Forgive & Forget (Love in the Fleet)

by Ashby, Heather

  And if she didn’t? He most definitely would not.

  Leaving her mouth, he worked his way down to her neck. He buried his face in the hollow of her throat where he could breathe in her essence. Her fingers played in his hair as he tasted her skin, under her jaw line and behind her ears. When Hallie moaned, liquid heat shot through him. He laid her gently down on the sofa and returned to her mouth, leading with his tongue.

  Lust chipped away at his ability to reason. His hand caressed her neck and slid down to her breasts. She shuddered and moaned, which kicked his pulse into overdrive. He cupped her breast, molding the fullness. Traced it. Over. Under. Around. First one. Then the other.

  He gently stroked the centers and felt her nipples tighten through her blouse. She made a noise and he stopped, but his hand stayed put. He only left her mouth long enough to whisper into it, “Okay?” She made another noise, but it wasn’t a stopping noise.

  He deftly unbuttoned her top button. Then the next. And so on. He left her mouth to watch himself stroke her, her nipple puckering to his touch under purple lace. Hallie arched her back, meeting his hand. Unclasping the front hook of her lacey bra, her breasts spilled into his hands, slamming his heart into an even higher gear, something guttural in his throat. His thumbs scraped lightly over her nipples, gently fondling and stroking them. Her soft skin driving him wild.

  Philip’s mouth left a trail of kisses down her neck and worked its way to a taut nipple, which he bathed with his tongue. He buried his face between her breasts, certain he had died and gone to heaven.

  Then he kissed each goodbye, her nipples still shining wet from his mouth. Although he wasn’t sure if he was capable of speech, Philip brought his mouth to her ear. Without an ounce of coercion, he whispered, “Stay with me tonight. Let me love you.”

  No begging. No pleading. Just an invitation.

  Hallie bolted upright and pulled her shirt around her. Face flushed, stray hairs loosened from her braids. “I can’t.” She fought to catch her breath. “I’m so sorry, Philip.”

  He dropped his forehead to the back of the sofa. “No, Hallie. I’m sorry. Just give me a minute.” His primal brain told him to say, “Belay my last,” meaning “forget my request, delete what I just said,” so he could go back to exploring her breasts for a couple more hours, but he didn’t listen. Especially since peripheral vision reported that she’d already hooked her bra and was buttoning her shirt.

  While she pulled herself together, he gathered his wits, figuring out how he was going to function. She continued to apologize, but Philip raised his hand to quiet her. He didn’t have the strength to do anything else.

  “I can find my way home.” She rose from the couch.

  “No way.” Somehow he stood, held her briefly, and kissed her hair. She felt stiff in his arms. “I’m sorry, baby. Come on. I’ll take you home.”

  Hallie smoothed down her blouse and finger-combed the golden tendril. “It’s really okay, Philip.”

  He wanted to take her hand on the way down the stairs but he didn’t dare touch her. He’d overstepped his bounds. How many fricking steps did this staircase have anyway? Each step echoed awkward.

  At her door, she tried to apologize again, but he put his finger to her lips. “Shhh. It’s okay. Are we still on for sailing tomorrow?”

  She nodded a yes, and then hesitated as if thinking about something important before she spoke.

  Uh oh, here it comes. Fuck off, dude?

  “Philip…Thank you. For bringing me home. And…for being you.”

  He kissed her quickly before she slipped through the doorway. Once she was safely inside, he rested his forehead against the wall, gathering the strength to walk back upstairs.

  Go to bed, dumb ass.

  Hallie couldn’t sleep. Over and over again, she relived lying in his arms, feeling his mouth on her. Wishing that the world, and her enlistment, would go away so she could have stayed with him and loved him all night. She drifted off to another world. A place where there were no words such as commissioned officer, accused, and violation of a written order.

  And the only senior member that mattered was the one at the end of his happy trail.

