by S. M. Shade
Burrowing into his warm body, I lean to whisper in his ear. “Not a chance.”
A small hesitant smile crosses his lips when the barn comes into view. It holds good memories for us. Joseph’s arms wrapped around me, keeping me safe and warm while a violent thunderstorm shook the walls. Making love to him in the same pile of hay after he confessed that was the night he fell in love with me. It’s as much our place as the summer home is mine and Airen’s.
It’s dim inside and still smells of hay and burnt wood. Airen follows Joseph and me inside, dropping to his knee when Joseph turns to face him. Joseph’s expression reflects pure shock followed by elation. “Airen, what are you…?”
“Joseph Crane, shut up and listen. I knew you were trouble from the second we met. I knew you’d win my girl’s heart, but I didn’t expect you to steal mine as well. I didn’t realize a piece of me was missing until I found it in you.”
Tears drip down Joseph’s face as I kneel beside Airen on the dirt floor. His soft green eyes meet mine when I begin. “You taught us to trust, to reveal our deepest secrets and face our worst fears. You’ve been there for me every second I needed you, even when I tried to push you away. You’re the best thing that could’ve happened to us. We give each other different things, but our love is equal. We’re equal. Be our husband.”
Airen slides the silver S-shaped ring onto Joseph’s finger. “Say yes, and with the second ring you’ll wear the infinity symbol. You’ll be ours forever.”
“Yes,” Joseph chokes out, slamming his lips into Airen’s before taking mine with less force, but plenty of intensity. “Yes.”
* * * *
Everyone seems to be happy about our engagement. Since the weather has warmed up a bit, we decide to have a bonfire party. “So, when’s the wedding?” Jayla asks Joseph.
“Troy and Nic are supposed to visit the first week of May so we thought we’d wait until then.”
“I don’t know about that,” Airen teases. “Once Abby gets all gooey over Nic, she might dump us.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” I walk up behind Joseph as he sits in front of the fire, and drape my arms around his neck. “I’ll just have three husbands.”
Joseph growls and tugs me around the chair to sit in his lap. His fingers grip the ticklish spot on my thigh. “Repeat after me, my girl. I will keep my hands and lips away from Nic.”
Lexi laughs. “It was one little goodbye kiss,” she says in my defense.
“Uh-huh.” Joseph digs his fingers in, making me laugh and squirm. “Didn’t mean a thing. That’s why Lexi knows all about it right? Who else did you brag to, Abby?”
“Nobody! I wasn’t bragging. Stop!” I almost manage to escape, but he hauls me back into his lap.
“Say it! I will not kiss Nic!”
“He kissed me!” The tickling torture begins again. “I will not kiss Nic!” I cry.
“Or make goo goo eyes at him.” Everyone laughs and I feel my face heat.
“I don’t.” His hand tightens around my thigh. “My eyes will be on you.”
His mouth is cool on mine. “That’s right, baby.”
“You know I love these lips,” I whisper, licking his full lower lip.
“I love all your lips. Going to kiss every inch of them later.”
“You’re drunk.”
“Never stopped me before.”
“Mmm,” I hum, kissing him again. “It’s all three of us tonight. Got to share them with Airen.”
“Can’t wait, baby.” After a few requests from the others to get a room, I climb off Joseph’s lap and find my own seat.
We have a great night. Everyone is together for the first time since we returned from Missouri. Even Emma is laughing and smiling as we down a liquor store worth of booze. I reach my limit a few hours later and stumble off to bed. When Airen joins me, I wake for a moment and mumble, “Where’s Joseph?”
“Having one more drink with Eric and Lexi,” he replies with a chuckle.
“He’s going to be sorry in the morning.”
Ugh. My head aches when I wake and it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater. I guess I had a little too much to drink. Airen is sprawled out across the bed, wearing an old pair of ratty sweatpants. Bastard is sexy in anything. I can’t think about anything right now but brushing my teeth. After that’s accomplished, I take a quick shower and almost feel human again. I expect to find Joseph in the kitchen nursing a worse hangover, but the house is empty. He must’ve crashed at Eric’s or maybe Julie’s. I need to check on the kids anyway.
