by S. M. Shade
“Don’t do this, Abigail. Talk to me.”
“I’ve said enough.”
Joseph steps back through the door and watches us with red rimmed eyes. Abby gazes at him for a moment, her chest rising on a deep sigh. When she speaks, her voice is flat and resigned. “I know this is the end of us. It kills me, but I understand. Please don’t leave. I’ll take the spare bedroom. The kids need all of us.”
Now she’s pissing me off. “Just like that, Abby? After all the shit we’ve been through, you want to end it. Throw it all away.”
Her façade finally cracks, and tears roll down her face. “You can’t love me now! Can’t unhear the things I told you. You know what kind of person I am. I’m no good. I just hide it well.”
“Ladybug,” Joseph pleads, “Stop.”
“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I hid who I am and what I’ve done. I was selfish and I didn’t want to be alone. I never dreamed you’d want me, Air, and then Joseph too. I knew it was wrong, that you both deserved better, but I couldn’t let go.”
Her sad gaze switches back and forth between us. “I’ve had the love of two amazing men when I thought I’d never get to know what that feels like. I’m sorry it was under false pretenses, but please, never doubt I love you. I always will. Every miserable moment I’ve had my entire existence has been worth it to have these years with you. To be loved.”
A sob escapes Joseph’s lips, and I struggle to swallow the knot in my throat. “Abby, I love you. None of this shit matters, don’t you understand? Nothing will change that. You were tricked, taken advantage of, raped for fuck’s sake. How could you think we’d blame you?”
“I had a choice. I could’ve left.”
“You were a kid and that fucker turned you out. Abby, even if that weren’t the case, if you told me you walked the streets and whored when you were young, it wouldn’t change how I feel or how I see you.”
“He’s right, ladybug. You aren’t defined by what happens to you or the mistakes you make. You’re a survivor, and so are we. Nothing can get between us if we don’t let it, our past or our future. We’re solid.”
Abby sinks to the floor, sobbing, and I scoop her up. The small bedroom is dusty, but the bedding is clean. Joseph follows me as I lay her on the bed. “Listen to me, darlin’. I’m going to check on the kids and grab a few things from home. I want you to stay here with Joseph. We’re not done talking.”
Abby’s gaze is suspicious. “Don’t kill him.” What can I say? She knows me.
“Why would you spare him?”
“To spare you. To keep our humanity. The plague took so much from us, but it gave us free reign to use murder to solve our problems. I’m afraid we’ll lose who we are. We’ll be unable to tell man from pig.”
“I won’t go near him if you promise to stay put.” Okay, so I’m lying. Nothing will keep me from killing that bastard.
Joseph crawls into bed, and she lets him cuddle her. She still looks miserable, but I see something else in her eyes as well…relief. After carrying the shame and regret for so long and worrying we’d find out, she’s free of it.
Before I leave, I fill the generator waiting behind the small trailer and start it up. It’s chilly out, and though we haven’t used it recently, the trailer has an electric heater. After I throw this worthless son of a bitch’s corpse in the woods, I’ll bring some fresh water and food back with me. We’ll be spending the night straightening out our girl.
* * * *
“Airen!”
Eric scares the shit out of me when he jumps into my path as I’m headed to the tool shed. “Fuck! Eric! What? If you let Jon get away…”
“He’s dead.” That stops me in my tracks.
“What? You killed him?”
“No. When Abby hit him in the ribs with that bat, it must’ve broken one, shoved it into his lung. He puked up a ton of blood, then started choking on it. He died a few minutes ago.”
“Shit. Shit. Shit. She can’t know she did it.”
Eric looks at me like I may have spent my childhood munching on paint chips. “I know. Lexi is the only one who knows what happened. She won’t tell anyone.”
“Good. Anybody asks, I shot him and left with the body.”
“No, listen, this is Carson’s father, dickwad or not, and he can’t think you killed him. Say it was me. He was running his mouth about Lexi and I kicked him in the neck…too hard. Collapsed his windpipe or some shit. Lexi will go along. Abby’s been through enough.”
