by Dan Kolbet
"What did you do?"
"I'm no investigator, but I looked up Frank's address and found out what school district the house was in. The school wouldn't tell me anything about a girl named Aspen or Libby, so I tried something else. I called the teacher who served as the yearbook advisor and pretended to pitch another company to print the school yearbook. When she told me the name of the actual printer they used, it was easy. I just ordered a new copy sent here."
Alex hands me a black South Kitsap High School yearbook with a plastic cover. One of the pages was tabbed with a yellow Post-It note. I turned to the tabbed page and saw it was the T section. Halfway down the page was a picture of my daughter—listed as Libby Taylor.
"There was nothing I could do for Libby. She was stuck with her mom and I didn't know anything about their relationship except that my sister was unstable. So I created an online search alert for Libby and several variations of Lisa Taylor. Anytime those names appeared online, I'd get an email. The Lisa Taylor name was a dead end, because the name was so common. I couldn't follow all the alerts. I sifted through the emails every day, but if there was one about her drowning in the river, or an obituary, I didn't see it. Like I said, I'm no investigator. I'm trying to live my life here too—raise my family."
"Trust me, I understand," I say, for the first time actually realizing how difficult this must have been on Alex too.
"So, when Libby was arrested, I saw her name in an online search email. Since I work for the Corrections Department here in Colorado, I called in a few favors and got the details of her arrest in Washington. That's when I knew it was her and that I needed to get her some help."
"Wait, so how did you know to find me? And why didn't you do it before?"
"Billy, you've got to believe me, I thought that this whole elaborate story wouldn't make a lick of sense if I tried to explain it. And that maybe I was the one with mental issues—like I was losing it. My wife accused me of cheating. She thought I was having an affair with a woman I met online for God's sake. Imagine having to explain this."
"Trust me, I understand," I commiserate.
"I traced the real estate records for the addresses on Jane's Spokane envelopes. Your name was on them too. I tried to find you, but only after she went to Minnesota. Honestly. Maybe not very hard at first."
And he wouldn't have been able to find me anyhow, because I was hiding in Montana.
"I believe you," I say.
"So—and I already told you this, because it's the truth—I saw your name on your father's obituary and I went to the funeral months before Libby was arrested. I just wanted to see you and find out if you were the reason that my sister ran. I know now that it was all her, not you."
"You showed me a picture of you and her in a big semi-truck," I say. "That's what convinced me that you were telling the truth that night," I say.
"I know. I'm sorry. But you saw what you wanted to see. That really was a picture of her and the real Frank. He had on a hat and it was blurry. All you needed was a little encouragement to believe me. That blurry photograph of her was enough. If you would have looked closer—and I'm sure you weren't looking at him—you would have seen that Frank and I look nothing alike. But you were focused on her, understandably."
Alex takes out another crate from under the cabinet and pulls a file folder, then hands me the same photograph he showed me at the diner. It's Jane and another man—the real Frank—leaning out the window of a semi-truck.
"I swiped it from Frank's truck, when I went to Port Orchard."
"Did you know the real Frank?"
"Not really, he came out when I knocked on their door wondering why I was bugging his girlfriend," Alex says. "He was a good guy I think, just like you. He got fooled too. It wasn't his fault."
My head is spinning. But Alex's explanation fills in all the gaps. He'd been trying to connect with her for years and she'd tease him by sending him these stupid, empty silver envelopes. She acted like they were strangers. Instead of telling me the whole story, he did the one thing that would do some good—reconnected me to Libby. I don't agree with how he did it, but I understand why.
His explanation doesn't tell me why she did the things she did. And I don't know the reason, but knowing that her behavior was a pattern is somewhat comforting to me. That it wasn't me who drove her away—at least not completely. She had it inside her to run away. She'd done it before and likely did it again.
I'm drained. My brain is exhausted. I can see the same feeling on Alex's face. I'm not sure why, but I reach out and embrace him. Two men, hugging it out. Victims of the same game. His sister. My wife. A total stranger to both of us.
I'm not perfect and I know it. I have flaws and issues, but I didn't do this. I didn't send my wife away. Alex didn't send away his sister and Frank didn't send away his girlfriend. She did it on her own.
It wasn't my fault. I couldn't have been expected to know that I was being duped because—if I'm to believe Alex's theory—Jane herself didn't even know it.
I take a breath and wonder, is she out there somewhere? Who is she today? Truthfully, I really don't care anymore. I won't let her impact who I am anymore, even if it hurts.
Chapter 54
Three Months later in Spokane
April named her baby boy Charles after our father. Little Charlie was born three days after her due date. Perfectly healthy. Full head of hair. Ten fingers and ten toes. April had told the truth about quitting the drugs. It took no convincing at all to move April into the Cedar House. Mom was overjoyed to feel needed again and took to the little boy instantly.
