All That the Heart Desires

by June Moonbridge

  Michelle and Lucille had caught us. With their mouths open they looked from me to Lorcan, to me again, and back to him. Taking the phone from the counter I ran past all of them, out of the perfumery and the hotel.

  Marcel tried to speak to me but I was too quick and the crowd who had come to see the Porsche Supercup qualifications was too loud.

  I ran until I was out of breath and my feet had begun to hurt too much from my high heels.

  Reaching the beach, I calmed down. I sat on the first free bench and eased off my shoes. What had actually happened in there? What had possessed me? How had he managed to shake the earth beneath my feet? Again! I was angry at myself that I hadn’t slapped him for doing what he had done. I should have protested more. Why hadn’t I?

  Suddenly my mobile rang. Not prepared for it I almost dropped it. Checking the screen I decided to ignore it. It was Dame again. I was not ready to talk to him. I needed to calm down first.

  But he didn’t give up. The phone kept ringing until I switched it to silent. I had broken our unspoken rule of always answering the phone.

  When the phone finally stopped vibrating on the bench, I thought I was off the hook. Then a text message appeared on the screen.

  ‘I know you’re not in the perfumery. What’s going on? Answer me!’

  So someone had reported seeing me leaving the perfumery. That wasn’t good. Dame had a good nose for trouble even if he was almost six hundred miles away.

  I sighed. I didn’t need to guess how he got the information. Harry always knew when something was wrong. Whoever called had given him bits of information. It didn’t matter whether it was the girls or Shore. Dame had been informed and, knowing him, he wouldn’t quit until given every last detail.

  Finally, I lifted the phone and pressed the speed dial button. Dame was the only person I had on speed dial. It had been quite a while since I really had any real friends. I had left them all behind trying to escape my past. It wasn’t their fault. It was mine.

  The phone rang once and Dame answered abruptly.

  “What the hell is going on down there?!” he said. I sighed again.

  “Nothing,” I answered. It was such a transparent lie that it hurt my stomach.

  “And pigs fly,” I heard him snarl.

  “What do you want me to say?”

  “The truth, Desiree. Simply, the truth.”

  I was silent. I was not prepared to tell him anything. Not yet. I was not quite ready.

  “Do I need to come down there?”

  “No,” I said. “Stay in Paris.”

  “Then what’s going on?” He was persistent. I hated that. I stood up and looked around to check if anyone was listening to my conversation. With so many people around me, there was always a chance someone could overhear.

  “The Porsche Supercup Qualifying.”

  “Desiree!” He was almost screaming at me.

  “Are you alone?”

  “Yes.”

  “I was thinking about Iain again.” That silenced him, at least for a while. I started to walk back to the hotel. The roar of the cars was growing louder moment by moment.

  “I’ve already told you, you’ll always be thinking of him,” he said. I hardly heard him. I was close to tears.

  “That’s not enough and you know it. I need to find him. I need to hold him again!”

  The tears ran down my face.

  “I’m sorry,” he said calmly. “I’m doing all I can. You know that all the leads we had were dead ends.”

  “I know, Harry. I know. It’s just not fair.” I wiped the tears away and stopped. I was standing in front of the Casino de Monte Carlo—too close to the hotel.

  “Harry, I need to stop talking now. I’m going in. Talk to you later.” I decided to enter the Casino to freshen up, before going back to the hotel. I presumed I looked a mess.

  “Don’t forget…” he answered and the line was disconnected. By the tone of his voice I knew he was as lost as I was.

  The Casino de Monte Carlo was unique and it was hard to be unique in a town like Monte Carlo. Yet the whole building still took my breath away, even after all these years. Entering it was like going back in time. The lobby, the decorations, everything breathed history and legend.

  I headed straight to the toilet. Finding it empty pleased me enormously. I went to the sink and splashed cold water on my face. Because I was hardly wearing any makeup, it didn’t take me long to make myself more presentable.

  Suddenly the door opened and a girl around my age entered. She looked even more stressed than I did, if that was even possible. Her long blonde hair was knitted into a long plait and she played with its end. I didn’t want to speak to her, but when she leaned back against the doors, I had almost no other choice than to ask if she was alright.

  “Are you ok? Do you need help?”

  She gave me a strange, glazed look. Her blue eyes were big. I didn’t know what to think or to do in that moment. Suddenly she spoke, but her accent revealed she was not a native English speaker.

  “What would you do if you had won sixty million Euro?”

  I stared at her with my mouth wide open.

  “I don’t know, to be honest,” I finally managed to answer. She shrugged her shoulders.

  “Me neither. But I need to think of something.”

  “You won sixty million?” I asked with disbelief in my voice. She nodded and came closer to the sink. She looked in the mirror.

  “I did,” she answered and leaned on the sink with her hands. “Look at me. I’m a mess.”

  I had to smile at her remark. That was exactly what I thought about my own appearance.

  “You’re not the only one,” I said simply. She looked at me.

  “You’ve won sixty million too?”

  I laughed.

  “No, but I look a mess too.” Her voice sounded somewhat naïve. I went to leave and as I passed by her, she turned around.

  “You smell nice.”

