Coulson's Secret

by McIntyre, Anna J

  “You were in Germany when my mother got pregnant. You couldn’t be my father unless mother went to Germany with you.”

  “No, she didn’t go to Germany with me,” Franklin confirmed in a quiet voice. He sat down on the loveseat. Nick remained standing, not saying anything.

  Kim looked up at Nick and said in an accusatory voice, “You knew.”

  “Yes,” Nick answered in a serious tone. “I’ve always known you weren’t my sister.”

  “Why didn’t you just tell me?” Kim felt like a fool. “Oh, my God. Mother cheated on you; that’s why you left her!” Kim jumped up from the chair, almost dropping the scrapbook on the floor. No wonder he wanted nothing to do with her. She was nothing to him.

  “No!” Franklin spat out angrily. “She did not cheat on me! I failed her.”

  The man who she once believed to be her father was visibly shaken. Startled by his outburst, she just stared.

  Nick walked over to his father and placed his right hand on Franklin’s left shoulder. “Dad, I think Kim deserves to know the truth. And I think you need to get this out, once and for all.”

  Franklin gave a silent nod and then looked at Kim. “I was so in love with your mother,” he began, his voice filled with emotion. “I moved her to Coulson before I left for Germany. It was a small town, and I thought it would be a good place for her while I was overseas. When I got home, she told me she was pregnant.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me before you weren’t my father? That she cheated on you?”

  “Because I didn’t want you to know—” Franklin seemed truly regretful. “—that your father was the man who raped your mother.”

  Kim sat speechless for a moment and then said, “I don’t understand.”

  “I think the term these days would be date rape,” Nick interjected, noting his father’s obvious discomfort. “Apparently, it was someone she knew and trusted. But she didn’t consent, and it wasn’t an affair.”

  “But, I didn’t believe her at the time because she refused to tell me who it was. I was more concerned with my pride than what she was going through. I left her. And it’s something I have regretted ever since.”

  “How do you know it was rape and not an affair?” Kim had to ask.

  Franklin considered Kim’s question, taking a moment before responding. “As time went on, I began to question my rashness,” he answered, seeming reluctant to say more.

  “Dad is in an uncomfortable spot. Being brutally honest, he feels, will hurt me. Yet, concealing the truth, he hurts you,” Nick explained, giving his father a reassuring pat on the back. “Dad and I discussed this years ago, and while he didn’t come right out and explain all the details, I figured them out. My mother was a bit of a rebound affair. Had she not gotten pregnant with me, it’s possible he would have returned to your mother and raised you as his own. Dad understands that had he made different choices, you would have been his daughter. Maybe not biologically, but still his daughter.”

  Kim glanced from father to son. Franklin looked to the floor as if he couldn’t bring himself to look Kim in the face.

  “I still don’t understand. Why are you so sure she didn’t have an affair?” Kim asked again.

  “The day she brought you home from the hospital, I was sitting in the parking lot. I hadn’t seen her since I walked out. By that time, I was already seeing Nick’s mother, and she was pregnant. But, I had to see Carol. She didn’t know I was there, and she got into a cab with you. There was no lover picking her up. She was all alone. Next time I saw her, you were about four years old. I didn’t recognize her at first.”

  “The weight?” Kim asked.

  “Yes, but it wasn’t just the weight. The girl I once loved, she was gone. I could have helped her, but I walked away when she needed me the most.”

  “And she never told you who my father was,” Kim asked.

  “No, I’m sorry, she never did. I never quite understood why she refused to tell me, but I came to understand she told me the truth. It was not an affair.”

  “Do you know of anyone she might have told?”

  Franklin considered her question a moment before he answered. “No. She really didn’t have any close friends in Coulson back then. We moved there a short time before I was sent overseas. And I don’t really know the friends she made after we divorced. But you might look in her diary.”

  “Her diary?” Kim couldn’t remember her mother writing in a diary.

