Turning Back (Turning #2)

by JA Huss

“Perfect,” I mutter, taking Adley from Bric and going out to sit in my window chair again. “That’s just perfect.”

  Chapter Thirty - Quin

  “Hey,” Bric says, running his fingers through his hair. He always does that when he’s nervous. It’s a tell with him. “What’s up?”

  “What’s up?” I raise an eyebrow at him. Is he fucking serious? “There’s so much bullshit going on here, I have no idea where to start.”

  Bric pushes past me and follows Rochelle over to the window. “I hope you’re not gonna start shit. I think we’ve had enough for one day.”

  “Me?” I just can’t. “None of what’s happening has anything to do with me.”

  “You’d be surprised,” Bric says. He walks into the kitchen, grabs two beers from the fridge, and offers me one. When I don’t acknowledge him, he shrugs, puts one back, and pops the top of his.

  I laugh. He’s got some balls. “Is that how you plan on spinning this? Everything is my fault?”

  “Of course not,” Rochelle calls out from the other end of the loft. “Didn’t you hear? Smith Baldwin blames me for everything. According to pretty much everybody, I’m the bad guy today.”

  I stare at the back of her head. I can see Adley’s smiling face. It hurts my heart to look at her. So fucking much.

  “I’ve thought things through on my way over here,” I say in a low, calm voice. “I even sat down in the garage for a few minutes, making sure I have it straight. I can deal with Adley being yours,” I say to Bric. “I can. It won’t be easy, but I’d be OK with it in the end. But I have no idea how I’d feel if she’s neither of ours.”

  Rochelle shakes her head and grunts in disgust.

  “We’re never going to know,” Bric says. “So just stop.”

  “Yeah,” I say, looking back at Bric. “I figured that’d be your response. That’s the line you’ve been feeding me this whole time, right? We’re both her father. We’re a team. A thriple, Rochelle calls it. How cute. So damn cute. But what I want to know—what I need to know—is what’s really going on with that investigator guy, Bric. Let’s start there.”

  “It’s not a big deal,” Bric says.

  “No?” I ask. “You lied to me and you don’t think that’s a big deal?” My voice is still calm. I refuse to have a fight in front of Adley. I will not do it. But I’m gonna have my say. Right now. “Because if that’s the case, Bric, I don’t know who the hell you are.”

  “That’s not what I meant,” he says, walking over to the window to sit in the chair next to Rochelle.

  “It’s OK,” Rochelle says, sniffling. “He doesn’t know who I am either, remember?”

  Stay calm, I tell myself.

  I count to ten, then join them, taking the chair on the other side of Rochelle.

  “Is that going to be your angle too?” I ask her. “Blame Quin?”

  “You have no idea what’s going on.”

  “So tell me,” I say, turning in my chair so I can see her face better. “Tell me, Rochelle. Explain to me again how you ended up in Denver after leaving me behind a year ago? And this time,” I say, looking at Bric, “don’t leave out the part where Bric finds out where you live the day before, OK? Do me that favor. Don’t lie this time.”

  Bric lets out a long sigh. “Chella did hire that guy.”

  “And he did find her,” I add.

  “Yes. He found her right away.”

  “Yeah, he mentioned that after you left. Said it took nothing at all to pull up all kinds of bank transactions in Pagosa Springs, including,” I say, my voice getting louder than I want it to—I look down at Adley, so fucking sorry this has to happen right now—“including,” I repeat, softening my tone, “the bill for the resort on her fucking credit card. Were you even looking, Bric? All last year, did you even bother looking? Or was all that a lie too?”

  “I looked,” he says, narrowing his eyes at me. “But I can’t see credit cards, Quin. And I wasn’t going to do anything illegal.”

  “OK,” I say. “I’ll accept that. I don’t exactly believe you, but fine. You looked, never found her, then Chella hired an old friend, who found her immediately. Am I right so far?” Bric glares at me. “Stop me when I get it wrong.”

