Hopeful Hearts

by Diann Hunt

  She didn’t have much to gather. She had learned quickly the value of packing light. Living on a ship, space was at a premium.

  With the packing completed, Adelaide walked outside with a cup of tea. She settled into her chair and tried to shut out the thoughts racing across her mind.

  In spite of her anxiety, she could hardly wait to see Ma and Esther again. A shadow of fear lurked in her thoughts. “God, please let me make it in time.”

  “Good day, Mrs. Buchanan.”

  Adelaide turned to see Adam standing there. “Hello, Adam. Please join me.” She pointed to a nearby chair.

  “Thank you.” He grabbed the chair and pulled it over near her.

  “I understand you’ve accepted a new position?”

  A broad grin lined his face. “Yes, indeed. I sure appreciate Captain giving me this opportunity.”

  “He has utmost confidence in you,” she assured him.

  Adam cracked his knuckles. “I hope I don’t let him down.”

  “You won’t. You’re good at what you do, and the men respect you. That’s half the battle.”

  He nodded. “Sorry to hear about your ma.”

  “Thank you. I’m praying she’ll get better and that I make it home to see her before …” She couldn’t finish.

  “I’ll be praying, too.” A catamaran drifted by in the distance. “I hope to see Esther when I get back.”

  Adelaide eyed him carefully. Something in his manner told her he had more to say.

  He let the comment hover in the air. “Do you think she’ll wait on me?” It took a full minute before he looked at her, as if her expression might tell him what he didn’t want to know.

  Adelaide smiled. “Well, I can’t speak for Esther, but I know she cares a lot for you, Adam.”

  He let out a sigh as if he had been holding his breath.

  Adelaide laughed. “You worry too much.”

  He took off his hat and smoothed his hair. “I guess I do.” The sea glistened before them; large birds called from thick, leafy trees. “When you go home, maybe you could let her know how I feel?”

  “I would be happy to let her know.”

  He slapped his hands on his trousers. “I appreciate it, Addie—I mean, Mrs. Buchanan.” He stood.

  Adelaide had to hide a chuckle. Obviously, Adam had come merely to make sure she delivered his message. Esther was quite fortunate to have someone love her that way. How Adelaide longed for the same feelings from Josiah.

  “You have a safe journey home. I hope to see you in about six to eight months.”

  “Be safe, Adam. We’ll see you then.” Watching him leave, Adelaide wondered what her life would be like when next she saw Adam Bowman.

  Chapter 17

  Six weeks into her trip, Adelaide grew more impatient to get to her ma with every passing day. They’d caught a couple of whales on the way, keeping Josiah busy with the crew. Since Adelaide roomed in the guest cabin and Josiah bunked with the sailors, she spent most of her time with Elizabeth McCord, the captain’s wife.

  Adelaide stretched on the chair in her cabin. She liked not having to prepare all the meals, though she did miss the Courage’s crew. She prayed for them daily. She also missed Josiah. Yet she knew she couldn’t go back to him as a cook and pretend wife. As much as she wanted to be near him, she couldn’t go on pretending. She loved him, plain and simple. It hurt too much to pretend otherwise. If Josiah declared his love to her, Adelaide would embrace his child with open arms. But to offer her life to him and his child purely as a hired hand, she couldn’t bear it.

  Adelaide refocused on the page of the book she held in her hands. How many times she had read the same words, she didn’t know. She decided to give up and snapped the book shut. A knock sounded at the door. Smoothing her hair, Adelaide walked over to answer it. Elizabeth stood in the doorway. Five-year-old Emma stood bedside her mother, clutching the tattered doll known as Mrs. Plum firmly in her arms.

  “Well, good morning,” Adelaide said with a smile. “Do come in.”

  “I hope we’re not disturbing you,” Elizabeth said, ushering Emma in ahead of her.

  “Not at all. You know I look forward to our visits.” Once they stepped through the entrance, Adelaide closed the door behind them.

