Seithe (Pravus)

by Poppet

  My throat is in a choke hold. "Like Hitler?"

  "It's all I can think of, Phoebe. If I mark you myself, then whoever it is who has marked you invisibly has to face off with me."

  "Get out!"

  "What?"

  He can't believe it, but this is my home and I know an order is an order and he has to listen.

  "I said get out! Leave! Now!"

  His expression is shock. Disbelief stares back at me from mercurial irises. He departs like yet another figment of my overactive imagination.

  A wounded howl forces itself out of my body. Curling up, sobs shatter the tranquility in my home. My light is completely eclipsed with emotional pain.

  Chapter 37: Anger

  I must have fallen asleep. I'm brought back to consciousness with a gentle hand caressing the hair off my forehead.

  "Welcome back baby girl."

  My eyes shrivel against the light in protest. Squinting I look up into the face of my white haired lover.

  "Stop being angry. Talk to me."

  "Give me one good reason to trust you."

  "Because you love me and I love you. That's worth fighting for, isn't it?"

  My stomach complains loudly from hunger. I push myself up into a seated position to stare at him. He pulls me closer, blessing my eyelids with kisses.

  "You mean mean man."

  "What have I done to make you so angry? Tell me."

  "Played me with my obvious weaknesses."

  "Why do you think this?"

  "Why didn't you tell me your brother wouldn't make me pregnant?"

  "Phoebe, you were so distraught and I was livid. If I'd told you I don't think you would have believed me. You were near hysterical. I gave you what you asked for."

  "But you said you would heal me too."

  "I did."

  "No, you didn't."

  He pulls away to stare at me with confused brown eyes, wearing brown hair again. Planting a hot palm on my body, scanning silently, "You have no pain, you are healed."

  "That happened earlier today, it wasn't from you."

  "Phoebe, who got hold of you? What happened?"

  "I love you and you betrayed my trust."

  "I didn't ..."

  "Tell me why you don't go in the sun?"

  "Because it's hot. We don't like heat because we are natural infernos. We crave cooling not heating. We are bright enough; the sun reminds us of the Source. It strikes an emotional chord that reminds us of our loss."

  "I'm tired Seithe. I can't keep on doing this."

  "Come home with me. I have dinner waiting for you. Let's savour this night."

  Hot tears mar my wan cheeks as I give in, wrapping my arms around his neck, seeking comfort.

  Tender kisses catch them, "Who hurt you baby girl?"

  "We did."

  I feel his confused hesitation.

  "Seithe, please promise me something."

  "Anything."

  "Never lie to me again. Don't manipulate me. Always tell me the truth."

  "I promise ... now will you come home with me?"

  "Yes."

  We lurch, my head spins, I fight the waves of ink-dark closing out the light in my pupils.

  "Why do you have to move us so violently?"

  "Minxy, if I am guilty, it's simply that I do not realise my own strength. I try to be gentle."

  His lips find mine, and I wallow in the sensation. He feels like my home. I know I love him. I feel treacherous. I'm not sure who we hurt more. Me, him or Jowendrhan. All of us, walking wounded, all simply searching for compassionate love.

  "It was Jowendrhan wasn't it?"

  "Why do you think that?"

  "His name keeps filtering through your mind."

  I nod, unable to meet his eyes. The instantaneous heat in his touch confirms my fear. He knows.

  "Why?"

  Releasing me, I feel the impact of the force of his anger on the wall. The detonation of dust antagonises my throat.

  "It just happened."

  "Things like that don't just happen!"

  Finally I stare back at glowing eyes; dancing fireflies lit with anger, "Fine! I made a choice. He was very convincing. But through that choice I received complete confirmation that I'm in love with you."

  "Is that supposed to be my consolation prize?"

  I can't face his scorn. I already feel loathsome, and he's driving the proverbial stake through what's left of my slashed heart. Instinctively I turn and run away, seeking refuge away from him.

  Unhappily I find my way into the pool room. Sinking onto the pale stone slabs that surround the aqua serenity, I recall the first breakfast we shared. Intoxicating seduction degenerated into complicit rendezvous' and betrayal. How can something so fabulous get so messed up so fast?

