Saving Wishes

by G. J. Walker-Smith

  She looked at me for a long moment but didn’t speak. Her reaction or lack thereof, confused me. We were both getting what we wanted. I thought she’d be jumping for joy, breaking out the French champagne or doing whatever it was that arty French beauty queens did when they celebrated.

  “I see,” she mumbled finally.

  “Alex’s decision has nothing to do with me. He loves you, that’s why he’s going to Marseille,” I said.

  “And how do you feel about it?”

  It wasn’t a question I expected her to ask and I had to think about my answer. “I want Alex to be happy. You make him happy.”

  Finally she smiled, just enough to be slightly reassuring. “Isn’t love a dreadful thing?”

  I nodded, feeling the anguish twisting on my face.

  “What is it, Charli? I can tell there’s more to this.”

  I shifted nervously in my seat before edging into the real reason I was there. “Alex has cut me a huge amount of slack by leaving me at home this weekend and I don’t want to ruin it by lying to him.”

  “Okay.” She drew out the word.

  “I want to stay here. And I want you to help me tell him.”

  “Oh, Charli.” That was the only part of her sentence I understood. A long French monologue followed, complete with hand gestures and over-the-top facial expressions.

  “Yes or no?” I asked as soon as she paused. I saw a flicker of pity in her green eyes. Maybe she knew how Alex would react. Perhaps they’d already discussed it. “I’m not asking you to tell him, Gabrielle. I’m just asking you to be there when I tell him,” I clarified.

  It seemed an eternity before she spoke.

  “Okay. Dinner tonight. Here. We’ll tell him over dinner. I’ll cook.” She spoke absently, as if she was trying to string a plan together in her head.

  “Thank you,” I breathed. I made my way around the table towards the door.

  “One more thing, Charli,” she said, reaching for my hand as I passed her. “You need to talk to Adam.” She tapped her Marseille diary. “He’s only perfect for you if you know everything about him.”

  I knew exactly what she meant. “Do you think Alex is perfect?”

  “Except when he calls me Gabs.” She pulled a face. “What a ridiculous appellation to bestow on someone you claim to love.”

  I burst into a fit of giggles. Sometimes I felt as if I needed a French and English dictionary on hand to understand what she was saying.

  “I’ll see you tonight,” I told her, still laughing as I made my way to the door.

  19. Confusion

  My school day dragged, and its slowness was compounded by the fact that I was stuck in detention until five.

  For once, Mademoiselle Décarie had nothing to do with it. Mrs Young had sentenced me for the crime of failing to return two library books by the due date. Until then, I wasn’t even aware that she had that kind of power. I got no sympathy from Alex when I called to tell him. Adam was slightly more understanding, although disappointed that I’d managed to cut into another of our afternoons together.

  By the time I arrived at Gabrielle’s, Alex was already there. His red Ute stole three quarters of the narrow driveway. My heart thumped mercilessly as I made my way up to the porch.

  “They’re in the shed, working on the boat,” Gabrielle told me, obviously not concerned.

  The thought of them spending time alone together was disturbing. Adam didn’t always understand the complications between Alex and me. He thought for us to spend the weekend together while Alex and Gabrielle were away was logical, unable to grasp that Alex saw it as leaving a child in a brushwood house with a can of petrol and a box of matches. If Adam mentioned it before I did, anything was possible – and every scenario I played out in my head as I walked the short distance to the shed ended badly.

  Spying on them felt criminal but I was powerless to stop myself. I stood motionless, peeping through the crack in the door. Alex stood near the stern with his arms folded. I couldn’t see Adam, but heard the very sound of sandpaper scraping along wood. Mercifully, the conversation was light. They were talking about the boat, debating the million dollar question – was it Huon or run of the mill pine? Adam had no clue. Alex was undecided.

  “Norm will be able to tell you,” said Alex. “Are you sure you want to sell it?”

  “I have no use for it,” replied Adam casually. “Besides, Charli could use the extra travel money.”

