by Rosie Praks
“No. No. He’s my boss. There’s nothing bothering me. Corinne is doing well. I’m doing well.”
“Amelia, don’t lie. I know something's going—” My phone vibrated. Someone was texting me. Possibly Julian. “Sorry, Amelia. Julian’s texting me. Could you wait a minute?”
I looked down at my phone and frowned.
Wake up!
Ah? Wake up? Who was texting me?
“Kimmy, what’s wrong? Is something troubling you?” Amelia asked, seeing the look on my face.
“No. Nothing.” I shook my head. “Someone must have texted the wrong number. Now where were we? Oh, yes, Sebastian doing some—”
My phone vibrated again. I looked at the incoming text.
You’re his pawn
What? What was this? I shook my head again.
“Kimmy. Kimmy, what’s wrong?”
“Huh?” I glanced up at her blankly, lost for a second. “Oh, yes. Yes. I’m fine.” I became flustered, panic rising inside me. “I’m fine, Amelia, fine.”
But I wasn't fine.
The next text came through. I was now shaking.
This is his real woman.
I stared at that last text with the image attached to it.
“Amelia. I… I have to go.” I was flustered.
“Kimmy. Kimmy, wait. What’s wrong? Tell me. What—”
“I’m sorry, Amelia.” I apologized. “Something came up. I’ll Skype you later.”
I shut my laptop and rushed to the bathroom, locking myself in there.
I couldn’t breathe. Bile was lodged in my throat. I wanted to vomit, but I couldn’t make anything come out. I was trembling all over. Tears flowed out of my eyes. I slid to the floor of the bathroom, no longer having the energy to move.
I took my phone out again with shaky hands. I read the texts together.
Wake up. You’re his pawn. This is his real woman.
And then I looked at that image.
Julian. Julian was touching her face. He was touching that woman’s face. With love.
And the woman was…
Caitlin.
* * * * *
Chapter 19
Do you find me desirable? Julian had asked me that question once. I'd wanted to test him back then.
Would he die if I said I didn’t find him desirable? Would he cry if I said I no longer loved him?
Now if I were to ask to him that question and he turned back and said, "No, I don’t find you desirable anymore," or, "No, I don’t love you anymore," what would I do?
Would I cry? Would I die? Would I be able to live knowing he no longer loved me after I'd given him my heart and soul, sacrificing everything just so I could be next to him?
I was scared. I was so scared to find out the answer to that question. Because I knew I would die. Because I knew I would cry. I loved him so much. He was like a wound to me. He'd cut me open and now, without him next to me, I knew I’d die. I’d bleed to death.
I was scared of the impending truth. Julian had used me once before to gain title as heir to his family’s inheritance. So what made me so confident now that he loved me for real?
Was I being naïve again? Just one or two affectionate words from him and I’d forgotten all about those hurtful things he did to me in the past. Did I forget about the pain of betrayal? Was I willing to go through that again?
But I must. I needed to. I loved him. Too much. So for this, I had to test him. And I knew if I failed this time, I’d lose him forever.
* * * * *
It was dark outside. The moon was waning. Only a slice illuminated the night sky. I sat on the kitchen table, hand gripping my phone, waiting for him in the dark, waiting for him to come home, waiting for him to come to me.
Time ticked by. The wind made the trees rustle. But otherwise, the rest of the house was silent.
And then I heard it. Rory was driving the limousine into the garage. Julian’s footsteps in the front doorway. And then the light flicked on, illuminating me and the room around me.
Julian was standing at the door, holding his briefcase. He took one look at me. He sucked in his breath, dropped his briefcase. Then he charged forward like a hungry panther, tackling me onto the kitchen counter, his lips, tongue, and hands on me, inside me. I was naked and waiting for him.
His fingers plowed into my core, his tongue in my mouth, and his hand squeezed my breasts. I arched back, my palms flat on the bench, supporting my body, allowing his mouth to feast on me.