I look up at Eric, shocked and touched by his gesture. “Are you sure?”
He nods, and before I can second guess myself, I hug him. I’m not the man hugging type—outside of Joseph—and neither is he, but he’s went out of his way, saved my ass and is now protecting Abby and Carson. “Thank you.”
“Um…sure, man.” We stare in opposite directions as he asks, “Is Abby okay?”
“She will be. She’s upset, but it’ll be a load off her mind when she learns he’s gone for good.”
“I’ll go dump the body. It’s wrapped up in the back of my truck.”
“Thank you. I have to ask Julie to stay with the kids tonight. We need some time.”
“I’d imagine. Go. I got this.”
An hour later, Julie is with the kids and I’m back at our summer home with Abby and Joseph. They’re still curled up in bed, Joseph’s fingers running through her hair while she rests her head on his chest. A slight shake of Joseph’s head tells me she hasn’t said a thing since I left.
Her hand closes over mine when I lie down on her other side. “It wasn’t like that in the beginning,” she says softly. “I wouldn’t have thought I loved him if it was. He was nice at first, when no other guys would look at me. He didn’t seem to care what I looked like. I was stupid for staying after things got bad, but it didn’t start that way.”
“Baby, you don’t have to defend decisions you made fifteen years ago,” Joseph replies.
“I want you to understand. He was the first boy who brought me flowers and I remember that moment like it was yesterday. I can see him standing there with his hand behind his back, a shy smile on his face. He said he loved me when I was convinced no one ever could. For a whole year, I got to believe it.”
“Until the other guys?”
“No, until he told me he didn’t love me and never had. I remember that moment clearly as well. The years of knowing and accepting I was unlovable were a hell of a lot easier than believing I’d been wrong, that I had love, and having it taken away again.”
“We love you, Abigail,” I whisper, tightening my arms around her. That will never be taken away.”
“I know.”
“But you still worry.”
“You didn’t know what I’d done or who I really am.”
“Do you remember the day we met?” I ask, leaning up on my elbow to look into her glassy eyes.
“Running into a gorgeous celebrity in an abandoned store tends to stick in ones mind.” She grins.
“I remember everything. Carson embarrassed you by telling me that you watched my T.V. show, and you smiled, shrugging it off. Your smile was so sweet. I thought you were adorable. You licked your lips after taking a drink and all I could think about was kissing those wet, pink lips. When you walked to the truck, I got an eyeful of your perfect round ass. A bead of sweat ran down your neck and between your breasts when you sat back down, and I pictured you under me, moaning my name while I licked the trail it left behind. I was attracted to you from that first moment, Abigail, before I knew you.
“Once I saw how brave you were going into that hospital, how loving you were with the kids, how strong when you faced the kidnapper, I knew I was in trouble. The night you let me hold you while you cried, trusted me and let your guard down, I knew I was falling hard. When you crawled in my bed to comfort me through my nightmares, I was gone. Done in. You were all I could see. Then Joseph came, and I saw how he looked at you, like you hung the moon and I knew I couldn’t wait for you to wan
t me. I had to have you or go crazy. You’re mine. From the second I saw you, you’ve been mine.”
Abby sighs and lays her head on my chest. “You can’t love a whore.” Her matter of fact statement pisses me off.
“Don’t say that again. I don’t want to hear it again, you understand? You’re not a whore. You never were. You never willingly sold sex. Call yourself a whore again and I’ll let Joseph finish that spanking. You know he wants to.”
A small smile tilts her lips as she gazes at Joseph. “This is your chance to escape, Joseph. Your get out of jail free card. If you don’t want this anymore, I’ll understand and we can share Airen. I’m not who you thought I was.”
Joseph huffs and pulls her against him. “I love you to pieces, ladybug, but you try my patience like no other. You’re stubborn, pig headed, and you have a fucked up way of looking at things sometimes, but you’re also the most selfless, loving woman I’ve ever known. From that first moment we met, I knew you were different.”
