Amazon Expedient

by Piers Anthony

  The boys blew another tune on their horns and followed the unemotional man out of the room. The room was silent for a moment before the men, women, elves, and dwarves erupted in laughter and making fun of the messenger from Upper Sultry. Benny and Virtue sat at a table with Dale and Bum, and they all looked to each other.

  “I think it’d do you some good to travel into Upper Sultry, Ben,” Dale said. “It’s a beautiful country…closest thing to paradise in this world, though not without its faults. I know some people there you might like to meet.”

  “I can’t just leave the Fox Den and Jack,” Benny said.

  A hand came down on Benny’s shoulder and made him jump. “You and the boys have given me a good amount of rest these last few weeks, Benny,” Jack said. “You’ve helped me long enough. Go, compete, and enjoy your life.”

  “But what use do I have to fight in a tournament? I don’t need to get married again, and I don’t need any gold or a house. I have everything I need here,” Benny lied, trying to sound humble.

  “Oh, you're worse at concealing the truth than I am,” Bum said, “You don’t have to compete, but it’d be a fun experience.”

  “It also might keep Flack and the Kudgels away from the Fox Den…away from Jack and our family,” Virtue whispered into his ear.

  “What are you going to do if I go with Dale and Bum?” he asked Virtue.

  “Take her with us,” Dale said, “Her sickness is not bad, aside from some stomach cramps, crapping and vomiting; she should be fine to travel a bit. To travel to Upper Sultry by foot or wagon would take months, and the tournament would be long over before we even got to the border. There’s an old teleportation station in a country north of Dan, in Bluecorn Betty. It’s the main means of transportation to Upper Sultry. It’ll take a week to get there if we hurry, and about a week to get to the Imperial City once we get in Upper Sultry. We’ll have enough time to stay with a friend of mine before going to fight.”

  “You mean old Purp?” Bum said, smiling. Benny didn’t know who they were talking about, but assumed it was a close friend of Dale’s.

  “Yep, that’s him.” Dale turned to Benny. “If you thought I was a handful when you and I first met, you’ll love him.”

  Chapter 6

  The next day Dale, Bum the orc, Benny and Virtue set out from the Fox Den. Jack had gone that morning and borrowed a wagon with a built-in cabin, and a mule, from his distant cousin the blacksmith. The cabin had only three cots, Benny and Virtue sharing one while Dale and Bum took the others.

  They left Gant without any trouble and made for Galver Dorn. The quartet didn’t get started until midday, and by the time they made it to the giant’s pass, where Dale killed the giant Kidneywart, they decided it was best to pack it in for the night and visit Liverwart. The wagon wouldn’t fit through the trees, and rather than stay in the uncomfortable cabin, they decided to sleep in Liverwart’s fortress.

  The giant was glad to see them all, and quickly introduced Benny and Virtue to his wife, who was even larger than he was, and their five year old son, who was already as tall as Benny. Being a giant, the child had gangly, disproportioned limbs and a distended gut. Both he and his mother wore loin cloths, while Liverwart tried to dress more modestly (most likely an inherited trait from working in Gant).

  “Who’s this little fella?” Virtue asked, pointing to the child-giant. Liverwart smiled proudly and placed a hand on his son’s shoulder.

  “Me son, Picklewart.”

  “Nice to meet you, Pickle!” Benny said.

  He held out a hand to the child-giant, who looked at him confusedly. Picklewart then pulled a booger out of his nose and ate it. Liverwart’s eyes grew wide and he smacked his son on the back of the head, chastising him in their own tribal dialect. The giant then looked at the quartet and gave an embarrassed chuckle.

  “He shy.” The boy was going to town eating more boogers as his father spoke.

  “Or just hungry.” Bum laughed.

  “You stay night?” Liverwart asked.

  “If you’ll have us,” said Dale.

  The giant said nothing, but instead jumped up and down with glee, shaking the ground around them. He showed them into the fortress that had belonged to his cousin, Kidneywart. He had removed all the skeletons and garbage that the former giant had placed in the keep, and had built some modest looking furnishings. Liverwart had even built some human-sized beds for guests. Benny noticed out of the corner of his eye Liverwart whispering into his son's ear and pointing at Benny.