He kissed my throat, hands roaming the entirety of my body. His mouth moved down to my breast. He sucked it. It made a popping sound. Then he moved lower, parting my thighs and devouring my core with his tongue.
I was on fire. My whole body lit with such an intense flame I was on the verge of combustion. But I kept it together. I needed to control my situation.
“Do you find me desirable?”
He didn’t answer me.
“Do you find me desirable?”
He still didn’t answer me. He was too busy enjoying my body, kissing me, licking me, caressing me.
“Julian,” I mewed. “Tell me? Do you find me desirable?”
“Kimberly, what are you doing to me?” he managed to rasp out, looking at me, his mouth still on my core, licking and sucking my clit.
“Do you find me desirable?” I mouthed again.
He still didn’t reply. I arched back, my legs parted so wide it hurt. But I let him enjoy me. I was his midnight snack. He could have me in any way he wanted.
He lifted my butt off the marble, winding my long legs around his neck. And then his whole face was smashed between my thighs again, this time savagely eating my essence.
He slurped and licked every drop. Sounds of his thirst and hunger only rocked me even more. I came. I climaxed. And he licked, continued licking and eating me like I was his favorite meal and he couldn’t get enough.
He probed his tongue inside. My fingernails clawed the cool stone. The pressure of his tongue thrusting inside me had my mind spinning.
I was losing it. I knew I was losing it. I fought for control. I searched for my phone, grabbed it, and shoved the screen in front of his face.
“What the fuck!” His baritone echoed in my ears. He tore his mouth off my body, fury in his eyes.
I shoved him back, slid off the counter, and pulled on my coat that I'd prepared earlier. I walked to the door.
I came with nothing. I left with nothing.
I turned to him. One last time.
“Good-bye, Julian.”
“Where the fuck are you going?” He was sweating, his hair damp, his eyes a turbulent storm.
He was fighting his own demon. And so was I.
“Away. From you.”
“What the hell does that mean?” he growled, his eyes changing to dark grey.
“It means I’m not going to interfere in your life anymore,” I said, hand on the doorknob, ready to leave him. I was trying so hard to keep my emotions at bay. But it was so hard. I needed to get out now. Or I’d lose it. “I’m breaking up with you, Julian. Good-bye.”
“You are not going anywhere, Kimberly. You’re mine.” He stalked toward me, tearing my hand off the doorknob, and started kissing my face. “You’re mine, Kimberly. You’re mine.”
“Then tell me who the fuck that woman is?” I screamed, emotion breaking me down completely. “I give you one last chance, Julian. Who is that woman?”
He moved back two steps and shook his head. He was losing it. He wasn't looking at me.
“No. No. Don’t make me answer that question. Not yet. I’m not ready to tell you yet. This isn't how I’d planned it.”
I rushed at him and slapped him hard. Tears stung my eyes.
“You bastard. You fucking bastard. How could you do this to me? After all I’ve done for you. And that’s all you’ve got to say? A picture says a thousand words, Julian. And this picture shows me everything.
"Why didn’t you tell me you were using me? Why didn’t you sa
y you no longer loved me so I could get out of your way? So you can live with that woman. Why did you have to kill me like this? Why didn’t you just shoot me and kill me back then? Why did you have to come back into my life and make me fall for you all over again? Why? Why?
"I loved you, goddammit! I loved you so much I can’t even breathe right now. I thought you loved me too. I thought you cared for me. I thought you desired me. I thought we were finally going to have a proper relationship, not the fucked-up, twisted love we had before. But you had to prove me wrong. You had to prove me wrong by doing this to me, hurting me over again and again.”
“Kimberly—”
“Shut up.” I blocked my ears and squeezed my eyes shut. “I don’t want to see you anymore. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t live like this anymore. You’re the most despicable man I’ve ever come across. I hate you, Julian. I hate you.”
Julian flew across the room and slammed me against the wall, forcing his tongue down my throat to shut me up. I thrashed against him, tearing my lips away from his, but he only forced my chin to still me.
