by S. M. Shade
“Stop thinking about tornadoes. We’re fine,” I assure her, slipping my arm around her waist. She instantly stiffens. I guess without Airen as a buffer, she’s a little less comfortable with me. “Relax, honey, I’m just trying to make you feel safe.”
“You do,” she murmurs, relaxing into my embrace and resting her head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. It’s hard. Sometimes I don’t know how to act or where to draw the line.”
“You don’t have to act any special way with me. You never have.” She nods, and I rest my chin in her soft hair. “I’m so sorry I did this to us. Can you ever forgive me?”
“I’ve forgiven you, Joseph. I forgive you. I just can’t forget.” Her arms tighten around me. “I miss you so much.”
The crack in her voice tears another strip from my shredded heart. “Me too, ladybug. My days are completely taken up with missing you. There isn’t room for anything else. I’d do anything for another chance, but I understand why you can’t trust me.”
“It’s not that,” she replies with a sniff. “I can’t get the images of you two together out of my head. Can’t stop wondering what you did with her.”
“I don’t want to hurt you any worse, sweetheart, but I’ll tell you whatever you need to know to set your mind at ease. Just ask.”
After considering for a moment, she flips off the T.V. and lamp. “I need the dark for this,” she whispers.
She doesn’t resist when I pull her back to my side, threading my fingers through hers in the pitch black. “I love you, my girl. Please believe me.”
“I do. I know you do.”
“What do you want to know?” Dread fills my stomach at the thought of what I might have to confess. Hearing about Abby and another man would tear me apart.
“Did you go down on her?”
“No.”
“Maybe you just don’t remember.”
“She was always on top of me, sitting up on the couch. I was too drunk for anything else.”
“At least I still have that,” she breathes. My chest tightens and the lump is back in my throat. She still wants to be my only girl in any way she can. After a few seconds of silence, she asks, “Did you kiss her belly…or her forehead like you do mine? Did you hold her all night?”
Oh God, she couldn’t be more wrong. “No, listen to me. You’re asking me if I made love to her, if I did the sweet things that make sex special to us. That didn’t happen, Abigail. I was too drunk to move. I sat on the couch and drank some water and the next thing I know my pants are down and she’s fucking me. I blacked out at some point.”
“Are you saying she raped you?”
“No. I don’t know how it got to that point, but I know I’ve never wanted her. I wouldn’t have tried anything with her. I was too drunk to know what the fuck was going on. It’s not an excuse…just how it was.”
“Do you remember how she…felt?” Her voice is low and watery.
“No, only flashes of her on my lap.”
“I’ll bet you remember her big tits bouncing in your face,” she spits bitterly.
Shit. That I do remember. I should’ve known that would bother her. Abby has fantastic tits, but she’s self conscious about their size. “I don’t remember touching them or touching her at all.”
She’s crying hard now, but doesn’t resist when I pull her into my lap. “I’m so sorry. I swear I don’t want her. She’s nothing to me. I love you. I want you.”
“Thank you for telling me the whole story,” she says between sobs. “I pictured a lot worse.”
“Ladybug, listen to me. You keep offering me a relationship with Airen where you aren’t involved. I know you think he’s the reason I was with you. I have that now. I have Airen to myself every other night, but it’s not what I want. I need my girl.”
Her flushed wet face is buried in my neck as she cries herself to sleep in my arms. I sit in the dark holding her soft warm body, listening to her breathe for a long time before I reluctantly take her to bed. My first impulse is to put her in my bed, but that wouldn’t be fair. She doesn’t budge as I carry her to her room.
Airen peeks up from his book and raises his eyebrows. “She fell asleep,” I whisper, placing her on her side and pulling the covers over her. Her eyelids flutter and a faint smile appears when I kiss her forehead. After taking in my expression, Airen scoots closer to her and gestures for me to lie on his other side.
“What happened?” he asks, pulling me against his side. His hand slides into my hair when I lay my head on his firm chest.
“I broke her.”
“No, not our girl. She’ll be okay.”
“She wanted details, and I gave them to her. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking.”