  “Oh no,” Benny exclaimed.

  “What?” Virtue asked.

  “Wrestle! Wrestle!” The giant-child lumbered towards Benny.

  Benny remembered how Liverwart used to wrestle with Jack, many times nearly ripping the man in half. He thought his superior speed would keep him away from Picklewart, but no such luck. The boy moved with incredible agility, catching Benny by the wrist and ankle in one motion, picking him up and throwing the man to the ground. Then he fell right on top of Benny’s prone form. The kid had to weigh almost three hundred pounds, and Benny barely broke two hundred. Benny used all his might to try to wiggle out from under Picklewart, but all the giant had to do was keep the bulk of his weight on Benny’s chest. Liverwart’s proud laughter could be heard echoing off the sapling-walls of the fortress.

  “Okay…about…all I can…do now…is wait till …this oaf …gets off me!” Benny gasped.

  “Pickle, off!” Liverwart yelled, and the kid-giant laughed and stood up, immediately sticking his pointer finger back into his nose.

  “Don’t feel bad, Benny. Mountain giants have the strength of a full grown human by the time they’re toddlers.” Dale helped Benny up.

  “I have an idea…” Virtue then whispered something in Benny’s ear.

  “Yes! That’s a great idea, honey!”

  Benny tilted his head to the side as Virtue leaned in to kiss, and at the last minute lightly biting him just under the jaw line. Benny could feel the blood pumping through his veins and into his muscles as the strength bite did its magic.

  “Round two?” Benny asked Picklewart.

  “Wrestle!” The giant rushed in.

  This time, Benny caught both the giant's wrists before he was thrown a second time. Picklewart struggled to overpower Benny, but quickly realized their strength was now equal. Instead of getting upset, though, the lad appeared more excited to have a challenge. They proceeded to attempt throws and takedowns on each other. The match spilled to the ground where they grappled until Benny managed to catch Picklewart’s head in a leg-scissors lock. Benny squeezed his thighs, cutting off air into the giant’s enormous head until it tapped Benny’s leg, signaling the human had won. It was a good thing, too, because Virtue’s strength bite was just starting to wear off.

  “How you strong now?” Picklewart asked.

  Benny and Virtue winked at each other, and Liverwart, who knew of Virtue's bites, giggled as he put a hand on his son's shoulder.

  “Humans stronger than you think,” Liverwart stated.

  They appreciated each other’s company, and enjoyed a huge feast prepared by the giantess, who despite her lack in clothing was not lacking in proper dinner-time etiquette. The quartet slept until the next morning. They awoke, took care of nature’s business, and started on the road to the country of Bluecorn Betty and the transportation portal to Upper Sultry.

  They didn’t stay long in Galver Dorn; in fact they didn’t technically enter the city. Dale was eager to get away from the place, knowing that if Dijon realized he was there he and Bum would be harassed about doing more work. Instead, they visited a few of the vendors in the market outside the main city, and bought some produce for the next day’s journey. Once they left, they encountered mostly flatland forests and cow pastures.

  “So what is this portal thing?” Benny asked.

  “There used to be tons of them all over the world,” Virtue explained. “Some ancient civilization used them as a means of quick and instant t
ransportation to different locations all over the kingdoms.”

  “As of now, there are only two still known to function,” Dale said. “This one, obviously, is in Bluecorn Betty; the other is in the middle of a field in Upper Sultry. There are many ruins of portals scattered throughout Lower and Upper Sultry, but they are long since defunct.”

  “Technically the portal we are going to isn’t even in Bluecorn Betty, but an even smaller country, which is actually the bell tower of Bluecorn Castle,” Bum said. “They call it Siegfried’s Bell, and it only consists of the tower, portal, and a small living quarters for the wizard who operates the portal.”

  “An entire sovereign nation contained in a section of a castle in another country?” Virtue asked, confused by Bum’s explanation.

  “Yes. It’s quite stupid, but they’re recognized as two separate nations.” Bum shrugged.

  “It’ll be the first time I’ve been out of Dan, so I’m excited to see it,” Benny said.