  I stopped. I was wearing Demain, as always.

  “Thank you. Enjoy your fortune.’

  “Thank you,” she said. Just before the door closed behind me, I heard her mumble,

  “I just don’t know how.”

  It was strange coming back to the boutique. Michelle and Lucille were alone. There were no customers and I was glad. Lorcan Shore had also left but from the looks the girls were giving me, I wondered what he had done to them. I was always open to conversation, but at that precise moment I was not prepared to talk to them about what had happened.

  “Did you have much to do?” I asked them. They didn’t look at me.

  “No, we didn’t,” answered Lucille.

  “I’m sorry I left like I did,” I said simply and, because no one replied, I went to the back office. I didn’t want to, but I watched them on the security cameras’ screen. They were wiping the glass shelves, but whether they were talking or not, I couldn’t tell and I decided I no longer wanted to spy on them. Facing them sooner or later was something I needed to do. I opted for later.

  Trying to do some paperwork was not the wisest thing in my state. I was shifting pieces of paper from one pile to another without even looking at what to do with them. Finally, I’d had enough of the morbid atmosphere. I needed to set things straight between us all again. The uncertainty of what had happened in the perfumery after I had left was too much for me to handle. I needed to know. And I needed to know now.

  Getting up from the chair, I knocked my handbag from the table and it fell on the floor. Something inside cracked and I immediately picked up the bag. I sighed, relieved that nothing was broken. I went through the bag’s contents and found that my bottle of Demain was still intact. Holding up the bottle, it sparkled.

  My life had changed back when I had first created the fragrance. Now it looked like this little bottle would be responsible for change once again. Small things did change the world.

  When I entered the shop I caught the end of their conversation. Michelle was saying:
“don’t want to be responsible.” She stopped when Lucille spotted me and lifted her eyebrows in warning, and both girls jumped up—not a good sign.

  “You don’t need to stand up when I enter, ladies.”

  There was no reply.

  “I’m sorry but I just overheard; you don’t want to be responsible for what, Michelle?”

  The expressions on their faces were plain enough. They were talking about me and about what had happened that morning.

  They exchanged a look and finally Lucille answered.

  “The neighbours. You know those loud ones? They were having a fight yesterday again. We were talking about whether to call the police, but in the end we decided not to meddle.” Her voice lost its strength in the end. She was lying and I knew it. I’d never ever heard them talking about the ‘fighting’ neighbours before.

  “It is better not to meddle, isn’t it?” Michelle was trying to help Lucille. They were both watching me intently. I knew what they wanted to know; I could read between the lines, but I just had to know what had happened after I had left.

  “Sometimes, yes. But not this time.”

  “I’m sorry?” asked Lucille.

  “I need to know.”

  “About the neighbours?” Michelle’s voice was full of astonishment. I smiled.

  “No, not about the neighbours. We all know that was a white lie. Tell me what you’ve seen and what happened when I left.”

  Their faces paled.

  “The truth. I need the truth.”

  “Well, Lorcan Shore wanted to follow you, but we stopped him.” Michelle started very slowly. They were still exchanging looks more than they were looking at me.

  “I hope that was the right thing,” said Lucille. I nodded. The knowledge that he wanted to follow me was enough.

  “And?” I asked. Michelle and Lucille looked at each other again, as if uncertain as to what to say next.

  “We didn’t want to interrupt you. You know?”

  I smiled and walked over to the shelf housing my perfumes. I stood looking at the bottles.

  “I know,” I said. “But I’m glad you did.”

  I saw their expressions in the mirror on the wall.

  “You are … What?” they said in the same voice.

  “Are you insane?” said Michelle.

  “Is he such a bad kisser?” Lucille asked.

  I had to laugh out loud. That broke the tension between us. They laughed too.

  “No, he is not and please, not a word to anyone. Is that understood?”

  Their faces instantly became serious.

  “Don’t you trust us?” Michelle asked.

  “I do, I just needed to be sure.”

  “We won’t say a word,” Lucille said. “Until you let us.”

  “Right.” I sighed with relief. “Anything else I should know?”

  Lucille nodded.

  “Mr Dame called and told us that we could go home when you came back. Is that alright with you?” So the girls hadn’t told Dame that I had left the perfumery, then. But who had?

  “Yes, of course it is. I don’t know why you came today anyway. Not that I’m not glad you did, but … Well, forget it. I’ll lock up soon and then go home myself,” I assured them.

  “Then we’re leaving,” Michelle said and went to the doors. She paused there.

  ‘I’ll get our handbags,” said Lucille, and went to the back office.

  “What is it?” I asked Michelle who was watching me.

  “He wanted to know who owns the perfumery. He saw the House of Dame sign, but he wanted to be sure,” she answered. “We couldn’t lie, so we had to tell him that, yes, it was owned by Mr Dame.”

  “It’s fine. He’d find out one way or another. When did Mr Dame call?”

  “Five or ten minutes after you left. Oh my God,” Michelle said. “Shore called the boss. You’ll be in trouble.” Her eyes were wide with the realisation of what had happened.

  “Don’t worry,” I said, as Lucille came back into the shop.