“You were too sick and out of it to remember anything,” Abby teases, her fingers tracing patterns on his chest.
He slips two fingers under her chin, and she tilts her head to look at him. Deep green eyes lock onto hers as he whispers, “I remember everything.”
“When I woke, you materialized like an angel through the haze of my fever. The first thing I saw was your big brown eyes, so soft and compassionate. I knew everything would be okay before you ever spoke. I saw how you cared for Walker, how concerned you were for me and how torn between wanting us to stay and placating Airen.”
Joseph laughs and shoves my shoulder. “I thought for sure we were going to be kicked out. You were such a jealous dickhead and it was clear Abby was in love with you. I didn’t think we had a chance.”
“And I had a reason to be jealous,” I defend myself, raising an eyebrow at my wife cuddled in his arms. “I had to stake my claim before you could steal her.”
Abby giggles. “Joseph brought us together. You kissed me because you wanted to beat him to it.”
“It was always going to happen, darlin’.”
Joseph plants a soft kiss on Abby’s lips. “Don’t you see, Abby, we do see you. The real you that you try so hard to hide. We see your pain, your fear, your self doubt and insecurities. We know what you’ve done, been and suffered. We see your compassion, kindness, and love. Your open mind and closely guarded heart. We know you inside and out, and we never want to be without you. You’re our girl. Let us love you, even the parts of yourself you hate.”
His words break through any doubt she has left, and she begins to sob against his neck. “It’s too good…too good to be true.”
“No, sweetheart. It’s what you deserve. What we all deserve. No more secrets. No more hiding. Stop keeping a tally of your mistakes. Forgive yourself. You, me, and Airen, baby. You can count on it, believe in it. We’re solid.”
“Solid,” Abby murmurs, wiping her eyes.
Chapter Ten
ABBY
It’s evening when we head back home. My head is spinning from the events of the day. They know everything and it doesn’t matter. Relief is keeping me emotional, giggling one minute and on the edge of tears the next. Airen takes my hand as we walk through the woods and tugs me off the path to sit on a fallen log. “There’s something you need to know before we get back.” His dark eyes capture mine. “Jon’s dead.”
My stomach flips before slowly righting itself. “You promised you wouldn’t kill him.” I should’ve known. After what I told him, of course he’d go after Jon.
“I didn’t. Eric did. He lost his temper. Jon was running his mouth and made some comment about Lexi. Eric kicked him in the throat. He didn’t intend to kill him.”
“Is Eric okay?”
“He’s fine with it. After what Jon pulled at the hotel, Eric’s not going to lose sleep over him.”
Shit. How many people know what Jon tried to do? “Does everyone know?” I ask in a low voice.
His face softens, and he slides his arm around my waist as we resume our walk through the woods. “No, darlin’. Only that he ran and left you.”
“I owe Eric a thank you, and I have to tell Carson…something,” I stumble. What the hell do I tell him? Your father was an evil bastard and I’m glad he’s dead?
“I want you to let me handle that.” His dark eyes are serious. “Let me talk to him.”
“Okay.” I’ve had about all the drama I can take for one day.
I don’t know exactly what Airen told Carson, but he seems to be taking the news well. All the kids are happy to have us back, and I’m thrilled to have things back to normal. We spend the week just settling in, preparing for winter.
“Smells great,” Joseph exclaims, dropping a kiss on my head as I set the table for dinner.
“Wish I could say the same for you.” I laugh. “You smell like a dead fish.”
He grabs my hips and pulls me against him, his teeth nipping my earlobe. “Bully,” he murmurs.
Airen steps through the door, soaking wet. “Get off my girl, asshole.”
“She was all over me, said I smell too good. Pheromones and shit, you know.”
“Air! It’s freezing out. Why are you wet?”
Joseph snorts, and Airen shoots him a dirty look. “He got his ass kicked by a fish.”
Airen peels off his dripping shirt and pulls it over Joseph’s face. Laughing, I ask Airen, “What happened?”