“Mmm.” I struggled and thrashed at him, tears of pain and anger washing down my face. I hit him on the shoulder. I drummed his back to release me, but still he didn’t stop kissing me.
He was turning into a beast again. My Julian.
No. No. He’s not my Julian. He’s not my Julian.
“Stop kissing me. Stop kissing me,” I screamed out when he tore his mouth away from mine.
I regained my equilibrium and slapped him so hard blood trailed from his lips.
“I hate you, Julian. I hate you. Why can’t you bloody tell me the truth?” I was shaking him. He no longer moved. He only stood there like a mannequin with his bloodied lips while I rattled him and shook him for an answer.
I shook and shook him, but he still wouldn’t move. He still wouldn’t respond to me. All he had in his eyes was that sad, solemn look again.
I hated that look. I hated that expression. Why did it hurt me so much when he had that look on his face? Why did my heart want to reach out and comfort him when in truth he was the one who hurt me?
“Why do you have to go on hurting me? How long must I let you hurt me? Why? Why?” I was so tired, so exhausted. I leaned my head on his chest. I no longer had the energy to speak. My voice was low but still laced with so much pain. “Why, Julian, why? Did I do something to you in the past? Is that why you’re hurting me like this? I… I’m so tired. I’m so tired of our twisted love.”
“Her name is Caitlin.”
Tears slid down my cheeks silently. I sobbed.
Caitlin. It was Caitlin. I knew it was her. She was my beautiful friend who I met in the hospital. She was the one who’d tugged my lose tendrils behind my ears. She was the one who reminded me of my dead mother.
I used to think to myself that if she were to compete against me for Julian’s affection, she would win, hands down. And now it was true. She won. Julian was now hers. I was his other woman. Julian no longer loved me. I lost.
Good-bye, Julian. Good—
“And she’s my mother.”
* * * * *
Chapter 20
I couldn’t breathe. I thought I must have died, but I was still standing there, staring at Julian.
“What did you say?” I asked him, unable to believe my ears. Caitlin was Julian’s mother? But how?
“Julian, what are you saying? You’re lying to me again, aren’t you? You’re lying to me again,” I cried in anguish. I didn’t want to be a fool again. I needed to know the truth. How did I know he was playing fair this time? Perhaps he was tricking me again. “I don’t believe you. Tell me the truth. Why can’t you tell me the truth? Who is that woman?”
Julian slid to the floor, kneeling on his knees in front of me, his arms hugging my waist, his head resting against my breasts. His body was trembling with the same emotion I was trying to keep at bay.
He lifted his eyes to face me. And what I saw there had my heart thumping with so much pain. Those eyes reflected my own pain, my own emotion. Regret, sadness, pain. All those ugly destructive emotions floating to the surface.
“Kimberly. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for everything to go this far. I didn’t mean to cause you so much pain. But Caitlin really is my mother. She didn’t die that night. She didn’t die in the fire.”
I stayed quiet, tears brimming at the corners of my eyes, listening to him talking until I exploded with uncanny anger when I realized he lied to me yet again.
“Then why did you lie to me when I asked you about your mother? Is it because you just need me to play into one of your elaborate games again? Am I your pawn again, Julian? What are you trying to win this time? You’ve already got the Devereux legacy. Are you trying to take over my father’s business now?”
“No. No.” Julian clung to me firmer, his grip growing stronger. “You’re not my pawn anymore, Kimberly. Since that night I gave you the rose pendent necklace.”
The mention of his necklace had my hand grasping the pendant around my neck. I couldn’t do this anymore. I needed to control myself. I needed to process what Julian was telling me, out of his presence, because I knew if he stayed near me, my judgment would be clouded like all those other times before.
“I can’t do this anymore, Julian. I don’t think I can believe you anymore.” I untucked his fingers from around my back, wanting to get as far away from him as possible. But Julian wouldn’t let go. He only grasped tighter. “Let me go.”