“She needed to know. It was eating at her. You did the right thing.”
“I just keep hurting her.”
“You’re trying. So is she. Give it a little more time, Joey.” His soft lips move over mine in a comforting kiss. We lie in silence for a few minutes, listening to Abby snore softly before I leave to go back to my bed. What I’d give to crawl between them like I used to.
* * * *
The faint smell of Abby’s aloe and cucumber lotion invades my senses, waking me up the next morning. I open my eyes to Abby’s face, slack and vulnerable in sleep. She came to my bed? Before I can decide what to do, her eyelids lift and a sleepy smile spreads across her face.
“Hey.”
“Morning, baby. Tell me you weren’t sleepwalking.” She giggles and the sound makes my day before it’s even begun. “I missed you.” I reach to run my fingers through her hair and my chest tightens at the sight of my hand. More specifically, the S-shaped ring on my finger. “Abigail?” My voice cracks.
“Do you still want to be my husband?” Big brown eyes gaze up at me, widening as I bring my lips to hers in a searing kiss. One taste of her and I’m addicted. I barely hear her soft moans and stuttered breaths as I kiss her everywhere, tearing off her camisole and panties.
Her hands are in my hair when I run my nose down her belly, leaving a trail of kisses from her navel to her sex. After one slow lick up her center, I slide my arms beneath her thighs and pull her to my face.
“Joseph! Oh, yes!” I swear she tries to pull my hair out at the roots as I suck and lick her like I’ll never get another chance. I was so scared I wouldn’t.
“You taste too good.” Her back arches when I slide my fingers inside her, rubbing that rough spot that makes her shudder and jerk her head back and forth. It doesn’t take long for her to come. My fingers trace small circles on her soft inner thighs while I gently lick every fold and crevice, bringing her down slowly. I’ve missed this so much. Soft hands thread through my hair when I rest my chin on her belly and gaze up at her.
“I guess that’s a yes,” she says, a sunny smile lighting up her face when I laugh.
“Ladybug, I want to marry you today before you can change your mind.”
“I won’t change my mind.”
Airen barges into the room, locking the door behind him. “So this is where my errant wife ran off to. In bed with my boyfriend, what a scandal.” He’s stripping off his clothes as he talks. “Going to have to teach you both a lesson.”
Abby stands and stretches, her naked body so beautiful in the early morning sunlight. “No thanks, I’m done,” she says with a mischievous grin.
“Airen, would you mind?”
“Uh-huh.” A second later she’s deposited back in bed with me, and I yank her to me while Airen tugs off my boxers, leaving us all bare. A sweet whimper leaves her throat as I nibble her ear, pressing her back to my chest, my hand kneading her breasts. She loves it this way, both on our sides, spooned together, my hard on nudging between her legs. A sudden surge of doubt takes hold of me. Does she really want this? Does she want me inside her knowing I was inside another woman?
“Sweetheart, are you sure?” I whisper.
“Yes, now,” she replies, reaching back to grab my ass, and Airen snorts.<
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Fuck, she’s so hot and tight. Her little gasp when I rotate my hips nearly sends me over the edge. She grasps at me, almost frantic, trying to get me to take her harder, faster. “Easy, my girl. I’ll get you there. Let me love you.”
She turns her head for a soft kiss and our eyes meet. “You’re beautiful. My eyes have been starved for you. The last weeks have been a nightmare. All I could see was the dark. You’re my sunlight, baby. Without you, I can’t…I just wither.”
“I love you…missed you,” she gasps, grinding slowly along with me.
“Don’t you dare come before I’m buried in you,” Airen growls, slipping behind me. Lubed fingers work their way inside me, teasing my gland, making me curse.
“Language,” Airen tuts. “Honestly, darlin’, are you sure you want to marry such a foul mouth?”
“Oh fuck, yes,” Abby moans.
I feel him prodding at my entrance, his hot breath in my ear. “Ready, Joey?”
“Yes!” We both groan as he slowly slips in, pausing for me to adjust to the burn. Oh fuck, him filling me, the heat of Abby around my cock, it’s indescribable. When he slides out and thrusts forward, bouncing me farther into her, we both groan.
