Hopeful Hearts

by Diann Hunt

  She told herself to get used to it. No doubt her life would hold many challenges in the days ahead.

  Shoving the last bit of clothing into her trunk, Adelaide gently closed the lid and turned to find Ma and Esther standing behind her. A downcast expression covered her ma’s face. Esther’s eyes shone bright with dreams.

  Adelaide smiled at them both. She walked over to her ma and placed an arm around her. “I’ll send letters as often as possible.”

  Ma nodded. She wiped the tears that stained her face. “Be happy, Addie.”

  Ma used Adelaide’s nickname sparingly. To hear her say it nearly melted Adelaide’s heart. “I am happy,” Adelaide assured her. “I’ve always dreamed of going to sea—you know that.” Seeing a flicker of surprise cross her ma’s face, Adelaide quickly added, “Josiah is a good man. We’ll have a wonderful life.”

  Ma eyed her with suspicion. Adelaide shifted from one leg to the other. Her ma knew her all too well. If Adelaide and Josiah stayed around much longer, Ma would see right through their pretense. “Well, I guess I’d better go. Don’t want to keep my husband waiting.” Her voice sounded much lighter than she felt.

  “You’re sure about this, Adelaide?” Ma’s eyes studied her.

  Never one to back down once she had made her choice, Adelaide answered with finality, “I’m sure.” She pulled one end of the trunk; Esther quickly lifted the other. Together they carried it to the front door. Dropping it into place, Adelaide brushed her hands and looked at them once more.

  “I’ll miss you, Addie.” Esther gave her an enormous hug.

  Adelaide felt her throat constrict. “You take care of Ma,” she whispered. When she pulled away, Adelaide added, “And go easy on the fellows.”

  Esther’s eyes twinkled as her cheeks turned a rosy hue. Then a sad look crossed her face.

  Adelaide knew Esther was thinking of Adam Bowman, a man who had courted her but from whom she had not heard in a while. “I’m sure you’ll hear from Adam again. Don’t worry,” Adelaide encouraged.

  Esther nodded reluctantly. “I hope you’re right.”

  Adelaide turned to Ma. “I will miss you. You’ll be all right?” Adelaide needed to hear it one more time. She had taken responsibility for the family since her pa had died, and it worried her to leave them behind. Why she worried, she didn’t know. Ma and Esther were in good health, and they would do just fine without her. The enormity of her decision made her waver for a slight moment. She had allowed her passion for the sea to bring her to this point. Would it hold all the wonders of which she’d often dreamed? As much as she wanted to go, the little girl in her wanted to change her mind, run to Ma, and hide behind her skirts.

  Ma took a deep breath and straightened herself. “Of course we’ll be all right,” she said matter-of-factly. Her tone softened. “But we will miss you.”

  Ma’s embrace felt like a year’s worth of hugs all rolled into one. Adelaide wasn’t sure if it was the tight embrace or the heavy weight on her chest that made breathing difficult.

  Outside, a gentle clip-clop sounded the arrival of Josiah’s carriage. Ma pulled away in a manner that said she didn’t want to, tears still glistening in her eyes. Adelaide looked at her family. “Well, I guess I’d better go … to my husband.”

  Esther chuckled and Ma nodded.

  Adelaide opened the door and looked up to see Josiah coming toward the house. “Are you ready?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good,” he said, grabbing one end of her trunk as she lifted the other. “I was hoping we could stop by the Courage once more to check on a matter.”

  Adelaide nodded.

  Ma and Esther followed them to the carriage. Josiah heaved the trunk into the back.

  “You’ll take care of her,” Ma said more as an instruction than a question.

  Josiah stopped scooting the trunk and looked at Ma. “You have my word, ma’am.”

  Ma’s shoulders relaxed. A slight smile touched her lips. “All right, then.” Her practical side kicked in. “You have everything, Adelaide?”

  “Yes.”

  Another round of hugs and tears followed, and then Josiah lifted Adelaide to the carriage. She waved good-bye to Ma and Esther as they stood watching.