  He finds me with ease. Stripping off most of his clothes, he levitates into the pool. I suppose he feels the need to show off, prove his vampiric power or something. Maybe even trying to intimidate me. I don't fear him. I fear losing him.

  I watch the water around him start bubbling frantically. Steam rising in waves, veiling him in swirls of vacuous heat.

  Swallowing my pride I slip into the water. I stand as close as I can handle to the bubbling cauldron surrounding him. Staring through the mirage of dry ice-like mist roiling from the water, swirling like oozing puss on a troll's back.

  Scooping my rigid hand across the surface I spray him with a wave of diaphanous sparkles. Shattering the shroud of steam, exposing my simmering lover. Love being the operative word. Look at me. Acknowledge the pain in my eyes. Know I'm sorry. I can't undo it. I would if I could.

  The bubbling stops. Bravado entices me to spray him again.

  His glare knifes me with icy indifference. It squeezes my heart, bringing tears.

  "Yes?"

  "I love you, asshole!"

  "Look, I tell you what. I'll gather the clan, you can fuck them all, and then we can start again once you've worked off your lascivious appetite."

  Suitably rebuked, I give up. Misery blinds me as I move to the edge of the pool. Dragging myself out of it, I leave the room in wet slopping footprints. The toxic rebuttal has successful bored catacombs through me.

  I feel ruptured as if his rejection impacts me like a deadly soul eating virus. Gnaw gnaw gnaw. Holes everywhere. Maybe I'm now ninety percent empty space. Go on, just walk right through me. If he blows hard enough he could play me like a whistle.

  He's absolutely right. I messed up big time. I ruined what we had by believing Jowendrhan. Although Jowendrhan told me the truth, I could have kept my clothes on and rescued my dignity and heart from annihilation. But this is futile. That's like wishing I hadn't fallen in love. By the time you realise how bad your addiction is, it's too late to undo the attachment.

  I need to find a bathroom. If I don't find tissues soon, I'll be reduced to appearing like a toddler. Tears are eating into my cheeks like acid rain.

  A fistful of the things hover in front of my nose. Beyond being alarmed, I snatch one, blowing my nose and dabbing at my eyes. He's like an astral flea the way he jumps from place to place.

  "Phoebe, I thought you were the one. When you said you were prepared to open your mind and engage me, I thought you meant it."

  The use of past tense isn't lost on me. Call me poppet and drive a new pin in, why don't you?

  "I did."

  "Godammit woman!"

  I flinch at the force of his rage.

  "Look, just take me home. We don't have to extend our misery. If it's all the same to you, I'd rather go home to curl up and die."

  "You forgot the pity pot."

  Glaring through red rimmed eyes I hiss right back, "I already feel like a whore. Rubbing it in won't make a shred of difference!"

  "Did you go to him or did he come to you?"

  "He saved me from your fucking sister and I felt relieved, confused and grateful!"

  "Why didn't you call me?"

  "Because he told me about your lies! And it hurt
! And I needed time away from you to sort my head out!"

  "And by fucking him?"

  "No Seithe! I had a complete lapse of good judgement! I think I've had it since I walked out on Brian. Brian might have been an asshole, but at least he didn't put me through hell!"

  "So maybe Brian was right about you then? You are a complete self-centred little bitch? Is that accurate?"

  "Why don't you go smoke a crematorium exhaust! Just stop it."

  "Why? You can hurt me but can't take the backlash?"

  "Maybe your brother was right. If you aren't in complete control, being the master and me the subject, then you are dangerous. You manipulated me as much as he did! But somehow you think you're beyond reproach!"

  "It's easier for you to believe that isn't it? Makes you feel better doesn't it? Justifies your behaviour does it?"

  "Fuck you!"

  "You already have. I'm not convinced I can stomach indulging in sloppy seconds right now."

  His tone, stature and expression, are so entirely condescending that I feel unworthy.

  The term tramp, with it's ambiguity, impales me. Bulls-eye. Master marksman assassinates hope with one sentence. Shrinking inside, mentally retreating, I stare down at his feet.