  “Yes. Carol always wrote in a diary. She called it her ledger. She wanted to be a writer, you know.”

  “No, I didn’t.” Kim was surprised at that information.

  “Oh yes, she always wanted to be a writer, from the time she was in grade school. Each year, she’d start a new ledger and hide the old one. It was somewhat of a ritual. I remember when we moved into our apartment; she lugged in this big box with a dozen old ledger books. Of course, I knew what they were, and I also knew she would never let me read them. Once we moved in, they disappeared.”

  “She got rid of them?” Kim asked.

  “Oh, no.” Franklin laughed. “She hid them. That’s what she would do. I have no idea where she put them.”

  “I don’t remember Mom ever writing in a ledger or diary. And I certainly have never seen any old ones. Maybe she stopped writing in them after the rape.”

  “No, she was still writing in her ledger,” Franklin insisted. “And one thing I know about your mother, she would never throw them out. They are somewhere in that house; I guarantee it.”

  “I don’t know, there was a break in right after I arrived. Someone cleaned out her desk drawer.”

  “Someone broke in your house? You didn’t tell me.” Nick sounded concerned.

  “The police felt it was just someone targeting the house because of the death notice in the paper and the fact she lived alone. I looked through the drawers the day before the break in and didn’t see any ledgers. But I have no idea what else they might have taken.”

  “Knowing your mother, she’s hidden that box somewhere in the house; somewhere not easy to find. I’ll admit, a couple of times I tried to find out where she hid them—just because I was curious.”

  “Then how am I supposed to find them? If they still exist.”

  “I’ll help you,” Nick offered. “I can help you go through the house tomorrow. We can go through the attic, the garage.”

  It was raining on their drive back to Coulson. Kim tried desperately to comprehend all that she had learned.

  “I guess that was kind of sweet of your father,” Kim began as she watched the windshield wipers move back and forth over the glass. “Letting me think my father was a flake instead of a rapist.”

  Nick reached over and patted Kim’s knee and then asked, “Are you okay?”

  “Just trying to digest it all.”

  “When you showed up the other day, Dad didn’t have the heart to tell you the truth. I convinced him you had the right to know. He was going to tell you today, even if you hadn’t figured it out yourself.”

  “Can we listen to some music?” Kim asked. She didn’t want to talk anymore.

  Nick nodded and turned on the radio.

  It stopped raining by the time they reached Coulson. When Nick pulled into Carol’s driveway, Kim was already saying thank you and goodbye. Her right hand clutched the door handle, preparing to open the door the moment Nick stopped the vehicle.

  Nick turned off the engine and started to open his door.

  “That’s okay; you don’t have to walk me up,” she said.

  Nick ignored her and got out of the vehicle. He walked to the passenger side of the truck, preparing to open her door, when Kim jumped out.

  “I won’t just dump you in the driveway,” Nick told her. “Plus, we have a couple of things to settle.”

  Kim wasn’t sure what they needed to settle. She walked to the front door. Instead of unlocking it, she turned to face Nick, who was close on her heels. “I really do appreciate your help. But since
I’m not your sister…” Kim stopped talking the moment Nick placed his hands on her shoulders and brought his face a few inches from hers.

  “Exactly. You are not my sister. I never thought you were.”

  Before she could respond, he covered her lips with his. She wasn’t prepared for the kiss, and her little gasp of surprise gave Nick the opening he was hoping for. Before she knew what was happening, his tongue slipped into her mouth and moved seductively over hers.

  She didn’t kiss him back, nor did she push him away. In spite of her non-participation, she could not ignore the flush of heat that pulsated through her body or the fact she felt lightheaded. When he pulled away, she looked somewhat dazed, which pleased Nick. While he would have preferred she return the kiss, the fact she didn’t start swinging gave him hope.

  “I’ve wanted to do that since you ran me down at the grocery store,” he told her, his voice low and his hands still on her shoulders. She stood mute, blinking her eyes as if confused.