  “I called the Club last summer,” Rochelle says. “Right after Adley was born. I was upset. Crying. Sorry for leaving like that,” she says, looking at me with watery eyes. “And then Adley started crying and I knew Bric was gonna ask a bunch of questions about me keeping the baby, so I hung up. And then Bric came to my suite at the resort,” Rochelle says. “The day before I came back. He spent the night.”

  “You called him?” I ask, looking at Bric. “And you never thought I’d need to know that? When you knew damn well I had no idea she was dead or alive?”

  “I was on my way out of town,” Bric says. “I was closing the Club for the summer and I had a flight to catch.”

  “A flight to catch?” I want to laugh, it’s so ridiculous. “So you’re telling me your summer vacation was more important than letting me know the woman I love was OK? That I had a baby?”

  “You don’t even know if Adley’s yours,” Bric says.

  “No.” I laugh. “I guess I don’t. But that doesn’t even matter at this point. You stayed the night with Rochelle and Adley?”

  “In another room,” Bric counters, seething at me.

  “Then what happened? How did you two decide to lie? And better yet, why? Why the hell did you even bother? What did you think you were gaining by not telling me the truth?”

  “You weren’t even talking to me,” Bric says.

  “He didn’t think… we didn’t think…” Rochelle falters. Which means she’s trying to tell me the truth, but the truth is gonna hurt too much, so she can’t say it.

  “Just tell me,” I say. “For fuck’s sake, just tell me what the hell is going on with you two?”

  “Bric wanted to play the game with you again.” Rochelle says. She looks at me. Her eyes are glassy with the threat of tears. “And I figured the only way to get you back was to play the game with both of you. Because you never wanted me, Quin. You only wanted us.”

  “So why lie?” I ask. “I don’t get it.”

  “Because if I brought her home, I’d be Number One.”

  “Oh.” I laugh. “That’s amazing. You’d be Number One. And you were afraid she’d what? Fall in love with you?”

  “Hey,” Bric says. “Stranger things have happened.”

  “So let me get this straight. Just so everything is crystal clear. You went down to Pagosa Springs to talk Rochelle into coming back—”

  “No,” Bric interrupts. “I went down there to tell her to stay away.”

  “Which is an amazing coincidence,” Rochelle sneers. “Because Smith came here last week offering me two million dollars to leave town.” She shakes her head and laughs. “And when I said no, he decided to find another way to break us apart.”

  I can’t speak. Everything I thought I knew has just been turned upside down.

  “At least Bric changed his mind and wanted to bring me to you as a gift,” Rochelle adds.

  “A gift?” I look at Bric and put all the pieces together. “You wanted me back in your game, didn’t you? That’s why you wanted Rochelle here. To lure me back.”

  “I really don’t see the problem,” Bric says. “I love her, Quin. And the baby. I really don’t understand why you’re so pissed off. We’re all getting what we want.”

  I’m seeing red right now. “You selfish motherfucker,” I say. I hate swearing in front of Adley. I hate the fact that all of this is taking place in front of my daughter, but I need to make things very clear. Right here. Right now. “He doesn’t love you, Rochelle. You know that, right? He’s not capable of love. The only thing Elias Bricman is capable of is playing games.”

  “Fuck you,” Bric says.

  “Language, Bric. Oh, let me fill in the blanks about the swearing thing too, while I’m at it. You’d already spent the night with R
ochelle and Adley before they came back to Denver. So you knew the rule that first day. That’s why you were all over people and their swearing, right?”

  “You’re making a big deal out of nothing, Quin,” Bric says.

  “You’re the one who couldn’t commit,” Rochelle says. “Bric had no problem committing to this second chance.”

  “Really?” I laugh. Adley laughs with me. “He doesn’t love you, Rochelle. He doesn’t love anyone but himself. Elias Bricman is the most self-centered, selfish person I’ve ever met. He’s a master of manipulation. Do you even know why he’s not a doctor? After all that school? After all that work? It’s because he was playing a fucking game with three medical students during his psychiatry residency.” Bric looks like he wants to kill me right now. But I don’t care.

  “At least I don’t walk away,” Bric says.