“Kimberly, please don’t leave me. I love you. I love you.” He pressed his face deeper into the closure of my coat, words of desperation pouring from his mouth. “I promise from now on I’ll tell you the truth. I’ll tell you everything. Please don’t leave me. Please let me explain.”
“Your words are now meaningless,” I cried. “I don’t trust you anymore, Julian.”
With this said, I pushed him off me with all the remaining strength I had left, then ran outside into the pouring rain. Julian chased after me, both of us soaked to our skin, but I got away first, fighting out of his embrace, racing to one of his cars, holding the keys I'd prepared earlier, and drove off.
Julian chased after me, tripping and falling to the ground. I didn’t stop either. I increased my speed, my eyes always flickering back to the rearview mirror, seeing that small, distant figure of Julian running after me.
I knew he would cry a thousand tears, just like the tears I’d cried for him. But I had to be strong. So I increased my speed even more, wanting to get farther away from him.
I couldn’t believe him. Not yet. What I needed was to find out the real truth. I needed to make sure.
I went to the very woman he called mother.
* * * * *
Why am I here? I asked myself, sitting in front of Caitlin as she poured me a cup of tea after she shuffled me inside her hospital suite and dressed me in dry clothing.
Caitlin wasn’t wearing her scarf around her face today, unlike the last time I saw her. She was beautiful, with youthful, flawless skin. Looking at her like this, she was the spitting image of Julian, with the same black hair and grey eyes. The only distinguishing feature would be their jawlines. Julian had Beau’s, whereas Caitlin’s was softer and less pronounced.
I still couldn’t comprehend how a woman like Caitlin, who looked to be in her late thirties, could have a child that was in his late twenties. Which confirmed my suspicions that Julian had been lying to me.
“You’re wondering why I’m still alive.” Caitlin’s statement had me gearing back to reality.
“Caitlin, I don’t understand. Julian said his mother died. In the fire.”
Caitlin took my hands in her gloved fingers. She patted them to calm me down. She must have realized I was agitated with my situation.
“Did my son hurt you?”
My eyes opened wide at the word son coming from her mouth. I couldn’t process what was happening. Everything was a jumbled mess in my head.
> “Here, drink some tea. It’s chamomile. It’ll calm your nerves.”
I didn't usually drink tea if I was agitated. What I needed most was a bottle of wine. But I took the tea anyway, sipping it slowly. My hands were shaky, but after a while, it stopped.
“Feeling better?”
“Caitlin, please tell me what’s going on. Julian said you’re his mother. Is he telling the truth?”
Her answer wasn't a simple yes or no. She released a deep sigh, then started on her story.
“I was seventeen when I went to work for Beau, as one of his housekeepers. He came from a wealthy family. The opposite of mine. I was a child born by accident. My mother was a prostitute, a job my grandfather was never proud of. I was conceived by one of her many clients. She didn’t want me. So I lived with my grandmother and grandfather. My grandfather would remind me day in and day out that I wasn't the kind of grandchild he wanted. I was a disgrace to him. It was only my grandmother who loved me. But she died when I reached my fourteenth birthday, leaving behind only the legacy of her love for me to pass on to Julian. The rose pendant necklace.”
I touched the pendant around my throat. Was that why Julian was so protective of this necklace and wanted me to wear it all the time, because it was the only loving legacy from his mother’s life?
I clutched the necklace tight in my fingers when Caitlin answered my unspoken question.
“Yes. That necklace. I gave it to Julian on the night of the fire. I told him to cherish it with all he possessed.”
I played with the rose, still remembering all the times he would harass me to wear it, when Caitlin’s voice dragged me back into her story.
“After my grandmother died, I ran away from home. I couldn’t endure my grandfather’s treatment anymore. He would beat me constantly, reminding me every day that I was the product of his useless child. I learned to live on the streets to survive, but I never sold myself like my mother did. I vowed to myself I would become an educated and strong woman, so if I were to have a child, he or she would never suffer like me again. I’d love my child and look after him. Bring him into the world with a loving family.”