Julie responds quickly when I signal her radio. “Hello, dear. How’s your head this morning?” she asks, amused.
“Not as bad as I expected. Are the kids driving you crazy yet?”
“Of course not. We made donuts and are just starting a Harry Potter marathon. I hope you didn’t want them home anytime soon.”
“Keep them. They’re yours,” I reply with a laugh. “Is Joseph there?”
After a short pause, she replies, “Why, no. I haven’t seen him.”
“He must’ve slept at Eric’s. I’ll go track down the lush. Send the rug rats home when you’ve had enough.”
“Will do, dear.”
Airen peeks up at me from the tangle of blankets when I poke my head through the bedroom door. “Get up, lazy ass. I’m running to Lexi’s. Looks like Joseph passed out there last night.”
“Coffee,” he grumbles, holding his head.
“Waiting for you in the kitchen.”
I’m rewarded with a charming grin. “Love you, darlin’.”
“You better.”
The air is cool, but refreshing, and I shake off the last of my hangover on my walk to Lexi and Eric’s. Lexi answers the door and the smell of fresh baked bread fills my nostrils. “Now I know why Joseph’s hanging out here. That smells fantastic.”
Lexi’s brow furrows. “He’s not here.”
“He didn’t stay here last night?”
Her eyes widen and she shakes her head. “Emma asked him to walk her home last night, then he was heading back to you.” What? There’s no way he would’ve stayed at Emma’s. “Maybe he passed out there?” she suggests weakly.
“He better have slept in the barn or something, or I’m going to kick his ass.”
Lexi slips her boots on and grabs her coat. “Let’s go find him.”
Emma’s small two bedroom house sits well back from the road. Everyone tried to discourage her from living alone when Gary didn’t return, but she insisted. I start to worry when I see her front door is slightly ajar. My fear is reflected in Lexi’s face as we realize something could really be wrong. What if they were attacked by someone? He’s been gone all night. Lexi pushes the door open and we step inside.
It should make a noise. My whole world shatters, crumbles into pieces. There should be some sound other than the humming growing in my ears. No. Not Joseph. Not after everything we went through to be together. “No.” That whispered word is all I’m capable of.
Emma is sprawled across the far end of the couch, completely naked. A satisfied smile spreads across her face when she sees us standing there in shock. Joseph is slumped at the other end of the couch, shirtless, his pants and boxers around his knees. I’m frozen in place, staring at him when he opens his eyes.
“Ladybug?” he murmurs, glancing around, confused. His soft voice pierces my chest, and I nearly buckle from pain.
Lexi’s hand is soft in mine when she pulls me from the room, back outside. I can hear Joseph call my name, but it’s a faraway echo. I should’ve seen this coming. I knew better. Nothing is infinite. Whether it crumbles or explodes, detonates or dissolves, in the end we lose everything.
I finally find my voice. “He’s fucking Emma.”
Lexi leads me toward home. “I’m so sorry, Ab. I never would’ve expected that from Joseph.”
“That bitch has always wanted him, but he swore he wasn’t interested.” My laugh is hollow. “Not interested in the five pound blond with
huge tits. How stupid am I?”
“Stop it! You aren’t stupid. Men are fucking assholes. This isn’t on you.”
“We were going to be married.” A deep ache begins in the pit of my stomach and spreads to my chest.
“I know.”
“What am I going to tell Airen?” I can’t think. He’s going to be so pissed.
“The truth. Emma will if you don’t. Tell him now, hun. You need him.” She follows me into my living room.
“I need to tell him alone, Lex. I’ll radio you later, okay?” I’m trying so hard to keep my composure while the sight of their naked bodies haunts me.
She pulls me into a hug. “I’ll be back. Talk to Airen. I love you, girl.”
“Love you, Lex. I’ll be fine.”
She nods, doubtful, but leaves me alone. When I walk in the bedroom, Airen takes one look at me and the grin falls from his face. “What’s wrong? Is Joseph okay?”
“He’s fine,” I mumble.
“Abby, you’re shaking. Tell me what happened.” I’m pulled down beside him on the loveseat.
“First I need you to promise me something. No matter what happens between me and Joseph, you won’t leave him.”
