Rebel Heart

by Penelope Ward

  “Fancy meeting you here, Gia.” His words cut like a knife. The smell of alcohol was immediately apparent on his breath, even from where I was lying on the floor.

  Before I could find the words to respond to Elliott, Rush’s voice registered from behind me.

  “What the fuck is going on?”

  Oh no.

  “Rush, tell your girlfriend we need to stop meeting like this…with her down on her knees.”

  Rush was too upset about me being on the ground to even respond to that. He offered his hand and pulled me up. “Did he push you?”

  “No, I fell. It was an accident.”

  He continued to ignore Elliott as he wrapped his hands around my face. “Are you okay?”

  Elliott gave me a once over. “Were you always this curvy? What are you feeding her, Rush?”

  He’s such an asshole.

  “She’s pregnant, you fuckhead,” Rush blurted out. “And you just knocked her to the ground.”

  Well, that was an interesting way to unleash that news. Rush looked at me slightly panicked that he’d said it, and I gave him a look that told him it was okay that he’d let it out.

  Elliott squinted. “What do you mean, she’s pregnant?”

  Rush pulled me close. “I’m not sure how else to explain it.”

  “You’re the father?”

  Rush paused. “Yes.”

  Shit.

  Elliott didn’t even respond. He just looked between the two of us before storming past us and into Edward’s room.

  After he left, Rush looked at me. “I’m sorry for blurting it out. But I just couldn’t tell him the truth right then and there.”

  Blowing out a shaky breath, I nodded. “No. I get it.”

  “It just didn’t seem like the right time or place. Not that he’s ever in a good frame of mind, but I’m not giving him news like that when he’s piss-ass drunk. He may not even remember this.” He rubbed my shoulder. “You sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah…I’m fine.”

  For now.

  “Let’s get you home.”

  Later that night, Rush and I were having a peaceful evening relaxing in front of the television with a tub of Chunky Monkey when his cell phone rang.

  After he picked up, I could tell by his face that something was wrong.

  He mouthed, “It’s Elliott.”

  My heart sank.

  Rush was quiet for a long time as he just listened. I could hear the muffled sound of Elliott’s voice through the phone, although I wasn’t able to hear what he was saying. Rush closed his eyes for several seconds then opened them.

  “What is he saying?” I asked.

  “Hold on a second,” he simply said to his brother.

  Rush placed his hand on my knee and whispered, “He’s sobered up and put two and two together. He wants to know if I was lying about being the father.”

  My heart was racing. “Put him on speakerphone. I need to be the one to tell him.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  Rush did as I asked and said, “You’re on speakerphone, Elliott. Gia is here.”

  “Elliott…” I said.

  “Gia…” he said tauntingly.

  I must have rehearsed how I was going to tell him a thousand times. In the end, my mind went blank, and I just said the first thing that came out.

  “The night you and I were together resulted in my getting pregnant. I didn’t know about my condition when I met and fell in love with your brother. Rush and I want to raise this baby together, and you don’t need to be involved in its life, but you do need to know that it’s yours.”

  Rush reached for my hand and squeezed it.

  Elliott fell completely silent. All you could hear was his breathing for the longest time. Rush and I just kept looking at each other waiting for his response.

  “How do I even know you’re telling the truth?” he finally said.

  “You were the only person I slept with before I found out. I obviously can’t prove that to you, but it’s the truth.”

  There was a long pause. “Did you know my wife is pregnant?”

  “Yes,” Rush said. “She told me.”

  “What you don’t know is that Lauren is filing for divorce.”

  Shit.

  Rush was biting his tongue. I knew he wanted to tell him that he deserved every bit of bad luck that came to him. But Rush was intentionally trying to be good for me. He didn’t want to make things worse than they already were.

  “You have a good woman, Elliott. You should try to figure out a way to make things work.”

  “Well, when she finds out I’ve impregnated your girlfriend, that’s going to go off real well, don’t you think? I’m sure she’ll come running back.”

  “She doesn’t need to know,” Rush said.

  “Lauren is not changing her mind about leaving me. She made that clear. So you see…I really have nothing to lose anymore.”

  “What the fuck does that mean?” Rush spewed.

  “It means I’m gonna want a paternity test. My life is as fucked up as it gets right now. But you’d better believe if this baby is mine, I’m gonna make sure my rights are protected.”

  “He’s going to make me look like a whore. I got pregnant with a one-night stand, and now I’m dating his brother.” Gia paced back and forth in front of the TV. “He’s got a team of lawyers. What if he says that I’m unfit and goes for full custody? Could he take the baby? Oh my God. When I was in middle school, my dad made me go talk to the guidance counselor weekly. He was afraid that I was having a hard time because I got my period and didn’t want to talk to him about it. I told her stuff that Elliott could use against me.”

  “Gia…”

  “My dolls! We have to get rid of them immediately. What if they send a social worker to the house to make sure that I’m competent and they see that I burn dolls? They look like babies! They’re going to think that I might toss my own child in a fire.” She pulled at her hair and started to pace faster. “I’m writing a romance novel. What if they think I’m a degenerate who is obsessed with sex?”

  “Gia...” I said louder. She still didn’t hear me.

