Psyche Honor (Psyche Moon)

by Buhr, Chrissie

  At the last visit, Amy had encouraged me to go somewhere. “You can’t stay cooped up in here forever. You’ve got to pick yourself up and walk out those doors. The world isn’t going to go away just because you’re scared. And it isn’t going to end because you found out you’re a Mage.”

  “I killed seven people. Boys,” I had gasped. “How do I go out there and pretend I didn’t?”

  “Girl, you got to remember they were trying to kill you and Billie. They almost did kill Billie, and you saved her life. You saved your mate’s life. If you were a Sensitive like we thought, you’d both be dead right now. So I’ve decided to be glad you’re a Mage. Killing isn’t something to be proud of, but don’t put yourself in the electric chair for it. You did what you had to do. Now you deal and move on.” I could see the wisdom in her words. When Billie invited me over, I knew it was time.

  I brushed my girlfriend’s sleeping mind while walking across the lawn. Billie could hear even minute sounds from upstairs, so I slipped inside as quietly as I could. Strangely, she did not wake. Tiptoeing up the stairs, I opened the bedroom door to find a grey and black wolf asleep on the bed, the tip of her tail lying adorably over her nose.

  I sensed how anxious Billie slumbered and found it odd that she slept through someone entering her home and bedroom. Concerned, I climbed into bed beside her, tucking one hand under my head and avoiding the still-tender bruises. The other hand I curled in Billie’s fur. Instead of waking, Billie shifted her body closer to mine and rested her head on my bent elbow so that my breath fell across her nose.

  Her anxious slumber eased somewhat, and lying quietly beside her calmed my own spirit. I couldn’t sleep, but it didn’t matter. Watching Billie’s furred chest rise and fall under my hand fulfilled all my needs in that moment. I wondered what happened to cause such distress. Tension and fear twisted within her mind, and once she even whined. I wanted more than anything to banish those thoughts, to soothe her troubled soul.

  Watching over her, I let my mind drift into non-thought. Through closed eyes, I enjoyed the mental bond between us, sharing my love with her through our connection. Time stilled, and when I sensed Billie waking, I opened my eyes. My gaze fell directly into the wolf’s crystal blue eyes, sadness rising from their depths.

  I wish I could take your grief away. I greeted my girlfriend. I’ve never seen you this upset. What happened?

  Billie huffed and tucked her head a bit, breaking eye contact uncharacteristically. You should be Pack and you’re not. I’m not even allowed to tell you what’s going on.

  My chest tightened. They don’t trust me.

  No.

  Do they think I’m going to hurt them? Or hurt you?

  Billie tucked her nose in my chin, filling herself with my scent and finding comfort in it. Yes. They don’t know anything but horror when it comes to Mages.

  I didn’t want to ask the next question, but I couldn’t help myself. Am I safe?

  Billie growled, a low rumbling sound erupting from her entire body and penetrating my chest and ears. I won’t let anyone hurt you, love. They’re wrong to distrust you. They’re wrong to keep this from you.

  What serenity I’d found while watching my girlfriend sleep disappeared, replaced by a new source of anxiety. What do we do?

  I don’t know. I always know what to do, but not this time. I don’t want to choose between you and the pack, and I’m afraid that’s where this is headed. I don’t want to lose my pack.

  “No!” I exclaimed. “That’s not a fair choice. I can’t ask you to leave your Pack.”

  You’re not the one who’s making me choose. Bitterness wove through her mental voice, and her eyes narrowed angrily.

  “I won’t let you make that choice. If you’re worried about telling me what you’re not allowed to tell me, then I don’t want to know. I’ll stay in the dark.”

  Billie’s tense body relaxed a bit at my offer, but anxiety still filled her thoughts. Gods I love you. I still don’t like it. I want to tell you what’s going on so badly. Jason even instructed me to tell you to stay out of my thoughts.

  “It’s okay. I promise I won’t go digging.” I don’t want you to feel like you have to choose between us. That’s not a fair choice!