“Oh, this is good. Like I’m fucking both of you,” he breathes, repeating the move.
“Again!” Abby demands. We find our rhythm, Airen plunging into me again and again while I give her everything I can. She gasps when I glide two fingers between her legs. She’s so swollen.
“Come for me, sweetheart.” That sexy little whimper when she clenches around me does me in. Airen groans, spilling hot inside me, and I burst in our girl. Oh, I could do this forever. The thought beats in my head as my brain clears. I could do this forever.
Airen leaves us alone in bed and heads to the shower. Abby’s soft little body is cuddled against me. I can’t describe the relief I feel, but I worry I’ve changed things between us. How can she trust me now?
As if she’s read my mind, she asks in a soft voice, “Am I still your only girl?” Her finger traces a pattern on my stomach while she waits for my reply.
“Always, sweetheart. I’m sorry. I wish I could find a way to make it up to you.”
“I could always sleep with Nic. Of course, then we’d have to let Airen cheat and it’d just turn into a vicious cycle.” I can hear the smile in her voice, and she giggles when I roll on top of her. Her eyes are a pale caramel color in the early morning light, and I can’t resist leaving small kisses across her face. “I need you to stay away from her, Joseph,” she cautions, cupping my jaw.
“I can’t stand her. I don’t want to be anywhere near her.” Her muscles relax when I nuzzle her neck. “Do you think you’ll ever trust me again?”
“I do trust you. I just know how she’s going to act now that she thinks she won. I don’t want to feel like the stupid, jilted girlfriend in front of everyone.”
Shit. She told me how pathetic she felt for staying with Jon when he cheated. Of course she’d feel that way now. “Listen to me, Abigail.” Her gaze burns into me as I hold her face in both hands. “Nobody sees it that way. I’m the stupid one for cheating, and she’s pathetic for fucking me. Everyone has made it very clear how badly I fucked up. You’re an incredibly compassionate woman who has a big enough heart to forgive me. That’s what everyone sees. That’s who you are.”
“I’m not innocent in this. I made you feel like it was one sided, like I didn’t love you like I do Airen or like you do me. I’ve never known anyone like you, so sweet, forgiving, and selfless. You changed everything, changed me, and I took you for granted. I want to be as good as you, to deserve you. I want to see the good in the world and in people like you do. You make me see beauty where before I had kept my eyes down, plodding along. I love you more than you can ever understand.”
I can barely utter her name past the lump in my throat, and she holds me close, tucking my head beneath her chin. “No more apologies. Let’s just put this behind us,” she pleads. “We have a wedding to plan.”
Nodding, I manage to pull myself together. “Jayla already has a notebook full of plans,” I warn her. “I only want to ask one thing. Will you wear the yellow dress you wore when you married Airen?”
“Okay,” she replies, stretching the word into a question.
“You were so beautiful that day with the sun in your hair, the colored leaves falling around you. I read the words that bound you to him, but God, how I wanted it to be me.”
She hugs me hard. “The yellow dress is perfect.”
* * * *
My fear that things would be different between us after my disastrous drunken night turns out to be groundless. Airen, Abby and I fall back into our routine as if we’ve never been apart, and Emma apparently has enough self preservation to avoid us.
The next two months are busy, yet peaceful. We work on remodeling nearby houses and tilling our fields for this year’s garden. Everyone works together as we plant a larger variety of fruits and vegetables. Eric and Lexi are attempting to grow grapes while Julie and Jayla plant peanuts alongside their usual beans and peas.
We’re all excited about Troy and Nic’s visit, and of course, our wedding. I realize it won’t change anything, but just to know they really want me with them forever is more than enough. The sound of a car horn blaring brings us all to the front yard as Nic and Troy arrive, bringing Sammy along with them. Their visit isn’t totally for pleasure. Getting their solar power running is top of their priority list.
