Back to the Drawing Board

by L. L. Collins

  I slid down the door to the floor, my hands shaking. I pulled out my phone and called her again. This time, it didn’t even ring but went right to voicemail. “Julia. Please call me. I’m sitting outside your door. I-I’m sorry, baby.”

  Where else could I look? Tracey. That was it. I didn’t have her phone number and had never been to her place, though, so that posed a problem. Wait, Julia had said something about her working at a small coffee shop. But there are a million of them in this city. That won’t work.

  I ran back to my car, needing something to do to try to find her. She wasn’t there, so there was no point in standing around. As I pulled out of her complex, I dialed the office number, asking Brandi to connect me to Paige.

  “Paige, I’m not coming back in today. I need to find Julia, and then I’m getting my parents from the airport. I have a favor to ask you. Do you have Tracey’s number?”

  “They fired her.” Her tearful voice made me want to punch something.

  “I know. I need to find her. Any thoughts on where she could be? I checked her place.”

  “Maybe Tracey’s. Carter, I can’t even believe this happened. I’ll text you her number, okay? Find her.”

  “I’m going to find her.”

  I hung up, waiting impatiently for Paige’s text. When it came through I hit the number immediately.

  “Hello?”

  “Tracey?”

  “Yes?”

  “It’s Carter.”

  “Oh hi, Carter! What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

  “No. Do you know where Julia is?”

  “At work? With you?”

  “No. You haven’t heard from her?”

  “We haven’t talked since yesterday. She was so excited about your parents coming. What’s going on?”

  I pulled into my apartment complex, hoping she escaped here to find me. I filled Tracey in quickly while I scanned the parking lot, my heart sinking when I didn’t see her car. She hadn’t contacted Tracey and she wasn’t at her apartment or mine.

  “Do you have any idea where she could’ve gone?” I leaned my head against the steering wheel, tears stinging behind my eyes. I’d failed her. Epically.

  “Let me make some calls,” Tracey said. “I can’t believe this happened.”

  “I screwed up,” I admitted. “I should’ve gone in there and done something when I was how upset she was, no matter what the repurcussions would’ve been for me.”

  “Let’s just find her.”

  My phone was at five percent, I’d left my car charger at home, and no one had found Julia. Tracey had taken to driving around Denver, stopping at all of her favorite places. She’d even gone out to Colorado Cares to see if Julia was working. No one had seen her. She wasn’t answering her phone. It was going directly to voice mail. I’d left her at least ten messages already.

  I was waiting at the airport now, wishing I was sitting here with Julia instead of reliving what had happened today. I was sick with worry. Not enough to stop her when you had the chance, I reminded myself. Whenever I found her, I’d pull her into my arms and tell her how sorry I was that I didn’t stick up for her.

  My phone buzzed, and I jumped. I swore when I saw it was a text from my mom that they were at baggage claim. This was so ironic. I was beyond homesick and had been looking forward to them being here, but right now all I wanted to do was find Julia. Not that there was anything I could do right now. I had the almost unquenchable desire to call her parents and say something—anything—but I knew it wasn’t the right time. Julia had to be first.

  I hit Tracey’s number again. She answered immediately. “What about Nancy?” I knew Julia’s parents lived in Cherry Hill, but I hadn’t a clue where her childhood nanny, Nancy, lived.

  “I don’t know where she lives,” Tracey said, her voice muffled from crying. “I know her last name, though. Let me see what I can do. That was a good idea, Carter. If she turns to anyone, it may just be her.”

  We disconnected just as I spotted my parents. I waved, pulling up closer to the curb to help them. I hopped out, wrapping both of them in a hug at the same time. My mom wiped her eyes, crying the second she saw me.

  “Carter. You look amazing,” she said into my ear. “And it’s freezing here! When we left Florida, it was eighty degrees!”