I'm keeping an eye on Charlie's father too. He's not quite ready to be introduced to his son, but he will be soon. Before I left for Colorado, I met Glen in a bar thanks to some convincing from our local drug-dealer buddy, Mix. Glen told me about the night he got into that bar fight, the one in which April was pushed to the ground. Turns out the argument was over April's overdue drug tab. She owed another dealer over a thousand dollars that Glen was trying to negotiate down, but the dealer wouldn't agree to any negotiation—except one. He wanted the baby.
So when April heard Glen screaming, "If you think you can just take it, you're wrong," he was talking about the baby. Glen was an alcoholic, no doubt, but he wanted to be a good father. I set him up in a rehab center in Idaho—far enough away that he could take the time he needed to sober up and hopefully become the man he needed to be for April and his son. I told April everything and she thanked me for it.
Libby moved into the house too. She helped out with the baby, but had already enrolled in classes at Spokane Community College. She had it all worked out. She'd transfer to a four-year school after she got her entry-level classes completed. She wanted to study psychology and work as a counselor to kids.
There was one big change with Libby though, her name. She's back to being Aspen again. I didn't think it was fair to keep the truth about her mom hidden. That would have just perpetuated the lies and set her up for disappointment in the future. She wasn't surprised, when I told her, in fact she told me that her experiences with her mom fit everything Alex had described. She remembers the days after the fire when her mom transformed into someone else. In a way, she was made to transform too. From Aspen to Libby, but she was so young she didn't know to resist it. She didn't know that something was wrong.
She was upset about the silver envelopes, because like Alex and me, we couldn't figure out why Jane sent them. Obviously Jane was sending them to Ella too, but Ella never mentioned them to Aspen or me. This omission was clearly a misguided attempt to cover for her daughter.
Alex and Aspen have talked on the phone several times over the past few months. It was awkward at first, but she told me it's gotten easier. I think it's important for her to talk to her family—even family she doesn't yet really know. If everything works out, I'll fly Aspen to Colorado to see her uncle this summer when she's on break from school.
Aspen has made it very clear that she doesn't want to see
her grandmother again. The woman is an enabler, who allowed her daughter to hurt people because it was too difficult for her to deal with the truth. That's not the kind of person she needs in her life. People who bring you pain with no regard for the damage they cause aren't worth your time. You should focus on the family that is best for you. Blood relatives or not.
* * *
I'm splitting my time between the Cedar House and Michelle's place. The house is so full of people right now that it's nice to get away for a little break now and again. This summer that will change. Kendall will head off to college at the University of Washington and Mom has already said that she wants to return to the GreyHawk. April appreciates the help, but by summer she'll be clawing at the walls to get her own place too. I have a feeling that Mom will have a standing invitation to help with Charlie any time she pleases, though.
I plan to sell the house—maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Let me tell you about Michelle.
* * *
I couldn't be happier in my relationship with Michelle. Right after Colorado, I found myself stopping at jewelry stores—trying to convince myself that I wasn't going to buy a ring. I can't lie; I'm fairly gun-shy considering everything with Jane, but I bought one anyway. And I'd been carrying it around for weeks when Michelle made the decision easy for me.
On this particular morning she asked me to come visit her for lunch at the school. We'd done this at least once a week for some time now, so it was no big surprise. When I arrive at the classroom the kids are all working on a craft project at their individual tables. I winked at Gracie as I stepped in. We'd made an agreement that I would pretend I wasn't her uncle during class time, so she could still be cool in front of her friends—which is nuts because she's only 6. But that's what she asked for and I obliged.
"I've got to fill out some paper work before they all head out for lunch," Michelle says. "You can wait over at the table by the window. It'll only be a minute."
I take a seat in the tiny little chair by the window and start thumbing through one of the books on the shelf when a little boy walks up to me and hands me a piece of red construction paper.
"It's for you," he says.
The paper is a wild assortment of green yarn glued onto the paper in the shape of a bird and a nest or something. I can't exactly make it out.
"Thank you," I say.
Then another kid, this time a girl, hands me a blue piece of construction paper, with the word "Have" written on it in crayon. This pattern continues. Several more children bring up pieces of paper and set them on the desk in front of me. Michelle is filling out her paper work and is totally ignoring this odd little parade of artists.
I realize that the first yarn picture wasn't a bird and a nest, but the word "We." I lay out the papers. They read, "We Have A SERCET." I assume "SERCET" means "SECRET." Now all the students are giggling in their chairs.
So the kids have a secret. OK. Now what?
Gracie stands up and slowly walks to my table and hands me a folded piece of green construction paper that is completely covered in sparkle glitter except one small line in the middle. Gracie uses her hand to hide her smile. The class erupts in laughter.
I look down at the paper. It says, "We Are Getting A New Kid."
Now, ordinarily, I'd say, "Great, so?" But something about this little performance indicates a much larger message.
I look over at Michelle, who is now actively avoiding my glance and pretending to work on her papers. The kids know this too, so they call out "Ms. Dixon! Ms. Dixon!"
Then she finally looks up at me and raises an eyebrow.
We're having a baby.
Chapter 55
The wedding is in the back yard of Michelle's mom's house. It's July, so she had big white event tents raised to cover our guests—which is good because it rains the entire time. The event is simple and very casual. Michelle wears a loose-fitting silk and lace gown that makes her look gorgeous with just the slightest baby bump showing.