  “You kissed me,” she said stupidly, as if she couldn’t quite believe what just happened. Nick moved his right hand from her shoulder and rubbed his thumb over her lower lip ever so lightly.

  “I would like to do more than just kiss you,” he told her, his voice low. In the next second he placed both hands back on her shoulders and gently turned her around so that she faced the door. “It’s freezing out here. I need to get you inside.”

  Kim didn’t argue but silently pulled her house key from her purse and unlocked the door. Jake was waiting for her in the entry, his meow loud as he looked up at her with his tail swishing back and forth.

  Nick didn’t wait to be invited inside but followed Kim through the door and shut it behind him. She turned to tell him it would probably be best if he left, but he leaned down and picked up Jake and carried the large feline to the couch. Making himself at home, Nick sat down with Jake on his lap. Jake didn’t seem to mind and immediately settled down, allowing Nick to pet him.

  “Jake doesn’t usually allow strangers to do that,” Kim told him. She was actually quite surprised her cat didn’t immediately leap from Nick’s lap.

  “Cats like me,” Nick explained.

  “Guys usually don’t like cats.” Kim meant her words. In the past, the few men she dated didn’t conceal the fact they disliked cats. Kim wondered why she was standing in the living room discussing cats when the man had just kissed her.

  “Why did you kiss me?” she asked, sounding far more assertive than before and a bit annoyed.

  “I told you. I’ve wanted to do that since we first met.” Nick continued to stroke under Jake’s chin.

  Kim heard the loud purr. She noticed Jake’s eyes were closed and already he was drooling. For some reason, knowing Jake was leaving cat spittle on Nick’s slacks gave her perverse pleasure.

  “What do you want from me?” Kim asked.

  “Well, I would love to take your clothes off and make love to you, but I have a feeling you aren’t quite at that stage yet, considering I was your brother when we left this morning.”

  Kim wanted to be angry with him and order him from her house, but there was something quite charming about how he sat there on the couch—oblivious to the amount of cat hair and drool on his slacks—flirting shamefully with her.

  “Is this the reason you took me to see your father today?” Kim asked.

  “You mean, so you would realize you weren’t my sister and I could hit on you without you crying incest?”

  Kim couldn’t tell if he was a little annoyed at her question or teasing her. She realized in that moment, all her instincts were totally off kilter.

  “I guess that’s what I’m asking.”

  Jake got bored with the attention and jumped off Nick’s lap. Nick stood up and brushed the cat hair from his slacks as he walked closer to Kim. They stood and faced each other.

  “Kim, I’ve known about you since I was in high school. You were the girl who thought my father was hers. It was strange growing up knowing there was someone out there who believed my father was hers, who thought I was her brother. When I found out about you, I assumed you knew about me. It was like I had this secret, this big secret. I didn’t know you, yet I knew something very intimate about you. I’m not sure I can explain the connection I felt.

  “Earlier, you asked why I never tried to contact you. What you don’t know, what my father doesn’t know, is that I did look you up several times when I was in high school. I was at a few parties you attended, yet you had no idea who I was. I can’t imagine you would have noticed me; after all, high school girls rarely notice younger guys.”

  “Did we ever meet?” Kim asked, surprised at what he was telling her.

  “No, we never met. Over the years, I would look you up, see what you were doing. It was fairly easy, considering you have a real estate webpage. I saw your picture online, knew how you looked now. I’m actually a little surprised I didn’t immediately recognize you that night at the grocery store. After all, I assumed you would be coming to town after your mother’s death.

  “Kim, you always fascinated me, but I had no idea I’d be so physically attracted to you. I discovered that after you practically ran me down at the grocery store.”

  “I didn’t run you down.” Kim blushed and looked away, feeling uncomfortable with the conversation.

  “Yeah, you did.” Nick chuckled. “I felt you deserved to know the truth, but had I not felt such an attraction toward you, I’m not sure I would have come to your mother’s funeral and sought you out. And if I didn’t approach you and you never approached me, then I suppose you would never know the truth.”