  I laughed, my dad eyeing me knowingly as we released from our embrace. He could always read me like a book. “Yes, it’s much colder here than at home. You’ll get used to it, though. How was the flight?” My dad and I picked up the suitcases and put them in the trunk.

  “The two flights were good. Oh, wow. Look at the mountains.” My mom stood, her arms crossed over her chest as she adjusted to the temperature change.

  “I thought Julia was coming with you?” she asked, sliding into the backseat so my dad could sit up front with me.

  “Li, you did not have to do that,” my dad teased. “You could’ve sat up front.”

  “Oh hush,” she teased. “I’m perfectly fine back here.”

  My dad looked at me. “So where is Julia? Did she get held up? I can’t wait to see where you work. This place is just amazing!”

  “I can’t wait to meet this girl that’s got your heart. She must be something special,” my mom said, her face practically smashed against the window as she watched the scenery go by.

  I felt my dad looking at me. “What is it, son? I could tell right away that something is bothering you.” That got my mom’s attention and she leaned forward, putting her hand on my arm.

  “You know how I told you about Julia’s brother, and her parents not wanting Julia to talk to him?” My voice broke, and I coughed, trying to reign in my emotion. I was glad I’d confided in them about that before so I didn’t have to waste time explaining. “Well, today they found out somehow. They fired her, and no one can find her. I . . . screwed up.”

  “What do you mean, they fired her? How could they do that to their own child? I can’t even imagine ever doing such a thing to you, no matter what you did. And how did you screw up? There’s no way you had anything to do with this.” My mom was genuinely appalled at their treatment of Julia because she couldn’t fathom acting like that, ever. She’d never even think of treating me that way, and couldn’t believe other parents would. She also couldn’t believe any blame would fall on me.

  “I was at the office this morning, and I heard yelling. I knocked on the door and her parents were in there with her. She was on the couch in his office, all balled up and crying. Instead of being a man and going in there to find out what was happening, I let them push me out of there. I left her there. She was upset, and I left her. I wasn’t man enough to tell them how I felt about her, and I let her down. Now she’s gone.”

  My dad looked back at my mom briefly before looking back at the road. “Oh, Carter,” my mom said finally. “You were stuck between a rock and a hard place, son. You had no idea what was going on there.”

  “Have you called her parents?”

  I looked over at my dad. “No. I can’t.”

  “What if they could help you find her?”

  I shook my head. “They aren’t like that. They cut her brother off sixteen years ago and haven’t had anything to do with him since. If they fired her, they aren’t going to help her. How am I going to go back there and work? This is the whole reason I’m here. Well, it was.”

  “Until Julia became the reason,” my mom said.

  “I’m so confused. I want this job, I do. I love what I do, but I’m shocked at what happened today. I know personal things can’t cloud my judgment of where I work, but how do I look at them again after what they did to her?”

  “You already had a few days off for us being here, right? Let’s just take the time, find Julia, and see how you feel. You know we support you no matter what you choose. If we have to pack you up and take you back to Florida with us, we’ll do that.”

  “No. I can’t leave. Plus, if I get let go from this internship or quit, I might as well sign my dea
th certificate in this industry. Word gets around fast. John Gibbons can make or break me.”

  Silence settled over the car as we all digested that information.

  “I need to find her,” I said finally. “Aren’t you guys glad you came?”

  “Of course we’re glad we came,” my dad said. “Especially now. You need our support, and we’re here. That’s what family is for.”

  That’s what family is for. The words reverberated around in my head. I knew he meant every word, and it was just one more difference between him and the influence I’d been molded by before him. He’d drop everything and anything to help me through this, despite not even knowing Julia. I realized not for the first time how much more I needed to follow his example, not the one that had been drilled into my head for so many years.

  We stepped out of the car at my apartment and we grabbed the suitcases and headed up in silence. I needed to figure out what my next steps were going to be.