  Elizabeth sat in the extra chair her husband had placed in the cramped quarters so his wife and Adelaide could visit. With Adelaide’s permission, Emma sat on the edge of the bed with Mrs. Plum. Elizabeth untied her bonnet and pulled it off. She plucked a handkerchief from her dress pocket and wiped the perspiration from her face. “It is so hot on deck today. Not much better down here.”

  “But at least we can cool off with water from the basin,” Adelaide said, pointing toward the pitcher and bowl on the dresser.

  Elizabeth nodded.

  Pulling open her trunk, Adelaide lifted out a couple of children’s books she had purchased on the island. Knowing the McCords had a child, she decided it would be nice to have the books on hand. Adelaide extended them to Emma and was delighted when the child’s face perked up at the sight of them. Emma carefully placed Mrs. Plum beside her on the bed and reached for the books. “Thank you, Mrs. Buchanan.” Hearing Josiah’s name linked to hers made it hard to swallow.

  “You’re welcome.” Adelaide sat down in her chair across from Elizabeth.

  “You all right?”

  Nothing got past Elizabeth. In their six weeks of traveling together, there wasn’t much they hadn’t learned about one another. Their friendship had blossomed from the start.

  “I’m fine.”

  “You know you can’t fool me, Adelaide Buchanan.”

  Adelaide tossed her a weak smile.

  “You don’t see him much on this ship, do you?” Elizabeth said the words in such a comforting way, Adelaide wanted to cry.

  Instead, she shook her head and swallowed hard to push away the knot in her throat.

  Elizabeth reached out and patted Adelaide’s arm. “Why don’t you tell him how you feel?”

  Adelaide sat staring at her lap. “I can’t.”

  “Tell me why.”

  Elizabeth had a no-nonsense approach to life. She didn’t allow her emotions to get all jumbled up with her good sense. Adelaide wished she could do that, but she couldn’t separate the two. “You know why.”

  “I know that you say Josiah’s still in love with his first wife, Catherine, but I’m not convinced.”

  Adelaide wiped her nose on a handkerchief and looked up with surprise.

  Elizabeth shrugged. “Well, I’m not. I watched him as you came aboard ship, each going to your own rooms, the sadness in his eyes. I would never have guessed—”

  “It’s all part of the pretense.”

  “Adelaide, what I saw wasn’t pretense. I could see love in his eyes. And fear.”

  Adelaide tried to understand what Elizabeth meant by that.

  “At the time, I thought he feared being away from you, letting you out of his sight. Now I think he fears losing you forever.”

  “If only that were true.”

  “It is true. Why can’t you believe me?” Elizabeth pulled a wrapped biscuit from her second dress pocket. “Want some, Emma?”

  The child nodded her head, causing her golden curls to dance upon her shoulders. Elizabeth walked over, handed Emma part of the biscuit, then sat back down. “Adelaide?” she asked, extending a portion of the biscuit.

  “No thank you.”

  Elizabeth shrugged and bit into her half. “You know,” she said between bites, “I live with a ship full of men, and I think I know a little about the male species.”

  Adelaide chuckled in spite of herself. Though Elizabeth was ten years older, Adelaide loved the woman dearly. The men respected her, and Elizabeth treated them as if each one were her brother.

  “I’ve heard more love stories than I can count, and I can tell you if a man’s in love a mile away.” She waved her biscuit for emphasis, dropping a crumb or two in the process. “It’s written all over h
is face.” She took another bite and chewed heartily. “That’s the look I saw on Josiah.”

  How the words warmed Adelaide’s heart. She wanted desperately to cling to them. They offered her the hope for which her heart longed.

  “Write him a letter.”

  Adelaide bit her lip. “I don’t know if I can.” She paused a moment. “Besides, he’s said nothing of coming to get me. We’ve made no arrangements to meet.” Her voice began to rise in pitch with each word. “Once he gets to Bayview, I have no idea if I’ll ever see him again.”

  Elizabeth grinned. “You’ll see him.”

  Adelaide blew out a sigh. “I hope you’re right, Elizabeth. Still, I will go only if he wants me for a true wife. I can no longer bear to serve as merely a helper.”

  Elizabeth laughed and shook her head. “Anyone ever tell you you’re stubborn?”

  “Too many to count.”