  Nick reached out and touched the side of her face with his fingertips. She didn’t pull away and he did not attempt to kiss her again.

  “I didn’t want you to think of me as your brother.”

  “I’m not staying in Coulson,” Kim said abruptly, stepping back, away from his touch.

  “You aren’t leaving right away; didn’t you say you were staying until after the New Year?”

  “If you are looking for a casual sex partner while I’m here, you really are looking in the wrong place,” Kim told him. Her head was spinning. She was confused.

  “There is nothing casual about what I feel toward you,” Nick told her. “How about we take it slow? I promise not to drag you in my bed unless you want to go.” He grinned mischievously. When he noticed she seemed truly uncomfortable, he changed tactics. “Why don’t we just work on being friends? You and I have a unique connection, and I have a feeling you could use a friend right about now, especially while you’re in Coulson.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Aren’t you curious about who your father might be? Why your mother kept it a secret all these years? Wouldn’t you like someone you trust to help you unravel it all?”

  “And I should trust you?” she asked, looking up into his dark eyes.

  “Absolutely,” Nick promised her. For some reason, she believed him.

  Chapter 13

  On Sunday morning, Jake woke Kim when he decided to climb on her head at 6:00 a.m. She shoved him off the bed three times before he decided to leave her alone, but by that time, she was wide-awake.

  After that first kiss the previous day, Nick hadn’t tried for a second. He had convinced Kim to accept him as a friend and promised he’d return around noon on Sunday to help her unravel the mystery of her father. Initially, she didn’t think she wanted to know the truth, but the more she thought about it, the more she wanted it.

  When Kim got out of bed, she looked out the window, wondering what the weather was going to be like. The previous day, it had rained off and on. It looked cloudy, yet so far, no rain was falling.

  Stripping off her nightgown, she headed for the bathroom to take a morning shower. It wasn’t long before Jake followed her. He stood on one side of the shower curtain, peeking in the shower stall. Kim ignored the furry voyeur, long used to Jake’s fascination with the shower. Instead, she thought of
Nick.

  Closing her eyes, she moved under the stream of hot water and allowed it to rain over her forehead and run down her neck and over her body. She thought about Nick and the kiss. A part of her still thought of him as her brother, and it wasn’t that easy to shift emotional gears. Yet, she was relieved they weren’t related, for she definitely felt some sort of physical attraction toward the man.

  Turning off the shower and still thinking of Nick, Kim made the decision in that moment to keep their relationship platonic. The primary reason for her decision—she liked him. She liked him a lot. Nick was correct in his assertion that the two shared a special connection. Only Nick and his father knew the secrets of her family. When she was with him, she didn’t feel so alone, so isolated. A sexual relationship would muddle all that up, she thought.

  After drying off, Kim grabbed her robe and put it on. Nick wouldn’t be arriving until noon. She decided she’d get dressed after breakfast and enjoy a leisurely morning, starting with a cup of coffee.

  A couple hours later, the doorbell rang just as Kim was taking a carton of eggs from the refrigerator. Glancing at the kitchen clock, she noted it was just 9:00 a.m. Combing her fingers through her hair, she went to the door. It’s too early for Nick, she thought. She was still wearing her robe, so she peeked through the small glass peephole in the front door. There standing on the front porch was Adam Keller.

  Straightening her robe and conscious of the fact she wasn’t wearing any undergarments, she opened the door slowly.

  “Good morning, Adam. What are you doing up so early?”

  In response, Adam glanced at his wristwatch and then said, “It’s already 9:00 a.m. Figured you would be dressed by now. Can I come in or do you have company?” He grinned.

  Kim wondered what he would think if her kiss with Nick had led to more—including a sleepover. Instead of answering, she opened the door wider and motioned for him to come in. “So, what do I owe the honor of this visit? You want some coffee?”