by Rosie Praks
A little tear slipped out of her eye. She wiped it away gently and offered me a sad smile.
“But I failed Julian. I met Beau and fell in love with him. It was a recipe for a disastrous life for my son. Beau was my boss. He was also a married man.”
Caitlin looked at me, but her mind was somewhere else, a place where her memories were filled with pain but also love at the same time.
“Kimberly, I’ve never met a man who treated me like Beau. My grandfather would hit me. The clients my mother brought home would also hurt me. So when Beau came along, he was everything I never thought could happen. I fell in love with him. Whether it was true love or infatuation, I didn’t know back then. I guessed I was too young, too naïve. But I knew I wanted to be with him. So we had an affair behind Fiona’s back. I was lost in my own world filled with happiness, forgetting about my vow to protect my future family, the vow to myself, until it was too late.
She paused, soft tears slipping out of her eyes as she gazed at me from beneath her wet lashes. “I was pregnant with Julian, Kimberly. I was only eighteen.”
An arrow struck at my heart. I gripped my dress, knuckles turning white. Pregnant at eighteen. I could understand the enormity of the situation she was facing. At age eighteen, I was merely a child in college.
Caitlin slowly sipped more tea with trembling fingers before continuing. “By then, Fiona had her suspicions. Beau didn’t know what to do. So he took me to one of his private properties, away from Fiona. It was an old house, but it was home to me. He let me live there until Julian was born.”
She paused, taking another sip of her tea. It was empty. I took the liberty of pouring more for her.
“Please, go on.” I urged her, absorbed in her story and Julian’s history. Caitlin smiled at me sadly before starting again.
“I lived my life. Julian was doing really well, like any normal child. Beau came to visit us most days, just to see his son. Life was good. Until one night when everything changed. It was the night of Julian’s sixth birthday.”
“The night someone burned your house down?” I interjected, suspecting this must be the turning point to Julian’s life.
“Yes.” She confirmed my suspicion.
“But you survived. Julian said you died.”
“Yes. I did survive. I was burned all over, but I was still breathing when the paramedics found me.”
I looked at Caitlin again. She had no burn marks on her face. Her skin was flawless.
“But—”
She pulled up her sleeves. I sucked in my breath. Her arms were full of scars. And her fingers, when she removed her gloves, were also covered with scars. No wonder she didn’t want me to look at her hands the other day.
“But your face, it’s—”
“I had skin graft surgery.”
Now it all made sense. Why she was always covering her face from the sun and why she was in hospital. Because she had surgery to remove those scars on her face.
“So why didn’t you go back to Julian? He thought he’d killed you by leaving you in that burning house.”
“I was in hospital for so long. It took me a long time to recover from the event. I was depressed. By the time I was able to recover physically and mentally, I found out Beau had moved away, taking Julian with him. I searched for him everywhere, trying to track down my son. It was only three years ago that I found out Julian was here, in Miami. We finally reconciled.”
Three years ago. Three years ago. I remembered Julian telling me how he'd planned to obtain the Devereux legacy since he saw my picture three years ago. Could his intention somehow be related to his reunion with his mother?
“Caitlin, Julian used me to get the Devereux legacy. Do you know why?”
“Maybe it’s best if Julian tells you.”
I knew she was reluctant to tell me, but I had to hear this from her. Not Julian. So I pushed on.
“Caitlin, please. I’ve been used by your son again and again. Don’t you think I deserve to know the truth now?”
Caitlin looked at me sadly. “Who do you think would have inherited the legacy if Julian didn’t trick you? Who do you think would have taken charge of the companies under Devereux Enterprises if Julian didn’t do as he had?”
“Josh. Josh would get the inheritance when Beau dies. Josh would also take over the company.”
Caitlin looked me straight in the face. “One word, Kimberly. Revenge. Julian wants revenge.”
Revenge. By gaining the legacy, who could Julian take revenge on? Josh? What did Josh do to his mother? Josh was way too young back then to know Caitlin. Then who was Julian trying to target?