  Once night fell, they pulled the wagon off into a clearing and slept, with Bum and Dale trading places guarding the other travelers. They did this for two more days, passing through several smaller settlements until finally reaching a small wooden sign marking the boundaries of Dan. They spent another day traveling through an unclaimed section of land until nighttime, where their path reached a thick forest with an almost unnoticeable sign saying they were entering the Sovereign Nation of Bluecorn Betty.

  “What’s with the name?” Virtue asked. Dale, being the unofficial geographer of the voyage, was quick to respond.

  “There was a family of farmers led by this old woman named Betty. They found the ruins of an old castle and turned it into a settlement. Their harvest was a rare type of blue corn, which the family became famous for. That same family and a few other settlers are the only actual citizens of the country. They are mainly a checkpoint for travelers.”

  They traveled through the forest until they came to a huge structure illuminated by some kind of magical light. It was the ruins of a stone castle that had been built on a huge rock base. Benny was shocked to see that the actual township of the castle was literally built onto the ruins, which consisted of several layers of boardwalks and wooden buildings of a similar architecture to the township of Gant. At the very top of the castle, on the highest tower, was what looked like a small stone cottage spiked through the highest parapet. Benny squinted and saw a couple men walk up a ladder, into the cottage, and a burst of light shot out the windows.

  “Somebody just teleported,” Bum said.

  “This place is kinda cool,” Virtue said.

  “Yep, but all kinds of scum pass through here, so stick together,” Dale said.

  They pulled the wagon up to a man with a torch, who, after Dale explained their destination, accepted a hefty sum to watch the mule until the quartet returned. They walked around to the side of the rocky base of the castle, and Benny gasped, surprised to see a cave dug into it. There was a stone staircase winding along its wall, and was evidently the entrance into the castle-town. A huge elm grew under a strange crystalline orb at the top of the cave ceiling, and underneath the tree there was a small pool. Before walking up into the town, Dale stood by the pool and whistled. The water of the small pond rippled, and the form of a woman erupted out of the waters. She was made almost completely of water, and her naked form walked up to Dale and kissed him on the cheek. However, it was quickly obvious by the way the water spirit treated Dale that they had a mother and son relationship rather than that of lovers. He called her ‘mama,’ and gave her one last kiss before she returned to the water.

  “Her home pond dried up, and I transported her here.” Dale laughed. “She thinks she’s my mother.”

  “Poor thing, having a son like you…” Virtue chided.

  “She can’t talk, at least not the way we can. Her race is almost extinct…I always say hi to her when I pass through here. It’d hurt her feelings if I didn’t,” Dale said, walking towards the stairway.

  Benny smiled at how much Dale had changed. The fact that he not only helped the water spirit, but continued to play along with its ‘mother-son’ charade, revealed the man’s dire need for companionship.

  “You guys coming?” Virtue called to Benny, who had remained standing at the pond.

  There were three levels of the town, the lowest being the market, the second being an Inn and tavern, and the highest being Siegfried’s Bell and the portal to Upper Sultry. Virtue asked several of the farmers in the market about some strange fruit they were selling, and then the group headed to the tavern and inn for a meal and some sleep. The tavern was built onto the side of the ruins, and the inn rooms had been built into the inner structure of the old castle. Upon entering, Benny was greeted by the smell of tobacco smoke, liquor, and roasted meat. A tall, lanky man with short hair and missing his earlobes walked over to Dale. He had a sour look on his face and when he reached the group he angrily motioned towards Bum and Virtue.

  “Get outta here and take these two with you! We don’t want their kind here!” He was fuming.

  Dale seemed shocked that the man was acting like this, and then felt his face, realizing, as Benny had, that he’d been wearing his prosthetic face for the entire journey thus far. He peeled it off, and the man’s demeanor quickly changed.

  “Beranger, you devil! Why didn’t you say it was you?” He hugged Dale and looked at Bum and Virtue. “I’m sorry I was so harsh, but we’ve had bad experience with vampires and orcs. But, if you’re friends of Dale, you’re friends of mine.”

  Dale and the skinny man, whom they learned was named Marty Danaher, told a few quick jokes, laughed and slapped each other’s backs as they walked to a booth in the far corner. They all sat down and the man scratched his hooked nose as Dale told him about their trek to the tournament.