  A knot formed in her throat. Carriage wheels bumped against ruts in the path as they rode along in silence. The horses snorted and bobbed their heads, but Adelaide paid little heed.

  “You all right?” Josiah asked.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Look, Adelaide, I—”

  She turned to him, and he stopped. “What is it, Josiah?” She wondered if he had changed his mind. “Would you rather I not go?”

  Surprise lit his face. “What? No, of course not!”

  The intensity of his words convinced her that at least he wanted her on the ship.

  To cook.

  He reached for her hand. “Thank you for saying yes.”

  “Why, it was my pleasure,” she said. Then realizing she sounded a bit too bold, she quickly added, “I told you, I’d do just about anything to get to the sea.”

  “Of course.” His lips drew into a thin line, and he jerked on the horses’ reins. If Adelaide didn’t know better, she would have thought she had disappointed him in some way, though she couldn’t imagine why.

  “It’s not supposed to be like this!” Josiah paced the floor of his bedroom while Adelaide freshened up in her room. He wrenched his fists into tight balls then flexed them. His frustration grew with every step. What had he been thinking to ask Adelaide to be his wife only to serve as a cook for his ship? What kind of life was that for a woman? He’d taken advantage of her love for the sea just to fill a position on his ship. True, he had been a desperate man. After all, he couldn’t sail without a cook. Still, he had been utterly unfair to her.

  The vision of their wedding scene played upon his mind. Adelaide’s hair sneaking free of the pins and blowing in the breeze, dancing across her forehead and brushing lightly against her cheeks, her skin tinged pink by the chill, her eyes bright with hope. How could he look at her, knowing he had ruined her future?

  “A business arrangement.” Those had been his words.

  His words.

  Now he wished he could take them back. For her sake. Stop it! he told himself as he stood to pace once again. She’s making me go soft. I’ve got to stay away from her. Far away. She’s here to cook. I’m helping her sail the seas; she’s helping me keep my crew happy. It’s as simple as that. Arranged marriages happen all the time. She wanted this as much as I did. We will live together. I will provide for her. We’ll do just fine. A dull ache knotted his stomach like a rusty chain. She’d agreed to a future with him, a life on the sea. So why did he feel guilty?

  Adelaide slipped into the front room of their home and waited for Josiah to enter. After what seemed an eternity, the bedroom door squeaked open.

  “I’m loading the Courage with our things. I need to finalize everything for the voyage. The crew will be boarding soon. I’ll stay on the ship tonight and get it in order.” He glanced out the window. “Although it’s our wedding night, the crew will think nothing of my being there since our departure is set for day after tomorrow.” His words were gruff and curt.

  Adelaide stared at him, speechless.

  Grabbing the first box within reach, he lifted it into his arms and headed out the door.

  Well, the least he could have done was let her spend another night with Ma and Esther. Now she would spend her wedding night alone. Humiliation washed over her. You’re an idiot, Adelaide! What did you think—you would pass the hours laughing and talking with your new friend? You’re his wife in name only. A hired cook. Your pay is the sea. You’ve finally gotten what you’ve always wanted. Tears stung her eyes. In a moment, her stubborn side kicked in. No! She would not wallow in self-pity. She had made this choice, and she would make the best of it. Isn’t that what she had always done?

  Although Adelaide stitched other people’s clothes to help with
the family income, when her pa died, she also had gone to work at the general store. Between the chores on the homestead, mending for others, and working at the store, Adelaide dropped into bed each night and quickly slipped into dreams of a different world. A world filled with adventure, foreign lands, and different cultures. Though the dreams gave her hope, despair threatened many a day. She feared she would live out her days in Yorksville. The idea had almost suffocated her.

  So now she should be happy. Adelaide threw a pillow across the couch. She was feeling sorry for herself, and that was not like her.

  For a moment, she sat in utter silence. Her heartfelt prayer started with tears. Finally, she began to speak. “Father, Thou art able to do all things. I ask not of Thee to change the life I have made for myself. I ask only for strength to carry on and make the best of the choices I have made. And above all, may I give all glory and honor to Thee alone for all Thy mercies extended to me. Amen.”