  "ENOUGH!" thunders through the passage behind us. Rumbling past, reverberating off the ancient stone in phantom haunting.

  My heart stops as I spin to face the voice of rage. Oh god. Time slows as I fight for breath in panic induced fright.

  "What the hell do you want? Back for more?"

  "You've made her so upset I can feel it on the other side of the fucking planet!"

  Seithe stares scornfully at me, "Oh how sweet, look who's come to defend your harlot-honour."

  I'm not having this on my conscience. Facing Jowendrhan bravely, I order him, "Jowendrhan leave. This is between Seithe and me. It has nothing to do with you."

  "Phoebe, from what I'm hearing it has everything to do with me."

  "GO!"

  I can see he wants to stay, he wants me to change my mind, but thankfully he flickers out of sight.

  "Oh, how noble of you. Protecting your boyfriend from my anger."

  Glumly I observe his self-righteous face. "I love you. Do you hear me? I LOVE YOU!"

  "You have a very strange way of showing it."

  "I get it! I get that you're hurt! I'm sorry! I'll fuck off and leave you alone now. But that doesn't change how I feel about you! You may be hurt but your reaction hurts me right back. We're in this together. I hurt myself by hurting you. Cause and effect. I get it!"

  My emotions crumble, and my body wants to crumple right with them.

  "Take me home. Despite my looming sixth day I still have work tomorrow. After tomorrow, I will never bother you or your kind ever again. And you'd better all stay the fuck away from me!"

  His palm pushes hard against my forehead, propelling me away in repulsion. Staggering, fighting to gain my balance, arms ensnare me, capturing me like a pathetic moth caught in yet another web, as I arrive in my home.

  Chapter 38: Reprieve

  I shove at the arms, spinning wildly to glare at Arelstin's Nordic face and bright blue eyes. Seithe has eroded my confidence and I'm in no mood to deal with more of the pod now.

  "Get out!"

  "Wait! Aren't you even curious as to why we're here?"

  I glare at the female companion, matching him in looks and related to both brothers, "NO!"

  "You've been a busy girl. Your emotions are saturating all of us right now."

  "Just those of you I've swapped fluids with, now GET OUT!"

  "Fine."

  The two of them vanish and I'm left alone in my home that now looks completely bloody different! How typical of Ellindt to think my home needs a makeover. Given half the chance she'd do that to me too.

  Although the gigantic bed does look seriously inviting.

  Stalking unhappily to the fridge I yank it open. Ugh the cheese has gone green, I have to go shopping again. Settling on a new packet of McVites biscuits for my dinner, I crawl onto the bed. I notice my iPod resting on the side table with my phone.

  I wish he had a voice. I wish I could phone him. I wish we could have had that normality where we could phone and say goodnight. Or good morning. And get dirty and playful.

  Messing crumbs, I snatch a pillow and clutch it. I'm really going to miss that motherfucking arrogant vampire. I don't feel twenty-eight. I feel like a combination between sixty-eight and thirteen. I've never been this exhausted in my life. But the heartbreak feels as if it's the first time a boy's ever smashed my heart.

  Just like before, it's all my own fault. Jowendrhan just gets me into trouble. I should have known better. But now that I know better I'm not sure he's naturally malicious at all. It's a front he puts on around the others.

  I wish I had someone to talk to. Someone who's lived through this. How often does this even happen?

  "Are you okay?"

  Pouncing off the bed in fright. "Jeez! Scare the shit out of me!"

  "Phoebe, I came to say, I'm sorry."

  "You and me both."

  "You look so miserable."

  I have no idea why compassion exhumes my fragile emotions. But it always does without fail. My tenuous hold shatters and tears start strolling down my cheeks again.

  "I am."

  "Need a hug?"

  "Definitely, but I wouldn't dare take one from you."

  "I'm not happy leaving you alone. Your emotions are so messed up that I worry you'll be an easy target."

  "If you think that then it's just a matter of time before your brother shows up with the same idea. And he'll go ballistic if he finds you here."