  “You’re saying that about me?” I ask. “After Rochelle left Chella in her bed that night? Walked out on all of us?”

  “I felt like I had no choice,” Rochelle says, her voice cracking with emotion.

  “Why? Because you didn’t know who Adley’s father was?”

  “Because you were never going to end the game, Quin.” She spits my name out with venom. “So I figured it was up to me to do it for you.”

  “Right. We’re back to blame Quin time. I didn’t do any of this, you guys. You two did. You two lied to me. You manipulated me. You plotted in secret. God, it’s so disgusting, I just don’t know where to start. And I don’t even have the capacity to think about who Adley belongs to right now. I’m still so stuck on the lies.”

  “She belongs to me,” Rochelle says. “She’s mine.”

  “You mean she did belong to you.” I say it even and cold. No emotion at all.

  “What’s that mean?” Rochelle says, her eyes wide with fear.

  “It means,” I say, standing up, “I want a DNA test. Both of you need to drop by Lucinda’s office any time on Monday. We’ll have the results by the end of the week.”

  And then it’s my turn to walk the fuck out.

  Chapter Thirty-One - Rochelle

  “They’re not coming,” I say.

  “Just relax, Rochelle,” Lucinda says. “It’s only five after three. They’re only a few minutes behind. Let’s talk about something else while we wait. Did you ever explain the reason why you came to Denver in the first place?”

  “Jesus,” I say, shuffling a squirming Adley in my arms. “I didn’t even have a chance, Lucinda. It’s not a great time for that, OK? I can’t think about anything else but what’s happening right now.”

  We did all come by Lucinda’s office last Monday. Separately, of course. She took a cheek swab from Adley, who thought it was great fun. I want to roll my eyes right now, but Lucinda is watching me closely and she’d just ask me why I felt the need to roll my eyes. I’ve been her patient for years. Ever since I came to Denver. She is the only one—aside from Smith, apparently—who knows how that all came about.

  Lucinda has a large envelope on her desk and it’s taking every ounce of willpower I have not to lunge across her desk, snatch it up, and rip it open.

  But no, she says we have to do it all together.

  And they agreed. Which surprised me.

  I haven’t seen either of them since last Saturday after the tea party. Quin walked out and never came back. Bric stayed the night, but I moved out in the morning. I’m back at the Four Seasons. I might be on my way to Jackson Hole tonight if things go badly.

  “Are you nervous?” Lucinda asks.

  “I’m so annoyed with everyone right now.”

  “Why?” Lucinda asks.

  “Because this wasn’t supposed to happen.”

  “So why agree to it? You were under no legal obligation. I don’t think either of them would’ve forced you.”

  “Because it’s better to know,” I say. She smiles at me, so I know she agrees and I just said something that makes her proud. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, the way she taught me years ago. “I need them to know, I guess.”

  She nods her head at me and opens her mouth to speak, but a buzzer on her desk interrupts. “There they are. One second while I go let them in.”

  Lucinda has a private office. You can’t come in the waiting room unless you have an appointment. She gets up and lets herself out of the inner office. But a few seconds later Bric walks in.

  He looks… very nervous.

  “Where’s Quin?” he says.

  “I thought he’d come with you,” I say.

  “He’s not talking to me. But he’s gonna show up, right? He’s the one who wanted this.”

  I look at the clock. It’s now quarter after three. He’s a full fifteen minutes late. “He’s not coming,” I say. “He wouldn’t be late if he was coming.”

  Bric takes the seat on my right, running both hands through his hair, like the stress is about to kill him. I can’t help but feel the emptiness of the chair on my left.

  “Well,” Lucinda says. “What should we do?”

  “Just open it,” I say. “I can’t take it anymore. I’m gonna rip it open myself if you don’t do it right now.”

  “Yeah,” Bric agrees. He frowns at me, then takes my hand and squeezes. “Just do it.”

  “OK,” Lucinda says, picking the envelope up off her desk. I watch her fingers as they unseal the flap, and then she pulls out a thin stack of papers and shuffles through each one.