“I hooked a huge catfish. You should’ve seen it. I had the damn thing, but when I tried to haul it into the boat, it slipped. Joseph bumped into me and knocked me into the lake.”
“Your ass must be jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth. You wouldn’t let the damn thing go and lost your balance.” Joseph tosses the soggy shirt into the laundry room.
Airen grins at me. “Who are you going to believe, sweetheart?”
“I’m sure the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Go take a warm shower before you get pneumonia and take stinky with you.”
Joseph presses a hand to his chest, a wounded expression on his smiling face. “You hear her? Hear how she talks to her man? She needs a lesson.”
“Tonight,” Airen agrees, smacking my ass before they head off to shower.
* * * *
The winter months are blissfully uneventful. We settle back into our routines. Airen, Joseph, Carson, and Eric are working on two nearby houses, cleaning and installing solar panels. Planning for the future. I’m spending a lot of time thinking about the future. For so long, I’ve been focused on getting through another day, surviving the next catastrophe, I haven’t given much thought to what I want in the long run. The truth is, I already have everything I want. My guys, my kids, my friends. The family I thought I’d never have.
The cold fear that used to weigh me down has disappeared, leaving something I barely recognize; hope. They know everything there is to know about me and they want me anyway. Airen’s nightmares have stopped and he and Joseph have mended their relationship. Our relationship. Things between the three of us have never been better, which is why I’m terrified of the subject I’m about to broach with Airen.
“Okay, out with it. Something’s on your mind,” Airen says, squeezing my hand as we walk through the woods.
“That obvious, huh?”
“It’s not often you ask Joseph to watch the kids so we can take a walk in the cold.”
“Things are good with you and Joseph, right?”
“Yes,” he replies, a little hesitant. “Are you two fighting?”
“No, we’re good. Great, actually. So, you’re happy with both of us? You don’t regret bringing the three of us together?”
“Of course not.” His shoes scuff the frozen ground as he comes to a stop, spinning me to face him. “Are you unhappy? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”
“No!”
“Then tell me what you’re getting at.”
Shit. This is harder than I thought it would be. “I just…I
love Joseph and I know you do too, but it doesn’t feel…equal. He doesn’t complain, but we’re husband and wife, forever, and calling him our boyfriend doesn’t seem like enough.”
His lip cocks in a half smile. “You want to make him our husband?”
“Do you?” I ask, my voice low. I’m asking to marry another man.
“Come with me. I want to show you something.” He doesn’t seem hurt or upset as he leads me to the tool shed.
“Air, you’re my husband. I love you, so if this is too much, or not what you want, just say so. I don’t want to hurt you. I just thought…”
The sight of the silver infinity rings lying in his palm puts an end to my babbling. “It matches ours. I hid them in here until we were ready. Until you were ready. I needed to know you really wanted it, that you weren’t just doing it for me and Joseph.”
His breath is hot on my neck when I dive into his arms, hugging him hard. “Are you sure, Air?”
“Yes, sweetheart. You becoming his wife doesn’t make you any less mine and I want Joseph to be mine permanently, like you.”
“You should be the one to propose,” I suggest.
“We both will. I know where I’d like to have the wedding, but I want you to choose where to propose. Somewhere special to you both.”
“I know the place,” I reply as we start back home. “We’d better do it soon. He reads me like a book.”
Airen’s laughter makes me smile. “It’s my night to be with him. We can ask him tomorrow. Can you keep him out of your head for one night?”
“We’re going to find out.”
I manage to avoid giving away our secret, and the next morning we lead Joseph into the woods. “You look like a turtle.” I laugh as Joseph ducks his beanie covered head inside the collar of his oversized puffy coat.
“You want to tell me why I’m being dragged out in the cold?”
“When we get there.”
“Get where?”
“Where we’re going,” Airen replies, smacking him on the ass.
Joseph wraps an arm around my neck. “Come on, ladybug. The suspense is killing me. How about a hint?”