  “That’s very generous of you.” Alex’s tone was strange. “But I guess thousands of dollars is just a drop in the ocean for you, right?”

  The sandpaper sound stopped.

  “It bothers you, doesn’t it?”

  “It wouldn’t bother me if Charli knew about it,” Alex replied.

  “You know as well as I do, it wouldn’t make any difference to her.”

  “How do expect her to adjust to your life in New York, Adam? She’s pinning everything on this working out. That does bother me.”

  Adam laughed but it was somehow wrong. It was sarcastic and hard.

  My thoughts drifted to the French castle that Gabrielle called home. Alex had some adjusting to do too. I wonder if that bothered him.

  “Do you even see her when you look at her?” asked Alex. His arms were still folded across his chest.

  “I see everything.” Adam spoke without hesitation. His answer couldn’t have sounded any truer if he’d had time to rehearse it. “She’s stronger than you think she is.”

  Alex finally uncrossed his arms, moving both hands to the back of his head like he was warding off a migraine. “Everything is fine then. I’m worrying unnecessarily,” he said.

  “You don’t like me very much do you?” asked Adam.

  His question floored me. Considering it took Alex a long time to speak made me think it staggered him too. I’d never heard either of them say a bad word about the other. How had I not seen the tension before now? Part of me didn’t want to hear the answer. A bigger part of me was too cowardly to move. So I stood, waiting for his reply.

  “I don’t like the effect you have on her.”

  The sound of tools crashing into the metal toolbox made me flinch. When angry, Alex liked to chop wood. Adam liked to make noise.

  “Why do you have such a strong hold on her?” Adam asked. “I don’t understand it. You need to let her go. She’s more than capable of making her own decisions.” He spoke calmly but the frustration in his voice was undeniable.

  “In case you haven’t noticed, she’s capable of getting in to a lot of trouble too,” replied Alex.

  Through the tiny gap in the shed door, Adam walked into view carrying the box of tools, dumping it on a shelf. “So you’ve made it your life’s work to keep her on the straight and narrow? How’s that working out for you, Alex?” he asked, glancing back at my brother.

  “Pretty well, until you showed up.”

  “I don’t buy that for a second. Charli has never toed the line. That’s why you’re having such a hard time letting go of her. She was impossible to hold in the first place.” His words were abnormally harsh. Adam was usually much more low-key when it came to telling people off.

  Alex’s response confused me. I expected an angry comeback. I held my breath, waiting for the ranting to begin but it didn’t happen. Instead, he relaxed. “Charlotte has a high tolerance for risk, she’s a slave to the sea and she takes pictures of time,” he said, ticking off my list of weird character traits on his fingers, making them sound more bizarre by the tone of voice he used.

  I was glad that I couldn’t see Adam’s face. I imagine he looked horror-struck. There was no way Adam could ignore the list when it was being spelled out for him. I could see Alex’s face clearly, though. His smugly calm expression hinted that he thought Adam was about to come to his senses and make a run for it.

  At last Adam spoke. “Those are the things I see when I look at her,” he stated. “They’re not faults or flaws. That’s who she is and I love that about her.”
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  “That’s what you see?” Alex sounded incredulous.

  “That’s exactly what I’ve seen from the minute I met her.”

  There was an extremely long pause.

  My heart wasn’t sinking any more. In fact, there was a fair chance it was going to float right out of my chest. Adam walked out of view again and I leaned closer to the gap.

  “You weren’t expecting to find her, were you?” asked Alex quietly.

  “No. I’ve never met anyone like her. She’s changed the way I see everything. Have you ever felt that for someone?”

  “Once,” he vaguely admitted.

  “Gabrielle is hoping that you’ll go back to France with her,” said Adam, connecting the dots.

  Alex tried to sound offhanded an unexcited. “That’s my plan.”

  “Maybe you should fill Gabi in, put her out of her misery. Do you love her?” quizzed Adam.

  “Completely.” He finally spoke with the fervour that a statement like that deserved and I was relieved.