  “Do you think Melody would lie for me? Say that I’m normal, and I’ll be a good parent to my child? I think she’d make a good character witness.”

  “Gia…”

  “I read in a gossip column that the Britney Spears-Kevin Federline custody battle cost over a million dollars. What if Elliott…”

  I stood and took a step into her path, effectively stopping her in her tracks. “Gia.”

  Her body stood still, but her brain didn’t.

  “Oh my God! I should have bought the minivan. Why did you let me buy that fancy car? I’m going to look totally irresponsible. Do you think we can return it still? I only have a few hundred miles on it. Shit…I spilled a little orange juice on the rug the other day. Do you know anyone who cleans carpet?”

  I took her cheeks into my hands and tilted her head up. “Gia.”

  She looked up, but still didn’t hear me. “Maybe I shouldn’t live here,” she said. “That won’t look good. Living out of wedlock is still frowned upon by a lot of people. Especially if they’re older. I wonder if the judge will be old.”

  Giving up on getting her attention by calling her name, I did the one thing I knew would slow her down, even if just for a few moments. I pressed my lips to hers. She talked into my mouth for a few seconds before her brain caught up to her body. Then she wrapped her hands around my neck and gave me her tongue.

  The kiss was only meant to refocus her, but fuck if my body didn’t react immediately. I could’ve kept going. Hell, maybe I should’ve. We both had tension we needed to let go of. But I wanted her to hear what I had to say loud and clear—not through a post-orgasm haze. So I pulled back after a minute.

  My girl was breathing heavy. It made me smile even in the middle of the nightmare that we’d just entered. “You good?” I whi
spered.

  “Huh?”

  I chuckled. “It’s my turn to talk. Come sit down.”

  Gia sat on the couch, and I knelt down in front of her. I took both of her hands in mine.

  “First off. Elliott might have money, but so do we.”

  “But…”

  I pressed my lips to hers for another kiss. When she stopped trying to talk, I broke the connection again. “This conversation will go a lot faster if you could shut up, you know.”

  Her eyes widened. “Did you just tell me to shut up?”

  I grinned. “I did. And I’ll tell you to shut the fuck up again if you don’t sit here and give me a chance to speak. For the record, you’re welcome to tell me to shut the fuck up when I’m losing my mind and won’t listen to you, too.”

  “I’m not losing my mind…I’m just worried. Elliott could…”

  I leaned in and kissed her again, my lips moving against hers as I murmured, “Shut the fuck up, sweetheart.”

  When I pulled back yet again, she narrowed her eyes. “Fine. But I get to talk afterwards.”

  “Deal. Okay. So…as I was saying…Elliott might have money, but so do we. And before your brain gets stuck on how we don’t have money but that I have money, I want to explain something to you. One more time. The reason that it took me so long to pull my head out of my ass and commit to you is that I couldn’t make the decision to become a parent lightly. I am not in this to be Uncle Rush, Gia. I’m in this for the long haul. I’m in this to be Dad, just like you’re in this to be Mom. That’s what took me so long to wrap my brain around. I was scared. Because I needed to know that this was forever. And maybe you’re not ready to hear this, but this is forever for me, Gia. I feel no fucking different than if you were my wife. I’ve committed. What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine. Maybe you’re not understanding this because you haven’t gotten there yourself yet. But I’m there. So, one last time…what’s mine is yours. We have money. And if you try to separate what I have from what you have, I’m going to start to get upset and think that you’re less committed to me than I am to you. So do me one favor?”

  Gia had tears in her eyes. Her voice cracked. “What?”

  “Shut the fuck up about money once and for all.”

  She laughed. “Okay.”

  “Moving on. Your middle school guidance counselor is not going to appear out of thin air and tell your twelve-year-old schoolgirl secrets. Just because you write romance novels doesn’t make you a degenerate. Is Stephen King a psycho killer just because he writes twisted shit? No. So kick that crap from your mind, too. As far as the car—I’ll trade in my Mustang tomorrow and drive a minivan if it makes you feel better. Although no one is going to be looking at the model of your car to determine if you’re a good mother. And Melody would probably lie for you if you wanted her to, but she won’t have to. She already thinks you’re going to be an amazing mother. So don’t worry about that either. The dolls…” I scratched my chin. “Okay. I’ll give you that one. It’s a little wacky. But if Social Services ever does pop in, I promise to hide them for you. I’ll eat them if I have to.”

  Gia smiled. “Are you done, crazy man?”

  “Almost. Lastly, living out of wedlock. We can fix that in an hour if you’re going to worry about that. While I’d prefer to surprise you with a nice ring someday because that’s what you deserve, I’d go to the courthouse and marry the shit out of you tomorrow. You know why?”

  Tears started to leak from her eyes. I wiped them away with my thumb.

  “Why?” Her voice cracked.

  “Because I love you, and I’m in this for good. A piece of paper isn’t going to change that one way or the other.”

  Gia stared at me. Her eyes seemed to search deep into mine for something. Finding whatever she needed, her face turned serious. “You would really marry me, tomorrow, wouldn’t you?”

  “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you, sweetheart.”