  I walked into the kitchen and flung my phone on the counter in frustration. It had been four days since anyone had seen Julia Gibbons. She was gone. I’d contacted the police and filed a missing person’s report, but with no sign of her, that wasn’t getting us anywhere either. They hadn’t found her car abandoned or anything, so that was a good sign. We’d been checking hospital reports also, but hadn’t come up with anything. She had her car, wherever she was, as well as the large amount of cash she’d withdrawn from the bank.

  Tracey and I, as well as Ethan, Paige, Jennie, and Bailey, had tried every avenue we could think of. None of them had heard a word from her. Today was our Thanksgiving get together with all of our friends and my family, and tomorrow we were supposed to travel to see Johnny after my parents flew out. I still planned to go, because if I knew Julia at all, I knew she wouldn’t miss seeing her brother. I wasn’t going to give up until I found her.

  My mom was preparing the turkey, and my dad was peeling potatoes next to her. When I’d walked in, they’d been kissing over the sink. My stomach had dropped, wishing Julia was standing here with me, helping us prepare Thanksgiving and kissing me. I longed for her touch. I missed her body wrapped in mine and her long hair draped over my chest as we slept.

  Tracey hadn’t had any luck with Nancy. She hadn’t heard from Julia either. Paige had even been monitoring her credit cards, but there was no activity. We were at a dead end. My last hope was Johnny.

  I hadn’t heard from or seen the Gibbons at all, not that I expected to. They had no idea that I had anything at all to do with Julia. I’d been trying to do fun things with my parents, showing them around my new town, but they’d understood my distraction. We’d spent most of the last four days discussing Julia, my stupidity (though they continued to try to make things sound better than they were), and what I would do if (not if, when) she came back.

  “Nothing still?”

  “What if something happened to her, Dad? What if she’s dead?” Her phone wasn’t just going to voicemail now. When I called, I got a disconnected message.

  My mom gasped, her eyes wide. “Honey. Don’t say that.”

  “I think it’s time to talk to her parents,” my dad said. “They need to know, and they may know something that could help find her.”

  I sighed. “I’m going to Oklahoma tomorrow. If she’s not there, then I know something has happened. She’d never miss seeing Johnny. Then I’ll contact them.”

  “Sounds like a good plan,” my mom said. “Blake, can you open the oven door for me?”

  I watched for a few minutes, knowing I was about to go crazy. “Give me something to do before I lose my mind.” I hadn’t slept in days, and I knew I looked rough. My short stubble was more like a beard, my eyes were red, and I didn’t care to eat.

  “Thank you for visiting me,” I said, clutching onto my mom. “I’m sorry it wasn’t as pleasant as I would’ve liked. I wanted you to meet her so badly.”

  “We will.” My dad clapped me on the back. “You go get your girl. Don’t take no for an answer on bringing her back. I want a phone call tonight that all is well, and you guys can make a trip to Florida for Christmas. I need to look this girl in the eyes and thank her.”

  “Thank her?”

  “Yeah. Thank her for finally showing my son he’s worth being loved.” He put his arm around my mom’s shoulders and kissed her temple. “I don’t even have to meet her to know you love her.”

  “No,” I argued. “No, I don’t, I’m just worried about her. I haven’t known her long enough to know if I love her. I’ve never loved anyone before. Except my family, of course.”

  My parents exchanged a look. “Honey,” my mom said. “Your dad is right. You may not be ready to admit it yet, but you are gone over that girl. It’s so amazing to see. I wasn’t sure I’d see the day that someone would get to you like this. You were so closed off, so convinced it wasn’t going to happen for you because of what happened to us. The second you met her, all of that went out the window. She’s shown you that it can be different, and you want it, Carter. Don’t run away from it. Find her and make her yours. For good.”

  “You have the look, Carter. The one that says, I can’t eat, sleep, or breathe because the girl I love is in pain, and I can’t make it better. Ask me how I know about that look.” They smiled at each other, and that now familiar feeling crept into my stomach. Julia looked at me . . . like my mom looked at my dad. Did I look at her that way?