  “So why did you keep her a secret for so long?”

  “You’ve been here long enough. You’ve seen how the rumour mill works.”

  “So it comes down to you not wanting to be talked about?”

  “No, it’s even more selfish than that. I never believed someone like Gabi could ever want me for very long. There was no point going public if was going to be short-lived.”

  “So what changed your mind?”

  Alex’s hands moved behind his head again. “Gabrielle knows everything about me. Every. Last. Thing.”

  “And yet she still loves you?”

  “Yeah. Imagine that. Perhaps you should give Charli the same chance.”

  Adam walked into view again, dragging his arms through his coat sleeves. “I’m going to tell her everything this weekend… while she’s staying here… with me.”

  The thought of Adam finally coming clean about his prince charming status now seemed trivial. I stopped breathing. Waiting for Alex’s reaction (and the lack of oxygen) was killing me. I shouldn’t have been surprised that Adam had told him about our plans. He’d seen no point in making a big deal of it in the first place.

  “That’s what this dinner is about, isn’t it?” asked Alex. “She’s planning to break it to me using you and Gabrielle for moral support.”

  “That’s about the gist of it,” replied Adam calmly.

  “Fine. Consider me told.”

  “That’s it?” asked Adam, sounding understandably cautious.

  Alex held both palms out before slapping them against his sides. “What do you want me to say? I’m loosening my grip.”

  “No catch?”

  “None.”

  “Why?”

  “You said it yourself, Adam. You see her. And I believe you when you tell me that. But I have to warn you, if you hurt her…if you so much as disappoint her, I’m going to break both your legs.”

  “Understood,” replied Adam in a tone that suggested he didn’t really believe him.

  Both of them started walking towards the door and unless I moved quickly, I was about to be sprung. I made the dash back to the house.

  “What’s the matter?” asked Gabrielle as I burst through the front door.

  “Nothing,” I replied, shrugging off my coat and hanging it by the door. “Adam told Alex I’m staying here for the weekend.”

  He voice was melodic and calm but her eyes flickered. She straightened already-straight placemats and tidied perfectly aligned silverware. I wondered if she had some form of obsessive-compulsive disorder that required everything to be perfect – except boyfriends.

  “And he took it well?” she asked.

  He’d taken it brilliantly. He hadn’t killed anyone.

  “He’s okay.”

  “Très bien. We can enjoy dinner then.”

  Neither of us had a chance to say anything else before Adam walked in.

  “Where is Alex?” she asked.

  “Coming. He’s just cleaning up.”

  “And you?”

  He raised both hands, paint-free. “I know the rules,” he told her, like a good child.

  Alex appeared seconds later, unceremoniously dumping his keys and phone on the table, knocking Gabrielle’s place settings askew. She didn’t move, blowing my theory about her obsessive-compulsive disorder. Her obsession was something entirely different, and he was standing beside her, both hands on the top of the dining chair – staring at me like he was waiting for a confession.

  I glanced at Adam and he winked. Gabrielle was focused only on Alex.

  “Sit down,” she instructed.

  Alex did as she asked without breaking the lock on my eyes.

  “Anything you want to tell me?” He spoke to me like I was five years old. He knew full well why we’d summoned him to dinner, but he was going to make me explain it anyway.

  Adam frowned. “Why are you doing this?” he asked. “I’ve just told you everything.”

  Gabrielle offered the bowl of salad to Adam, but he ignored it. “I’d like to hear it from Charli.”

  “Why are you acting like I’m invisible?” I snarled.

  “I’m not,” Alex said.

  Gabrielle cleared her throat. “We need wine,” she announced, already walking away. I wanted to leave too but couldn’t come up with a plausible excuse to do so.

  It was confusing. I thought they’d just cleared the air in the shed. Why was Alex intent on keeping the drama going?

  “You’re bullying her.” Adam was clearly baiting him and as expected, Alex bit.

  “And you’re speaking out of turn.”