  Gia had fallen asleep a few hours ago. But I couldn’t relax enough to let myself drift off. Even though I’d assured her that there was no way in hell that Elliott would get custody of the baby, I couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like if he even had visitation.

  Edward had a long-term relationship with my mother before she’d gotten pregnant, and he had a good role model in his own father. Elliott had neither. He didn’t know Gia at all, and he had watched the way his own father treated my mother and me. There was no doubt in my mind that Elliott would only see Gia’s child as a pawn in a game to manipulate the two of us. It would be like my childhood all over again—seeking approval and love from a man who had no interest in me. I couldn’t let that happen to Gia’s child. To our child.

  Old memories were haunting me as I lay in bed staring at my beautiful, sleeping girl. In sixth grade, my school held a father-son night. The kind where they tell you to wear deodorant, respect girls, and give you a clinical intro to the birds and the bees. My mother had thought it might be a good bonding experience, so she invited Edward to take me. I’d never have admitted it, but I was excited. My friends were all going with their dads. Joe Parma’s dad had come straight from work and invited us to sit with them. He was a sanitation worker in the City and didn’t have time to stop home and change. Edward wiped his hand off after he’d been forced to shake the man’s hand. Then he spent the rest of the night making snide comments about how public school produced criminals. The next week, I smoked pot for the first time and stole a bicycle. Wouldn’t have wanted to prove dear old dad wrong.

  When I graduated high school, Edward mailed me a card. By then, I’d grown from being disappointed in my sperm donor to hating his fucking guts. I should’ve tossed the card in the garbage. Instead, I opened it to see if the prick had at least sent me a check. He had, but he’d also signed the card Edward, not Dad. I used the check and card as kindling to start a bonfire in the yard and accidentally set the shed on fire.

  There was no way I wanted that constant disappointment for my child. Forced contact from a man who didn’t give a shit about you was way worse than no communication. Look at Gia; she didn’t even know her mother—yet she turned out more emotionally stable than most people with two parents. The continual reminder that you weren’t wanted could really screw with a kid’s head.

  I needed to protect our son.

  And I had a feeling I might be able to.

  The next morning, I woke up before Gia, even though I’d only slept for two hours. I drank three cups of coffee while writing out a list of things to do to set my plan into motion. At nearly nine, Gia padded into the kitchen wearing the shirt I’d worn yesterday. I fucking loved her waking up in my bed and wearing my clothes.

  “Morning,” she yawned and stretched her arms over her head. “What are you up to so early?”

  “Early? It’s almost nine o’clock, sleepyhead.” I shifted in my seat and opened my arms. “Come here.”

  She plopped her fine ass down on my lap and leaned her head on my shoulder. “I hate not being able to drink coffee.”

  “I’ll pick up some decaf on the way home tonight.”

  She pouted. “You have to work at the restaurant tonight?”

  “Actually…I was hoping I could ask you to cover for me. I have some things I need to do today, and it’s the winter bartender’s first day. He worked for me last season, but I don’t want to leave him alone on his first day back.”

  Gia perked up. “Me? You want me to be the manager?”

  “Sure.” I shrugged. “Why not?”

  “Do I get to growl at people and bark orders like the regular manager?”

  My lip twitched. “Absolutely. Give ’em hell.”

  She went to get up, but I gently yanked her back down onto my lap. “Wait a minute. Don’t run away so soon. I need to talk to you about something else.”

  “Okay.”

  I took a minute to think about how I wanted to present things to her. In the end, I decided less was better. Once everythi
ng I planned was over, I’d give her all the details. But sharing too much information would definitely cause her anxiety to go into an uproar.

  “After you fell asleep last night, I spent a lot of time going over the shit that went down with Elliott yesterday.”

  Her cheery face wilted. “Okay…”

  “I want to ask you something. But I need you to trust me and not ask any questions. Just answer my question. Can you do that?”

  “That’s hard to say. How am I supposed to know if I can answer a question without knowing the question?”

  “Let me ask you this…do you trust me?”

  “You know I do.”

  “Do you trust that anything I do will be in our best interest?”

  “Yes. Of course.”

  “Okay. So…if I could get rid of Elliott from our lives, is that what you’d want? What you’d really want for me, you and the baby?”

  “Would you…”

  I silenced her with two fingers pressed to her mouth and shook my head. “No questions. Remember? Just answer mine.”

  She closed her eyes for a few seconds and then took a deep breath.

  “Well, since I’m not allowed to ask any questions, I’m going to preface my answer with a statement then. “You cannot kill Elliott.” She paused. “But other than that, yes, that’s absolutely what I’d want to happen.”

  I smiled and kissed her forehead. “Good enough. I gotta jump in the shower.”

  “Are you sure you want to do this, son?”

  Gerald Horvath, grandfather’s old attorney, knew the long history between my father, brother, and me. I’d called him this morning to ask that he draw up an agreement for me. He’d agreed but also wanted to meet with me to discuss things.

  “I’m positive.”

  He took off his glasses. “We’re talking a lot of money here, Heathcliff.”

  “I don’t care about the money.”

  Gerald smiled sadly. “I remember the day that I told you what your grandfather had left you. It troubled you more than anything.”