I looked at Caitlin. She was drinking her tea again, sipping at the steaming cup slowly. She was beautiful. Even I was mesmerized by her beauty when I first saw her. Then a thought struck me. What did Caitlin look like before the tragedy? Was she as beautiful as she was now?
Something within me clicked. Beau, Fiona, Caitlin. Caitlin was Beau’s mistress. Fiona was Beau’s legal wife. Beau loved Caitlin. So that was what it was all about.
“It was Fiona, wasn’t it?” My voice trembled as I came to this startling conclusion. “She was the one who burned down your house. Fiona was the one who Julian was trying to target, not Josh. And I was his pawn so he could get back at Fiona. Avenging you.”
Caitlin didn’t reply. Tears slid out of her eyes.
Oh God. It was true. Pain stabbed at my heart. I wanted to cry. So Julian did all this for his mother. He used me as pawn in order to avenge his mother because Fiona had burned their house down, causing his mother to live a life of desolation.
I stood from my seat with trembling legs. I couldn’t do this anymore. I needed to leave, but Caitlin grabbed my hand, halting my mission.
“Please forgive him, Kimberly. He didn’t mean for everything to go this far,” she said quietly, as if begging me to stay. “He loves you. He needs you. Please don’t leave him.”
“He doesn’t need me,” I quickly said, silent tears sliding down my face. I quickly wiped them away.
“No, Kimberly. He loves you.”
“He doesn’t love me, Caitlin. I should have known that from the very beginning. Does a man who loves a woman treat her like this? I must be a sick person to let him use me to help avenge you.”
“No. Please don’t think that. He loves you. I know it. Don’t you love him too?”
Her question made me pause in my step.
“I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.” I shook my head, feeling a horrible ache in my skull. “But even if I do, it’s too late now. I’m no longer of any use to him. He’s already got everything he wanted. The Devereux legacy. Revenge on Fiona. You. He’s now complete.”
“No, Kimberly. He needs your emotional support. You’re his structural pillar. I can’t provide that. Only you can. I don’t think he can function without you by his side.”
“He doesn’t need me.” I emphasized my point again.
I was losing myself again. I knew this. I couldn’t do this tonight. Too many of my emotions were in the forefront. I needed to leave now. So I hurried to step away. But Caitlin caught my hand again, stopping me.
“Kimberly,” she said softly, as if begging me with those grey eyes so similar to Julian's. “Please help him.”
“With what? So he can use me again in another elaborate scheme to beat Fiona?” I yelled in anguish.
I refused to look at her. This was too much for me. I couldn’t take this anymore.
“I don’t understand what you’re asking of me, Caitlin. Julian has everything now. There’s no need for me to be the stupid bitch who continues to play his games. This time it’s over.”
“I’m asking whether you love him. Please don’t hurt him like I did. I left him too long. They’ve hurt him too long, and he became this kind of person. It was my fault. I wasn’t there to look after him. If you don’t help him now, I believe he'll go back to the way he was before.”
“Caitlin, I don’t understand what y
ou’re trying to tell me.”
“Kimberly,” she said slowly, “my son was sick. He was put in the mental hospital for a long time after that fire. Don’t make him go back to that person. Don’t make him go back to that place. Please help him.”
* * * * *
Chapter 21
I was dazed after my discussion with Caitlin. I didn’t know where I was going. I just kept driving. Until the car stopped. I looked around myself. I was at Julian’s private retreat. Rain poured from above. What Caitlin explained to me moments before still echoed in my head.
Julian. He was mentally sick. He was in a mental hospital before. Please help him.
“Julian,” I mouthed, getting out of the car, rain soaking my clothes again.
Why am I here? What am I doing here again? Why didn’t I leave when I had the chance? Was I so captivated by him that I was trapped by my own doing? Was I really so twisted that I couldn’t turn away from him even after he’d put me through this much pain?