  All she knew was her breasts had never known such tender, teasing, trusting, hot kisses before. His fingers tweaking her nipples had electrified her. And when he’d drawn circles around them with the tip of his tongue she was certain she would explode. No way had she wanted to stop.

  She wanted to make love with him.

  She wanted to stay all night.

  She wanted to stay with him forever. But she couldn’t.

  And it wasn’t just his kisses that turned her on. It was him. The courteous way he’d behaved all week was so refreshing and new to her. She’d always had a problem with men hitting on her, so she’d learned to be careful. The few times she’d gotten into situations like tonight, men had tried their damndest to get her into bed. She’d never met a man who respected her wishes and respected her as much as Philip did. It wasn’t like they were sixteen-year-olds behind the bleachers. This was a twenty-seven-year-old man who had a woman in his apartment who had given him every indication she wanted to make love as much as he did. But instead of talking her into staying, he’d taken her home without an argument.

  This was the man of her dreams. But he deserved better than what she was doing behind his back. No question about it. She’d tell him the truth tomorrow night. Right after sailing one last time.

  And she’d better be prepared to sail off into the sunset.

  Alone.

  Chapter 7

  Rashid was pissed. He arrived at the mall when it opened at noon, but his favorite restaurant was closed. He’d looked forward to his meal of pancit and lumpia all week. Yeah, like the food court at this dump was going to cut it. Oh, well. At least it was better than the chow on the ship. First he’d see if his sadiq, Ibrahim, was working today.

  A trip through the mall was always an enlightening experience. He liked to people watch, and some of the merchandise was always good for a laugh as well. Especially some of the crap sold in the kiosks. Rashid asked himself: Who buys this shit?

  An oversized gold-filled charm saying “Favorite Grandmother,” caught his eye. Yeah, his drunken grandma would get a kick out of that one. The merchant said, “You name it. We got it. And if we don’t, we’ll get it for you. Good price. Just for you.”

  This booth had everything from gold Harleys to Stars of David to fake diamond rings, for Christ’s sake. A rhinestone-encrusted Jesus medallion caught Rashid’s eye. Funny, he’d never thought of Jesus as a rhinestone kind of guy.

  His mind flashed to his new friends and their commitment to their god. Allah? Jesus? Hell, throw in Buddha for good measure. None of them had ever done a fucking thing for Rashid when people were screwing him over. But if the tangos wanted to do their thing in the name of some god, then more power to them. He sure wasn’t doing this for a religious belief. Or wait. Maybe he was. Sticking it to the Navy would be a certain kind of heaven for him. But he sure wasn’t going to shout, “Allahu Akbar,” when he detonated. Maybe “Fuck you, Uncle Sam” would work. The dumb rag-heads on the fishing boat could yell whatever they wanted.

  “Peace be with you, my friend.”

  Rashid turned to find his contact had joined him. “Back atcha, Ibrahim. What are you doing over here? Checking out the competition? Who’s minding the store?”

  “My brother is with me today. Perhaps you and I could go sit down and talk. Have something to eat, some tea. I have news for you.”

  Rashid’s heart rate kicked up a notch.

  They followed the cacophony of video games and pinball machines to the food court, ordered, and settled at a corner table. His new buddies had kept him apprised of details on a daily basis, but he didn’t dare access his personal email on the ship. He popped
down to the Single Sailor Center on base most nights to check it.

  “Remember, Ibrahim. Once I deploy I can only access my Navy email address. So be sure to remind our friends to watch what they say.”

  “Yes, we are all aware of that. Thank you for the list of code words to use. We like the idea of pretending we are a girlfriend or lover.”

  “I’m serious, man. It’ll all fall through, if they write anything that smacks of danger. All ship’s email is scrutinized by security. Especially on deployment. And be sure to tell them there will be times when I won’t have access to it at all. In a crisis the ship will just cut everyone off. Hopefully, we’ll be able to communicate all pertinent information before we get to K-Day though.”

  Ibrahim cocked his head. “K-Day?”

  A grin blossomed on Rashid’s face. “Yeah. For Kaboom.”