  “Well, you can add my name to the list.”

  Adelaide smiled and sent up a prayer of thanks for her friend, who managed to lighten many a dreary day.

  The days were long, and the nights were longer. Josiah wondered how much more loneliness he could endure. After Catherine had left him, his days had seemed hollow and empty. Yet those days paled in comparison to what he experienced now. Without an appetite, he forced himself to eat enough to get by. His stomach churned, and his heart hurt in a way he couldn’t put into words. He stood at the railing and stared out to sea.

  He made only enough contact with Adelaide to keep the rest of the crew away from her. They barely talked, neither knowing what to say. He didn’t like the idea of a future without Adelaide. He wanted to let her know, but pride stopped him. She didn’t love him. The fact that she couldn’t bear the thought of raising his child proved that.

  Nothing made sense to him anymore. He’d go pick up his daughter in Bayview and decide what to do from there. But first he had to think about obtaining passage on the railroad once they arrived in Panama City. Another two weeks should most likely get them there. A little more time left to decide what he would do. How could he win her heart?

  “Hello, Josiah.”

  He turned around and saw Adelaide standing a few feet from him. His heart beat like a blackfish thumping in his chest. “How are you, Adelaide?”

  “I’m fine. And you?”

  “Good.”

  She walked up beside him and leaned on the rail with him. “It never ceases to take my breath away.”

  He stared at her. “Me neither.”

  She looked at him. He kept his gaze fixed on her without a single blink. Could she tell he wanted to hold her next to him and never let her go, to feel the warmth of her lips pressed hard against his? She turned away. He sighed and turned back to the sea. “Should get there in a couple of weeks.”

  Adelaide said nothing. Josiah figured she just wanted to get the whole thing over. What a mess he had made of everything. She probably couldn’t get home fast enough, for more reasons than just seeing her ma. “I’ll get you there quick as I can, Adelaide.”

  She placed a hand on his arm. “I know, Josiah, and I’m so very thankful for your help.”

  The brush of her hand sent currents through him like the touch of an electric eel. Torture. That’s what she was putting him through, pure torture. Dare he ask her what was to become of them in the days ahead? The mere thought of approaching the subject turned his gut to the consistency of melting whale blubber. He couldn’t ask her. Not yet. He couldn’t bear to hear what was sure to come. But soon. He’d ask her soon, for he had to know.

  Adelaide would miss Elizabeth and Emma once they docked. She could hardly believe they’d be in Panama City in less than twenty-four hours. She prayed she would reach her ma in time.

  “Adelaide.” With Emma tagging along behind, Elizabeth walked up to Adelaide on the deck. Mrs. Plum dangled at Emma’s side. A chicken clucked across the deck, catching the girl’s attention.

  “Can I play with Henny, Mama?”

  “Stay where I can see you, Emma. And don’t get in the way of the workers.”

  “Yes Mama.” Mrs. Plum’s cloth body bobbed against Emma’s legs as she skipped off toward the strutting chicken.

  Elizabeth turned to Adelaide. “Are you all packed?”

  “Yes. Wasn’t much to do, really.”

  Elizabeth nodded, her mood pensive.

  “You all right?”

  Elizabeth smiled weakly. She waited. Sounds of the sea, the hum of men shuffling about the ship, and Emma muttering to Henny filled the air. “I’ll miss you terribly,” Elizabeth finally managed. Tears filled her eyes.

  “Oh!” Adelaide reached over and wrapped her friend in an immense embrace. “I will miss you, too, Elizabeth. You have been such a wonderful friend!” They hugged a moment more then pulled apart.

  “Aren’t we behaving like silly women?” Elizabeth asked, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief.

  Adelaide laughed, wiping at her own wet cheeks.

  “Whoa there, you two. I’ll have none of that on my ship.” Peter McCord took broad steps toward them. Josiah walked along beside him. Adelaide’s pulse quickened.

  Shaggy gray eyebrows lifted as Peter McCord smiled tenderly toward his wife. There was something in that smile that warmed Adelaide’s heart. Peter’s love for Elizabeth was written all over his face. Was that what Elizabeth was talking about? Is that what she had seen in Josiah?