  My dad laughed. “That realization is hard to stomach sometimes, isn’t it? That doesn’t make it any less true. You do what your heart is telling you is right, and the rest will fall into place. I think we’re authorized to say that, don’t you?”

  I nodded. If there were any two people in the world that were proof of following your heart, it was them.

  I WAITED IN THE VISITATION room, staring at the door. Not the door that the prisoners would come out of, but the other one. Julia had to come. It was just minutes before Johnny would be out. He had no idea who I was of course, but I would recognize him from the picture on her mantel. Hopefully. If she didn’t show up, I didn’t know what I was going to do.

  People chattered around me, nervously waiting for their loved ones to appear. I was anxious about my phone being in a locker outside this room. What if Julia tried to call me? Despite the fact that her phone number still said it was shut off, I still called it at least twenty times a day. All of her friends were banking on me finding her and bringing her home.

  The door buzzed and I stood, my heart in my throat. When the next wave of visitors came through and still no Julia, I felt dread settle in my stomach. It had been five days. Something was very wrong.

  I turned my attention back to the other door as more prisoners were led into the room. I scanned each one, looking for Johnny. When all of the prisoners went off to their family and my eyes zeroed in on the man standing there looking around, I knew I’d found him. He looked similar to the picture she had, but definitely rougher. He was probably a good looking guy outside of here.

  I waved my hand. “Johnny?” He turned to me and furrowed his brow, signaling to the guard and walking my way.

  “Who are you? Where’s my sister?”

  “I’m Carter McIntyre,” I said, holding out my hand. He gripped it tightly, looking me up and down.

  “Carter. You’re the one.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “She told me about you. You work together, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Where’s my sister?”

  “Can we sit? I need your help.” We sat across from each other. “I don’t know where she is.”

  Alarm passed over his face. “What do you mean?”

  I explained what had happened earlier this week and that she hadn’t been seen since. The more I talked, the more agitated he became, wringing his hands and looking around the room.

  “My parents fired her?”

  “Yes. Somehow they found out she was visiting you. She and I were scheduled to come here together. She want
ed me to meet you. I figured she wouldn’t miss coming here, no matter where she is. I’m scared, Johnny. I think something’s happened to her. She was supposed to meet my parents this week, and she’s just been gone. At first, I was leaving voicemails on her phone, but since then her number has been disconnected.”

  “You have a missing person’s report out? Have they checked her credit card statements, put an APB out on her car?”

  “Yes, yes, and yes. She took a few thousand dollars out of her account the day she disappeared and hasn’t used any cards. There’s been no sign of her car or her anywhere, not even any of the hospitals within a few hundred miles of Denver. Can you think of anywhere she would go?”

  “Have you talked to Tracey?”

  “Yes. She even found Nancy and went to her house. Nothing. We don’t know where else to look, Johnny.”

  He pounded his fist on the table, alerting the attention of a few of the guards. He held up his hands, showing things were fine, and they backed off. “My fucking parents,” he growled. “It was enough that they cut me off, and I deserved it. But Julia? That girl is nothing but gold, man. Hell, I don’t have to tell you that. You’re in love with her.”

  I opened and closed my mouth. This was the second time today someone had said that to me. “We need to find her, Johnny. I have a terrible feeling. Do you have any other family she would go to?”

  He tapped his fingers on the table. “I know my mom has a sister in Texas, but we were never close. I think we saw each other a few times in my life. I’m not sure when or if Julia would’ve talked to her last. All I know is her name and that she lives in Texas.”

  “Anyone else? Grandparents?”

  He shook his head. “Both of our sets of grandparents died within the last ten years. If something happens to her, man, I’m going to have my parents’ heads. Selfish assholes.”

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course.”

  “Julia told me that you know something that could get you out of here, but you won’t do it. I know you don’t owe me shit, man, but I’m just trying to understand. Why won’t you get out of here?”