  Ibrahim’s face reflected Rashid’s smile. “Go ahead and check your mail, sadiqi. I believe you will find some messages from our friends.”

  Ibrahim stirred three packets of sugar into his tea and sipped it while Rashid connected to the Internet. How could he drink that sweet shit? There were two messages from hotmamalovesrandy@gmail.com. “Have I told you how much I like the email account they’re using? Once they start writing to my navy email address, the security guards will never get suspicious about messages coming from such a loving address.”

  “We study Americans to find the best ways to blend in. Some of our people have spent their whole lives here. They know the culture and details that a foreigner never would. What does Hot Mama have to say today?”

  Rashid opened the first email. He glanced around the food court. There was no one close enough to hear. And the electronic sounds from the game room made for good cover noise, so he read it to Ibrahim. “The holy month of Ramadan ends on Eid al Fitr, which occurs on September ninth this year. Eid is a day of gift giving and fireworks. Think of it as a combination of your Christmas and Independence Day. Thank you for your part in helping us give the Americans a gift of fireworks on Eid this year.” He looked up questioningly at Ibrahim. “Does this mean what I think it means?”

  “Yes, my friend. They are giving you the date. September ninth, because Eid is a very special day in our calendar.”

  Heat rushed through Rashid’s chest. “It’s perfect because we’ll definitely be in the Gulf by September.” He paused, a triumphant grin on his face. “But it’s even better than perfect. It’s brilliant. Because Uncle Sam will be so focused on security for September 11, they’ll be caught off guard by an early surprise.”

  “That is good to know, my friend. What else do they have to say?”

  Rashid clicked on the other message. “Send proposed schedule as soon as possible. Be sure to include liberty ports. It would be our pleasure to have friends meet with you. We have sadiqs everywhere.” He glanced up at Ibrahim. “Whoa. They want to meet me?”

  “You are doing us a tremendous favor, Rashid. I believe they will want to thank you in person if the opportunity arises.”

  “Even if I have a schedule of ports, not everyone gets to go ashore every time.”

  “Certainly you will go ashore at some point. And like he said, they have friends everywhere. Just stay in touch and email Hot Mama if you find yourself visiting a port along the way—using the code of course. Do they say anything else?”

  Rashid continued reading. “We have a faithful servant with fishing boats in several locales. As long as you are somewhere in the pond on the designated date, we will find you.”

  Adrenaline rushed to every corner of his body. This was really going to happen.

  The pond. The whole fucking Persian Gulf.

  “This is awesome, Ibrahim. I can’t guarantee anything, except that we will most likely be in the Gulf on September ninth. Just remember, plans could change at any time.”

  “No problem, my friend. Our man with the boats owns many dhows and will have five boats in two different ports.”

  His heart stuttered, skipped a beat. He grabbed Ibrahim’s wrist. “Did you say five?”

  The merchant nodded. Rashid’s heart kicked into high gear. Five? He’d expected them to send one dhow to compromise the carrier. But, five? Holy shit, these fuckers were serious.

  “Currently we plan to have five boats in al-Jubayl and five more further south, closer to Dubai. The dhows will be pre-staged, but the fishermen and explosives can be transported easily by truck. Our extensive tribal contacts will ensure that border crossings anywhere on the Arabian Peninsula will not be an issue.”

  Rashid’s orange chicken and iced tea sat untouched. His blood hummed with excitement. This was going to be so fucking easy. The sadiqs were going to take care of everything— everything except for CDC. The Combat Direction Center on the ship was all his. He wasn’t going to let somebody else have all the fun. He would be personally involved in his cause. No way would he be a pussy like Timothy McVeigh had been in Oklahoma City.

  Rashid was going down with his ship.

  Chapter 8

  Although Hallie and Philip had planned to set sail early Sunday morning, it was hard to stick to a schedule when neither of them had slept the night before. Both were still on physical and emotional tenterhooks. It was after noon before they cleared the marina. When Hallie parked herself on the bench seat and pulled out the bottle of sunscreen, Philip stopped unfurling the sails.