“What? Abby, what the hell’s going on?” he demands, grabbing my shoulders and turning me to face him.
I can’t look at him. “Tell me you won’t leave him just because he and I break up. You need each other.”
“Abby, I’m not promising shit. Tell me what he did.”
“He cheated on me…on us,” I add, realizing I wasn’t the only one betrayed. My forehead falls to his chest. “He’s fucking Emma.”
His hand threads through my hair, caressing my scalp. “Sweetheart, whatever she told you is bullshit. She’s trying to start shit. Joseph wouldn’t do that.”
“I saw them.”
His eyes are hard when he sits back and stares at me. “What?”
“Lexi and I went to Emma’s when I couldn’t find him. They were naked on the couch.”
“Fuck. That motherfucker,” he growls, pulling me back against his chest. The bang of the front door is followed by Joseph’s panicked voice calling my name. Airen grabs him the second he comes through the bedroom door.
“What the fuck? You son of a bitch!” The house shudders as Airen slams Joseph into the wall, his hand fisted in his shirt. “Did you fuck her?”
“I’m sorry,” Joseph sobs.
“You’re sorry? You’re fucking sorry? Do you have any idea what you’ve done to her?” he screams, shaking him.
I grab Airen’s waist. “Stop, don’t hurt him.” Airen steps back, putting his hands on his head, trying to gain control.
Joseph raises his bloodshot eyes to meet mine. His voice is thick with shame and regret. “I’m so sorry. I was shitfaced. I don’t even remember it.”
“Then maybe you didn’t,” I interrupt, clinging to a small hope. Maybe he couldn’t get it up. Maybe Emma stripped him after he passed out so he’d think he fucked her.
A slow shake of his head demolishes my hope. “There was…evidence.”
“Stop!” Childishly, I clamp my hands over my ears. Evidence. Fluids. On him, her, or both? I’m tortured by flashes of her riding him, her huge tits bouncing, his mouth open in ecstasy. Then he’s on top of her, kissing her, fucking her, making her come.
Airen grabs me as an involuntary cry escapes my throat. The cry of a wounded animal. “Shh, sweetheart, I got you.” A moment in his arms helps me regain my equilibrium. When I step away from him, Joseph hasn’t moved an inch and the pain in his eyes sends a spike of sympathy through me, despite the agony I feel. It’s quickly replaced by anger when he reaches for me.
“Get away from me.” My voice is cold. I have to keep my composure, resist the urge to dissolve into a puddle of self-pity.
“Ladybug…please, I’m so sorry. I never want to hurt you.”
“But her tits were in your face and there’s only so much a man can take, right? I get it. Gary’s gone. There’s room in her bed.”
“No, I don’t want…”
“You and Airen can work out your sharing schedule, but if you bring that bitch back here, I’ll fucking end her.”
“I don’t want her!”
“Fucking her is a strange way of showing it.”
“I love you.”
“Get out!” My chest aches with the force of my scream.
“Abigail!” Airen’s sharp voice breaks through my hysteria. “I know you’re pissed and hurting, but we have to talk about this. There’s Walker to think about.”
Nodding, I try to pull my shit together. Logical. I need to be logical, not emotional. “You’re right.” It takes everything I have to keep my voice steady. I turn to Joseph, keeping my eyes on his chest while I speak. “I told you from the beginning, you don’t have to be with me to be with Airen, and I meant it. This is your home, but I need a couple days to deal with this without you here. Either I can leave or you can. It’s your choice.”
“Baby, please. I’m sorry. I love you. It’ll never happen again.” He winces when I jerk away from his hand as he reaches for me again. I can’t talk to him anymore. It’s tearing me apart.
“Air.” I turn to him before I leave the room. “Don’t let this come between you. You don’t have to lose him too.”
Joseph’s face crumples as my words sink in. We’ve lost each other. “Please, baby. Don’t hate me. I can’t take it,” he whispers.
My eyes drink him in as if it’s the last time I’ll see him. Dull, despair filled eyes beg me to forgive him. His mussed blond curls are wild and floppy, and all I can think is she must’ve run her hands through them. I meet his gaze as I reply, “I wish I hated you. It’d be easier.”