  Adelaide dared a glance at Josiah. His eyes were studying her. She felt herself blush.

  Elizabeth must have recognized the awkward moment, for she was the first to speak. “I was just telling Adelaide how much I would miss her.”

  Adelaide looked up to see Josiah still staring at her. This time he nodded his head in agreement. Would he miss her, too? Oh, she had to quit torturing herself.

  Straightening the cuff of her sleeve, she looked at Elizabeth, though she could still feel Josiah’s gaze upon her. She felt restless beneath his stare.

  “Are you packed?” Josiah’s voice held such tenderness, Adelaide couldn’t help but look at him.

  She nodded. “Are you?”

  His gaze fixed on her, he nodded. For a moment, it felt as though they were the only two people on the ship. She could almost imagine Josiah reaching out to her, pulling her to him, ever so gently lifting off her bonnet and kissing her right temple, his soft lips eventually making their way to her mouth, claiming it tenderly yet firmly with his own.

  A burning seared through her. She actually touched her cheeks, feeling the warmth in them. Whatever was she thinking? She mentally shook herself. Josiah smiled at her as if he knew exactly where her thoughts had taken her.

  Someone had said something, but Adelaide missed it. When her eyes refocused, the entire little group was looking at her. “I’m sorry?” she asked, looking at Elizabeth.

  Elizabeth threw her a knowing grin. “Actually, Peter was just saying he thought the weather would hold out for your arrival in Panama City.” Elizabeth looked as though she were hiding a giggle behind her hand.

  Adelaide couldn’t leave the group fast enough. “Well, I really need to finish a few things in my room. If you’ll excuse me.” Before anyone could respond, she turned and walked across the deck, feeling sure they were still watching her.

  In no time at all, Adelaide and Josiah stood in the hot afternoon sun, saying their good-byes to the McCords. Among tears and promises to keep in touch, the women finally separated. The McCords boarded the ship, and Josiah led Adelaide to a carriage that would take them to the train station.

  Adelaide settled into her seat and tried not to think about the friend she had left behind. She took a deep breath. The stifling air made it hard to breathe. Grabbing her container of water, she took a drink. The carriage ride proved bumpy and a bit unpleasant as they jostled their way to the station. Adelaide didn’t feel much like talking, and Josiah seemed to sense it. They said very little during the ride.

  Once they arrived, Adelaide watched the scores of peo
ple milling around the station. The place buzzed with activity. Josiah purchased their tickets, and he and Adelaide stepped across the wooden platform to board the train.

  “You hungry?”

  “I think I’m too tired to eat.”

  “We’ll need to get something soon, though. Why don’t you try and get some rest? We can eat later.”

  Adelaide lifted a tired smile. She appreciated how he took care of her, especially now, yet she couldn’t help feeling he was desperate to get her to watch his child. Who else could he turn to for fulfilling that responsibility while he ran a ship? She almost bolted straight up in her chair. Did he expect her to stay behind on land and watch his daughter while he traveled the seas? The very idea made her blood boil.

  No doubt about it, he was being nice to her so she would watch his child while he continued to go whaling. She didn’t like this at all.

  When she looked over at Josiah, his gaze caught hers, and he smiled. Oh, she could see beneath his innocent exterior. She forced herself to turn away and watch the scenery that flew by the window.

  She could hardly wait to get home.

  Chapter 18

  The railroad trip passed in a blur. Though she’d never ridden a train before, Adelaide had enjoyed the sights and the experience.

  She could hardly believe she and Josiah were now sailing the Caribbean. They had boarded a clipper in Colon, South America. Their next destination was the waters of the Atlantic and home.

  The speed of the clipper amazed Adelaide. The Courage could not compare to it. She wondered what man would come up with in the future for travel. Certainly improvements were being made daily.

  Though thrown together in a cabin, Josiah and Adelaide spent little time there. She avoided him whenever possible. She didn’t need him around to confuse her further. He seemed to know she needed her space and gave it to her. How could she think when he stood close to her or when she looked into the blue eyes that made her knees buckle? Sometimes the very way he spoke her name took her breath away.