  “Please don’t ask me to put that on your back.” A corner of his mouth lifted in a half smile. “I don’t think I could bear it today.”

  “I’m sorry about last night, Philip. I just didn’t feel right about staying.”

  Philip knelt down in front of her and took her face in his hands.

  “No, Hallie, you call the shots. I don’t want to push you into anything you don’t want to do. I’m just…I don’t know… I’ve been out of my mind this past week around you. I haven’t been able to function, just thinking about you. And it’s not just, you know, kissing you. It’s you, Hallie.” He put his finger under her chin and tipped her face to his.

  “I’m in a state of shock that I’ve met a woman who is smart and fun and cares about the world and doing the right things and…” He took the bottle from her. “And sunscreen.”

  Warmth spread through Hallie’s chest, a flutter in her heart.

  “You’re genuine, Hallie. And I want to be with you all the time.” He kissed her gently on the lips, just once. “And although my mind wants to treat you like the gentleman you deserve, I can’t seem to get my body to behave. So no, I won’t put sunscreen on your back. You’ll have to put on a shirt.”

  Hallie burst out laughing and reached out to hug him, but he raised his hand to stop her. “And I’ll put a shirt on too, because there is no way you’re going to put me through what you did last Sunday with that lotion. I thought I was going to die. So come on, sailor.” He hoisted the mainsail. “Anchors aweigh.”

  They sailed up Turtle Creek, an estuary of the St. Johns, enjoying the lush jungle on both sides, altering course for a manatee mother and baby. Surprisingly, there weren’t many boats on the creek so they had this paradise all to themselves. Hallie parked herself and handled the jib while Philip worked the mainsail and the tiller. Neither felt the need to talk.

  But no matter how beautiful the day and how natural she felt in Philip’s presence, Hallie could not enjoy it. A clock ticked away inside her. A bomb that would eventually go off and destroy this delicious slice of heaven she had found.

  Hallie McCabe had seriously fallen for Philip Johnston. She’d spent the past ten years fighting off guys with a stick; and somehow this thoughtful guy had slipped under her radar and stolen her heart. She’d liked him well enough until last night, but when he took her home without one word of argument, it was all over but the shouting.

  As she worked the jib, Hallie thought about how angry he w
ould be when she told him the truth later that night. No, worse. He’d be disappointed in her. She strongly doubted he’d bend any rules and agree to an illicit relationship off base. And definitely not, once they deployed. She’d have to agree with him there. That would be way too dangerous for both of them.

  She’d even try reminding him that life was uncertain, nobody knew what tomorrow would bring, grab for the gusto, and all that crap. But she knew he wouldn’t fall for it. Because he lived and breathed integrity. And that’s what she liked about him. Maybe he’d come into her life simply to show her there were men out there like this. Men she could depend on. Feel safe with. Trust.

  He’d blown her away with that little chat about the sunscreen. Most guys would have welcomed the sunscreen action today and picked up where they left off last night. If she’d thought taking her home last night was the ultimate in gentlemanly behavior, his refusal to put lotion on her back this afternoon was the cherry on top. No way was she going to let him walk away. Not quite yet.

  Suddenly Hallie knew it was time to act. What good was having a set of balls in her seabag if she didn’t take them out and use them once in a while? Looking around to ensure there weren’t any other boats in sight, she knew it was time to go on a treasure hunt.

  And she knew exactly where to find the map.

  Philip felt her sneak up behind him as he trimmed the sail. She put her arms around him and hugged his back.

  “Hallie,” he cautioned.

  She kissed his neck. “Thank you for a wonderful day. And thank you for being you.” He turned around to protest her hug, but didn’t get the chance. She removed his sunglasses, locked eyes with him, and said, “I want to make love with you. Right now. Right here.”

  Heat slammed into him, along with stunned silence. Had he heard her right? His mouth didn’t work, except to fall open.