Rebel Heart

by Penelope Ward

  The rest of the staff and their families trickled in. I played hostess with the mostest, handing out bonus checks with an endless flow of drinks. Gia walked in late with her dad. I hadn’t realized that he was coming out from Queens for the party.

  I shook his hand. “Hey, Tony. Nice to see you.”

  “You, too, son. You must be glad the busy season is over.”

  My eyes flashed to Gia and back. “It’s bittersweet.”

  Gia had been looking down, seemingly lost in thought. And she looked nervous for some reason. When I touched her shoulder to lean in and kiss her cheek hello, she jumped.

  “What’s going on? You okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah. I’m fine. Just tired.”

  I nodded, but would definitely be keeping an eye on her.

  Once everyone had full plates and drinks, I went to the bar to make a few more batches of mimosas. Tony walked over and took a seat on a stool across from me. He looked over his shoulder at Gia before starting to talk. She was busy yapping with my mother.

  “I take it from the surprise on your face when I walked in that you didn’t know that I would be here.”

  I set down the container of orange juice in my hand. “I didn’t. But I’m glad you’re here. This party is for family, and I’m glad Gia invited you.”

  Tony nodded. “I’m also guessing that you don’t know why I’m here?”

  “Is everything okay with Gia?”

  “Physically, yes. She’s fine. But when did she tell you she was moving back to Queens?”

  “Her lease is up on Friday, so in a few days.”

  Tony shook his head back and forth slowly. “She called me last night. Moved that up.”

  My entire body went rigid. “To when?”

  “Right after this party. Said she wanted to get a jump on settling back in. But my gut told me she might be trying to sneak out without saying goodbye to a certain boss. I drove out early this morning and loaded almost everything already. Just need to move a few more boxes, and we’ll be pulling out.”

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  Fuck!

  I stared down at the bar. After a while, I looked up at Tony but wasn’t in any condition to talk to anyone. “I need to step outside for a bit.”

  He nodded. “Go ahead, son. I’ll finish making the drinks and tell anyone who looks for you that you needed to take a call.”

  I slipped out back and started to walk on the beach. Inside my chest, I had a crushing sensation that I hoped might be a heart attack. Gia wouldn’t fucking leave me if I was in ICU. Then again, is that really what it would take to get her to stay? I was pretty sure that it could be a hell of a lot easier than that. All I needed to do was tell her I wanted to be with her. Tell her I could accept her child and move on without spending every day loathing the thought of her baby’s father. Tell her I could move on without resentment. Why couldn’t I do it? I wanted to fucking do it.

  I had to sit down on a big rock when I started to hyperventilate. My head was spinning, and I started to think maybe the lack of sleep and stress really had induced a heart attack. It took a solid ten minutes of sitting with my head between my legs, taking measured breaths in order for the pain to subside.

  Afraid people might start to leave because I was gone so long, I started to walk back. I hadn’t been wrong. People were milling around and beginning to say goodbye to one another.

  Riley came up to me first. “Thanks for everything this season, Rush. You’re not as big of an asshole boss as I originally thought.”

  Somehow I managed to fake a smile and say goodbye on autopilot to most of the staff. I wouldn’t remember anything any of them said later because my brain was entirely somewhere else, but at least no one seemed to notice.

  At one point, I found myself staring at Oak and his oldest daughter. She had to be about eight or nine now, and was showing off some dance routine to one of the female bartenders. It wasn’t his daughter who had caught my attention, but rather the way Oak was looking at her while she twirled around. So much love and adoration in his eyes. Sensing someone watching him, he looked up and our eyes caught. He smiled and patted his chest as if to tell me—this is life, man. I had to swallow a few times.

  Gia made her way over to me, her dad standing a few feet behind her watching our interaction. When she had arrived earlier, I’d suspected she was nervous, but now it was glaringly obvious. She wrung her hands and looked anywhere but in my eyes. “So…I’ll give you a call tomorrow.”

  I stared at her. “You’re not leaving until Friday, right?”

  Her guilt-filled eyes flashed up to mine before darting away again. “Yep. Friday.”

  Tony shook his head from behind her and frowned.

  So this was it? This was how it would go down? Like a goddamned pussy, I was going to let the woman I loved lie to me and sneak off.

  “Gia…I…”

  Her eyes came back to mine. They were filled with hope and optimism. But instead of giving me strength, they reminded me that I couldn’t hurt her again. Looking down, I said. “Nothing. I was just going to ask if I’d given you your check, but then I remembered that I did.”

  “Oh. Okay.”

  She stepped forward and gave me a hug that I could barely reciprocate. I had no balls left. In the end, I couldn’t even make it easier for her and be the one to walk away. She had to be the one to do it. In that moment, I felt ashamed to be a man.

  Gia quickly turned away, and I got the feeling it might be to hide tears. Tony stepped forward and shook my hand as she walked to the door. “We’ll be around for another hour or two—in case you think of anything last minute you might need to talk to Gia about.”

  I sat in the middle of the restaurant floor alone. Everyone had left, including Gia and her lie. Looking around, I realized that I felt a lot like the restaurant right now—alone and empty.