  Gabrielle came back and carelessly set a bottle on the table. As she pulled her hand away, the bottle fell, saturating Alex’s shirt. He jumped up, wiping the red stain with a napkin. I couldn’t be a hundred percent sure it wasn’t intentional. Gabrielle was hardly the clumsy type.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Quickly, take it off.” Gabrielle unbuttoned his shirt as she spoke. “I’ll soak it.”

  She rushed off to the laundry with the stained shirt, leaving me alone with the two idiots. Alex folded his arms, more out of menace than modesty. Adam mimicked his pose. The only difference between them was the looks on their faces and Alex’s bare chest. Alex still looked annoyed but Adam looked aghast. I squeezed his knee under the table but it did nothing to snap him out of whatever dark thought he was lost in.

  The silent standoff continued until Gabrielle returned.

  “Here.” She draped a shirt over Alex’s shoulder as she walked past him. Of course he had clothes there. He probably had a toothbrush there too. As soon as she sat down Adam asked her something in French, punching out the words urgently.

  Gabrielle frowned. “Non,” she said simply.

  Alex didn’t seem anywhere near as confused as I was. Maybe she’d taught him French. Perhaps I was the only person at the table who had no idea what was going on.

  Adam repeated the question, and before he’d even finished Gabrielle launched into a tirade of her own that ended only when Adam stood and slammed his fist on the table, making crockery, cutlery and glass rattle. He pulled me to my feet.

  “We’re leaving,” he snarled to no one in particular.

  Alex said nothing. Gabrielle began to speak but Alex shushed her.

  I snatched my hand free. “I’m not going anywhere until someone tells me what’s going on,” I demanded.

  “Go with Adam, Charli. Its fine,” Alex suggested weakly.

  I didn’t protest as Adam reached for my hand again and led me out.

  We drove so far into the night that we were half way to Hobart before he finally pulled over. He’d hardly said a word since we left, and even in the darkness I could tell he was furious. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. I still had no idea what was going on.

  “You do realise Tasmania is an island, right? There’s only so far you can drive.”

  His hands gripped the steering wheel and his head dropped.

  “Promi
se me something?” he said, ignoring my last statement.

  “Anything.”

  “Don’t change your plans, not for anyone.”

  I knew he meant Alex. “His opinion counts, Adam.”

  It was hard to build a defence when I had no idea where the hostility was coming from.

  Adam glared at me like I’d just cursed him. “Why, Charlotte? Why do you feel so indebted to him? I hate that you carry this guilt,” he ranted.

  It wasn’t like Adam to be so insensitive. He knew our history. It was annoying that I had to justify my feelings again, so I said nothing. He shook his head, muttering to himself.

  “English!”

  He spoke painfully slowly, as if my English comprehension was poorer than my French. “You owe him nothing.”

  “Whatever just happened between you and Gabrielle is nothing to do with me. There’s no need to bring Alex into it either.”

  Adam reached across, stroking the side of my face. Even in the low light, his cerulean eyes looked wounded. Continuing the conversation was senseless. We were going around in circles. My brain seemed to be short-circuiting, overloaded by a whole lot of nothing.

  “I think we should go back,” I suggested.

  Adam’s hand moved to the keys. “I will take you anywhere you want to go.”

  “Do you mean that?” It was important to look at him as I asked the question.

  His expression didn’t waver. “I’ve never meant anything more in my life.”

  I didn’t object when he turned the car. There was nowhere else to go, for now.

  Alex was on the porch we arrived back at the cottage. I wondered if he’d been waiting there all along or if he’d come out when he heard the car pull up. Adam quickly kissed me goodnight, heading straight into the house and unnecessarily pushing past my brother on the way.

  “Goodnight, Charli,” said Gabrielle, appearing out of nowhere.

  “Thanks for dinner,” I replied. It was a strange thing to say considering we didn’t get as far as eating.

  The journey home with Alex was weirder than the drive to nowhere with Adam. Every one of my thoughts at that moment was so discordant that I couldn’t string a sentence together in my head let alone out loud. It was Alex who finally spoke.