Julian was crouched on the front porch, back braced against the glass door. He had his head nestled in his arms. Apart from the rain pouring from above, soaking his white shirt against his taut muscles, he didn’t move.
I looked at him, searing pain striking my heart. But also something else. An invisible string that pulled, dragging me toward him slowly.
He was breathing, his shoulders shaking, but he didn’t look up as I walked slowly toward him, my footsteps slapping against the concrete pathway.
He was waiting for me. How long had I been gone? One hour? Two? Three? The drive to the hospital was a good hour into the city. So he was waiting for me that long. He knew I was coming back to him?
Oh God. So this was why I came back. He'd been waiting for me, had always been waiting for me. Just like when I left him in Miami a few months back because of his confession. He still followed me back to Australia and won me over again. He already had the legacy. He already had complete ownership of Devereux Enterprises. He was finished with me. He could just toss me to the side because he was done with me, yet he stayed by my side, wanting to physically and emotionally be involved with me. So he loved me. Julian loved me.
And now I realized my love for him had no boundaries. I realized now I was also sick, sick enough to love him, even when he was a sick man. I thought I'd had enough. I thought with Caitlin's explanation alone, I had enough motivation to leave him, but the mere mention of his past trauma had me coming back to his side. Oh God. I loved this man.
“Julian.” I touched his hair gently as soon as I got to his side.
Julian glanced up at the barest touch of my fingers. And then he plunged into me, wrapping his strong arms around my waist, snuggling his wet face into my breasts again, embracing me with all his strength.
“Kimberly. Kimberly. You came back to me. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I fucked up so badly. Please give me another chance.” He spoke so quickly, mumbling out his apology again and again.
“Julian. Julian.” I patted his hair, my voice calming him like that night when he had that nightmare. In a way, this was also like his nightmare, except this far surpassed that. This was his reality. And he was scared to let me go.
He looked up at me, face twisted with torment, eyes reflecting the sorrow he'd witnessed. A little thought ran through me at that moment.
What have you gone through to be in this condition, Julian? What made you so sick to the point of being admitted into a mental hospital?
I slid down against him, palms cradling his wet cheeks. I looked into his eyes. “Please tell me the truth, Julian. What happen to you after your mother was in that fire? Please tell me.”
Julian didn’t say a word. He continued to hold me, touch me, making sure I was real, that I wasn't just his apparition out to haunt him. I pressed him further, but all he did was shake his head, so forcefully, as if I were compelling him to commit a crime he could not do.
“Julian. Please,” I begged. The pain, the anger, they were no longer in me. Now there was only an empty vial, ready for whatever emotion Julian would pour into me. “You said you love me,” I said passively, stroking his damp hair. “I need to understand you. I need to know the truth. What happened to you in the past?”
“I don’t want to tell you about my past. You’ll hate me. I know you’ll hate me. I don’t want you to hate me.” Julian shook his head again, refusing to indulge in my one true request. He burrowed his head into my shoulder, looking for that comfort and security I provided before. But I needed to understand everything before I could accept him.
“Please tell me. I promise I’ll listen. I promise I won’t hate you. Please tell me.”
I watched as he tried to fight back those tears that threatened to break through again.
“Kimberly. I was fucked up in the head. I was sick. I was put in the mental hospital when I was a boy. I lived there during my teenage years. I didn’t get out until I was deemed well enough to join in society.”
My heart thumped in a painful crescendo. “Why, Julian? Why did they put you in the mental hospital?”
“Because I almost killed Josh. I was unstable. That’s why Dad put me in hospital. That’s why everyone in the company looked at me differently, even when they knew I was his son. That’s why I could never inherit Dad’s legacy. Kimberly, I was a sick child.”
Julian. Oh, Julian. I couldn’t imagine my life being like this. In all of my life, I'd never experienced anything except for cherished love from Papa. Even my own mother who'd died when I was young still left me with happy memories. But Julian… he lived his teenage years in a mental hospital because he’d tried to kill his own brother.