  I closed my eyes and started to think about my life.

  The women—I couldn’t even remember any of the faces. Except Gia’s.

  My father—I’d spent my life trying to prove to everyone that I didn’t give a shit about the man, yet all I ever really wanted was for him to want me.

  My mother—Everything she’d sacrificed to raise me on her own.

  Elliott—Most people wouldn’t believe me if I said I was jealous of him. But I was. From the time we were little, he had what I wanted, even if I would never admit it—love and acceptance from our father. And now he even had what I wanted more than anything in the world—to be the father of Gia’s baby. Life could be so damn cruel sometimes.

  Pat—The father figure I had growing up who died way too early. How much he had meant to me growing up.

  Gia—My beautiful Gia.

  I loved her more than I thought I could handle. Yet here I sat letting the best thing that ever happened to me walk out the door. I fucking hated myself for it. I just wished there was some way to be sure that I could handle everything coming our way, that I wouldn’t resent her and the baby because of the constant reminder of my own childhood and the identity of the baby’s biological father.

  Exhausted and feeling like I might not even be able to drive home soon, I went to my office to lock the safe before heading home. The lights were off, but sunlight shined through the partially covered window allowing me to see well enough, so I didn’t bother to flip on the switch as I entered. Unfortunately, it hadn’t been bright enough for me to see that one of the wheels had come off the bottom of my chair, and I almost cracked my head on the corner of the desk when I fell off of it. On my way down, I’d reached to grab onto something and knocked a stack of files off my desk, unleashing a torrent of papers that landed on top of me. Perfect, just fucking perfect.

  Picking them up, I tossed them back on the desk and an envelope fell out from one of the files. I didn’t recognize it, but the handwriting was familiar and stopped me. Gia’s handwriting.

  Ripping it open, I unfolded the contents and found a regular eight-and-a-half-by-eleven pi
ece of paper with a few typewritten lines centered in the middle. There was also a yellow sticky note attached. I read that first.

  I hope you like the dedication for my book. Only we’ll know how our story ends and be able to fill in the next sentence.

  My eyes drifted up to the words typed in the middle of the page.

  To Rush. Fortunately, I was a horrible bartender and caught the eye of the mean owner whom I fell madly in love with…

  I had no idea when she’d stuck the envelope in my office or if she’d hoped I’d find it today or not. But I mentally started to fill in the words that came next.

  Unfortunately, he was a douchebag who didn’t love me enough back.

  Unfortunately, he ran away when life threw us a curve ball.

  Unfortunately, he never got to meet Gia’s son.

  That last part really fucked with my head. How could I possibly not meet her little boy? It didn’t feel like her little boy…he felt like our little boy.

  I reread her note again. Only we’ll know how our story ends and be able to fill in the next sentence. Was this really how our story ended? It sure as hell didn’t feel like it was over.

  Unfortunately, he never got to meet Gia’s son.

  Fuck that. What the hell was I doing? He wasn’t Elliott’s kid; he was my son. Pat had taught me better than anyone that paternity may be biology, but acting like a dad is a choice. And that meant a hell of a lot more than donating some sperm. I wanted to be with Gia. I wanted that baby. I wanted to be a family with them. No matter how much I hated my brother, Oak was right—I loved Gia more than I could possibly hate anyone.

  I started to panic. Holy shit. What the hell did I nearly do? Grabbing my keys, I ran out of the office and straight to the parking lot. I wasn’t even sure if I locked the door to the restaurant, but it wasn’t important enough to go back and check. Nothing was more important than getting to Gia.

  Jumping into my car, my hand shook as I put the key into the engine. I was really going to do this. Get my girl, have a baby, and live happily ever after. Suddenly, I couldn’t remember one valid reason why I had been holding out. I turned the ignition and my car started to make a choking sound, right before it sputtered out.

  No fucking way. This couldn’t be happening. Gia’s old car was the steaming hunk of shit, not mine.

  I turned the key again. It started to roar to life and then quickly sputtered out again.

  On the third try, it didn’t even attempt to start.

  Click-click.

  Click-click.

  The fucking car was dead.

  I banged my head against the wheel a few times before taking out my phone to call Gia and make sure she didn’t leave.

  Her phone went to voicemail.

  Fuck!

  I had Tony’s number from when she’d been in the hospital. Scrolling, I tried him next.

  Straight to voicemail.

  Fuck!

  There wasn’t time to call an Uber and wait. So I got out of the car and started to run. It was a good two miles to her house, but what choice did I have.

  Tony was loading a box into the back of his car when I raced up the driveway so winded that I could barely even talk. Bent over with my hands on my knees and panting, I held up one finger to Tony and gulped in a few mouthfuls of air.

  “Need...” Breath. Breath. “...to talk to Gia.”

  Tony smiled. “I’ll take a walk around the block.” He nodded his head toward the house. “Doors open. She’s staring at some creepy-looking new doll in her room.”