  Adelaide brushed away tears from her cheeks with the backs of her hands then dabbed at her face with the material from her dress. Lifting her chin, she decided she would get through this. There would be no loneliness; the sea would be her constant companion.

  She looked up to see Josiah coming toward the house. Just as he entered the door, she rose from the couch. Adelaide took a deep breath. “Let me help you, Josiah,” she said in her kindest voice.

  And what surprised her most was that she meant it.

  Chapter 5

  Once he arrived at the Courage, Josiah checked through the shipping papers again. He decided he had the needed legal documents for all signed-up crewmen. He placed the stack of papers inside his desk.

  Glancing once more through the inventory in the logbook, Josiah decided they had what they needed for the trip until they reached the next port. The food was loaded and ready to go. Potatoes and vegetables filled the goose pen. Heavy casks of beef, pork, hard bread, flour, and water spotted the deck and cookhouse.

  Josiah walked through the lower deck and did a final check on the livestock. Squealing pigs, hogs, chickens, and bleating sheep restlessly shuffled about in the animal pens. Checking the livestock’s food supply, Josiah scribbled some notes on the log that his first mate would be taking over. Everything seemed in order.

  Finally, Josiah arrived in his cabin, tired and spent. He glanced around the quarters. His cabin and adjoining room together didn’t match the size of the most modest of New England parlors. In a corner of the room sat a tiny privy. One of the few comforts of being a captain.

  The skylight and a small stern window provided some lighting. Not much but better than nothing. He shrugged. The size of the room, with slivers of glimpses into the sea world, had not bothered him. Until now. Could Adelaide live in such confined spaces? She hadn’t seemed to mind when she’d seen it earlier in the day. He shouldn’t worry, he told himself. After all, she wanted to sail the seas. A whaling ship was no place for coddling.

  He wondered how he could be tough as nails in his role as a sea captain, for lately when he thought of Adelaide, his strength turned to limp seaweed. He couldn’t help feeling he had taken advantage of her. Still, she said this was what she wanted.

  Once more, he looked around the cramped room. It didn’t help that they had to have the stove in the room due to the cold. When they headed into warmer climates, they could remove it.

  Adelaide could keep one trunk in the room if she chose to do so. It could serve as a table or bench and also be used for storage. Some things could be stuffed in the three drawers beneath the bed, but the rest of her trunks would be stowed in the ship’s hold.

  Although the room had little space to spare, Josiah would have to hang another bed before Adelaide arrived. For her privacy, he’d also hang a sheet of some kind between them.

  Bothersome thoughts poked tiny holes into his peace of mind like determined mosquitoes. Josiah prepared for bed. Once settled under the covers, he willed himself to get needed sleep. Quieting the restless voices inside his head, he managed to shove away all thoughts but one. Could Adelaide build a happy life for herself here?

  The next morning, Josiah collected Adelaide and her things and brought them to the ship. After he’d seen to having her things put away, he busied himself with the tasks of a sea captain, but Adelaide stood on the wharf and drank in her surroundings. The men buzzed around the ship in a whir of activity. She marveled that this time she would not only watch the ship leave, but she would be on it! Even if she and Josiah only pretended to have a marriage in front of others, Adelaide decided to make the most of this time and enjoy her seafaring life.

  She knew the morning of November 28, 1856, would go down in her memory for years to come. Her first day to set sail. No doubt her grandchildren would one day discuss it. The thought warmed her before she realized there would be no grandchildren. She would not allow her thoughts to go there, not now. Nothing would spoil this day.

  “Adelaide!”

  Hearing a familiar voice but not quite placing it, Adelaide turned around. “Adam Bowman,” she said with surprise. “What are you doing here?”

  “I’ve signed on as first mate.” Pride filled his voice.

  Adelaide thought how proud Esther would be of him. Though Adam was three years older, he and Esther had hit it off from the day his family moved to town. In the past five years, they had written to one another while he was at sea, though communication was minimal. He stopped to see her whenever he was in port. Ma tried to discourage the friendship. She didn’t like having anyone who had to do with whaling associate with her daughters.