We can finally declare our love for each other and begin our lives together. The rain stops for the "I Dos," and our first dance, but then it's back to a downpour and so we dance in the drenching rain. All of us, even Mom in her bright yellow pants. Gracie, Aspen, Kendall, me and Michelle share dances and let the events of the past year wash away as the heavens open up.
All the worry, guilt and stress is gone. All the sorrow and pain is released, replaced by a renewed sense of family and joy.
As I spin around on the slippery dance floor, stumbling over my two left feet, the world falls away. All I can see are my people—my family. They all smile. The ladies' makeup runs down their wet faces and their hair drips in matted globs. But they are happy.
This is the life we should be living for. This is the life I promise to live.
Chapter 56
Two days after the wedding
"Honey, can you take those boxes off the coffee table?" Michelle asks. "I need to write the thank you notes."
"Sure," I say.
We had opened our presents the day after the wedding. It was a small wedding but people were very generous and that was great. Michelle opened all the cards and I opened the boxed gifts.
Kendall's gift was pretty great. It was a publisher's proof of Your Loss, which she had managed to get up for sale on Amazon and several other online sites. The e-book had already landed on the top ten fiction list on Amazon and I was getting requests from literary agents wondering where I'd been all these years. I ignored them—for now. I was focused on my new wife and our unborn baby.
I was also working on painting the new baby's room and Gracie's new room at Michelle's house—which I guess is now my house too. Gracie will be moving in with us full time soon. Kendall and Mom both agreed that selling the Cedar House would help us all move on, as painful as it might be. Gracie seems excited about the move, but I know it will take some getting used to.
Aspen already found a group of friends at the community college who needed another roommate, so she's living with them in north Spokane. She calls me every few days to check in and we usually have dinner on Sunday nights. I hope that continues.
"Did you put all the gift cards in the binder clip?" Michelle asks.
"No, you did," I say, with a knowing nod.
"That's what I thought too, but we're missing one."
"What do you mean?"
"I can't find one of the cards," she says. "I probably just dropped it when we brought everything in. I'm sure it'll turn up. I'll go look in the car."
"OK," I say.
I plop down on the couch, exhausted. We've been moving for the last week and combined with all the wedding activities I'm beat.
Then I see it.
Sitting on top of a pile of cards and envelopes on the coffee table is a single silver envelope. It's torn open at the top.
I'm afraid to touch this selfish little envelope.
"It's her isn't it?" Michelle asks from the entryway to the living room. "I'm sorry, Billy, I didn't put it together in my head until I was already unlocking the car."
"I don't know," I say.
I reach out and then instinctively pull my hand back, hesitating. But I can't leave it. I have to look. I flip the envelope over. It was mailed here—to Michelle's house. It's addressed to "The Happy Couple." The return address label is Union, Missouri. I look inside the envelope. Just like I thought, it's empty, just like all those envelopes in Alex's basement.
"What are you going to do?" Michelle asks.
"I'm going to enjoy getting our baby's room ready for its arrival. I'm going to take Gracie to swimming lessons today and I'm going to drive Kendall to her college dorm in Seattle in August because that's what their Dad and Mom would have done for them. I'm going to unpack all my boxes of junk and live here with my beautiful bride. I'm going to write in my blue notebooks. I'm going to mow the lawn and complain about crab grass and weeds like a normal person. I'm going to have Sunday dinners with our family and love every minute of
my marriage and my life with you and our child. That's what I'm going to do. Nothing else matters."
Chapter 57
One Year later—July 4th in Union, Missouri
The real Frank is actually a pretty nice guy once you get to know him. Aspen and I agreed that he too needed to know everything that happened, so he wouldn't turn out like me—punishing himself for the actions of someone else. The damage this caused me is now thankfully repaired, but it wasn't an easy road for any of us and Frank didn't deserve to be put through all that.
"I wish you were full of crap, Billy," Frank told me, when I gave him the full story. "But I don't think you are and that really sucks for me and for you."
"You got that right," I had said.
But it wasn't enough for him, or for me. I can't head off the pain he feels, but I can help, which is why Frank, Aspen and I are in Union, Missouri today.
* * *
One thing I know for certain about Jane is that she loves fireworks. Our first date, way back when, ended watching fireworks at Deer Lake. Then every year thereafter, no matter where we were, she'd find out where the fireworks were going to be set off and we'd get there early to get a good seat. For some reason I'm convinced she'll keep up that tradition.
I didn't want to go through what Alex experienced with Jane—having her act as if she doesn't know me. I don't think I could take it. Frank and Aspen also agreed that confronting her wasn't a good idea.
But one day a year, since we have a pretty good idea where she might be, we can at least try to see her. So today on July 4th, we're betting she's somewhere in the playing fields surrounding the local high school as fireworks are launched off the roof of the gym. That was enough for us to make the trip here. Michelle encouraged us to go. She's at home with our son Landon, who is a perfectly healthy and happy little boy.