  I let myself in and walked to her bedroom, trying to catch my breath as I cooled down. When I got to the doorway, her back was to me. She must’ve heard my footsteps and assumed they belonged to her father.

  “This is the last of it. I’m sorry. I know I’m going at a snail’s pace. But it’s just so hard to seal up the last box and know I’ll probably never be back. This place really started to feel like home.”

  My heart physically ached. God, I’d fucked up so royally. I hoped she could even forgive me.

  I cleared my throat. “Unfortunately, the mean bartender had his head stuck up his ass and nearly let the love of his life slip through his fingers.”

  Gia’s head whipped up and around. She stared at me and clutched at her chest. “Are you really here?”

  I took a few hesitant steps into her room. “I’m really here. And I’m so fucking sorry it took me this long to come.”

  She looked as nervous as I felt. Who could blame her with what I’d put her through? I closed the distance between us and took the ugly doll from her hand so I could hold both of hers.

  “Gia. I’m not just in love with you. I’m in love with that little boy you’re carrying for us, too. It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t my sperm that made him. It matters that I’m going to love him and treat him as my own. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I promise that I’ll love and take care of both of you no different than if we’d made him. I want to be the man your son looks up to, no matter what the DNA says.”

  Tears streamed down her cheeks. “I’m afraid to believe that this is true. That you’re really here and saying all this to me right now.”

  “I know. And that’s my fault. But give me time and I’ll make you realize that there’s never been anything truer than what I feel for you. Just don’t leave me. Give me another chance, and I promise I won’t let you down again.”

  Gia looked at the floor. I held my breath while she seemed to be thinking it over. She didn’t know it yet, but I wasn’t taking no for answer. I’d steal her father’s handcuffs and chain her to my bed if I had to. It would be my pleasure to spend the next few months doing nothing but feeding her, watching her belly grow, and fucking her senseless until she agreed to stay forever.

  But trust and believing that someone was going to stick around meant a lot to both of us, so I hoped it didn’t come to that. She needed to believe it could still work and that I could redeem myself. Every second that ticked by, it felt like my heart beat louder with anticipation. Eventually, she looked up.

  “Fortunately, Gia really liked the sunsets from Rush’s balcony, and her vibrating pussy has been pretty neglected, so she decided to stay.”

  I smiled from ear to ear, reached out and picked her up. Spinning her around, I said, “Fortunately, Rush is afflicted with incurable preggophilia so he can’t wait to get his hands on that pussy.”

  Gia laughed. “You lost! You started your sentence with fortunately, and you were supposed to start with unfortunately!”

  I slid her down my body and cupped both her cheeks. “No, babe, I didn’t lose. From now on, there is no more unfortunately in our story.”

  I really hoped this kid was a boy because the thought of a guy who looked like me walking out to talk to me when my daughter was old enough to date really made me ill. Not to mention, I was walking out to square things with Tony after just finishing feeling up his fucking daughter.

  He had been leaning against his car and pushed off when I approached.

  “Sorry. I guess we had a lot to say to each other.”

  “Not a problem. Unless you tell me that my little girl is inside heartbroken and crying right now. But before you answer that, you should know my gun is in the glove compartment.”

  I smiled. “No. We’re good. I apologize for how I’ve acted lately. It took me a while to pull my head out of my ass. But it won’t happen again. She agreed to give me another chance, and I promise I won’t screw it up this time.”

  “Good. I’m glad. And for what it’s worth, if you hadn’t struggled to come to your decision, I would have been more concerned. You’re taking on a big responsibility here, and it’s not something a person should take lightly.”

  I nodded. “Thanks for being so understanding.”

  “So she’s going to stay out here?”

  “Yeah. If it’s alright with you, she’s going to move in with me.”

  Tony deadpanned. “That’s not alright with me. At
all.”

  Seeing the freaked-out look on my face, Tony slapped my arm and started to laugh. “I’m just screwing with you.”

  I let out a breath. “You and your daughter have a sick sense of humor sometimes.”

  Tony chuckled and reached into the back of his car, pulling out a box. Handing it to me, he said, “This box has all her dolls. She made me put them in the car instead of the trailer. Actually watched me do it to make sure these twisted things didn’t fly coach.”

  I smiled. “I’ll drop it inside and then unload the trailer.”

  Tony raised his hand. “No need. Trailer’s empty.”

  My brows drew down. “Where’s the rest of her stuff? Her room is empty.”

  “Garage. Never loaded the trailer. Just moved them out of her room and stacked them in the garage when she wasn’t paying attention.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  Tony put his arm around my shoulder and started walking us toward the house. “Turns out, I’m a keen judge of character, son. Figured it would be easier to stick all those boxes in there rather than having to unload the trailer all over again when you finally pulled your head out of your ass.”

  It still seemed surreal.

  I rubbed my stomach as I looked out the window at Rush talking with my father. The baby was kicking up a storm. Maybe he or she could sense my stress. Even if this wasn’t good for the baby, I just couldn’t be calm right now.

  The longer Rush lingered outside, the more scared I was that he might have changed his mind.

  What were they talking about?

  I watched as he took one box from my dad and walked it over to the house.