  “Lorcan Shore called the boss. Desiree will be sacked,” Michelle said to Lucile.

  “Don’t you worry a bit,” I answered them both. “I’ll handle Mr Dame.”

  I saw the disbelief on their faces. I couldn’t blame them; they didn’t know the truth about me, or about Dame.

  “Go,” I smiled. “Free practice will start soon and you’ll have to stay here.” That woke them up.

  “Fine, we’re out of here,” said Michelle.

  “See you on Monday.”

  Suddenly Lucille turned around.

  “One more thing. He wanted to know if you have two names or if you have a sister. You don’t, do you?”

  I shook my head.

  “No two names, no sister. Sadly.”

  “Right. We’re off,” she smiled and followed Michelle. When they were out of the hotel, I locked the door and turned around the closed sign.

  After doing that, I checked the place quickly. Everything as it should have been. No cards. No surprises. In the office the inevitable was waiting for me. I needed to call Dame.

  Skype call was open and a message was waiting to be answered. I sat down behind the computer and turned on the television. I was not yet prepared to discuss the recent events with Dame. Searching the programmes, I postponed the inevitable.

  “You’re there. I know it.” A new conversation appeared on the screen. Before I could answer, the sound of the Skype call filled the office.

  “Are you alone?” Harry asked by way of a greeting. I saw his face on the screen and that face didn’t reveal much. He had light reddish hair, cut short. His green eyes usually sparkled, but right then I couldn’t see anything in them.

  “Yes, I’m alone. You called and told the girls that they could go home. How could I stop them?”

  “D.D. that was your wish.”

  “Don’t call me that!” I interrupted him.

  He nodded in response.

  “Sorry. But it was your idea that we don’t tell anyone who the actual owner of the place is.”

  I sighed. He was right. It was something I had wanted.

  “Yes, I know it was my idea.” I gritted my teeth. “So, what is so urgent that you needed me so badly?”

  “What happened this morning? Why did you run off like that?”

  “How do you know I did?” I searched his face on the screen. No sign of anything. A suspicion started to rise within me.

  “Do you have the security cameras connected to Paris?”

  “What? No! What kind of question is that?” He looked appalled.

  “Then how do you know?” I asked. He smiled and the small wrinkles near his eyes deepened a little. He was a very handsome man, and now that he was in his early forties, I often wondered why he hadn’t married. I hated the thought that I might be the reason.

  “I know you had a ‘grand’ visit today.”

  “Dammit,” slipped through my teeth.

  “What did you say?”

  I tried to make my expression neutral.

  “Who told you?”

  “Shore.”

  “He called you?”

  “Yes. He made a complaint that you didn’t want to sell him a perfume he wanted.”

  “Did he?”

  “Yes.”

  We were watching each other, knowing we were playing a game of ‘cat and mouse’. It just wasn’t clear who was what.

  “What did you tell him?”

  “What happened?”

  We were talking at the same time. He smiled at me. He knew I was hiding something.

  “You first.” I didn’t want to back down.

  He sighed.

  “I would really like to talk this through in person and not through Skype.”

  “But you can’t, otherwise you would’ve been here.”

  “You know me.”

  I nodded.

  “Yes I do.”

  He raised his head and was out of the screen. I presumed someone must have walk
ed into his Paris office. I heard a female voice in in the background and afterwards the very loud bang of a closing door.

  “I backed you up. What choice did I have?” he said when he reappeared back on the screen.

  “Thank you. Anyway, what was that all about?” I asked.

  “Nothing important.” He dismissed the change of subject. He smiled at me and I knew he still wanted answers.

  “What?” I asked.

  “So what happened that you didn’t want to sell the perfume to the one and only man in F1 for who you are ready to put your hand into the fire?”

  I was silent, wondering what to tell him.

  “On Wednesday evening we almost crashed on the Grand Corniche,” I blurted out before I had thought it through properly.

  “You did what?” His face showed a disbelief that quickly changed to outrage.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? Whose fault was it?” I was afraid of this kind of reaction.

  “Well, first: he doesn’t know it was me. I think. Second: Golden Boy can’t do anything wrong, can he?”

  “How the hell doesn’t he know it was you? And by the way, it wasn’t me who named him ‘Golden Boy’.”

  “I was without these.” I picked up my fake glasses from the table. “And I had my hair down.”

  Harry nodded.

  “That might explain it. But are you sure? How come he came to the perfumery?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. I wanted the answer to that question too.

  Quickly I explained what had happened two days ago and the following events. All I left out was the kissing scene. If Harry had have known about it, he would have come to Monte Carlo before I’d had time to disconnect Skype. He was silent and his face told me he was thinking of a crash scene. He had a vivid imagination and that helped him with the business, but at the same time it was a nightmare for me.

  “So Demain, you’ll take the perfume off the market?”

  “It was never really for sale, as you well know. The bottle was just there. But now I’ve taken it from the shelf and… .”

  “Okay, you’re the boss,” he said and I smiled.

  “I know.”

  “Do you need me down there?” he asked again.

  “No. I’m fine. How’s the business?”

  He waved his hand.

  “You want me to disconnect, don’t you?”