  “Yeah, some puffy prancing pony waltzed in here too with a similar message. I ain’t got no use for fighting in no tournament…being a bouncer is tough enough,” Marty said.

  “Marty here is the best fist-fighter in all of Lower Sultry!” Dale exclaimed, “He’s so good, he doesn’t even need weapons.”

  “That’s a bit of an exaggeration, but I’ll take it.” Marty rubbed a bruise under his eye.

  “Where’d you get the shiner?” Bum asked. The man giggled and took a sip of beer from a mug he’d apparently been holding the whole time.

  “Some Amazons passed through here on their way to that tournament. One of them tried to get frisky with me and when I didn’t reciprocate she got pissed and started hitting me. Her and her lot put up a good fight, but they were drunk and me and my boys took care of them. We sent them right on their way to Upper Sultry.” Marty leaned back and continued to scratch his nose.

  “We need some rooms for the night. We’ve been traveling the last week and need a night of comfort before teleporting to Upper Sultry. Can you help out an old friend?” Dale asked.

  The man frowned. “Well, ya’ll can eat here, and maybe you and the boy can get some rooms, but the boss may not take kindly to an orc and vampire sleeping over. Let me check.” Marty stood up and walked into a crowd of patrons.

  “I’ll go get some drinks,” Benny said, standing up and going to the bar.

  The bartender fixed them three mugs of non-alcoholic cider (Dale didn’t like to drink while doing extensive traveling) and one mug of a mint tea that the bartender suggested Benny try. The man seemed a bit eager for Benny to try the tea, but Benny didn’t think anything of it. As he walked back to his booth, he thought he noticed a man in a striped shirt staring at him from across the room, but he quickly shook it off. Marty had returned as well.

  “Oh, Benny is it? I was just telling Dale that I talked the boss into letting you, Dale and the orc have rooms, but he doesn’t want anything to do with your wife…I might be able to sneak her in, though…” He shrugged.

  “That won’t be necessary, Mr. Danaher. I understand your boss’s discrepancies,” Virtue said, “I’ll ask the nice fruit ven
dor in the market sector if she could spare a room. If not, don’t worry about me.”

  “Are you sure?” Marty asked.

  “Yes. I don’t want to start any trouble. I’ll just meet back up with the others at the portal in the morning.”

  “Whatever.” Marty left to prevent a rising argument between two dwarves that might have resulted in a brawl.

  “What’re you drinking there Ben?” Dale asked.

  “Some mint tea the bartender told me to try. Why?”

  “Nothing, just curious.”

  Dale and Bum looked at each other and glanced around the room suspiciously. Benny shook it off and took his first sip of the tea. It was extremely sweet and aromatic, warming him from his head all the way to his toes. Benny began to get very giddy all of a sudden, but after he finished his tea he began to grow extremely tired.

  “What’s wrong, honey? You look like you’re about to pass out.” Virtue put a hand on Benny’s shoulder to steady him. Dale whispered something into Virtue’s ear, but Benny didn’t notice.

  “Well, maybe I’ll go ask that lady about a room before it gets late. I’ll see you boys in the morning.” Virtue kissed Benny and left the tavern.

  Dale and Bum hauled a half conscious Benny into his room and helped him take off his traveling clothes and put him in bed. They in turn left to go to their separate rooms. From the shadows of the adjacent corridor, the man who had been watching the scar-faced boy the entire night carefully walked to Benny’s door. After silently picking the lock, he pulled a dagger from his belt and entered. Soon, the scarred man would be dead, and the amateur assassin could collect his reward.

  Chapter 7

  It was dark, and the man was nervous and clumsy. But even if he wasn’t able to control his breathing, the sleeping potion he bribed the bartender to put in the boy's drink was enough to keep anyone asleep for quite some time. He raised the knife as he hovered over Benny, poised and ready to strike. All of a sudden, there was a cracking noise as a porcelain bed-pan broke over the man’s head, porcelain and waste spraying everywhere. Marty Danaher now stood over the unconscious assassin, a crudely rolled cigar sticking out of the corner of his mouth. Dale and Bum entered after him.