Her Cowboy Dilemma

by C. J. Carmichael

  Her voice broke a little on the last word. Would this have happened if she hadn’t gone to Billings?

  And, as if he had read her mind, Farley said, “There’s not much you can do to prevent this kind of complication. Finnegan is an old horse. That made him more susceptible.”

  “H-he’s very near the end, isn’t he?”

  Farley nodded.

  Her eyes started filling with tears. But she smiled. “I remember the day Finn came to us. The whole family had gone to a horse sale. It was my eighth birthday. We didn’t have the breeding business back then, Mom and Dad were just looking for good cattle horses. I was the one who spotted Finnegan first.”

  The memory was fresh and true. She could almost smell the stockyard, taste the popcorn—each of them had been given a small bag—and hear the rapid-fire sound of the auctioneer’s voice.

  “‘Look at that one,’ I told my dad. ‘Your sister has a good eye,’ he said.” Cassidy smiled, remembering the approving look her dad had given her.

  “My brothers all crowded in to see him, but Finnegan would have nothing to do with them. He walked right up to me, though. And Dad said, ‘Look at that. I guess we’ll have to buy our girl a horse for her birthday.’

  “Mom was appalled. She thought he was too much horse for an eight-year-old to handle. And of course she was right. But Dad told me that if I took care of him for two years, by the time I was ten I’d be able to ride him. I remember sitting on the fence watching as Dad trained him. Dad had such a calm and patient way with horses. I learned a lot just observing him. At the end of each session, it was my job to clean the tack and give Finnegan a good brushing. And while I was working the curry comb I’d be dreaming of the day when I’d finally be able to ride him...”

  “And ride him you did.” Farley had one hand on Finnegan’s back, as if reassuring the horse that he, too, wasn’t going anywhere. “I used to think that you were mighty small to be on such a big horse. But right from the start, you knew how to control him. The two of you made quite the pair.”

  Cassidy swallowed. Those had been such happy days. The strengths and weaknesses of her mother and father had been complementary. Between them, they’d created a family that was strong and loyal with love as a solid core.

  The balance had been lost, however, when her dad died.

  “When we got home from the hospital after Dad passed away, I headed straight to the barn and took Finnegan out for a ride. I was a mess, but Finnegan seemed to know that he had to be good and gentle with me that day. We were out for hours, and you know something strange?”

  Farley didn’t say anything, but his eyes told her he was listening with both his ears and his heart.

  “I felt as if my dad was with us. I talked to him and I swear he answered me...” She brushed the tears from her eyes and tried to smile. “Crazy, huh?”

  “No. It just shows the bond you had with your father.”

  Cassidy let out a long breath and looked down at Finnegan. Her heart ached to see him so still and weak. “Are you suffering, Finn? I’m so sorry if you are. You were such a good horse. So brave and true. I won’t forget you. Not ever.”

  She laid her head close to his and Finnegan gave a soft nicker. It was the last sound she heard him make. The barn suddenly felt incredibly silent and cold.

  “He’s gone. Isn’t he?”

  “Yes. I’m sorry. But yes.”

  “No.” She didn’t want it to be true. She wrapped her arms tighter around her horse and though she’d wanted to be strong, she couldn’t help herself. The sobs came pouring out of her, as if she’d had a broken heart for years and was only now letting it all out.

  She was crying for Finn. And Brock. And her father.

  Crying for a time when they’d all been together. Those glorious years that she’d taken for granted, never guessing how soon they would end.

  “Come here, sweetheart.” Farley had laid a blanket over Finn. Now he pulled her up and into his arms, not seeming to mind that her face was wet and sticky. He put a hand on her head, letting her burrow into the solid warmth of his chest.

  And she clung for a good long minute, then took a deep breath.

  “I’m sorry I lost it.”

  “I wouldn’t think much of you if you hadn’t.”

  There were tears in his eyes, too, she saw. She reached up to touch one. Farley caught her hand and held it close.

