palmed my hand. Why did I have to ask?

  “Okay, Grandma. You ready?”

  She gave me a toothy grin. “Of course I’m ready. Come heck or frozen water, I’m as ready as it gets.”

  That sounded about as close to a yes as I was going to get. “All right, can you locate Annie, Griselda’s assistant?”

  Grandma picked up Fifi. “It’s right on the dog’s collar.”

  And so it was. I peeked out the cabin door. Several people filled the hall. They were heading to breakfast, I assumed. Good.

  I walked quickly. We’d made it about three feet when I heard someone from way behind me in the hall say, “I smell a stowaway. A stowaway is here somewhere. Come here, stowaway. Come out, come out, wherever you are.”

  I glanced over my shoulder and saw Sniff. He carried that stupid net and danced like a ballerina down the hall, tiptoeing and calling out.

  I stepped behind Grandma to block his view of her and whispered in her ear, “Move it. He’s coming.”

  “I’ll whisk us right out of here.” She snapped her fingers, but nothing happened.

  Panic scrambled up my throat. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  When Grandma glanced at me, fear filled her eyes. Now, I’d known my grandma long enough to know that she bled crazy through and through. But there was one thing she did not bleed and that was fear.

  The woman feared nothing.

  Except, apparently the Stowaway Sniffer.

  “He’s blocked any of us from being able to use magic,” she said. “We’ll have to outrun him.”

  “Let’s go.”

  A door shot open. An older woman with a walker stepped in front of us.

  And strolled negative miles per hour. Heat reared on my face.

  The situation was like being stopped at a red light while a Mack truck spent ten minutes backing up onto a loading dock—a very small, very precise loading dock.

  “Come on,” I said to Grandma. I speed walked and made a move to pass the elderly passenger on the right.

  Blocked by the walker.

  “I know you’re here, stowaway,” Sniff said from behind us. “I’ll find you sooner or later.”

  He paused and knocked on a door. Good.

  I moved left. The elderly passenger moved left. I had to pass. Had to get around them.

  “Nope, not in there,” Sniff said.

  I glanced over my shoulder as he pranced forward. He was inspecting everyone, looking them over top to bottom before going to the next person.

  There was a bend just up ahead and at the bend, elevators. That’s where we needed to go.

  He was four people behind us now. “Are you the stowaway? The scent is getting stronger.”

  I grabbed hold of the geriatric walker and gently pressed her to the right so Grandma and I could scoot left and break free.

  “Well, some people,” she spat.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled as we jogged past her.

  We reached the elevator. I jabbed the up arrow about a thousand times. “Hurry,” I whispered.

  I watched as Sniff reached the old woman we’d been trapped behind. “Are you the stowaway?” He inhaled her hair. “Has a certain funny smell.”

  She flapped her purse at him. “I’m not a stowaway.”

  Sniff poked his nose in her glasses.

  Sweat sprinkled my brow. The numbers on the elevator moved at a snail’s pace toward us. “Come on.”

  “But the stowaway was near you,” Sniff said to the woman.

  The elevator dinged open. I gently shoved Grandma in, and I jumped behind her. I hit number 5.

  “Those two just past me, you dingbat,” the woman said. “They’re probably the stowaways.”

  The elevator doors slid together.

  But not before Sniff got a good long drink of a look at me.

  When our eyes met, I blew him a kiss as the doors pinched closed.

  FIVE

  “That was close,” I said to Grandma.

  “It sure was,” she said. “I doubt that Sniff fellow appreciated you flirting with him.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I did not flirt with him.”

  Grandma patted Fifi. “Then what do you call blowing him a kiss?”

  I shrugged. “Playing with fire. Let’s hope he doesn’t figure out who I am, because it won’t be hard for him then to track you down.”

  Grandma looked at her watch. “How many days do you have left on this honeymoon?”

  “Several. So let’s get this done. There’s also an island to visit, you know.”

  Grandma’s eyes misted. “Ah, Celestial Island. Where all your dreams come true.”

  I frowned. “They do?”

  She nodded. “Of course. Well, here we are.”

  We stopped in front of Griselda’s cabin. I’d raised my hand to knock when the door next to hers opened.