  "Come here."

  I don't have the inclination to resist the comfort of a hug. I indulge in it until I feel calm.

  "You should leave." I tell Jowendrhan.

  "Call me if you need anything. Okay?"

  "Okay."

  I'm left standing alone like a mad woman talking to herself.

  Fuck it. Fuck men, fuck vampires, fuck them all.

  I strip off my jeans and shirt, sneaking under the covers where despite my doubts, sleep snatches reason from me to engulf me in terrifying nightmares.

  I miss him so much I can smell him. Clutching the pillow I struggle to maintain my grip on sleepland. I don't want to leave his comforting warmth, his dry hot smell. Absently I mumble appreciation. "Hmmmm."

  I snuggle deeper into the arms around me, pressing tightly against his skin. I know he can't hear me. But right now he feels so real. "I love you, Seithe."

  "I know."

  Shock strips lethargy from me in my haste to sit up. The vice of his arms holds me down.

  "Seithe!"

  Struggling he lets me turn to face him. He turns his hair white for my benefit.

  Emotion wells over. I throw myself around him, smothering his face in kisses. His smile is such a balm on my heart.

  "Minxy, I was so angry."

  Shame guts my thrill, cutting the stem off the long rose of hope. Deadheading it.

  "Hey, I'm not here to chastise you. I love your new bed. I couldn't resist climbing into it with you."

  "I missed you."

  "I know. Even fast asleep you talk to me, and cuddle up."

  "How do you know I was cuddling with you?"

  A roguish smile softens his face. "It's the little things you do in your sleep."

  "Like what?"

  "Like caress my chest with your fingernails, mumbling my name. Wrapping your leg over me, pressing hard against me, clasping that hand shamelessly around me, breathing hard, telling me to breathe into you."

  "I did not!"

  "Yes, you did. You made me promise sheer honesty. It's pure and unfiltered baby."

  Secretly I'm pleased he received unconscious confirmation of my allegiance.

  "Why are you here?"

  "I needed to look after you. I can't leave you alone, not now, it's too dangerous."

  "I'm glad you c
ame."

  My adoring eyes drink their fill.

  "I haven't yet. Sounds like a great way to start the day."

  "And just like that, I'm forgiven?"

  "No. But you're mine. They can't have you. I'd feel better if you showed me that you mean it."

  The heat in my bed just quadrupled.

  "You just want to pop my bed's virginity."

  His hand slips up to cover my heart, "Show me you love me."

  Sitting up, my hair trails over his skin, a spider's web of black strands. "I am so ashamed Seithe. You can do better. I don't deserve to have you here caring for me."

  "You were the challenge. If they successfully drive a wedge between us, then they win. Show me they haven't."

  Despite the sad ache shrouding my heart, a naughty grin slips onto my visage. Worming my way under the covers, my mumble reaches him.

  "Like this?"

  Chapter 39: Morning

  There's a vibe about today. It feels like my last day alive, which results in me wanting to live it completely, but that's almost nullified with fear.

  He's waiting for me after my shower. I'm dressed for work in a grey pants suit and black boots. This is a deliberate choice, to hide the multiple weapons I'm keeping secret even from him. Keeping my mind devoid of any thoughts other than food.

  "Come."

  I smile as he wraps arms around me and we teleport. Now we're both wearing sunglasses, and I have to laugh.

  "Where the hell are we?"

  "Nowhere in particular."

  I'm staring in awe at the mountain range around us; the panoramic view is breathtaking. The sun is rising over an Aegean blue ocean. It's warm, comfortable.

  He pulls a chair out for me at the breakfast table magically sitting on the top of this flat mountain outcrop. My stomach has no shame as it gurgles loudly at the pastry selection. Bagels with cheese, donuts, Danish pastries, custard slices, buns, scones, and a full English breakfast with hot black coffee.

  "I think I should plan on dying more often."

  He sits opposite me, pouring us both coffee.

  "Phoebe, I gather from your response that you refuse to wear my symbol?"

  Tension grips me.

  "I won't let anyone mark me. Not any of you. The answer is categorically no."