  “Now what?” she asked, her voice coming out in tremolo.

  “I know you have a plot where you bury your horses. Let me make the arrangements for that tomorrow. When your family gets home you can have a ceremony.”

  “Thank you.”

  “In the meantime, you and Sky should come home with me. You shouldn’t be alone tonight.”

  Hearing her name, Sky came immediately to Cassidy’s side. She’d been standing guard at the door all this time, Cassidy realized, as if sensing they needed protection.

  “Good girl, Sky.” She petted her dog and considered Farley’s offer.

  Her instinct was to say no. But she knew if she spent the night in her mother’s house, or even in Brock’s cabin, all she would think about was Finnegan growing cold and stiff in the barn. She shuddered.

  Farley took her hand. “Let’s get your things.”

  * * *

  IT WAS TOO hot for a fire this evening. Farley went around his house opening windows, but the air still felt humid and close. He made soup and tomato sandwiches, and though Cassidy swore she wasn’t hungry, he noticed she ate every bite.

  When they were done, they took a couple beers and went out on the porch. Sky, seeing what they were doing, turned back at the door and returned to the hearth with the other dogs.

  Not wanting to attract the moths, Farley didn’t light the candles that he kept out here. There was enough light filtering out from the living room window that they could see where they were going. They sat side by side on the cushioned swing and listened to the cricket music.

  “So how was the trip to Billings?” he finally asked. He’d been avoiding the subject, not sure he was ready to hear the answer.

  He’d had a rough couple days while she was gone. It had taken her absence from Coffee Creek to make him realize how far gone he was.

  He ought to be protecting himself from more pain and keeping his distance. But seeing her in pain made it impossible for him to stay away.

  “It was fine, I hope. They seemed impressed with my academic record. And my meetings went well.” Cassidy took a swallow of beer, then pushed out of the swing and went to stand by the railing.

  She looked gorgeous. Her hair was shorter, but it suited her and it was still long enough to frame her beautiful face in gold. Before coming here she’d changed into clean jeans and a T-shirt and he couldn’t help noticing that her silver belt buckle fell at just the right spot to emphasize both her slender waist and the curve of her hips.

  He felt his heart start to pound, hard and fast.

  She always did this to him. Always.

  He found the courage to ask, “Did you get the job?”

  She sighed. “I don’t know yet.”

  But she would, he thought. Who wouldn’t hire a smart, beautiful woman like her? Who could resist?

  The realization that she was really going scooped all the feeling from his gut, leaving him hollow and exposed. And angry. Why did he care so much? He shouldn’t. He’d known from the start what her plans were and frankly, he couldn’t really blame her. Being a Lambert wasn’t easy for her. In Billings, she could finally just be herself.

  “If I hadn’t gone, maybe Finn would still be alive.” She took a long drink, emptying the can then setting it aside. She turned to stare out at the night.

  “I don’t think that’s true.”

  “But you can’t know it isn’t.” Her voice cracked and then she was crying again. “No one else loved him like I do. I should have known they wouldn’t give him enough attention.”

  “No.” He hated hearing her suffering. He wen
t to her, putting his arms around her. “Don’t blame yourself. Even if you’d been by his side every second, there was nothing you could have done.”

  She turned into him, pressing her face, damp with tears, against his chest. He cupped the back of her head with his hands, feeling all sorts of things that were complicated and wrong.

  He wanted to comfort her and reassure her.

  But he also wanted...

  And then she was lifting her face and bringing her hands to his shoulders. “Farley?”

  She said his name softly, almost as if she was pleading for something. And then she was on her toes. And he was leaning closer to her. And they were kissing.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Farley made it all disappear. Every worry, every loss, every problem. Gone.

  Instead Cassidy had him and this moment. His bronzed skin and taut muscles, his amazing kisses and his pleasure-giving hands.

  She stopped thinking.