Sammy bunks with Carson, and Nic and Troy take the spare bedroom. They seem very happy together, and though Troy forgave me long ago, seeing them together let’s me finally forgive myself. I’ve always tried to be a good, honest person, but at one point in our evening, I realize I’m sitting in a room with two people I cheated on. That isn’t the man I want to be.
Finally, the day comes I’ve been dreaming of since I woke with that silver ring back on my finger. The day I take the name Holder, and become joined forever with the other pieces of my heart.
We’re having the ceremony beneath our willow tree. We set up tables and chairs in the yard for a small reception, and Nic volunteers to officiate. The day of our wedding dawns bright and sunny. A warm breeze plays havoc with the tablecloths and placemats, making everyone laugh while they scramble to weigh them down.
My heart stops when Abby and Airen step into the yard. Abby’s wearing the yellow dress, a wide smile on her face as she sees me staring at her. The breeze blows her shoulder length hair around her face, and Airen tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, his eyes shining with the love he feels for her.
His suit is as dark as his hair and it hugs his hard body. It’s unfair for anyone to look that damn good in a suit. They both take one of my hands when they approach, and I’m overwhelmed by how much I feel for them. Abby and Airen. My sun and moon.
“Freaking out yet?” Airen asks with a smirk.
“Nope, you aren’t getting out of this,” I reply.
His breath is warm on my ear as he leans to whisper, “You’re mine. No escape now.”
“Who are we waiting on?” Abby asks.
“Julie. Here she comes now.” Just ahead of Julie is Emma, practically running toward us. I swear if she starts shit today, I’ll put her in the deepest well I can find. As they approach, my chest tightens, the look on Julie’s face telling me something is very wrong.
Nic glances around and smiles. “That’s everybody. Let’s head to the willow and get these three hitched before the wind steals everything.”
“Wait!” Emma’s voice echoes through the trees, and Abby’s hand tightens on mine. “Joseph, you can’t…”
“Enough!” Airen snaps, interrupting. “Shut your mouth and get out of here, you crazy bitch.”
“Airen,” Julie warns, shaking her head, her eyes sympathetic.
“You can’t marry her. I’m having your baby, not her!” Emma screams at me, bringing everything to a halt.
For a few seconds, the buzzi
ng in my ears obscures everything. The murmurs and shock of the others. Abby’s hand in mine. Fuck. Abby. I’ve hurt her again. She’ll never forgive me for this.
“You’re a lying bitch!” Airen shouts.
“Ask Julie,” Emma replies quietly.
Abby looks at Julie, shaking her head, pleading for it to be a lie. Her face falls as Julie gazes at her with sympathy and says, “I’m sorry. I saw the test. She’s pregnant.”
A long silence settles over the group. No one knows what to say. Until Walker pipes up. “Are we going to the willow?”
Troy steps in and hustles the kids back indoors. I watch as Lexi stops Abby from going after Emma. “You can’t, Ab. I want to pound her into dust too, but she’s carrying a baby.”
“Her face isn’t pregnant,” Abby spits.
Airen grabs her and motions for me to follow them. I was so close. I had it all, another few minutes and they would’ve been mine. He leads us to the backyard.
“I’m so sorry. I never even considered. Fuck. Abby, baby, I’m sorry…”
Soft hands cup my face and I look into her compassionate brown eyes. “Stop. Joseph, calm down. This doesn’t change anything.” Airen nods as she glances at him to see if he feels the same. “We know you didn’t want this.”
“No. I can’t have a kid with her. I hate her.”
Airen faces me. “We’ll deal with it together, Joey. If this is still what you want. Do you still want us?”
“More than anything.”
“Then we have a wedding to get to. Everything else can wait.”
“This isn’t how I wanted to remember this day,” I whisper. It was supposed to be the day my dream came true, not the beginning of a new nightmare.
Abby’s arms slide around my waist. “You’ll remember this as the day you were joined with us, and found out you’ll be a father again. No matter the circumstances, you’re going to have a child and that’s a wonderful thing. We can’t have enough of you in the world.”
I close my eyes, absorbing her sweet words. “I’m having a baby,” I say aloud, the reality setting in.
“You are,” Airen agrees.