  Billie didn’t reply, shrugging closer to me. I dug my fingers into thick neck fur, weighing the situation within her. Careful to keep the thought to myself, I wondered if I could leave Billie if I had to. Can I walk away from the woman I love if that’s what’s best for her? What kind of person am I if I can’t? Apparently I can kill to protect her. Maybe I am the monster they think I am.

  I felt her mind shift as the fur beneath my fingers receded. The transition between Wolf and Human happened too rapidly to follow, leaving an impression of a magical transformation. My fingers, however, could feel the fur un-growing and muscles and tissues realign. It was weird and I drew my hand back. Suddenly a gorgeously naked redhead replaced the magnificent grey wolf beside me. Her green eyes held the same sorrow the wolf’s blue ones held moments before. “I don’t know what to do,” she repeated.

  “Is there anything to do?” I asked practically.

  “No. That’s the problem,” she admitted with a huff.

  A wicked grin grew on my face spontaneously. “Then let’s ignore it for a while.” I leaned forward and nibbled lightly on Billie’s earlobe, trailing my fingers down the naked woman’s arm.

  “I like the way you think,” she murmured, canting her head to give me better access.

  Pressing light kisses down the side of Billie’s neck, I drew a line back up her arm and down her shoulder blade. She shivered beneath my touch. When my mouth reached the curve of her breast, she moaned lightly. I guided her onto her back and straddled her waist, wanting a clear view of her breasts. Slipping my tank top over my head, I gave her a good look at mine. The wraparound skirt I’d chosen drifted around me and left only thin fabric between us.

  Bruises littered my body still. Some, like the line across the back of my neck and the splotches on my ribs, had faded to yellow. My face looked worse than ever having deepened and spread until most of the left side of my face sported a deep purple and blue bull’s-eye. The bruises no longer shocked Billie, but she oftentimes looked at them in pain or anger. Fading yellow fingerprints on both upper arms and one breast drew her sharpest attention. Despite being some of the least pronounced of all my bruises, they angered her the most.

  The reminder killed my mood. “Billie, please look at me, not my bruises,” I whispered.

  “I’m sorry, love. It’s still hard for me to see you injured,” she apologized, crinkling her face.

  “I know it is. It’s harder for me when you’re staring at them. I’d like to forget for a little while.”

  She did as I asked. We gazed at each other for a few moments, letting our arousal grow through anticipation.

  Her soft hand stretched to my leg, caressing above my knee. I could feel my breath deepen under her touch and wetness grow between my thighs. Her other hand reached towards my belly, but I had other plans. Grasping both wrists in my hands, I pushed them beside her shoulders and into the bed. Her breasts swelled towards me in this position, and she grinned. I could feel her pleasure warring against her instinctual need to be in control. She’d come to enjoy those conflicting desires.

  Starting with her right nipple, I grazed it with my lips until it hardened. Gently grasping her tit between my teeth, I pulled until she gasped enthusiastically. Her back arched in bliss, the last shred of stress leaving her mind. Kissing my way to the other nipple, I repeated the activity with even greater response.

  Her neck called to me again, and I leaned forward to adore it. Our breasts touched and my clit pulsed and burned hot. I want to love you forever. Not for the first time, I appreciated our ability to speak while my mouth was otherwise occupied.

  I am yours forever, she replied.

  Forever, I agreed, filling myself with her.

  Suddenly I found myself on my back, ar
ms pinned by my shoulders, and Billie straddling my waist. She’d reversed our positions so quickly I wasn’t sure how it had happened. Laughing, I teased her, “Besides, no Human could compare to this. I’m spoiled now. I’d have to find another sexy lesbian Wolf to even come close.”

  “Well, I’m the only one around, so I guess you’re stuck with me.” She grinned, biting her lower lip as she decided what to nibble on first. Her eyes traced my body adoringly, studiously skipping all the discolored spots. “This is in my way.” She referred to my skirt and untied it revealing lacy blue panties underneath. “Sexy.” She pulled them down a half inch to kiss the skin beneath. “But still in my way.”