  There was no need to think. Their bodies were in control now. One kiss led to another. Clothing was discarded. They didn’t go inside. She didn’t want that. Farley grabbed the cushion from the swing and set her gently onto that.

  She supposed she could have seen the stars and the moon as they made love. But Farley’s eyes were enough. His eyes told her that he knew what she needed. And knew how to give it to her.

  As she cried out his name, she felt as if she were howling at the moon. And when he gasped her name back to her, the circle was complete. The waves of pleasure slowly ebbed, until all she could hear was his heart under her ear, and all she felt was his body next to hers.

  “No wonder I was so afraid of you at the Harvest Dance.”

  “Why do you say that? Did I hurt you?”

  “The opposite of hurt, I’d say. But was I ready for this four years ago? I’d have to say no.” She wasn’t so sure she’d been ready now. She’d lost herself for a while there. Been consumed by all the things he made her feel.

  And while it had been wonderful, it was also terrifying.

  She’d only just started figuring out who she was. She didn’t want to lose herself to Farley next. And that would be all too easy to do.

  “Cass?” He brushed her hair gently with his fingers, letting the strands fall slowly back in place. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save your horse for you.”

  She swallowed as the pain, momentarily pushed aside, started to seep back. “You did what you could. And maybe it was his time.”

  She rolled over and searched for her clothing. He must be thinking she and her mother were quite the pair. Both of them throwing her at him in the most shameless way.

  She pulled on her jeans and top, anxious to be covered. This had not been right. It wasn’t the plan. “Farley, will you drive me home?”

  He looked stricken. “I thought—”

  “This was a mistake. I—I must have been crazy.” It was a warm evening, but her teeth were chattering.

  “Cass, please, stay the night. In the spare room if you want.” Farley was up, pulling on his jeans, then wrapping his shirt around her shoulders. “You’re shaking. Are you cold?”

  She shook her head, passed him back his shirt. “I can’t stay. I can’t.”

  * * *

  AS HE DROVE her home, Farley was reminded of that night, four years ago, when they’d sat silently in a dark truck, both of them desperate for the trip to be over so they could pretend the night had never happened.

  Though Farley wasn’t so sure he could make that same wish tonight. Making love with Cassidy had been everything and more that he could have hoped for. And she’d been right there with him. He’d heard the pleasure in her voice, felt it in her body, right down to her cells.

  But emotionally she hadn’t been ready. Maybe her emotions had been too raw. Maybe she saw him as a threat—someone else who would try to keep her from taking that job she wanted so much. Or maybe she just saw him as the man her mother wanted her to be with, and therefore the last man on earth she would ever settle for.

  Just like on that other night, four years ago, when he stopped the truck, he went to open her door. Sky jumped out first, then Cassidy.

  She wouldn’t look him in the eyes. “Thanks for the lift, Farley. And thanks for...what you tried to do for Finn.”

  Every instinct screamed at him not to leave her this way. But what choice did he have?

  “Let me walk you to the door.”

  She shook her head. “Just go, Farley, okay?”

  She was so tired, she was swaying on her feet. Her face was tear-stained and her hand rested on Sky’s head as if her dog was the only thing holding her together right now. He wanted to scoop her up and carry her to her bed.

  Instead, he got back into the truck and drove away.

  * * *

  CASSIDY WATCHED UNTIL his taillights were faded to tiny dots in the distance, then contemplated her options. Sleep in the posh bedroom her mom had designed for her?

  No, thanks.

  She decided to drive to Brock’s cabin and spend the night there. Sky was confused, but obeyed her command to climb into the passenger side of her truck. At the cabin, she found the key under the flowerpot as usual and went inside.

  Sky seemed immediately at home and went to lie on the sofa. But Cassidy hung back. She hadn’t been here since Brock’s death and she felt as if she was violating a sacred space. As she moved tentatively from room to room, however, she began to feel a peaceful connection to her brother.

  Cassidy looked over his music collection and found an album that he had played incessantly when he was around fourteen. She put it on and smiled at the familiar opening guitar riff.