  “You’ve got Fifi.”

  I turned my head and saw Annie through the door. “Yeah, we found her and wanted to give her to you.”

  “Griselda took her out last night for a walk. Right before she...” Annie’s voice cracked.

  Her eyes were red, and I could see tears beginning to bubble. I hadn’t liked Griselda. She was a nasty person; that much was clear in the fifteen seconds I’d spent with her. But my heart lurched in my chest seeing Annie. Her pain sent a quiver straight to my core.

  “I’m sorry about her. I didn’t know her well, but it was Roman, my husband, and I—we’re the ones who found her.”

  Annie reached for the dog, and Fifi jumped into her arms. “Griselda wasn’t always nice, but she was fair. They said,” she said, hiccuping her words, “someone hit her with an object.”

  I nodded. “That’s what the detective said. I didn’t see anything. I don’t even know if they found the weapon.”

  Annie’s gaze flitted right and left. “Do you want to come in?”

  I glanced behind me. The elevator pinged. I had a feeling Mr. Sniff would be right on our tail. I glanced at Grandma and nodded enthusiastically. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  “I worked for Griselda for five years,” Annie said, making each of us a cup of coffee. “I started out doing her secretarial work, but then I basically became sort of a lady’s maid to her.”

  I quirked a brow. “Lady’s maid?”

  Annie nodded. “You know—I answer her letters, I help dress her for the day, lay out her clothes, make sure they’re washed, that sort of thing. Griselda introduced me to a whole new set of people I never would have met otherwise. The rich, the famous, the powerful. It’s all been a real experience, and I have much to be thankful for.” She took a deep, staggering breath. “It’s sad that she’s gone and I am devastated, but because of the connections that I made, thanks to her I’ll have no problem finding another job. Of course I’ll probably also be asked to help get her estate in order.”

  “You’ll do that?” I said. “She wasn’t exactly nice to you, either.”

  After all, Griselda had threatened Annie’s job when I met them both.

  Annie nodded. “Her bark was worse than her bite.”

  That’s not what I had heard.

  Grandma rubbed her chin. “From what I understand, Griselda wasn’t much liked.”

  I frowned. Since when did my grandma play detective?

  “That’s
true,” Annie said. She sipped her coffee thoughtfully. “She had a lot of money, and with that comes enemies. She was a very sour person and wasn’t afraid to get people kicked out of places where she didn’t think they seemed to fit.”

  “What about the girl?” I said. “The one from last night?”

  Annie tucked a long brown strand of hair behind her ear. “I don’t know that it’s really going to matter anymore. It’s not like there’s someone to press charges against her. The diamond was recovered.”

  “So you won’t press charges?” I said.

  Annie shook her head. “What’s done is done. I don’t know if the girl did it, and I don’t care. In a few days I have to bury someone who was dear to me. That’s the most important thing, and of course finding her killer.”

  I took a sip of coffee, letting the bitter flavor slide down my throat. “You’ve been very kind. Thank you for inviting us in, and if there’s anything we can do to help, let me know.”

  I glanced around the bedroom, taking stock of the few clothes Annie had left out. A red coat lay on the back of a chair along with a pair of jeans slung over it.

  Annie rose. “I owe you so very much for finding Griselda before something happened to her body. Whoever did it could’ve hidden her, but obviously they didn’t. They left her in the open for anyone to find.”

  Thought swirled in my head. The murderer left her out in the open. I wondered if Roman and I had found Griselda right after it happened. I wondered if we had scared the murderer away.

  We thanked Annie again and left the cabin.

  Grandma turned to me. “Well, we’ve gotten rid of the dog and the Sniff. What would you like to do next?”

  I thought about running up to the deck and seeing if there was some kind of schedule for maintenance and cleaning—meaning, could someone have seen the killer? But then I reminded myself this was not my investigation. I was on my honeymoon, and I was supposed to be enjoying every second of every minute. I didn’t need to be trying to solve a murder.

  Grandma smiled brightly at me. “Well, do you know?”

  I glanced at my watch and smiled. “I need to round up Roman. It’s time for couple’s massages.”