  “Congratulations! We didn’t know you were in town. I’m surprised you didn’t stop by the house. Esther will be disappointed!” Adelaide threw him a teasing grin.

  He frowned. “I had only returned from a whaling trip when I learned my grandma had died. We went to Bayview and have just returned.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  He shrugged. “She was ready, though we didn’t want to let her go.” He shoved his hands into his trousers pockets. “Then I’d signed up for the Courage and had to hurry back.” He looked at her. “I wish I’d had more time. I wanted to see Esther. Wasn’t sure if she had anyone special in her life, what with me gone all the time. I would have said good-bye to her if I’d known I still had a chance.” He said the last phrase more as a question.

  Adelaide picked up on it. “I believe you do,” she encouraged. She noticed his ears turned lobster red.

  “What are you doing here, anyway?”

  She swallowed. “Well, uh, I got married yesterday to the captain of this ship.” She tried to make the words sound as happy as a new bride.

  “What?”

  Adelaide thought Adam looked as though he’d choked on a fish bone. She laughed. “See what happens when you’re away?”

  “You’ve got a lot of explaining to do, young lady,” he teased in a brotherly fashion.

  “Mate,” Josiah’s deep voice interrupted, “I think you’d better get your things in order.”

  Adam looked at Josiah then back to Adelaide. “Yes Captain,” Adam replied before quickly complying with orders.

  Josiah’s behavior left Adelaide mute.

  “Adelaide, if you will please follow me.” His voice was short and curt, leaving no room for comment.

  Adelaide felt like a little girl being reprimanded by the schoolmaster. She couldn’t imagine what she must have done wrong.

  Once they reached the cabin, Josiah closed the door behind them. Adelaide opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her short.

  “You must conduct yourself as a woman of propriety, Adelaide. These are rough characters you will be traveling alongside, and you’d do well to steer clear of the lot of them.”

  For a moment, disbelief caused her tongue to stick to the roof of her mouth. Though his remarks hurt and angered her, the concern in his voice pushed the sting of the insult at a distance. Oh how she wished Esther’s starry-eyed ways hadn’t affected her. On the other hand, Adelaide d
id want Josiah to know, under no uncertain terms, that she was a decent woman.

  Without conscious effort, she lifted her chin. “Captain Buchanan, as you get to know me, you will find I am a woman of propriety and conduct myself in such a manner. Further, I wish you to understand that I know that young man. Your first mate, Adam Bowman, happens to be a dear friend of our family.” The words were measured and meted out evenly. She hoped Josiah would see he had jumped to a wrong conclusion.

  His eyes narrowed. “All the more reason to steer clear, Mrs. Buchanan. Wouldn’t want the crew to get the wrong idea.” With that, he turned, walked through the door, and closed it hard, leaving Adelaide to stare behind him.

  What had gotten into him? What had happened to the kind, gentle man she had been seeing for the past several weeks? Adelaide unlatched her trunk and began to rip things from inside and throw them onto the bed. “How dare he consider I would be less than a woman of propriety!”

  Dresses, petticoats, books, paper, and underthings flew from her arms onto the cluttered bed. “Just because we’re married doesn’t mean he can tell me when and to whom I may speak.” She didn’t care that her underthings lay bare for anyone to see. “It would serve him right if he walked in right now. I’d love to embarrass him the way he embarrassed me!”

  She pulled out her shoes and tossed one across the floor. Of course she was behaving as a child, but somehow she couldn’t stop herself. It seemed since Josiah Buchanan had walked into her life and turned her world upside down, her emotions shifted with the eastern winds.

  She threw herself into her clothes and started to whimper. Before she could work herself up into a good crying spell, she heard the door open. She shot up on the bed.

  Josiah walked in and stared at her. For a moment, neither said a word. “I—” He stopped talking and glanced at the floor. Bending over, he picked up her petticoat and threw it on the bed. “You dropped something.” He turned and walked right back out the door.