  The music filled up the empty spaces in the cabin and added warmth and life. Bonny had boxed Brock’s belongings and given the cabin a cleaning after his death. Dust had accumulated over the passing months, but it wasn’t too bad.

  Cassidy found clean sheets in the linen cupboard and made up the spare bed. She turned on the shower, stripped and stepped inside. The hot water was soothing, at first. But it didn’t take long for her thoughts to start torturing her. First she was sobbing, thinking of Finn.

  And not a minute later, her breath was heavy, remembering what had happened with Farley. She ran a soapy cloth over her body. He’d touched her here. And here. And here.

  Oh, Lord, what had possessed her? She’d practically begged him to make love to her, then treated him like chopped liver when it was over.

  She’d been such a jerk. Just like four years ago. The parallel between the way she’d behaved on the two occasions was mortifying. How could she ever face him again?

  Eventually the water began to run cool, and Cassidy switched off the taps. She dried off and then dragged her weary body to bed. Not a minute later, Sky joined her there.

  Poor dog must be so confused by now. It had been quite an evening. First she’d been dragged out to the barn, then to Farley’s place, and now here they were settling in at Brock’s cabin.

  Showing a wonderful ability to adapt to new circumstances, however, Sky just put down her head and went to sleep.

  And Cassidy, eventually, did the same.

  * * *

  CASSIDY COULDN’T REMEMBER the last time she’d slept much past dawn. But she was exhausted—mentally and physically—and not only did the cabin’s spare bedroom window face north, but the curtains were drawn. Finally, there was no alarm set in the room. In fact, there wasn’t even a clock.

  Sky must have been just as tired as she was, because she didn’t wake Cassidy up, either.

  It was the rumble of her empty stomach that finally roused Cassidy and had her lifting her head from the pillow.

  She glanced around the dimly lit room in confusion, then winced as everything came back to her.

  She grabbed her phone from the bedside table and could not believe what she saw.

  She’d slept until noon?

  Hastily, she scrambled out of the bed, then dressed in the clothes from the previous night. It was hard not
to remember Farley’s fingers on the buttons of her shirt, or the way he’d looked at her when they’d—

  No.

  She let Sky out for her morning constitutional, then opened the passenger door of her truck and urged Sky to jump in.

  For the first time that Cassidy could remember, Sky balked.

  “We’re not going far,” she promised the border collie. “Just home.”

  The word home seemed to convince her and Sky finally took her place. As Cassidy motored back along the graveled road, she could hear the sound of heavy equipment coming from the direction of the horse burial grounds.

  Farley was living up to his promise to take care of Finn, and Cassidy was thankful that she wouldn’t have to face the body when she went into the barn this morning.

  But Dave had already done the chores, she noticed, as she made the rounds of the cattle and equine barns ten minutes later. She went to the home barn last and the first thing she noticed was the missing boot bath.

  Inside were more changes. The stall where Finnegan had died last night was empty and perfectly clean.

  Only one person could have done all this. She found his note in the tack room.

  “I’ve disinfected Finn’s stall, feeding pail and water trough and burned the bedding. You can consider this official notice that the quarantine on Coffee Creek Ranch is ended.”

  Cassidy read the note several times, closing her eyes and letting a few more tears fall. How could he be so kind and thoughtful when she’d behaved like such a—

  Words failed her.

  She wanted to call him and thank him, but she guessed he might not be too happy to hear from her right now. In fact, she wouldn’t blame him if he never wanted to see her again.

  Cassidy got some horse treats from the feed room then went outside to the pasture. Lucy spotted her right away and came trotting over.

  “Good girl, Lucy.” She broke off a piece of the baked horse treat and gave the palomino a hug. She wondered what Lucy and the rest of the herd had made of the previous night’s events.

  She was certain that they knew Finn had died. She could tell by the way they huddled closely together, even though the day was sunny and warm.