“But you were a child, though, right? You didn’t mean to kill him. Tell me you didn’t mean to harm him.”
“I was eight, clearly old enough to know what I was doing. But I don’t know why I did it. I think I drowned him. After I thought my mother had died in the fire, I hurt him, over and over, until Dad put me in hospital.”
Oh God. That was why Josh told me not to trust Julian, because Julian was dangerous. But it was already too late. I was in love with a sick man.
“What motivated you to want to hurt Josh?”
“I don’t remember anymore. I don’t know why I wanted to hurt him. I was sick. That’s what everyone was telling me. I got treated in the hospital.”
“Julian. Was that one of the reasons you took the legacy from him? Because you wanted to hurt him again?”
“No. I wanted to hurt Fiona. She was the one who burned down our house. She hurt my mother. I told you before that whoever hurt my mother, I would hurt them tenfold. That’s why I used you before. Because through you, I could manipulate them to get the Devereux legacy, because Fiona wanted that legacy for Josh. I never meant to hurt him. I never wanted to hurt him again after what I’d put him through. But I had to because I wanted to avenge my mother’s pain. But in the process, I hurt him. I hurt you, the one woman I love.
"Kimberly, I’m sorry. I don’t know how else to tell you this. I want to take back everything so I never would have to put you through this pain. Can you give me another chance?”
I still didn’t move, nor did I give him an answer. My hand carried on stroking his hair, my fingers now damp with raindrops, thinking of all our past memories we had together. The love, the pain, the heartbreak, and many other emotions we endured together, all in the name of revenge for his mother.
“Kimberly, I’m so sorry.” He continued to beg when I still didn’t respond. “I really mean it. I love you. Since that first time I saw you three years ago when I spoke with you at the nightclub. But it was my selfish revenge that motivated me to continue to use you for my gain. I never wanted to hurt you either.
"I’d heard you were a playful person. I was sure after I used you that you’d jump to one of your other men, but I never realized I would hurt you like this or that my heart would almost die when you left me that night. I knew then I couldn’t live without you. I needed yo
u back in my life. But I didn’t know how to apologize or turn back the time.
"In your eyes, I must be that monster who tore your heart out and left you to bleed to death. But I never left you. I followed your every move. That’s how I knew you went back to Australia. I followed you. And the reason I didn’t tell you the truth about my mother that day in the office was because I wanted to protect you. I knew if I told you the truth, then they’d hurt you. But after choosing that path, they still got to you. Kimberly, I’ve caused a domino effect that’s irreversible. I’m so sorry they hurt you.”
“Who is trying to hurt me, Julian?” I asked, fear drumming in my heart.
Those strange incidents came back to my mind. My mysterious fall, the text message showing Caitlin’s image. These were done by someone who was trying to harm me.
So Julian knew all along. He knew I was in danger. Was that why he always wanted me to go back to Australia, because there was no way I would be safe if I was near him? But I was adamant, thinking Julian was with another woman.
“Julian, tell me who was trying to harm me?”
“I have my suspicions, but I’m not one hundred percent sure yet. But please know I didn’t mean to lie to you that day. I’ve stopped using you and lying to you ages ago. So please don’t leave me.”
His quest for my forgiveness had me thinking about our past again. Could I really forgive him now that I’d learned of everything that happened to him? He was not a normal man. He was sick. He'd tried to kill Josh. Was that not enough of an incentive for me to get the hell out of his life? So what was I doing, still stroking his hair, still hugging him close to me?
“Kimberly. Am I asking you too much? Is it too much for you to be trapped by me, for you to carry on being trapped by me?”
When I didn’t answer him, he continued speaking, as if trying to reassure me or convince me he needed me too, just as I needed him.
“Please don’t hate me, Kimberly. I’m no longer a sick man. What do you want me to do? As long as you won’t leave me, I’ll do anything.”