  She looks at me and pauses. I want to reach out and choke her right now. Tell me, tell me, tell me! “I’m sorry,” she says. Then she looks at Bric. “You’re not the father, Elias. Quin is.”

  Quin is.

  I say it over and over in my head. I squeeze Adley so hard, she starts to fuss loudly. Tears are spilling down my cheeks. “I don’t know why I’m crying,” I say. “I’m sorry.” I wipe at my cheeks, doing my best to calm down.

  But when I look over at Bric, his long frown and glassy eyes are enough to make me start all over again.

  Chapter Thirty-Two - Bric

  “Would you two like a minute alone?” Lucinda asks.

  I nod, unable to speak. There’s a hard rock in my throat. So hard, when I try to swallow, I can’t. I’m not even sure what that means, but inside I feel like… dying.

  “Take your time,” she says, leaving me alone with Rochelle and Adley.

  “Elias,” Rochelle finally says.

  But I shake my head. “Don’t, OK? Just give me a second.”

  Adley is staring at me. These past few weeks have been so much fun. I want to pick her up. Hold her. I imagined doing that so many times this week. I pictured it in my head. The moment when I got proof that I was her real father.

  But now there is nothing to do but sit here and feel… loss. Adley was never mine. She was always theirs. I knew this. Even if the DNA test had come back the other way, and I was her biological father, there is no way we’d ever make it.

  I’m not capable of normal. I know this. I have always known this. I am everything Quin said I was. And worse. He has no idea how much worse.

  If I was Adley’s biological father it would break us apart. But even worse, it would break them apart. And they are the ones in love, right? I was never in love with her. Was I?

  I look at Rochelle. Her eyes are red from crying. “I was never in love with you the way he was, you know that, right?”

  She shakes her head at me. “Don’t do that, Bric. You’re not going to do that this time. We had something real. You know we did.”

  “No,” I say. Because I feel the need to make a clean break. This is probably how Rochelle felt last year when she left. Rip the Band-Aid off and face the facts. “The cat is out of the box,” I say.

  I get up, force myself to walk across the room. I pull the door open. And walk out.

  I know she’s sad. I know we had something real. And I want nothing more than to hold her. Hold them both and tell her how I feel. But I can’t. It’s not fair.

  She’s not
mine. She’s his.

  Chapter Thirty-Three - Quin

  The door buzzes.

  I don’t get up.

  It opens and closes.

  I stay right where I am. Sitting in a chair, looking out the window in the second bedroom. It’s dark out now. I didn’t watch the clock today. I forced myself to stay in here where there is no chance of glancing up above the fireplace and seeing what time it is.

  Three o’clock came and went hours ago.

  I can see Rochelle’s reflection in the window when she finds me. There’s just enough light seeping through from the main room so I can see her clearly. She leans her hip against the door and waits.

  I do not move.

  “I see you made some changes to the living room,” she finally says. “It looks nice,” she says. “Very homey now.”

  “I did,” I say. “And homey was what I was going for.” But we can talk all about my new décor later. “

  Where’s Adley?”

  She holds up the key to my apartment. “With Chella. She gave me Smith’s key to your condo. Did anyone call you?” she asks.

  “No,” I reply.

  “Why didn’t you show up?”

  I take a deep breath and exhale. “Because I wouldn’t be able to take it.”

  “You’re her father, Quin.”

  I turn around, so angry that she’s so clueless. “I don’t need a fucking DNA test to tell me that, Rochelle. I have been telling you she’s mine for weeks. I know she’s mine. There was never any question in my mind that she was mine. And for the record, I never thought you cheated on me. Give me a fucking break, OK? I know you better than that.”

  Her face scrunches up. Like she’s not sure what to make of that outburst. “Then why did you ask for a test? Why walk out angry? Why, Quin?”

  “I didn’t need the DNA test, Bric did. And the reason I didn’t show up wasn’t because I can’t handle the truth. I stayed home because I couldn’t…” I sigh. This is harder than I thought it would be.

  “Couldn’t what?” she asks.