  “I love how much my clothes offend you sometimes.” I giggled as she removed the last of them for me. She slinked across the bed on her knees until she straddled my thighs. I reached for her, and she smiled seductively. She leisurely linked her fingers in mine and held them above my head. She gazed at me from her vantage point, and I wanted her. With her body stretched above me, her breasts bounced enticingly with every move. I wanted to feel her nipples in my mouth again, but they were too far away. I pressed my back off the bed and stretched my head as far forward as I could. I couldn’t reach them with my hands pinned.

  Billie watched my attempt with amusement and jiggled her breasts in deliberate torture. She moved one knee between my legs and pressed steadily against me. I could feel myself growing wetter, and the pressure on my clit sent electric ripples down my legs. Still I fixated on her breasts, the perky pink nipples calling me to nibble on them. I wanted to reach them, and I could imagine taking them into my mouth.

  Billie gasped, and her eyes widened. Somehow she’d felt my lips on her nipples as if I’d truly reached them.

  Was that okay? I asked with alarm.

  “That was awesome,” she said out loud, her eyes bright and chest heaving.

  “I didn’t know I could do that,” I admitted sheepishly. The weight of my power came over me for a moment.

  “You won’t hurt me,” Billie assured me.

  “We don’t know that. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m tired of finding out accidentally what I’m capable of. I need to gain control over my abilities before I hurt you or someone else. I’m letting down my barriers with you, and it scares me.”

  Billie held my gaze with such intense love and trust I almost began to cry. I didn’t feel worthy of the magnificent woman on top of me, and I feared hurting her. “We’ll figure it all out. For now, let’s set it aside and just love each other.”

  I agreed, and she kissed me, banishing my fears. Letting my wrists go and relaxing on top of me, she caressed my sides with her soft hands. I held her face and let my fingers get caught in her tangles of red hair. We rolled, touching and gasping as we continuously sought better contact with each other.

  So often we came together with explosive passion, and this time we made love like burning embers smoldered between us. We consumed each other, mouths worshipping breasts, hands exploring and adulating, legs interlacing. The room swam and every time her nipples rubbed mine, I gasped loudly. When I grasped her muscled ass with both hands, pulling her into me, she called out my name.

  I reached the edge of orgasm and stayed there, wishing it to continue forever and feeding off of her hunger for me. Our minds linked in united passion, and she shared my experience just as I shared hers. When my lips touched her nipple, my own felt it and responded. When she caressed my ass, she felt my response within her.

  Reaching out with desire, I sent a mental thread where I wanted more, simultaneously touching our clits without using my hands. Orgasm exploded between us, heightened by the dual sensation of our interlinked minds. I buried my face in her neck as she grasped my ass and pulled me into her. We climaxed until every muscle ached with spasms rippling through us. Her moans mixed with my screams.

  As the waves of orgasm thought about subsiding, I stimulated our clits again with the newfound ability to mentally touch our bodies. Again we climaxed, even more intensely than the first and lasting nearly as long.

  Muscles sore with exertion, I settled into post-orgasmic drunkenness. Billie lay half on top of me, her leg thrown casually over mine. She panted deeply, and my chest rose and fell even quicker as I gulped for air. Her hand near my breast twitched slightly and my back arched with the sudden sensation, threatening to send me into climax again.

  She smiled softly, and I tucked my head under her neck. Wickedly she moved a single finger across the underside of my breast and I shuddered from head to toe. Hooking my leg around hers, I held her close.

  We lay together without speaking for a while, simply enjoying the time together. Evening had fallen, and Billie gazed out the window. She traced a finger around my naval. “I have to go soon. We’re taking Nathan for his first run at sunset.”

  “Is the first run significant?” I asked curiously, enjoying the intimate moment while it lasted.

  “Very significant. It’s supposed to be a celebration of becoming Wolf, and it’s usually done on the first full moon after we’re bitten. The pack gathers around the Pup, and the Pup shifts for the first time. It’s a strange sensation, suddenly finding yourself in a different body. Someone who wants to be Wolf is prepared so they don’t panic, run off, or hurt someone.” She trailed off.

  “Nathan isn’t prepared.” I followed her mental thread without meaning to.

  “No.” Her thoughts turned towards her own memories.

  “What was it like for you?” I asked curiously.