At least the kids are at Julie’s today, I think, closing myself in Lane’s room and curling up in his little bed. I meant what I said. If Joseph doesn’t leave, I will. I can’t think with him here. Every time he smiles, I’ll see his lips on her. I don’t know how long I lie there. Time is irrelevant in hell. When the door creaks open, I expect Airen, but it’s Lexi’s sympathetic face peering at me. “Hey, girl.”
“Lex,” I reply, dragging myself upright.
“Joseph’s staying with us for a few days. How are you doing?” She slides her arm around my shoulder, sitting beside me.
“Pissed off, mostly. I don’t know if I’m naïve or just stupid.”
“Neither, Joseph never showed her any attention before. Ab, he’s really upset. Says he doesn’t remember how it happened.”
“You believe him?”
“I do. I’m not taking his side,” she says, holding her palms up. “There’s no excuse, but I wanted you to know he’s a mess.”
“Good.”
Her laughter makes me smile for the first time all day. “I’m going to beat the fuck out of Emma, you know that, right?”
The corners of her mouth crease as she suppresses a grin. “Yeah, about that. I sort of beat you to it.”
“What?”
“Well, the bitch was bragging about it! So I may have blacked her eye and shoved her a little.”
“I love you, Lex,” I say with a giggle. “Did she run or cry or what? I need details.”
Lexi gets to her feet, her face animated. “She fell and her chest hit the table. That’s when shit got weird. Did you know her tits are fake?”
“No! Really?”
“Well, her tit is fake. When she hit the edge of the table her right one sort of…popped.” Lexi giggles at my slack jawed gaze.
“You’re fucking with me!”
“I’m not. One is now about three sizes larger than the other. Julie says since it was only saline, it’s not harmful. She’ll be fine, disproportionate, but fine.”
“Ain’t karma a bitch?” I cry, laughing until tears roll down my face. “Oh, I wish I’d seen her face! Lexi! I owe you big.”
Airen steps into the room with a grin. “I take it you told her about lopsided Barbie.” Laughter takes over again and
Lexi and I cling to each other, rocking back and forth. I’ve never needed to laugh so bad in my life.
“I’m gonna go,” she says, wiping her eyes. “Keep your radio charged, and call if you wanna talk, you hear?”
“I will. Thanks, Lex.”
“You’ll get through this. Give it a few days, then talk to him. He fucked up royally, Ab, but he loves you.”
“Keep an eye on him.”
“You know it.” She leaves me feeling a little more lighthearted.
“Come on, darlin’,” Airen implores. “You haven’t eaten all day. It’s nearly dinnertime.”
“I’m not hungry. Did you work things out with Joseph?” I ask, following him to the kitchen where I watch him put together two ham sandwiches.
He cocks an eyebrow at me. “He cheated on me, too, you know.”
“I know. I just thought…since it was a woman maybe you wouldn’t be as hurt or jealous.” If Joseph had cheated with Nic or Troy, I know it wouldn’t hurt like this.
“I’m not, not the way you are, but I’m pissed.” He slides the sandwich over to me and takes a bite of his before continuing. “Do you think I could watch him hurt you and go about our relationship like nothing happened? He promised me he’d never hurt you.”
“That’s a hard promise to keep sometimes, Air. I don’t want you guys to lose each other because of me.”
“First, it wouldn’t be because of you. It’d be because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Second, I never said I wouldn’t forgive him. It won’t be overnight, but we’ll work it out eventually.” A stern expression settles on his face when he looks at my untouched food. “Eat, Abby. You’re not making yourself sick over this.” After I take a reluctant bite, chewing food that tastes more like cardboard, he takes my hand. “You two will find a way through this, sweetheart. Don’t give up hope.”
“No. Drunk or not, he fucked her for a reason. If he was happy…satisfied with me, it wouldn’t have happened. It’ll happen again.”
“That’s bullshit. He loves you.”
“I know, but sometimes it’s not enough.”
He stands and slips his arms around my neck, nuzzling my nape, and I close my eyes, soaking in the affection. “I hate this. You’re hurting and I can’t fix it.”