  “I was already a mess, pissed at the world and jumping at every noise. Jason, Richard, Kathryn, and a few others took me into the woods for my first Run. I panicked and attacked the Wolves around me. Some were in wolf form and some were in human form. I attacked the humans, severely injuring two of them including Richard before Jason stopped me and Kathryn calmed me. That was when they realized how innately strong and dominant I am. I fought them with everything in me. If Kathryn hadn’t been there Jason may have been forced to kill me. It was that bad.” She smiled wanly. “She has a talent for calming people.”

  “I’ve noticed. She’s been great this past week. Are you worried about Nathan?”

  “I am, but we’re prepared.” Her thoughts extended beyond the first run, and I could feel her need to guard that information.

  “This one of those things I shouldn’t ask about?”

  She realized where the conversation had turned and tensed slightly. “Yes. But promise me you’ll be careful and aware. Call for me if anything feels out of place. Anything. I’d feel better if you stayed here. It’s safer than your home.”

  Something clicked into place, and I hesitated before saying it out loud. “If your home is safer, then the danger isn’t from anyone in the pack.” It came out as a statement instead of a question she couldn’t answer. “That makes me feel a lot better.”

  Billie’s forehead creased, and she looked into my eyes, confused. Understanding came abruptly. “You don’t want to risk killing one of my packmates.” I nodded somberly and Billie leaned in for a kiss. “It’s time for me to go. We’ll get through this, love.” She took a quick shower and slipped on jeans and a T-shirt.

  Chilled without her next to me, I slipped under the covers. “I’m going to enjoy your bed less without you in it. I love you.”

  “I love you too. Don’t wait up. It could be daybreak before I’m back.” I nodded as Billie slipped silently down the stairs and out the door.

  Chapter 4

  Billie arrived at John’s home before dusk and found Amy standing outside beside her compact, fuel-efficient car. “How’s Nathan?” Billie asked after a quick hug. They kept their voices low so the Wolves inside couldn’t overhear.

  “He’s a bigger pain than you were,” she grumbled.

  “I didn’t know that was possible,” Billie replied with a glance at the house, concern rising.

  “That would be why I’m out here and not in there. I checked him over again. Other than a spra
ined wrist, he’s fine.”

  “How did he sprain his wrist?” Billie’s eyebrows rose. An injury like that would take about a day to heal and she wondered what trouble the Pup got himself into in the last twenty-four hours.

  “He’s a sexist pig,” Amy replied through thin lips.

  Billie understood the context of the situation immediately. The mild-mannered Medic had injured her patient. Again. “What did he do?” Her protective nature surfaced along with amusement. An incredibly passive Wolf, Amy growled only occasionally and almost never bit.

  “He grabbed my butt. He better not do that again.”

  “I’ll talk to him,” Billie promised.

  “Thanks. Do you need me tonight?” She didn’t want to come after Nathan’s insult but asked out of duty.

  “I’d like you there just in case, but you can skip out on the run if you’re not interested.”

  “I’ll wait in the car if you’re okay with that.”

  “Fine with me. I doubt Jason will disagree. Did you bring the fur-pack?” Billie referenced the custom designed backpack Amy kept stocked with emergency medical supplies. She could slip it on and off in wolf form and carry what she needed quicker through the woods.

  She nodded. “It’s in my car. Since Phil fell down the cliff last spring, I’ve kept it ready. Going back for it cost too much time.”

  “Good. Hopefully we won’t need you.”

  Her chipper mood started to resurface. “Me too. I’m in the middle of a good mystery and all this craziness is keeping me from getting to the best part.”

  Billie grinned. “No promises. Want to come in or stay out here?”

  Amy’s eyes narrowed once again. “I’d like to see you handle Mr. Pig. I’m coming in.” She followed Billie up the walk and into John and Phil’s home. Six Wolves lounged throughout the common areas. Jason and John leaned against counters in the kitchen, eating microwave burritos off of paper plates. Adrienne glared haughtily at Billie from across the room – a typical hello from the surly female. Kathryn and Phil sat across from Nathan at the dining room table. Billie took in the environment instantly and noticed the Wolves’ unease.